Jizz In My Pants

Alex couldn't stand the awkward silence in the car. They had been on the road for about an hour and still, no one has uttered a word. "Uhm, yo, so did we ever decide where we were going?"

"Oh yeah! I had an idea when I was at my house," Anna said. "How about Mexico?" She jumped up and down in her seat in excitement. "I've always wanted to have an authentic Mexican burrito." Seeing the problem with her plan, Rian pointed out that none of them had their passports with them. She looked at him confused. "What do you mean? We don't need passports to go there. Right?"

Laura intervened, now feeling better after what had happened to her. "He's right. It's a different country. Therefore, no passports, no burritos."

Anna widened her eyes at such a statement. "WHAT? No way, Mexico is a state! Isn't it?"

Jack laughed and looked at her right in the eye. "Are you stupid or something?" In turn, everyone looked at Jack. "What?"

Alex started. "Okay, number one, that's not how you talk to your future wife." Immediately, Jack's face dropped and his eyes filled with guilt. "And number two, you of all people shouldn't be calling her dumb."

His face went from guilt-ridden to angry. "Why does everyone always assume I'm stupid?!? I'm actually quite intelligent! I know some serious shit!" He crossed is arms like a little child and pouted his lips. "Oh, and Anna, I apologize for calling you stupid."

She sighed and kissed his cheek. "Apology accepted. But for real! How is Mexico a different country? Isn't it right beside Texas?"

Rian laughed. "You must be thinking of New Mexico. It's right beside Texas. Mexico is the country below Texas."

"NO! THAT'S BULL-SHIT! The country below Texas is South America!" Anna was furious that Rian would question her knowledge of the world in such a way.

Laura burst into laughter. "Dude, you're so dumb! South America is a CONTINENT! Mexico is below Texas and New Mexico is beside Texas! Wouldn't it make sense that they would have a country named Mexico and then the United States made a new state called New Mexico?"

"No, this is how it went. America had Mexico. Then the people who lived where New Mexico said, 'Oh, let's name our new country New Mexico!' Mexico is part of the United States! I know this for a fact!"

Alex groaned and kept on driving down the stretch of empty highway. "Anna, you are geographically challenged. Mexico is a country, period. What are you getting in Geography again?"

She shrugged, thinking back to her last report card. "Uhm, a D. But that doesn't mean anything. I know for sure I'm-"

"FOR THE LOVE OF OPRAH! Ugh, I'll prove it to you!" Rian pulled out a huge map of North America and a pointer seemingly from his ass and placed it over the windshield. The United States was colored in yellow with all of the states labeled. Mexico was labeled in pink. Pointing to the pink on the map with much emphasis, he tried to convince Anna that Mexico was indeed a country. "See? Do you see this? This is Mexico!" He then pointed to the yellow. "THIS is the United States! And this little thing right here, next to Texas, is NEW Mexico!"

Anna screamed, "NO! Come on, Mexico isn't a country! It's, it's, oh fuck it. I give up." She curled up into a ball and put her head on Jack's chest, sighing dramatically. Jack just rubbed her head and tried to not burst out laughing at her stupidity.

Zack giggled in the back, earning concerned looks from everyone in the van. "I just realized. If you spell out America phonetically, you can put my name in it. You know, like, A-M-E-R-R-I-C-K-A." As he continued to laugh at his own joke, everyone rolled their eyes.

"You're such a douche." Laura punched him in the shoulder, abruptly stopping his laughter.

"Ha ha Zack! You're own girlfriend-"

"Shut up, Jack. Uhm, Rian?" All of a sudden, Alex became really tensed and panicked.

"Yes, Alex?" Rian didn't understand.

"I can't see shit out of this windshield covered by a map."

Rian's eyes went wide and he tore down the map as fast as he could. They were driving on the wrong side of the road. "SHIT!"

Jack squealed and pointed to the road. "SQUIRREL!"

"SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" Everyone screamed as Alex ripped the wheel away to the side to avoid hitting the squirrel. The car flipped over on its side and rolled down the steep embankment in the woods on the side of the highway, invisible to any potential drivers going by. The car finally came to a stop at the bottom of the hill after hitting a large tree. The only witness to the crash was the squirrel on the side of the road, leaving them helpless and without someone to call the police.