Love Is Only a Myth

I couldn’t do anything but sob. That’s all that I could bring myself to do. I’d lost him, there’s know way that he would want to be around me now, but can you blame him. I’d practically pushed him away from me. I kicked him out without even hearing what he had to say about it.

Maybe he didn’t mean it. Maybe he was just caught up in the moment that it slipped out without him realizing. Maybe he hadn’t realized exactly what he had said until he had said it. Maybe I should have just ignored it and it would have gone away.

No, it wouldn’t. It wouldn’t go away. No matter how much I would have wanted it too, it wouldn’t. It would have been gnawing at me, until I finally asked him about it. I couldn’t ignore it. He had said it, and didn’t bother denying it. What happened happened, but I wish it hadn’t.

Why me? Why did this always have to happen to me? Why does Anthony think that he’s in love with me? It’s not real, it can’t be real.Can it?

“It will be okay Alexis” Sam reassured. She continued to rub circles onto my back. Sam was coming over anyway, so that I wouldn’t be alone while Leah was away. I was sobbing when she knocked on the door, and when I answered the door. It wasn’t hard for Sam to figure out that something was wrong with me. Though it took a while for me to explain what had happened, [seduce to me sobbing, she listened to my sob filled mess of a story.

My face was buried into my pillow. I sobbed heavily into the pillow not caring that it was now soaked with tears. My face was soaked as well. The combination of tears flowing down my face and the tears being pressed against my face from the pillow were only making matters worse. I didn’t care. I Didn’t care that my face was covered in tears, or that I would need to get a new pillowcase when I ran out of tears. All I could think about was how this happened again. How could this happen?

“H-he knew t-t-that I d-didn‘t b-belive in it s-so how did this h-happpen?” I questioned between sobs. I couldn’t believe it. It was as if I was cursed. As if, I was doomed to have to deal with this kind of problem for the rest of my life. Would I ever find somebody who understood that I simply don’t believe in love?

Nevertheless, I don’t want anyone else. I want Anthony. I feel safe when I’m with him. I feel strong when I’m with him. I’m happy when I’m with him. He understands me better than any guy that I have ever known does. Every time I kiss him, it feels right. The kiss is more amazing than anyone I have ever kissed before. I thought that I understood him but apparently I had missed one very important detail.

I soon ran out of tears. I laid there hiccupping and gasping. I may not have been crying but I still wanted to sob. This tornado was ruining my life. Everything was fine between is until he said that.

Sam sighed heavily. “This is probably just the hormones talking but he can‘t help how he feels Alexis” I tensed up once the words left her mouth. He had said that same thing before he left. “And I think it‘s stupid of you to be mad at him for it”

I sniffed and sat upright facing Sam. I knew that it was probably the hormones talking, but I didn’t care. “No its not. I told him how I felt about it before. He should have found some way to stop how he “claims” he feels about me” I wiped my eyes so that I could see Sam clearly.

Her jaw dropped and she stood up off the bed. “Are you for real right now Lex? Wow, I-I can‘t believe you just said that” She started to pace the floor and wave his hands around as she spoke. “You‘re mad at him because the guy is in love with you. THAT‘S JUST INSANE!”

How could she think that that was insane. It made perfect since to me. He knew how I felt about it so he shouldn’t have done it/ said it.

You really are delusional, you know that right?

I’m not delusional. It makes since

Like hell it does

Just shut-up

Sam face was a mixture of furry and…..jealousy? Why is she jealous? What is there to be jealous about?

I opened my mouth to speak but the door opened, distracting me. Damn it Sam, you didn’t shut the door all the way. Scarlet entered the room and looked around. Her gaze landed on me and she smiled. She quickly began to look concerned and rushed over to me. She sat down on the bed next to me and placed her hand on mine.

“I heard about what happened? Don‘t worry people aren‘t talking about it, I over-heard Anthony and Chris talking about what happened in the hallway” The was something in her eyes that told that even though she seemed concerned, she really wasn’t. She probably just wants to know that whole story.

“Don‘t feel sorry for her” Sam scolded.

Scarlet turned and looked at Sam. “Why not? Her and Anthony just broke-up, she needs someone to be there for her right now”

“Actually, we didn‘t brake-up….not yet at least” I corrected mumbling the last part. Why did she think that we broke up? I guess I understand why she thought that, but shouldn’t she ask first. That way she can know for sure before she goes telling every girl on campus that we’re over.

Scarlet’s eyes went wide. I heard her breathing get caught in her throat for a second. Her expression went from concerned to worried. Isn’t Sam supposed to be the one with the mood swings? “You didn‘t break up yet?”

I shook my head no. There was a quick flash of emotion in Scarlet’s eyes before her expression returned to normal. The flash was so fast that I didn’t get to see what it was. Something is up with Scarlet, and I want to know what it is. “Well good” she replied while patting my hand.

“Just peachy?” Sam muttered.

“What is your problem?” I questioned. I understand that she’s having mood swings and all but seriously can’t she just stop talking or something? I know that that’s harsh but I’m a little emotional right now.

“My problem is that you‘re not the only one with problems” Sam gave me and icy cold glare. If looks could kill, I would be six feet under and cremated by now. “do you realize that I‘m pregnant, PREGNANT!!! AND THE FATHER JUST FOUND OUT WITHOUT ME TELLING HIM AND IS PISSED AT ME!!!! HE DOESN‘T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME ANYMORE AND SAID THAT SINCE I WASN‘T GOING TO TELL AND LEAVE HIM OUT OF THE CHILD‘S LIFE THEN HE WILL JUST GO HIMSELF.” she yelled.

Tears were now brimming her eyes. I gasped and covered my mouth. Someone had told John and now he hates Sam. She’s going to have to raise the child without a father. I can’t imagine what she’s going through right now. But who told him? The only people who knew were Scarlet, Leah, Sam and I.

“Yeah my point exactly” she said as she crossed her arms over her chest. “And you’re sitting here crying because a guy is in love with you. I know that you don‘t believe in it but do you even know what it means? He’s saying that he will be there for you no matter what happens and that he cares for you more than any other person in his life. And your sobbing and heart broken over that”

Sam walked over to the door and opened. “Get a dictionary and then come talk to me” she slammed the door after that.

I was dumbfounded. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even know what to think? What was a person supposed to say after that? Nothing, there’s nothing that you can say or think after that.

Scarlet stood up and walked out of the room. I was once again let alone but this time. I was confused. If everything that Sam said about being in love was true then I don’t know what to think anymore.

Because that’s how I feel about Anthony.