Too Blind to See It!

 “So there was no kiss?” Phoebe asked disappointed. She rolled over on the bed and looked at me brushing out my hair.
 
 “Nope, no kiss, but I had a really good time.”
 
“But there was no kiss? Don’t you want to feel his lips pressed against yours Jenna? That anticipation of whether he’s going to put his tongue in your mouth?”
 
 “Phoebe.”
 
“What? You’re not a kissing virgin. Kisses can be more erotic than sex if he does it right. Oh, but guys who do that right tend to be really great at all sorts of things especially involving their tongue.”
 
“You’re ruining this for me Pheebs. It’s just gross.”
 
Now it was Phoebe’s turn to roll her eyes at me, “If you think it’s gross you obviously haven’t had it done right.”
 
“Come on Pheebs. It just wasn’t like that. He was sweet and romantic, but really it was just lunch.”
 
“Well if you’re going out again than you must like him.”
 
“I do like him. I had a really good time, and I hope he calls. I want to go out again.”
 
“Right, I hear you saying it, but I’m wondering if your mind isn’t focused on someone else.”
 
“Like who?”
 
“Like the guy who was perched on your couch all afternoon waiting for you to get back from your date.”
 
She knew me way too well. “He has a girlfriend. He doesn’t think about me like that. We’re friends. Only friends.”
 
“Are you sure he doesn’t think about you that way? All he talked about all afternoon is how he hoped Marc was treating you OK, and he wished you’d never agreed to go out with him.”


 
“He said that? To you?”
 
“Yes.”
 
“Sounds like an overly protective brother to me.” I said it, but couldn’t deny the tiny speck of hope my heart held.
 
“Yeah brother or maybe he’s in love with you. Maybe he was at the apartment all day because he couldn’t stand being alone thinking about Marc Staal’s hands all over you. Maybe at the end of the day, you’re the one he wants to crawl in bed with, not that creepy bride of Frankenstein.”
 
I couldn’t let that speck of hope grow larger. It would kill me. I already spend all of my free time thinking about him, so much so that I can hardly finish my papers let alone work on my stories. No I couldn’t get in deeper. “And maybe he’s just being a protective brother. Now tell me about Travis.” I needed to change the subject, and I figured Travis was my out.
 
She rolled over on the bed again and licked her lips. “Oh Travis. What can I tell you about Travis?  He’s an excellent kisser, and you know what that means. He does this thing with his tongue…”
 
“No. NO! I mean how are you two getting along, what’s next for you two, not tell me little things he does to you in bed.”
 
“OH, well that’s disappointing.”


 
“Why?”
 
“Because there’s nothing to tell.”
 
“Come on. Don’t you at least want to go to dinner with him or snuggle up and watch a movie?”
 
“Well if eats dinner off my naked stomach while we watch some skin flick maybe. Actually…”
 
“Oh Phoebe.” I shook my head at her and crawled under the covers. “I’m going to start charging you rent you know.”
 
“Great then I’ll start charging you for entertainment. It ought to be a wash.” She crawled under the covers. “Hey Jenna girl.”
 
“Yeah.”
 
“I’m glad you found someone you like. If it’s what you really want, I hope Marc turns out to be your Prince Charming.”
 
“Thanks Pheebs.”  I just wish there were butterflies.
 
****
 
It was 9AM; Phoebe had left for work. I sat in the center of my bed laptop perched on my lap. My hair was in a bun that I’d made sloppily with the pencil I had been biting on.  I wore my Devil’s t-shirt, the one that was broken in just right, and a pair of boy shorts underwear, and finally I was getting into a groove. Not only was my latest paper coming along, I felt inspiration to work on my stories again.  My phone vibrated, and I prayed it wasn’t going to be a distraction. I needed to work.
 
“Hello,” I said barely answering it before it went to voice mail.
 
“Hi beautiful,” the voice on the other end said.
 
An involuntary smile found its way to my lips. He called. “Good morning Marc.”
 
“Look I know there’s some weird rule about waiting to call a girl. In reality, I’ve been wanting to call you since the second I left you yesterday so I figured I’ve waited. Right?  I’m not catching you too early am I? I could call back.”
 
His nervousness was apparent, and I couldn’t help but giggle into my phone. “Marc. It’s fine. I’m glad you didn’t wait too long.” His honesty was so endearing.
 
“Good, then you’ll go out with me again?”
 
“I’d like that very much.”
 
“You would?  I mean, great sure. I leave for a road game against Pittsburgh tomorrow, but how about dinner when I get back?”
 
“That would be nice.”
 
“I’ll call you when I get back then, yeah?”
 
“Yeah.”
 
I hung up the phone all smiles and giggles. He called. I was thrilled that he called, and I was looking forward to going out with him again, but still no butterflies.
 
I went back to my work. Three more hours of uninterrupted working found me typing perched up on my knees. I was this close to finishing my term paper when I heard knocking on my door.  I sighed trying to hold on to my thoughts while I ran to get the door.  I was so engrossed in what I was doing that when I flung the door open and saw Zach’s eyes get big, I realized, I was barely wearing anything.  “Ah, Hi Jenna,” Zach said turning red.
 
“Zach, oh hey.” I figured if I played it off like it was no big deal then maybe he would ignore my outfit or lack thereof.
 
He tried; I could see it as he spoke, struggling to keep his eyes from falling to my bare legs.  He was saying something about his game and asking if I’d come, but the way he bit his lip between sentences was distracting me.
 
“Wanna come in?” I asked, knowing it was probably a bad idea unless I could politely slip away to put clothes on. Still the words fell from my mouth, and I stepped aside and let him walk in.
 
“I like you’re … t-shirt,” he said tugging the hem that barely coved my belly button.  I never realized how short it was, until Zach touched it, and why was he touching it anyway? Wasn’t that a little forward?
 
“Thanks. It’s old.”
 
“You really are a Devils fan aren’t you?” he asked. His voice was thick and needy. He reached out and touched the hem again, and took a step closer to me.
 
Such an innocent thing didn’t seem so harmless the second time. “Ah, Zach,” I whispered and my eyes shut as his hand slipped just under my shirt and rested on my stomach.
 
My flesh burned and tingled where he touched it. He used his hand as an anchor as he walked behind me. I was completely unable to move.  He slowly slid the pencil out of my make-shift bun and my hair fell around my shoulders. “Jenna, my sweet Jenna,” he cooed into my hair. “Do you know how beautiful you are?” His lips touched my ear as he spoke and his free hand went up and down my arm.
 
My body was going crazy for him. “Zach,” I whispered again.
 
“Shhh. Jenna, I promise I won’t hurt you. I just … I don’t know what I’m doing honestly. I can’t help myself. “
 
My mind told me to push him away. He was overstepping his boundaries. He has a girlfriend.
 
“Do you know how good you feel?” His had moved up under my shirt and stopped just below my breasts, his thumb resting between them.
 
It was like I was watching from some faraway place unable to control my body. I wasn’t stopping him. My body wouldn’t let me.
 
“I can make you feel so good Jenna.” He placed soft kisses on the back of my neck.
 
“Zach,” It was a final plea to get him to stop, but that’s not what it sounded like. It sounded like a moan of pleasure, encouragement.
 
Girlfriend…Girlfriend…He has a girlfriend…I won’t cheat with him. I can’t. That’s not who I am. His hand tucked in the top of my underwear and I stopped breathing.
 
“Mmm,” he moaned moving both of his thumbs in small circles.
 
I wanted to scream for him to stop, yet an even bigger part wanted to beg him to touch me, actually touch me.
 
“Do you want me Jenna? Do you want me the way I want you? Can you feel how much I want you?”
 
I could feel it pressing hard against me through his jeans.
 
The little voice inside my head, the one that reminded me I was a virgin, the one that told me he had a girlfriend, the one that I needed right now was gone. I couldn’t hear it. “Touch me!” I said softly barely getting the words out. “Touch me! Make me feel good Zach. Teach me what I need to know.”
 
“Oh God  Jenna,” was the last thing I heard before there was a knock on the door.  
 
“Don’t get it,” he begged. There was another knock and another.
 
I sat straight up in bed. “Oh Dear God!” I said out loud putting my head in my hands. When had I fallen asleep? My heart was racing and my breathing was heavy.  I needed time to collect myself, to pull myself together, but there really was someone knocking on my door. Anyone else would have thrown the covers over her head and ignored the door, but I’m just not made that way. “Just a minute!” I called out. Looking down I saw the t-shirt from my dream, but the hem really was lower, just covering my underwear. Still, I couldn’t answer the door like that so I slid on a pair of sweats and ran toward the living room.
 
I prayed it was Phoebe or some old lady needing to borrow a cup of sugar, but I knew who it was before I opened the door. His hands were on his hips and when he saw me his lips turned up in corners and his eyes sparkled. I tried really hard to ignore it,  “Are you OK?” he asked and his look turned to one of concern.
 
“Yeah, of course why wouldn’t I be?”
 
He put his fingers tips under my chin bringing it upward trying to meet my gaze. “You look flushed, and you’re breathing heavy.” He was examining me trying to figure out what else might be wrong.
 
I kept my eyes from his, sure that if he looked into them he’d see the affect he had on me. I felt horribly guilty and embarrassed. I had to keep reminding myself that it was just a dream, a very sexy, provocative, but inappropriate dream. “I’m fine. What’s up?” I asked leaning on the door hoping he wouldn’t notice the stutter in my voice.
 
“I’m making omelets. Come over and eat with me.”
 
“I can’t,” I answered simply, but I really couldn’t. I couldn’t be in the same room as him without feeling his hands on me, his mouth on my neck. “I can’t,” I said again trying to convince myself more than him.
 
“Come on Jenna. I bought all the stuff on my way home from practice. Allison’s gone for the day. She says she has some friend leaving town or something. You aren’t going to make me eat alone are you?”
 
“What is your problem Zach? You really hate eating alone that much?” My tone was snippier than I intended, and I immediately felt horrible. My attraction to him was not his fault. (Well, maybe it was his fault a little.)
 
He looked a little embarrassed. “Yeah. Well that and I need to show you that I can cook something. Even if it is only omelets.” He gave me the sweetest little pout.
 
“Ok fine. I’ll come over.  Can you give me half an hour?”
 
“Sure.” He gave me a cute little smirk and made his way back to his apartment.
 
I ran my hand through my hair. Phoebe. I need Phoebe.
 
Phoebe answered her phone with a “Hey Chicka! What’s shakin?”
 
“Pheebs. I just had a dream.”
 
“Was it a bad dream, like a nightmare?” she asked concerned.
 
“No.”
 
“Oh it was one of those dreams.”
 
“Yes and now I have to go to Zach’s for omelets, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t get it out of my head.”
 
“So you had a sex dream about Prince Charming?”
 
“Well we didn’t have sex, but I wanted to. I really[i/i] wanted to. This isn’t good.” I put my head in my hands.
 
“Halleluiah! I thought this day would never come.”
 
“Phoebe! I don’t have time for you to tease me. I’ve got to get him out of my head. I can’t be thinking about him this way. We’re friends.”
 
“Maybe it’s a sign.”
 
“A sign?”
 
“You two are crazy about each other, maybe this is a sign that you should be more than friends.”
 
“I can’t do this now Pheebs. I have to be at his house in half an hour.”
 
“OK, I’ll help you, but don’t think you’re not going to get shit about this later… Here’s what you need to do. Go get a cold shower. Really cold and don’t wuss out, get your ass in there good and cold. That’s gonna help your horny little body.”
 
“I didn’t say I was horny,” I snipped.
 
“You just had a wet dream about Prince Charming. You’re horny. Now who is the ugliest man you can think of?”
 
That was an odd question, but in the interest of time I decided not to ask. I thought for a moment, and there was only one man I could think of. “Alexander Ovechkin.”
 
“Right, of course. So when you’re with Zach, every time he touches you or you have a dirty thought…”
 
“I don’t have dirty thoughts.”
 
“Whatever Jenna. Every time you have an improper thought about him you need to imagine Ovechkin naked.”
 
“Ewwww!”
 
“Exactly, how can Zach get you all hot and bothered if your picturing that monkey naked.”
 
****
 
That shower was freaking cold, but I pulled up my big girl pants on and got in. Phoebe was right; the freezing temperature washed away my guilt, embarrassment and anxiety. Ok, my sexual frustration too, but I’d never admit that.  Stepping out I decided, to wear no make-up, my hair in a ponytail and the frumpiest clothes I own. If Zach was attracted to me, and I’m not saying he was, but if he was, surely seeing me at my worst would put things into perspective for him too.
 
Zach had changed since he knocked on my door. He was wearing a tight grey t-shirt and a pair of sweats.  No big deal just a t-shirt and sweats. How is it that simple lounge clothes could looks so freakin sexy? Alex Ovechkin, Alex Ovechkin, Alex Ovechkin.
 
“I hope you like veggies,” Zach said pulling me out of my adoration of his body.
 
“Sure,” I replied taking in his apartment. I had never actually stepped inside the walls of his apartment before. Not sure why, it just never worked out that way. He’d had countless afternoon lunches, and late night movies at my place, but I’d never been to his. His apartment was triple, no quadruple the size of mine. It was done in different tones of peach. His furniture was borderline dainty and his walls and table tops were covered with photos, including a giant portrait of Allison sexily puckering and thrusting her scantily covered breasts toward the camera. Where was all the hockey stuff, and the big screen TV? This wasn’t Zach’s apartment, it was Allison’s, and it was clear she merely let Zach live there.
 
“How about sausage. Can I put sausage in yours?”
 
“Ah, sure. Whatever you have in yours is fine with me.”
 
I picked up one of the photos that sat beside the couch. Zach wore a green North Dakota jersey and he had that look in his eyes. The one where his eyes sparkle and his dimples are unmistakable. It took me a minute to realize the pretty girl that stood beside him was Allison.
 
“That’s what I like about you Jenna, you’re not afraid to eat.” Zach yelled from the kitchen.
 
I looked down at my bulky sweatshirt and sweatpants wondering if that should change. “Ah Thanks?”
 
“It’s just refreshing to eat a meal with someone who doesn’t just push her food around her plate.” It was an obvious jab at his girlfriend.
 
I picked up another photo; this one had Zach in a flannel shirt and jeans, maybe the same age. Allison was in this photo too. Her hair was braided simply down the side, and she wore little if any make-up. All of a sudden I got it. I could see what Zach saw in her; this was the Minnesota girl that I’d never met.
 
“Hey there,” he said from directly behind me.  
 
I jumped as he startled me from my thoughts, and I looked at him sympathetically suddenly understanding more than I wanted to. “Sorry. I don’t mean to pry.” I put the photo down, but he picked it back up again and stared at it for a second before he spoke.
 
“I don’t look at these very much anymore.” I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. “It just feels weird. This is the girl I fell in love with all those years ago.”  His eyes were sad almost filled with grief. “And that.” He pointed to the large portrait. “That is what she’s become.” Her nose was smaller, her lips were bigger, her boobs were way bigger, her hair was redder. She’d made herself into a pin-up girl, apparently without asking Zach what he thought.
 
Zach sighed and looked back at the small picture. He was obviously having a moment.
 
“Maybe I should just go,” I said, not sure how to react in the moment.
 
His head snapped up. “What? No. No. I’m sorry.” His hand reached out and grabbed mine, tiny baby butterflies flew from my finger tips and circled my body.  Alex Ovechkin, Alex Ovechkin, Alex Ovechking. As long as his hand held mine, even that didn’t help.
 
“Please stay. The omelets are ready. I made hash browns and toast too. My mom sent me some home made blackberry jam. It’s awesome you have to try it.” I could see in his eyes how much he needed me. He needed me to be his friend.
 
“I can honestly say I’ve never had a better omelet in my life.” I said taking the last bite. “And the blackberry jam…Your mom really made this?”
 
Zach’s eyes glowed with pride. “My momma would love you. Do you really like your omelet?” He bit his lower lip and I found myself saying Alex Ovechkin’s name yet again.
 
“How can someone who can’t cook anything but omelets, cook omelets so well?”
 
I must have caught him having another moment because he didn’t answer me. He just stared across the table at me.  “Ah Zach,” I said waving my hand in front of his face. “Am I interrupting something?”
 
Completely from left field he informed me, “I don’t think you should ever wear make-up. You’re one of those people that is just so naturally beautiful.”
 
Ovechkin, Oveckin, naked Ovechkin. My face went right to fire engine red, the color of a brilliant red Porche.  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I probably shouldn’t have said that, huh?”
 
“Probably not. We just have this weird relationship.” I stood up and cleared the plates.
 
“What do you mean weird?”
 
I started cleaning off the plates and putting them in the dishwasher. “You know, you’re like a protective big brother.”
 
He was silent for a moment before he agreed with me. “Yeah, a protective big brother.”
 
“Every girl should have someone like that in her life. I don’t have any brothers of my own, so …”
 
Zach stood up put his glass in the sink and looked down into my eyes. “So you want me to be like a big brother then?”
 
Alex Ovechkin, Alex Ovechkin, Alex Ovechkin.
 
 
****
 
“So you told him yes?” Phoebe squealed, “You told him you want him to be like a big brother? Are you insane?”
 
“MY GOD! Why do I tell you anything?” I asked myself out loud.
 
“You realize you just blew off Prince Charming Right? You told the perfect man for you that he’s like your brother! You probably crushed him” She fell back on the couch and covered her face.
 
“He-Has-A-Girlfriend. What was I supposed to say? No I want to have your babies?”
 
“YES!” She threw her arms up in the air. “That would have been perfect.” I gave her a dirty look. “What? I would have said that.”
 
“Yes, but you’re not me.”
 
“I know, but if I was, I’d go out and get laid. You’re so fucking uptight.”
 
“I am not!”
 
Phoebe stood up.  “Where are you going?”
 
“You’re so uptight you’re making me uptight, and now I need to get laid.”
 
“Are you serious?”
 
“Oh honey, yeah. Your sexual frustration must be contagious, cuz I’m feeling it.”
 
“What about me?”
 
“Don’t you have a vibrator?”
 
“PHOEBE!”
 
“It’s OK, I’ll get you one for Christmas.”
 
Now I fell back on the couch and covered my face.
 
“Don’t get your panties in a bunch. I’m meeting Travis.”
 
“You are?” I said, hopeful yet again. “This is what 5 times now?”
 
“It’s not a date Jenna; I just need him to scratch an itch.”  Her smile grew into a smirk.
 
“GO, Go…just leave me in my time of need.”
 
“What you need, I can’t give you.” Phoebe leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. “Love you Jenna girl,” and she turned to leave.
 
“Hey Pheebs,” I said stopping her.
 
“Maybe if you and Travis talked after you… scratched your itch… you could get to know him. Maybe you’d like him.” I can’t believe I referred to sex as scratching an itch.
 
“I know everything I need to know, and what I know I like a lot.” She growled like a tiger.
 
“Ahhh!”
 
“I’d tell you to behave, but I already know you will.”
 
“I’d tell you to behave, but I already know you won’t.”