So Automatisch, Du Bist Wie'ne Maschine

Waking up after finally sleeping I found that all the bunks were empty but soon found everyone when I went downstairs where they were all eating breakfast.

‘Finally. Could you have taken any longer?’ Tom asked. I looked around noticing everyone was already fully dressed and ready to go.

‘Yeah I’ve been waiting to go for over an hour. I didn’t want to go without saying goodbye though.’ Georg said getting up from his seat. ‘I’ll see you guys in a week or two.’

‘Oh, Bye!’ We all said goodbye to Georg as he got off the bus with his bags and put them into a taxi. He waved then got in and was gone. ‘Well that was very sudden.’

‘Yeah, his girlfriend’s waiting for him apparently.’ Gustav reasoned. Well if you’ve got one you may as well spend as much time with her as you can I guess.

‘Oh come on you know he just can’t wait to get her into bed. He’s been deprived.’

‘Tom, no need for the mental images.’ I laughed. ‘Guess I’d better pack everything up then.’ I headed back up the stairs grabbing bags and clothes as I went. Folding up my clothes I was glad I’d packed a spare bag for all the new ones I’d bought while on our travels, otherwise I’d have to leave them behind anyway. To no one’s surprise I had the most luggage to haul off the bus which, now it was empty, looked huge.

‘We can go home now right?’ Tom asked looking at me to check I didn’t have anything I might need to get, or find, or pack.

‘Yes. Really this time.’ I’d already run back onto the bus to find my toothbrush once, turned out I’d already packed it. ‘Wait, where have I put my key? I can’t find my key. I can’t get in my house without a key.’ I felt my pockets and search through my bag and they just weren’t there. I looked at Tom panicking and he was holding back a laugh with the keys held in front of his face. ‘That wasn’t funny.’ He looked at Gustav and they both tried not to laugh. I just pushed past them both to the car and slid in, Tom had had his car brought here, he was going to drop Gustav off then me.

The car journey wasn’t exciting, we didn’t talk, just the odd question or comment about something that had changed since we’d been here. When Gustav got out we said goodbye and drove off when Tom had helped him carry the extra suitcase in the door. ‘You want me to stay a while?’

‘Hum? No, I won’t be doing much, just unpacking, showering.’

‘Yeah you do stink.’ Tom joked.

It took the two of us two trips back to the car each to get all of my things into the house. Tom stayed for a minute to check I was okay getting the heavier bags up the stairs but I persisted I was capable. He left looking a bit sorry for me. ‘Call if you need anything.’ I shut the door as he drove off. Why does everyone insist on treating me like I’m ten years old? Am I that incompetent? I can take care of myself. For three years I’ve been treated like a child, mentally unstable and/or about to have an emotional breakdown at any given moment.

I carried my luggage upstairs one bag at a time leaving everything in the spare room. I still needed to shower so headed straight for the bathroom. Everything is exactly how I’d left it, shampoo on the floor in the shower, toothpaste by the left side of the sink almost falling off. The temperature of the steaming water was warm on my skin and I let it soak in deep relaxing me. I hadn’t realised how tense I had been on this tour.

The sun was gone all too early and made me realise exactly how late I’d slept. Then I thought I hadn’t eaten all day and figured it was time for food. As I set my take away down (the cupboards were bare) I heard the phone call but decided to let them either call back or leave a message. The phone call could wait, food was so much more wanted at this moment in time.

When I’d washed up I thought it was time to check my messages, I hit the button, grabbed a drink then went to sit down; it could be a long night.

‘You have 56 new messages. First message...’ Great, a really long night. Some of the messages were just boring reminders, or comments such as ‘Hope you’re having a great time on tour! Call when you get back.’ Some of them were more than a little bit amusing.

A message I’d sent myself to remind me to rehire a cleaner, call someone to repair the washer, actually do some washing instead of sending it all to Mum and to also go out and buy food because the cupboards would be empty; as I’d already found out. What kind of person messages themselves with all of that?

One from my Mum which made me laugh: ‘Hello, how’re doing? Just wanted to call to see how you are but you’re not in so I’ll... Oh! You’re on tour! Well I hope you boys are having a great time. Don’t forget to call me when you get home! Bye.’ She’s even called us while we’ve been on tour, must have had a mad moment. I deleted all the messaged I’d listened to and phoned Mum.

‘Hey Mum, Just wanted to say I’m back home okay.’

‘Bill, that’s good. I just got off the phone to Tom he says everything s been great and that you had a great time.’

‘Yeah, it was great.’

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, I’m just tired. I’m going to bed soon I think.’ I yawned which was great timing.

‘Good, Tom said that you slept nearly all day. Well I’ll let you go to bed. I’ll drop round in the next few days. It’ll be nice to see you both again.’

‘Yeah. You too Mum. Love you.’

‘I love you too sweetheart. Go get some rest. Bye.’ Then she was gone. Talking to my Mum finally made me feel like I was home. Now I just had 5 million other messages to get through. I pressed the button again and they started. I stopped listening after about ten minutes. Until it happened. I heard it. It was more distinctive than anything. I knew what it was.

‘Hey, Bill. I know it’s been a long time, but I just wanted to call and see how you were. Hope you’re okay. I miss you.’ Then it was over. The messages were still playing, there were voices but I took no notice. It was her. This was going to happen, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it would.

The world around me became blank, and I couldn’t really see anything at all. The voices on the machine were nothingness, just background noise to a now very real nightmare. The hot drink in my hand slipped away, crashed to the floor, spilled all over the thick cream carpet in slow motion. My mouth hung open and my heart stopped, my breathing paused. Why was she doing this to me?