Sequel: *** Isn't My Case ›
It Was a Lie When They Smiled
February 6th 2009
(February 6th 2009)
Delilah’s POV
Over the past 24 hours or so I’ve been dying to get my hands on some type of drug. But every time I was about to I looked at my wedding ring and thought of what I was doing to Frank. I couldn’t let him down… I couldn’t let the band down… and I definitely couldn’t let the fans down.
Our show was in like four hours and Gerard has a head ach.
“Really it will be gone by the time the show starts,” he said starting to cough at little. His voice started to sound different, like he was loosing it.
“Gee… you’re coughing and you sound like you’re loosing your voice. Do you really think that will be gone by the show?” Kierstyn asked. Her pale hands covered Gerard’s as she spoke. Gee just shrugged to Kierstyn’s question.
“Well… I could run to the store and get you some cough drops or something,” I suggested sifting nervously in my seat. I just had to get cough drops. No anti- depressants no heroin filled cookies. Just cough drops.
“What else do we need?” Frank asked as he covered up one side of his face with his hand. Well Harold, Bill and a few other body guards were with us.
“Ugh… psh… I don’t know. We have cough drops… ugh… water… yeah, I think that’s really all we need,” I said looking in the cart. We needed the cart for the water… we got those huge 24 packs like twelve 24 packs.
“Okay,” Frank said as we walked next to each other sandwiched in by our body guards. One of the guards offered to check out. We let her and went back onto the tour bus.
“Here,” I said tossing the bag of cough drops to Gerard. He didn’t look any better. In fact he looked worse.
“Thanks,” he replied. His voice faded in and out each time he spoke. I felt bad.
“Man, what ever you do don’t get us sick,” Mikey said. He and Ashley sat next together on the couch holding hands like Kierstyn and Gerard were before. Ashley smirked at Mikey’s comment.
“Well, not to sound rude but the only other person who really has to worry about getting sick is Dee. She’s does the same thing Gerard does, and that’s singing,” she said. Frank nodded in agreement.
“But I do the background vocals,” Ray pointed out.
“Then Dee can fill in,” Kierstyn said.
“Yeah but if Gee can’t do anything to night… Dee can’t do two different lines at once.” Ray explained making things clearer to understand.
“Do background vocals really matter?” I asked stupidly. Everyone looked at me.
“I mean- never mind… that was a stupid question,” I said shortly after, blushing a little bit.
“Well, let’s not worry about that… we have a show in 3 hours… that’s not very long,” Bob stated. I nodded. 3 hours wasn’t a lot of time. I bit my lip and look at the empty garbage can where I had thrown my drugs out the other day.
I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I definitely don’t need it. I thought. I forcefully turned my head away.
“What’s wrong with you?” Frank asked laughing a little.
“Nothing,” I replied shaking my head. Frank looked at me with the, “What ever you say,” look, sighed, and looked back at Gerard who was playing with the wrapper from the cough drop.
“2 hours, Gee, do you think you can get up there tonight?” Ray asked as he ran in place. We took 2 hours out of our time to warm up before shows. Gerard, feeling horrible, shook his head no.
“I can’t,” he said, his voice fading in and out, “I can barely talk-“
A cough interrupted his sentence, “Nor can I sing. I can’t go up tonight,” he concluded.
I stopped trying to reach my toes, which I couldn’t… my feet were to close to the floor for my hands to touch them without bending my knees. I looked at Gerard, shocked. I don’t know why I was. The kid was sick… he was loosing his voice.
“Sorry, Dee,” he said looking into my eyes. I smiled.
“It’s fine,” I replied.
“Can you handle it…. I mean you have to sing for Gerard, too,” Ray said now doing his lunges. I shrugged and started rotating my arms in circles.
“Maybe we should just cancel it,” Gerard said disappointedly.
“No,” I exclaimed.
“Delilah you just threw your drugs away two days ago. You almost passed out on stage yesterday-“Gerard started to explain… I cut him off.
“But that was yesterday.”
“It doesn’t matter, Delilah. It’s hard.”
“But I can do it… and note I ALMOST passed out… that doesn’t mean I actually did. Please, Gerard?” I begged.
“Dee-“
“Please?!”
“Fine… but honestly… try to be aware of kids falling and getting hurt… say something, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Let Frank do that if you have to.”
“Gerard, I’m a grown woman just getting over heroin and very aware of what’s happening. I don’t know if you’re trying to stop me from doing this by my self because I’m a full grown female but you have to trust me… if you can do it I can.”
“That’s my girl,” Frank chimed in.
“Okay Delilah… I trust you. But-“
“Gerard!”
“Sorry.”
I looked at the stairs leading up on the stage and bit my lip.
“3 minutes,” A stage crew member yelled.
“Frank,” I called running over to him, “Let me have some of your energy drink.”
“But… but it’s my last one,” He said frowning.
“Frank,” I groaned.
Frank smiled, “I’m kidding! Here”
He handed me the tall can. I quickly took a sip and handed it back to him.
“Thanks,” I said as I moved to his side.
“Yup,” Frank said nodding taking his can back.
“Holy crap, Dee, how much did you drink,” he exclaimed. I shrugged.
“I don’t know, man, but it was good,” I replied laughing a little. Frank laughed too.
The lights dimmed and we went on stage.
“So, how are we doing to night?” I asked the crowd after the first song. The crowd screamed.
“Very good,” I continued, “well, I’m doing just fine my self. Now, if Gerard was here he’d say he was feeling great, but unfortunately he’s not feeling so great and is not here to perform for you beautiful…joyful….excited… people. This next song is one Gerard and I wrote as soon as we get back to jersey last year. It’s called ‘Deep’.”
After the song I decided to talk to the crowd a little bit more.
“Amazing,” I exclaimed, “Hey can you guy’s tell me how cold it is out side because ugh when I walk out to the tour bus I don’t wanna turn into a Dee-icle, you know?” I asked. The crowd screamed.
“So it’s cold?”
The crowd screamed again.
“It’s warm?”
The crowd screamed again.
“Wait no really is it freezing out? It can’t be warm and cold at the same time. I wanna know if it’s cold. One the count of three I want to you clap once if it’s cold and twice if it’s warm. Get ready. I wanna see hands in the air. Okay… One… two – Hey no clapping yet. I did say three?
One… Three!”
Everyone clapped once. I smiled as the next song started.
“I choose,” I said after that song ended, “I choose… to take Gerard’s job as mosh pit commander picker for tonight…. I’ve noticed this huge one like right in this area,” I continued waving over and area on the floor that was a little further away from the stage.
“It’s like a flipping’ monster… it’s huge! And I choose…. Oh………. Where is that young dude with the black, pink and blonde hair? Ah, there you are… hey, dude, who’s name I sadly do not know, I give you the job as Mosh pit commander You and… do you think you can handle this whole monster by your self or do you want a second commander? Another one? Great.
Lets see… I think I’ll choose a strong lovely young lady. Holy crap… Frank do you see all the strong and beautiful young woman in this crowd? This is going to be hard…I choose,” I closed eyes and randomly pointed my finger at someone in the mosh pit, “you… Lovely one with the Black, red and blonde hair and the homemade MCR jacket. It’s very nice. You, my good friend, are the second Mosh pit commander.”
The next song played. Everyone sang along.
“Okay. My two lovely MPCs, I like what I’m seeing. I saw this dude right here help that dude there get up off the ground. I’m very, very proud. So proud I think you guys deserve a treat. How about a song from three cheers for sweet revenge?”
I couldn’t believe how loud every one screamed.
“I thought you would like that. Alright so it’s going to be a little harder for me because with out Gerard here you know I have no one to come up to me and sing in my face until I fall. Frank are you going to help me sing this?”
Frank nodded and took a microphone from a stage crew member.
“I’ll need your mic stand,” He said.
“Take it. Alright so I’m pretty sure you all know this next song,” I said as the music started, “I want to see your hands in the air.”
I clapped along with the crowd.
“Long ago
Just like the hearse you die to get in again.”
“We are so far from you,” Frank sang.
“Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know.”
“And what's the worst you take…”
“Worst you take.”
“From every heart you break?”
“Heart you break.”
“And like the blade you stain,” I sang.
“Blade you stain.”
“Well, I've been holding on tonight
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
Came a time
When every star fall brought you to tears again.”
“We are the very hurt you sold
And what's the worst you take,” Frank sang back.
“Worst you take.”
“From every heart you break?”
“Heart you break.”
“And like the blade you stain.”
“Blade you stain.”
“Well, I've been holding on tonight.
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight.”
I held the microphone out to the crowd.
“Can you hear me?” They sang, “Are you near me?”
“Can we pretend to leave and then,” I joined in, “We'll meet again
When both our cars collide?
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay.”
“So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight,” Frank sang.
“And if you carry on this way, things are better if I stay.”
“So long and goodnight.”
“So long and goodnight,” Frank and I both concluded.
“ Cause the hardest part of this is leaving……………………… You,” I conclued the last song of the night, “Thank you! Good night! Drive safely!”
Yes. I had an amazing time. But I missed Gerard on stage.
Delilah’s POV
Over the past 24 hours or so I’ve been dying to get my hands on some type of drug. But every time I was about to I looked at my wedding ring and thought of what I was doing to Frank. I couldn’t let him down… I couldn’t let the band down… and I definitely couldn’t let the fans down.
Our show was in like four hours and Gerard has a head ach.
“Really it will be gone by the time the show starts,” he said starting to cough at little. His voice started to sound different, like he was loosing it.
“Gee… you’re coughing and you sound like you’re loosing your voice. Do you really think that will be gone by the show?” Kierstyn asked. Her pale hands covered Gerard’s as she spoke. Gee just shrugged to Kierstyn’s question.
“Well… I could run to the store and get you some cough drops or something,” I suggested sifting nervously in my seat. I just had to get cough drops. No anti- depressants no heroin filled cookies. Just cough drops.
“What else do we need?” Frank asked as he covered up one side of his face with his hand. Well Harold, Bill and a few other body guards were with us.
“Ugh… psh… I don’t know. We have cough drops… ugh… water… yeah, I think that’s really all we need,” I said looking in the cart. We needed the cart for the water… we got those huge 24 packs like twelve 24 packs.
“Okay,” Frank said as we walked next to each other sandwiched in by our body guards. One of the guards offered to check out. We let her and went back onto the tour bus.
“Here,” I said tossing the bag of cough drops to Gerard. He didn’t look any better. In fact he looked worse.
“Thanks,” he replied. His voice faded in and out each time he spoke. I felt bad.
“Man, what ever you do don’t get us sick,” Mikey said. He and Ashley sat next together on the couch holding hands like Kierstyn and Gerard were before. Ashley smirked at Mikey’s comment.
“Well, not to sound rude but the only other person who really has to worry about getting sick is Dee. She’s does the same thing Gerard does, and that’s singing,” she said. Frank nodded in agreement.
“But I do the background vocals,” Ray pointed out.
“Then Dee can fill in,” Kierstyn said.
“Yeah but if Gee can’t do anything to night… Dee can’t do two different lines at once.” Ray explained making things clearer to understand.
“Do background vocals really matter?” I asked stupidly. Everyone looked at me.
“I mean- never mind… that was a stupid question,” I said shortly after, blushing a little bit.
“Well, let’s not worry about that… we have a show in 3 hours… that’s not very long,” Bob stated. I nodded. 3 hours wasn’t a lot of time. I bit my lip and look at the empty garbage can where I had thrown my drugs out the other day.
I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I definitely don’t need it. I thought. I forcefully turned my head away.
“What’s wrong with you?” Frank asked laughing a little.
“Nothing,” I replied shaking my head. Frank looked at me with the, “What ever you say,” look, sighed, and looked back at Gerard who was playing with the wrapper from the cough drop.
“2 hours, Gee, do you think you can get up there tonight?” Ray asked as he ran in place. We took 2 hours out of our time to warm up before shows. Gerard, feeling horrible, shook his head no.
“I can’t,” he said, his voice fading in and out, “I can barely talk-“
A cough interrupted his sentence, “Nor can I sing. I can’t go up tonight,” he concluded.
I stopped trying to reach my toes, which I couldn’t… my feet were to close to the floor for my hands to touch them without bending my knees. I looked at Gerard, shocked. I don’t know why I was. The kid was sick… he was loosing his voice.
“Sorry, Dee,” he said looking into my eyes. I smiled.
“It’s fine,” I replied.
“Can you handle it…. I mean you have to sing for Gerard, too,” Ray said now doing his lunges. I shrugged and started rotating my arms in circles.
“Maybe we should just cancel it,” Gerard said disappointedly.
“No,” I exclaimed.
“Delilah you just threw your drugs away two days ago. You almost passed out on stage yesterday-“Gerard started to explain… I cut him off.
“But that was yesterday.”
“It doesn’t matter, Delilah. It’s hard.”
“But I can do it… and note I ALMOST passed out… that doesn’t mean I actually did. Please, Gerard?” I begged.
“Dee-“
“Please?!”
“Fine… but honestly… try to be aware of kids falling and getting hurt… say something, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Let Frank do that if you have to.”
“Gerard, I’m a grown woman just getting over heroin and very aware of what’s happening. I don’t know if you’re trying to stop me from doing this by my self because I’m a full grown female but you have to trust me… if you can do it I can.”
“That’s my girl,” Frank chimed in.
“Okay Delilah… I trust you. But-“
“Gerard!”
“Sorry.”
I looked at the stairs leading up on the stage and bit my lip.
“3 minutes,” A stage crew member yelled.
“Frank,” I called running over to him, “Let me have some of your energy drink.”
“But… but it’s my last one,” He said frowning.
“Frank,” I groaned.
Frank smiled, “I’m kidding! Here”
He handed me the tall can. I quickly took a sip and handed it back to him.
“Thanks,” I said as I moved to his side.
“Yup,” Frank said nodding taking his can back.
“Holy crap, Dee, how much did you drink,” he exclaimed. I shrugged.
“I don’t know, man, but it was good,” I replied laughing a little. Frank laughed too.
The lights dimmed and we went on stage.
“So, how are we doing to night?” I asked the crowd after the first song. The crowd screamed.
“Very good,” I continued, “well, I’m doing just fine my self. Now, if Gerard was here he’d say he was feeling great, but unfortunately he’s not feeling so great and is not here to perform for you beautiful…joyful….excited… people. This next song is one Gerard and I wrote as soon as we get back to jersey last year. It’s called ‘Deep’.”
After the song I decided to talk to the crowd a little bit more.
“Amazing,” I exclaimed, “Hey can you guy’s tell me how cold it is out side because ugh when I walk out to the tour bus I don’t wanna turn into a Dee-icle, you know?” I asked. The crowd screamed.
“So it’s cold?”
The crowd screamed again.
“It’s warm?”
The crowd screamed again.
“Wait no really is it freezing out? It can’t be warm and cold at the same time. I wanna know if it’s cold. One the count of three I want to you clap once if it’s cold and twice if it’s warm. Get ready. I wanna see hands in the air. Okay… One… two – Hey no clapping yet. I did say three?
One… Three!”
Everyone clapped once. I smiled as the next song started.
“I choose,” I said after that song ended, “I choose… to take Gerard’s job as mosh pit commander picker for tonight…. I’ve noticed this huge one like right in this area,” I continued waving over and area on the floor that was a little further away from the stage.
“It’s like a flipping’ monster… it’s huge! And I choose…. Oh………. Where is that young dude with the black, pink and blonde hair? Ah, there you are… hey, dude, who’s name I sadly do not know, I give you the job as Mosh pit commander You and… do you think you can handle this whole monster by your self or do you want a second commander? Another one? Great.
Lets see… I think I’ll choose a strong lovely young lady. Holy crap… Frank do you see all the strong and beautiful young woman in this crowd? This is going to be hard…I choose,” I closed eyes and randomly pointed my finger at someone in the mosh pit, “you… Lovely one with the Black, red and blonde hair and the homemade MCR jacket. It’s very nice. You, my good friend, are the second Mosh pit commander.”
The next song played. Everyone sang along.
“Okay. My two lovely MPCs, I like what I’m seeing. I saw this dude right here help that dude there get up off the ground. I’m very, very proud. So proud I think you guys deserve a treat. How about a song from three cheers for sweet revenge?”
I couldn’t believe how loud every one screamed.
“I thought you would like that. Alright so it’s going to be a little harder for me because with out Gerard here you know I have no one to come up to me and sing in my face until I fall. Frank are you going to help me sing this?”
Frank nodded and took a microphone from a stage crew member.
“I’ll need your mic stand,” He said.
“Take it. Alright so I’m pretty sure you all know this next song,” I said as the music started, “I want to see your hands in the air.”
I clapped along with the crowd.
“Long ago
Just like the hearse you die to get in again.”
“We are so far from you,” Frank sang.
“Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know.”
“And what's the worst you take…”
“Worst you take.”
“From every heart you break?”
“Heart you break.”
“And like the blade you stain,” I sang.
“Blade you stain.”
“Well, I've been holding on tonight
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
Came a time
When every star fall brought you to tears again.”
“We are the very hurt you sold
And what's the worst you take,” Frank sang back.
“Worst you take.”
“From every heart you break?”
“Heart you break.”
“And like the blade you stain.”
“Blade you stain.”
“Well, I've been holding on tonight.
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight.”
I held the microphone out to the crowd.
“Can you hear me?” They sang, “Are you near me?”
“Can we pretend to leave and then,” I joined in, “We'll meet again
When both our cars collide?
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay.”
“So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight,” Frank sang.
“And if you carry on this way, things are better if I stay.”
“So long and goodnight.”
“So long and goodnight,” Frank and I both concluded.
“ Cause the hardest part of this is leaving……………………… You,” I conclued the last song of the night, “Thank you! Good night! Drive safely!”
Yes. I had an amazing time. But I missed Gerard on stage.