It Was a Lie When They Smiled

(February 1st 2009)

Frank’s POV

“Delilah… I don’t know what you’re doing but you have got to stop,” I said as I walked over to her as she lay in the snow. Well… she fell into it. Sort of like how Gerard was acting a few years ago.

She has been drinking an awful lot… and we’ve tried to stop her. Now it came to the point where we just had to stop buying beer. And that was only 2 days ago. So there must be something else. Or she’s getting beer from someone else.

“I’m not doing anything,” Delilah laughed as she began to make a snow angel. I sighed and pulled Delilah out of the snow.

“I gotta go to the store,” she said happily.

“No you don’t. Delilah, you can’t even drive in this condition you’ll get a ticket,” I pointed out. Delilah sighed.

“Fine,” She groaned and got on the bus.

“Kierstyn… can you do me a favor?” I asked. Kierstyn smiled.

“What?” She questioned.

“Can you… maybe take Delilah some where… don’t let her come on the bus for a while,” I explained.

“Why?”

“Well… as her husband, it kills me to go though her stuff and find out what she’s hiding, but I need to find out”

“Ooh… sure… to tell you the truth I was actually thinking about going for a walk.”

“Awesome. Well, take her with you.”

“Well, how will I know it’s safe to come back?”

“We’ll send someone out to find you guys.”

“Oh… well okay.”

“When were you planning on leaving?”

“Soon... maybe 3 minutes.”

“Okay great. So then… deal?”

“Deal,” Kierstyn agreed as we shook hands.

I didn’t lie. It would kill me to go though all of her stuff but I have to know what she’s hiding from me, why she’s acting like this. I was almost afraid to find out.

Kierstyn’s POV

“Dee,” I said walking over to the table where she was sitting, “Wanna go for a walk?”

“Sure,” She replied happily. She was hyper... maybe a little drunk... I wasn't sure. She quickly grabbed her jacket and stumbled to the stairs waiting for me. I also grabbed my jacket and we walked off the bus. Delilah was harder to handle than I though she would be.

Frank’s POV

The door to the bus closed.

“Ashley, are you gonna help me?” I asked quickly.

“Psh, yeah,” She replied getting up off the couch.

“What are you guy’s doing?” Gerard asked as if he were scared to hear the answer. I sighed and bit my lip.

“Well… ugh… we’re just gonna go though-“

“Delilah’s stuff?” Gerard asked interrupting me. I nodded shamefully.

“Need anymore help?” He asked. I shrugged.

“I don’t care… if you want to help fine,” I replied. Gee nodded.

Dee… this hurts me more than it hurts you I thought as I laid on her bed and looked to see what she had around her. Ashley and Gerard looked though her bags. I noticed Delilah had a spiral note book under her pillow.

“How can she sleep with this under her pillow? It would drive me crazy,” I stated as I opened it.

“Well, maybe she didn’t want anyone to find it,” Gerard suggested. I noticed Bob and Mikey standing in the entrance to the bunk area. Ray was just coming out of the back room.

“I wanna watch this from my bed,” Mikey said squeezing past Gerard and Ashley.

“Yeah… I would like to know what she’s hiding myself,” Bob agreed sitting on his bunk. Ray shrugged.

“Hey, I don’t want to be the only one left standing,” He said as he sat on the floor. I started flipping though the note book.

“It’s a journal,” I said. Ashley looked up.

“Your best bet to find out what’s going on is to go to the beginning of January,” she suggested. I noticed Mikey nodding in agreement.

“Lets see…October…………………………………September……………….November…………..December………. January first,” I scanned though.

“Read it out loud,” Ray demanded.

“I was going to,” I laughed. Ashley stopped looking though her bags and looked up. Gerard kept searching as he listened to what I was going to read at the same time. I read out loud the entry to January first.

“Whoa… sounds suicidal,” Bob said in awe.

“She… since when dose she back down from the spot light. That’s why we love her so much,” said Ashley. Gerard shrugged.

“Just read the next entry,” Mikey said. I looked back down at the note book.

“January 2nd 2009.

I did it… I finally feel a little better. I scored some cookies from some guy at rite-aid while I waited for my anti-depressants. I know… cookies… big deal. Yeah big deal. Those cookies have heroine in them. I’m just sitting back and relaxing everyday eating my drug like filled cookies drinking beer. Taking anti-depressants you know… taking pain killers for no reason. Honestly I’m beginning to feel better more everyday. Well… every hour.

Delilah E. Iero”

It was quiet for a long time. Gerard stopped shuffling though Dee’s stuff.

“I’ll just read the next one,” I said finally. This one was only last week describing how she got more drugs from a dude in a store.

“Well, she wasn’t lying,” Gerard said after I had finished. We all looked at Gerard waiting to see what he had to say. He didn’t say anything… he just dumped a jewelry case full of drugs onto the floor.

“What are we going to do?” Ashley said breaking the awkward silence.

“That’s up to Frank,” Ray said looking at me. I bit my lip thinking about how Dee.

Why?

Why didn’t she just tell us?

Why couldn’t she have just told me at least?

“I say… we leave it,” I said finally.

“What?” Mikey asked sounding confused.

“Guys we can talk her out of this. This is her choice… it’s up to her if she wants to stop or not,” I said.

So that’s what we did. We left it.

(February 4th 2009)

Delilah continued doing what she was doing. I had to tell her to stop. For the past two days I’ve been thinking about how to stop. Gerard told me he would have a talk to her this after noon. I told him if what he had to say didn’t work I’d try talking to her. It was almost 12:30… and turns out Gee and Delilah were not on the bus.

Gerard’s POV

“Delilah, do you know why we came for this walk?” I asked as I walked along the side of her. Delilah shook her head.

“Nope,” she said. I sighed. Well… now comes the long speech I have to give her.

“Delilah, the drugs don’t work. I don’t know what else besides getting a negative is bothering you but you really need to tell someone. Right now you’re totally ruining your life, ruining your feature. If you want to have a kid… a normal child… stop. This has been going on for a month.”

“No, Gerard. I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yeah I am. How are you going to tell me how I am?”

“You’re not okay.”

“I’m okay.”

“No you’re not.”

“Aren’t you listening to me?! I’m telling you the honest truth! I mean it when I say ‘I’m okay’!”

I shook my head.

“Frank is gonna have to talk to you about this,” I said. It was her choice. She didn’t have to listen to me. I’m sure whatever Frank has to say will make her stop.

Frank’s POV

About half an hour later, Gerard and Dee came back. Gee shook his head, meaning the talk he had with her didn’t work. I frowned.

“Delilah, come here,” I said harshly. Every one on the bus looked up in shock. Delilah’s drug box was sitting on the table next to me. She came over.

“This hurts me more than it hurts you,” I said taking the box. Delilah looked at it nervously. I shook my head and dumped everything out of the box onto the table.

“Ugh…” Delilah bit her lip and shrugged, “Why we’re you going though my stuff in the first place?”

“We went though it because we care about you. We don’t want you to get hurt.”

“We?”

“Yes… we.”

“What else did you guys do?”

“Well I read your suicidal filled journal.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I told you, we care about you.”

“Yeah I got that! My drugs, my business.”

“Your drugs, your business, my life.”

Delilah said nothing.

“Delilah, you have to stop. If you go over board with your drugs you know you can die. You know that if you die I won’t forgive my self. If you want to live like this it’s your choice.”

“That’s right… it’s my choice. I choose anti-depressants. You choose your best friend. I choose heroine. You choose Gerard. I choose 20 bottles of beer almost everyday. You choose bottled water.”

“I choose you. Delilah, I love you but it kills me to know that you’re living like this. I’d choose you over 20 new guitars. But I’ll let you make your choice now.”

“And what would that be?”

I sighed.

“Like I said this kills me more than it kills you but… here are your choices: You choose a drug… that’s fine I’ll still be there for you no matter what but… I-“

It was going to kill me to say this… and it made me seem so mean. I didn’t like it at all.

“If you choose drugs over me I choose a… a divorce. You choose me over drugs you promise to stop taking them,” I continued.

The whole bus was silent. Delilah stood in front of me. Her eyes starting to tear up. I knew everyone was biting there lips to know what her choice was. Delilah looked at the drugs on the table then at me. Then back at the drugs then at me.

She looked like she had made up her mind and reached out for the drugs and put them in the box. Every one looked disappointed.

“These,” she said holding up the box as she walked across the small kitchenette, “Are history.”

She dumped what was in the box in the garbage. She looked at me and gave me a hug.

“I’d choose you over drugs any day,” she said.

“And I’d choose you,” I replied.