Apologies on Napkins.

Alex’s P.O.V.

“Alex!”
“What?!”
I looked away from the pictures shattered around on the floor and saw Jack run through the door and then stopped and looked at me and started to laugh.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“What?”
“What are you doing?”
“Just looking at pictures.”
“Of you and Kylie?”
“Yeah, so?”
“What are you doing Alex? Just leave her alone.”
“You don’t understand Jack.”
“What is there to understand? You’ve hurt her over and over again. She’s here for a couple of more days and then she’s back home. Just let her go.”
“I can’t.”
“This isn’t a game.”
“I’m not trying to play a game.”
“Then what are you trying to do?”
My eyes were scanning the pictures, all the smiling faces. A happy time in my life when everything was okay. When I had the girl of my dreams. I looked up at Jack and he was starting down at me with pure confusion on his face.
“Who have I become?”
“What?”
“Who am I? Remember how hard I tried to get this girl, how much work I put into our relationship. And now I’m trying hard to just push her away.”
“I don’t want to go all Dr. Phil on your ass but do you love her?”
“I do.”
“Then why are you hurting her?”
“I’m trying not to hurt her.”
“How?”
“Staying away from her. Not being just a voice on a phone, a monthly boyfriend.”
“She’d wait for you.”
“I know.”
“And you’d wait for her.”
“I know.”
“What are you waiting for?”
“I don’t know.”
“Go.”
I got up and walked out the door. I slipped on some Nikes and made my way to my car. My hands couldn’t stop shaking against the steering wheel. I got to her house and ran to her door not too sure how this was going to go. Not sure if she was going to just slam the door in my face or kiss me. I knocked on the door, my hands playing with my keys. The door pulled open and there she was, tears in her eyes.
“What’s going on?” I asked beyond scared, heart racing thinking the worst.
“Nothing, just watching a sad movie.”
I looked past her and the TV was off and I knew what was going on, who those tears were about and I felt my eyes water.
“I’m sorry Kylie.”
“It’s a little late for apologizes.”
“I know, just hear me out.”
“Why should I?!” she yelled.
“Please.”
“No Alex, I fucking hate you. I hate you so much. I hate the way you talk, the way you laugh, the stupid grin you always have. How you always laugh at your won jokes. The way you make me feel like complete shit. I hate you for leaving me, breaking my heart over and fucking over again and not even having the fucking balls to come by and clean up the mess you left. I’m not going to be that girl you just fuck when you come into town. I’m fucking down Alex.”
“I’m sorry”, I said letting tears slip from my eyes.
“Just leave!” she yelled pushing me back but I held on to her hands.
“Don’t fucking touch me!”
“Kylie.”
“No!”
With a struggle and yells I grabbed her into me and I felt her hitting my chest with her fist, over and over again. I felt my skin bruising after every hit. Finally her tense body let in and she relaxed in my arms and tears were soaking through my thin shirt. The cold breeze making the hairs on my body stand up.
“I hate you.”
“I love you.”
She pulled away from me and I leaned in and kissed her. She pulled away and slapped my face but I just leaned in and kissed her again. I felt her finally kiss back; all this drama and outburst were worth it. It was worth this kiss, it was worth lying in bed with her completely silence. Just holding her like I did felt amazing. I don’t ever want to lose it.