Too Blind to See It!

"Who the fuck is Aiden?" he asked like he couldn't wait another second to know the answer to that question.

I laughed out loud, and Zach released me from his embrace. "It's not what you think Zach. Let's go inside and I'll explain."

Truth is…if he had been around even a little over the last two weeks he would have known about my Shakespeare Project. He would have known that Aiden was someone I went to high school with that I'd been pared up with in English Lit to perform a snippet of a Shakespeare play. He also would have known how much I hated the idea, and was counting on Aiden to get through it. I was not an actress. I was a writer; I'd be a journalist hopefully someday. How in the world that exercise was going to help me be a better writer or journalist was beyond me, but it's not like I could make an argument and get out of it. When I explained it all to Zach, he laughed.

"What is so funny?" I asked indignantly, just a little put off. After everything I'd been through since the Olympics, having him laugh was not what I expected. I guess I was a bit hurt.

He straightened up quickly though, when he saw my reaction. His smile from ear to ear and his dimples showing. "Jenna. It's just…It's just such a relief." He grabbed me up into his arms and twirled me around forcing my giggle. "I thought…Well never mind what I thought."

"You thought I was seeing him," I said more than asked.

"Well yeah," he replied and let his lips brush mine sending my body into a bit of a frenzy.

"You thought I was seeing a soccer player? Give me more credit than that. I need a real man Zach," I teased and rubbed my hands over his chest, fluttering my eyes at him. "But the Penguins were in town, and that Sidney Crosby isn't bad on the eyes."

"Not funny Jenna." He led me to the couch. "No soccer players, no Sidney Crosby. I'll give you whatever you want." He pulled me down on his lap. "Whatever you need. I'm not going to do anything like that again. I'm not going to almost lose you."

"Zach you didn't almost lose me. I love you. I wasn't going anywhere."

He kissed me harder this time, and the longer we kissed, the longer he held me, I could feel him wanting me, needing me more. I started tugging at his shirt, wanting to feel him against me again. Wanting to be with him like I knew he wanted to be with me. "Wait," he said. I wasn't sure if he was objecting to the timing or the act itself. "We need to talk."

"Can't it wait Zach. I mean I'd really like to get these clothes off you. I missed you." I almost shocked myself at being so foreword.

"No." He moved my hands away from him and sat me down gently off of his lap. "No it can't wait." OK now he had me nervous. "I need to say this and you need to hear it Ok." I bit my lip and nodded, not sure what to expect. "The way I treated you when I got home from Vancouver…Well I never wanted to be that guy. Not with you Jenna. You mean so much more to me than that, and I need you to know how sorry I am."

"I know Zach. I know that wasn't like you."

"Well, I'm ashamed of the way I acted and the fact that I'd push you like that. I just need to know that you forgive me. That you forgive me and that you trust me, because I'd never hurt you."

He was being so sweet, so honest, and I knew saying these things was hard for him. The innocent face and those dimples were probably a bigger turn on then his lustful hands a minute ago and I couldn't stop my body from wanting him. Maybe it was more than wanting, maybe it was need. "I do trust you Zach."

"I just want you to know that I'll respect your wishes. I know you don't want to have sex. I know that's not what you want for us right now."

"Wait...What? You think I don't want to have sex?"

"Well you don't right? That's why you said no. That's why we've waited this long?"

It seemed to me it was time for a little honesty. He needed to get where I was coming from. "Oh Zach. Nothing could be further from the truth. I want to have sex with you so bad that it consumes me sometimes. I wake up thinking about it and fall asleep thinking about it. I'm a bit obsessed really." I giggled in spite of myself. Phoebe would have been proud.

"Wait. Hold on." He looked legitimately confused and he ran his hand through his hair. "You want to have sex... with me? You actually spend time thinking about it?"

I bit my lip knowing my face had to be red. "I'm human Zach and look at you. You're… You're … well you're you. Of course I want to have sex with you."

He laughed softly. "I'm so confused."

It was weird that we had been together all this time, and we never really talked about it. About what I wanted, about what he wanted, about why I was still a virgin. I climbed back on his lap, facing him in a straddle this time. "I've been too busy trying to figure out this whole sex thing, and you've been to busy trying to hold back, trying to be a good boy. We've never talked about this. Maybe this is where we should have started." He smiled up at me. I leaned down and kissed each of his dimples. "I think maybe I would have said all this a long time ago if it weren't for these dimples. They just make me crazy distracted you know."

"You make me crazy distracted." He kissed me again, a long sweet kiss, but one we both knew wasn't going anywhere, this talk was important and long over due.

"Where were we?" I asked as our lips parted.

"You were telling me you wanted to have sex with me and I was saying 'WHAT'."

All of a sudden it felt so easy. We were relaxed and laughing and happy again. "I want you to know why I've never had sex before. It's important that you know." He nodded his understanding. "I know I risk sounding like a real princess, like I live in a fairy tale world, but I'm going to tell you anyway. It makes Phoebe laugh, but to me sex is a gift, a very important meaningful gift, especially the first time. In a perfect world the first man I have sex with would be the only man." Zach's eyes shut tightly, and then opened to focus on me. "I'm realistic about that though. I know that might not happen, but I need to feel like it could. I need to feel like I could marry the man who takes that gift from me. Like maybe someday it would happen for us that there could be a forever."

Then suddenly Zach looked hurt misunderstanding what I'd said. "So you don't think there's a forever for us? Is that why you said no?"

I leaned down and kissed him again, a long breathy kiss, and I noticed he had to shake him out of the trance I'd put him in so he could focus again. It made me smile. "No actually you are the only man I've felt that way about. The only man I've loved, the only man that I thought could be my forever. It's just… that night wasn't what I wanted."

"I know. I know I was terrible ." He looked so ashamed.

"You weren't yourself. I didn't see a forever with that man in my bed that night."

"But what about now? Can you forgive me to see it again?"

"Yes Zach." I looked down into his eyes. "I'll let you in on a little secret." I kissed him again. Long and Hard this time, letting my hands roam his chest before I gave him the next piece of information. "If you would have just asked me differently." I kissed his neck now letting my tongue slide upward to just under his ear where I nibbled slightly. "If you would have just asked me to make love to you that night, used those words…" I sunk my teeth into his neck and tugged on his hair softly. "I would have done it. I wanted to do it….I want to do it." There I was straddling my boyfriend's lap, kissing him seductively, telling him I wanted him to make love to me…

Somewhere in the back of my mind I could here Phoebe narrating my story "Dorothy, we aren't in Kansas anymore," and let out a soft giggle.

I'd shocked myself really. He was just so beautiful, and he was such a good man, and he was mine, and he loved me. He fought for me and I was ready. So ready.

But he pulled away.

"Oh God Jenna. Don't do this to me." He stood up pushing me gently off of his lap. He was all rumpled and gorgeous, and was he saying no? He knelt down in front of me. "I want you. God I want you, but you deserve better than this, better than just ripping each other's clothes off and going at it."

"No." I shook my head. "I don't need the fairy tale Zach. I just need you. I just want you." I could feel tears of rejection welling up in me and I think he sensed it too.

He scooped me into his arms. "I love you Jenna, and I promise I'll make love to you. You may not think you need the fairy tale, but I want to give it to you."

**** Zach's POV

I laid on the benc pressing the extremely heavy barbell over my head. Sweat rolled down my forehead as I struggled to lift it one more time. Then suddenly it got lighter and I looked up to see Travis guiding it on to the wrack. "What the fuck is the matter with you Parise? Do I really have to explain the whole, lifting with a partner bullshit to you?"

"Fuck you Zajac!" I declared, perhaps one of the most popular terms of endearment thrown around our locker room. I stayed lying underneath the weight while Travis sat on the bench beside me.

"Are you looking for a stay on the IR? What the fuck are you doing lifting that much weight. You're not exactly the enforcer on the team." When I didn't answer him he drew his own conclusions and decided to share them with me. "That girl of yours still not putting out huh Parise? Is that what has you all strung up like this?"

"That's none of your business," I said sitting up and feeling the effects of a slight head rush. My arms ached from the weight I'd been pumping and I wondered if I might just puke there on the floor.

"Sorry man," Travis said in a tone that implied he meant it. "She's still not talking to you. That's fucked up even after the newspaper and flowers. Harsh."

"No we're back together," I replied not offering him any details.

He took my hint and raised his hands in surrender. "OK fine. I'll just be over here working out like a normal person." He stood up and went to the free weights picking out the right sizes for his workout routine.

I looked around the room thankful that no one else was there. "Hey Trav." He turned to look at me. "She wants to have sex."

In a few strides he was seated back at the bench beside me. He put his hands on my shoulder and wore knowing smirk. "That's great news Parise! That's fucking fantastic. You're finally going to get your rocks off and you can join the land of sexually active again. Good for you."

I put my head in my hands, not at all sure how to explain this to him or if I even should.

"What the fuck? You're gonna get laid. Your virgin girlfriend who's been holding out for months wants to have sex. Damn bro you don't look like a guy about to have sex with a virgin. You look like someone just ran over your fucking cat. What is up with you?"

I stood up quickly, "Never mind. I don't know what I was thinking. It's not like you could understand this. To you it's hot virgin sex to me it's Jenna. You can't possibly get it."

He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back down. "Tell me what's going on, cuz no I don't get it."

I ran my hand over my face trying to decide if I should really tell him what was going on with me. After a deep breath and feeling confident that this wouldn't end up locker room fodder I told him. "She wanted to have sex. One minute we weren't really even together and the next she was all telling me she wanted me and needed me."

"Ok sorry man. I still don't see the problem. Isn't this what you've been waiting for? Don't you want to have sex with her?"

"Of course I do. Fuck, yes. But it's Jenna and it's her first time and it's not like I had a condom with me. The last thing I want to worry about when I finally get to be with her is pulling out in time."

"So this is about not having protection."

"Yes…No…Fuck Zajac. Not really. It's about making things perfect for her."

"You're nervous," he said matter-of-factly like it was plain as day.

"What? Pft..No."

He stood up. "Yes you are. You're nervous. I don't fucking believe this." I didn't answer him, but he was right. I was nervous. Scared fucking shitless. "Be a man Parise. Give the girl what she wants. Do it soon, before she retracts the offer. Before she realizes what a fuck up you are and leaves your ass for good."

He went to move away, like it was as simple as that, but I grabbed his arm. "I want it to be perfect for her." It's not as though I'd been with a lot of virgins and I was a teenager the last time. I wasn't exactly thinking about making things perfect back then either.

Looking like he was done with the conversation he turned and offered me his last piece of advice. "Just try to remember Zach. If you put too much thought into it before hand, it might just make the whole thing awkward. There's something about being spontaneous, just giving into lust... Just sayin."

**** Jenna's POV

I laid back on the red velvet sofa in Phoebe's lingerie shop, twirling my hair between my fingers and trying to understand men. If anyone understood men, it was Phoebe. Heck, she thought just like one. I looked over the back of the sofa and watched as she charmed a middle age man out of what looked like a couple thousand dollars, handed him a bag of goodies and sent him on his way with a wink. I rested my head back down on crushed velvet arm. Phoebe would have been able to get Zach to sleep with her. All she had to do is look at a man and she could have sex, and for the first time in my life I was jealous of that.

Phoebe lifted my legs and flopped down beside me. "What brings you here Sleeping Beauty? Shouldn't you be with Zach? I thought you were all ready to kiss and make up."

"That's not all I was ready for." I answered snidely.

"What? What did you just say?" I didn't reply so she continued for me. "You said 'that's not all you were ready for.' Now what exactly does that mean princess are you ready to give up your hymen? To a boy?" She squished up her face. "To an icky boy?" she teased. She watched me carefully and then when I didn't snarl at her or argue or ask her not to talk about it, her face straightened up. "Wait a minute. You're serious!"

"Pheobe it was awful."

"Whoa! You had sex and it was awful? Honey the first time usually isn't that great."

"No I wanted to have sex, but Zach said no. And that was awful. I'm mortified."

"Zach said no?"

"Aren't you listening?" I bellowed. "He said no."

"Why…why did he say no Jenna? Did you say you wanted to fuck instead of 'make love'? Men are so damn sensitive."

"Stop making fun of me Phoebe. I'm serious. I don't know what to do and I need your help."

"I'm sorry. I'm just a little slow today. Tell me if I have this right. You were ready to have sex, and you told Prince Charming who freaked out and turned you down. Now you are worried he doesn't want you so you're here to find out what to do to make Zach want you."

"That about sums it up. Help me Pheebs."

"You don't need my help Jenna girl." She pulled me over to her so she could wrap her arms around me into her embrace. "Zach loves you."

"Maybe he does," I replied with a pout, but then I thought about it for a second. "Ok I know he loves me…but why doesn't he want to have sex with me Phoebe? Why did he say no?"

She gave a squeeze. "Wanna know what I think? What I really think?"

"Yes, that's why I'm here."

"I think you scared the fuck out of him, (pun unintended but it works) and he didn't know what to do. I mean damn Jenna. Look at what happened. He wanted to have sex, but he went about it horribly wrong, and you turned him down flat. Not saying he didn't deserve it, but stay with me here. He spent what like almost three weeks avoiding you and feeling like a first class asshole, which was pretty appropriate I'd say. He's Prince Charming though, so he probably beat the shit out of himself over it, trying to figure out where he went wrong so he'd never hurt his little princess again. Then he makes his grand gestures, he gets you're heart back and you say, 'let's play the horizontal mambo'. Yeah. That's enough to freak any man out. Add to that the fact that he is Prince Charming and you're lucky he didn't move out of your building and head for the hills cuz he thought you were bewitched. Hell he might have hired an exorcist whose waiting for you at your place."

"You really think so?" I asked ignoring that bit of teasing she'd thrown in at the end.

"Yes, I think an exorcist is a definite possibility," she replied and we both laughed. She turned on the couch to face me. "Just take it easy on the guy OK? How many fairy tales have you watched where the Princess gets wet between the legs and attacks the prince? You're throwing him off."

"OK. Maybe you're right. Too much too soon."

"And let's not forget you're a virgin OK. There's a lot of pressure on the guy. It's not like he can just hop on and give you multiple orgasms. The first time just doesn't work that way. I hope you know that. I hope you know…"

"Phoebe," I scolded, not wanting to hear the details she was about to spew.

"No. You need to listen to me, and you need to hear what I'm about to say. You're not losing your virginity at 17 Jenna. You're not losing it in the back seat of a car after a football game to some guy who doesn't give a fuck about you." She looked gravely serious and I tried to blink off the tension, but it wouldn't go away. "If that's how it happened it would hurt like a bitch, the guy would get off in a matter of a few short minutes and you'd go home with pain between your legs wondering how long before you could take a pregnancy test. But not you. You waited. Do you know how much pressure must be on this guy? Poor Zach. Kinda makes me happy I did it after a football game."

"I'm sure he doesn't feel pressure like that."

"No? You don't think he has pressure over this, that's funny. If I know the guy, and I know I don't know him like you do, I'd say it's all he can think about. How he can make it good for you, how he can make it perfect. I'll tell you right now, nothing about losing your virginity is perfect, it hurts like a bitch but you suck it up and get through it. It's awkward and uncomfortable, but you do it cuz you know it will be better the next time. The time after that is even better. It's worth it, but don't tell me that Zach doesn't feel pressure."

"Ok fine. Maybe he is worried about that. I never really thought about it that way. So what do I do? How do I make him want to make love to me? What can I do?"

"You've come to the right place Jenna girl. Zach won't know what hit him."