She Will Love You Through Your Demise

Zack laid back in the lazy-boy and looked around him, feeling a sense of accomplishment. He brought his beer to his mouth and took a swig before turning to look at Brian who was sitting on the couch drinking his own beer.

“Well, this is looking much better. Kind of like a civilized human being lives here,” Zack said, sending a smile over to his friend.

Brian turned his head to look at Zack and nodded his head, letting out a light laugh. “Thanks for helping Zack, I appreciate it.”

“So, what do you have planned for the rest of the night?”

Brian shrugged. Until Zack had broken into his house his plans were to stay inside and mope around just like all the previous nights. Now that he had contact with someone from the outside world, he didn’t know what to do with himself any longer.

“I think you should at least go outside, even if it’s in your own backyard, you know? The fresh air will be good for you- help clear your head.”

Brian thought it over for a few moments before nodding, “I might do that.”

Zack smiled towards his friend before standing up, “I should get going; Tara wants to have dinner together tonight.” Zack paused, hesitant to leave his friend alone again. “I’m not going to have to pick any locks again tomorrow, am I?”

Shaking his head as he stood up, Brain gave Zack a look as they headed towards the door. “No, I think you’re right, you know? I’m going to get some fresh air tonight, try and figure out where I’m going to go from here.”

Diverting his eyes and fiddling with his car keys, Zack reached out to his friend, wanting him to know that he doesn’t have to be alone anymore. “Well... you know, if you ever need to talk or something, you can just give me a call, right?”

“I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon, we’re going to go and get you some food so you have decent food to eat,” Zack added, trying to avoid having an awkward moment.

Brian held the door open as Zack made his way outside. “Why don’t you be ready around noon?”

“Is it going to be just you coming?” Brian questioned, suddenly feeling like he wanted to lock himself inside his house again at the thought of being around other friends.

“If you want it to be, then yea man, it will be.”

Patting Brian on his shoulder, Zack gave his friend a quick smile and nod before turning around and heading towards his car at the end of the driveway.

Brian waited until Zack pulled out and took off down the street before he closed the front door and locked it. He shook his head, picturing Zack standing outside, picking the lock. Letting a smile make its way on his face, he turned around and headed towards his patio door at the back of the house.

He opened the curtains and looked outside. The sky above the ocean’s horizon was a deep red as the sun was setting. Waves crashed along the shore of the beach, his backyard. It was this scene that had sold him and Kate when they first took a tour of the house a few years back. The smile on her face made Brian’s heartbeat increase rapidly. Brian would’ve sold everything he owned, including the shirt on his back to pay for that house just to see that smile over and over again.

Even if no one else ever noticed, Brian knew that Kate had 3 specific smiles. When she was nervous or uncomfortable, her lips quivered, holding a half-smile. When her smile was forced, her lips were tight, and didn’t show her perfectly aligned, white teeth. But when she was truly happy, it reached her eyes. Her cheeks rose, and her eyes squinted, her smile whole. When she was truly happy, it came from her heart.

Unlocking the door for the first time in months, Brian slid open the glass patio before doing the same for the screen. He stepped out onto the maroon stained deck in his bare feet, closing the screen behind him. The fresh air coming in off the water felt good on his skin. The salty, light breeze wrapping itself around his body made him feel like it was the first time he had ever been at the beach.

Even out there everything surrounding him had something to do with Kate. Shortly after they moved in, on a Saturday afternoon after Kate had made them a delicious brunch, they made their way outside. They spent the next few hours fixing up the deck together before staining it the beautiful and rich maroon shade they agreed on in the hardware store. Two cedar Adirondack chairs sat in the right corner, the only furniture they ever placed on the deck. For weeks, every night during the sunset they would sit out on the deck together, with Kate watching the sunset and Brian watching his beautiful wife. It was something that was their own, something only they did together.

Walking to the railing that faced the ocean, Brian leaned against the wood, with his forearms resting against the 2x4. He crossed his right ankle over his left, and just stared out at the water and the incoming tide. No matter where he was in the world, nothing could ever compare to the scene before his eyes.

Pulling away from the railing, Brian made his way over to the stairs that led down to the sand beneath the high-rise deck. Reaching the bottom, he began walking towards the water. The sand sinking beneath his weight and wrapping around his feet and every so often up to his ankles, made him delighted and heartbroken at the same time. He had taken what he had in life for granted, something he promised himself that he would never do. Even if it was just the pleasure of living on the beach or the smaller things in life, but most of all, he hated himself for taking the love of his life for granted.

He never pictured his life without Kate, because he honestly felt that she would always be there right by his side. He loved her, and she loved him. They were perfect together and that’s all he ever needed to know. But it wasn’t enough for him to hold on to what they had. Instead, he made Kate forget how much he truly cared for her, how much he loved her and needed her. He let her slip right through his fingers.

Brian let his legs give out beneath him when he was only a few feet away from the wet shore. He pulled his knees up to his chest and loosely threw his arms over his knees. For the longest time he stared out ahead of him, thinking of nothing in particular. He just wanted to take in the fresh air and the scene before him. He wanted to escape his head for a little while.

He finally broke his gaze when something caught his attention from the corner of his eye. Turning his head to the right, he noticed a group of people sitting around a large bonfire further down the beach. If he didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought it was a scene from his past. For years his closest friends always gathered up on the beach, sitting around a bonfire, drinking and hanging out together. It was always something they looked forward to doing. He missed that.

Brian and Kate’s first date was spent sitting around a fire together. As everyone else drank and messed around, Brian and Kate sat in their own little world together, talking about any and everything that came to mind. He knew that it wasn’t the best idea of a date, but Kate seemed like a different kind of girl, someone who would enjoy something out of the ordinary.

The night was going well, much better than either would’ve expected, until a very intoxicated Johnny fell into the fire, creating absolute chaos among the group of friends. After arguing for twenty minutes, Matt and Jimmy had taken hold of Johnny’s arms and legs and carried him to Brian’s car. Meaning everyone else had been drinking, it was decided that Brian and Kate would drive an angry and drunk Johnny to the nearest hospital.

They spent the next few hours in the waiting room, every so often shaking their heads as they smiled at one another. It was far from being the perfect date, but it gave them time to talk. They had known each other for quite some time before, and shared mutual friends, but never really held a meaningful conversation until Brian gathered the courage to ask her out. Before Kate came around, Brian always found it easy to ask a girl out on a date, like it almost came naturally, but there was something about her that made him very nervous and unconfident in himself.

Tearing his eyes away from the group of friends, Brian shook his head. Thinking about Kate and how they used to be was making his heart feel heavier with every pound. He dropped his head and closed his eyes, just letting the wind curve around his body as he focused on the sound of the waves crashing in front of him.

He was going to work to get his life back in order. He wanted to back-track the last couple of years and see where he went wrong. He wanted to figure out when he started to really loose Kate. He wanted his friends back, too. He knew he would need to apologize to them, for pushing them away when all they ever did was try to be there for him when Kate left. He also wanted to get in touch with Jimmy, because when Kate needed somewhere to go and someone to talk to, Jimmy was there for her when Brian was nowhere to be found. He was hurt, but he brought it upon himself, and Jimmy needed to hear a few things Brian had on his mind.

Maybe after he made up to everyone for acting so cowardly, and maybe after he realized just how much he hurt Kate, he could sit down with her and talk everything over. He could apologize to her; show her that he does care, that he was a complete idiot and just how much he loves her. But most of all, he just wanted her back and for her to be happy, to smile that favourite smile of his, for them to sit out on their back deck together as they watched the sunset and the waves crash upon the shore ahead of them.

If he couldn’t get her back, if when she left was the very last straw, then he really did wish she could be happy, and smile that perfect smile of hers, even if it was shared with someone else. But he wasn’t going to give up easy. He needed to work hard, just to be able to get Kate to talk to him in the first place, and he was more than willing to give everything he had to get there.

Standing up, Brian brushed the sand off the back of his shorts before taking one last gaze at the group of friends surrounding the bonfire. He turned his back to the ocean and made his way back to the stairs, climbing them two by two.

Once inside, Brian walked to the laundry room and opened up the dryer. He pulled out the afghan that he had kept on the couch and closed the dryer door. He walked back towards the living room and past the couch to the patio doors. He closed the screen door behind him once he was outside on the deck. Making his way over to the Adirondack chair that he always sat in, he sat down and got comfortable, before putting his feet up on a matching footstool.

He took one last look out at the ocean before turning his head to look at Kate’s chair. Pulling the afghan over his body, he closed his eyes, picturing Kate sitting next to him staring out at the ocean in front of them, like so many times before.