Living on Perfectly Remembered Memories

I stood there completely shocked. The promise ring on her index finger that had been there for five years was gone. In its place was an engagement ring on her ring finger.

"Matt? Are you okay?"

I snapped out of it and blinked a few times. It was a good thing I had my aviators on, the aviators she bought me.

Why was I so shocked? I knew this was going to happen eventually. I guess I just vainly hoped it never would. Now I knew for a fact that I'd never be able to tell her.

I sighed and nodded, giving her a weak smile. "Dizzy spell?" I muttered.

The confused look on her face turned to worry. She immediately walked over to my side and gripped my bicep. "I think we should get some food into your stomach. Come on, sit down."

She pushed me into the seat and called for a waiter. He walked over to us with a smile on his face. I sat there in my own world as Franchesa ordered food for us. I didn't even comprehend her pulling my glasses off my face.

"Are you sure you're alright? Your eyes are tearing up," she said, pointing to my face.

I touched my cheek and felt the first tear. Shutting my eyes and rubbing my face, I took a few even breaths. There would be time to break down later. Now I had to deal with pretending to be happy for her.

"I'm fine. It might be allergies you know?"

She nodded, unconvinced. "Yeah."

The waiter came back with our food. I was surprised to find the weird combinations of foods on my plate. There was a small hamburger, omelet, and plátanos on my plate. I stared at her order. There was only a quesadilla.

Fran gave me a soft smile. "I ordered most of your favorites. Cost a little extra since I was demanding it specifically but you look sick and you need it."

The tears I fought to keep away came rushing back. I whimpered and sighed. "You're so good to me," I whispered.

She frowned, causing crease lines to appear at the sides of her mouth. "Matty, is something wrong?"

Should I tell her or not? How much worse could it get? "I..." I started. She leaned in closer and looked directly into my eyes. Fuck. "I, uh, w-why can't I find a girl to love?"

Her eyes softened and she sat back in her chair. She closed her eyes and waved to the same waiter.

"Is there a problem ma'am?" he asked.

"No, not a problem. Can we get our orders to go? My friend is feeling really sick."

He nodded and took both plates of food. A few minutes later, he brought back two boxes and wished us a good day.

Franchesa pulled me out of the place, towards the beach. Why here? It brought back the memory of that summer I had her all to myself. I sighed again.

She saw and looked so hurt. We sat down in the sand, the particles sticking to our jeans. I still couldn't look her in the eye. It was too much.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her moving. Where she was moving, I had no idea. Then, out of nowhere, her insanely soft hands were on my face. My instant reaction told me to close my eyes.

I felt her kiss my forehead, my closed eyelids, my nose, but it ended there. Wasn't she being too affectionate when we're only best friends? To hell with it, like I cared.

I grabbed her and pulled her flush against my body. Her scent of tangerine and Franchesa made me dizzy. God, I was never going to get enough of her.

"Matt, the reason why you can't a girl to love is because you won't let anyone new in. I'm sorry but you'll never find someone if you close yourself off to the world."

"I...don't...want...to-"

"You don't want to what? You don't want to get hurt?"

"Yes."

"Well, to find love, you're going to have to get hurt."

You have no idea how much hurt I go through. You have absolutely no idea.