Ash Over Seas

Early the next morning I felt a weight sink into the side of my bed, causing me to slowly drift into consciousness as I felt a warmth radiating toward me. My immediate thought was that Jacob was there, but as last night’s memories flooded my mind I knew it couldn’t have been him, no matter how much I wanted it to be.

I could tell the sun still wasn’t up by the dark shading before my eyelids as I tried to open them.

My body felt like each limb weighed a thousand pounds and my eyelids refused to so much as twitch. I was basically trapped in my body as two soft voices drifted around me.

“She’s had a rough night,” Atticus’s cold voice came from beside me. “She’ll stay home today.”

“Atticus, what happened?” my father asked sternly, but didn’t receive a reply as it fell silent for several moments more. I wanted to wake myself, to greet my brother and thank him for his help, but my exhaustion was still overpowering.

“Ari will be waking soon,” my brother said dismissively. “You should go to her.”

There was a lingering silence in the room before I finally heard my father’s sharp steps retreat from the room, trailing down the hallway to greet my sister.

Atticus’s breathing grazed over my face for several moments and I wished so badly that I could see him. I felt something lightly brush along my temple for the briefest moment before it was retracted.

“Be safe,” the boy murmured quietly before I felt his weight shift off the bed and his footsteps echoing away down the hall.

It wasn’t until another hour later when I heard my door creaking open again.

I finally managed to pry my eyes open and peer softly at my father’s broken frame posed in the doorway. He was dressed in a pair of black jeans with a sleek Oxford button-up draping gracefully from his shoulders.

“Hi, Daddy,” I smiled softly as he stepped into the room, his face drawn with pain. I knew it was hard for him to see me like this especially after all he’d gone through with my mother.

“How do you feel?” he asked calmly as he came to stand at my bedside.

I grimaced softly, ignoring the aching in my joints. “I’ve been better.”

He took a small breath, though I knew it was only for comfort.

“Carlisle has called me down to go over some of his research,” he said softly, bending down so he crouched at eye level with me. “Will you be okay here?”

I nodded and closed my eyes as I felt him brush my hair from my face.

“I’ve kept Artemis and Pan home from school,” he murmured. “She will look after you if you need anything today.”

I smiled, laughing weakly. “Thank you, Daddy.”

“Anything for you, darling.” His topaz eyes seemed to drown in hurt as he searched my face for reassurance. “Call if you need anything at all.”

“I will, Daddy,” I assured him, smiling as he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, whispering a light ‘I love you’ and gliding through the door.

I sighed, turning over onto my back as I pulled my thick down comforter tighter around my shoulders. I glanced out the window and smiled softly as I saw delicate white snowflakes falling from the grey sky. I had always loved winter, though I soon found myself wishing the snow somehow wouldn’t bring cold.

For the rest of the morning I shivered in silence as I watched the sky dancing around me outside, my soft music playing in the background. I couldn’t seem to keep warm even with my piles of blankets, and my body longed for the sweltering heat of the one I would never let myself have.

I closed my eyes tight and tried to chase away the thoughts as I heard my phone buzz from under my pillow. I slowly reached out and wrapped my fingers around it, holding it in front of me as the name on the screen flashed ‘Jacob.’

My stomach twisted into knots, and I quickly pressed ignore. Returning to the home screen I noticed that I had 9 missed calls and 5 voicemails. Most were from Jacob and one was from Kim, who had obviously heard what had happened by now.

I couldn’t help myself as my fingers dialed my voicemail and held the phone to my ear. Jake’s tortured voice drifted around me and sent a sharp pain straight to my heart.

“Colby, look I just—you can’t just—I mean—ugh, fuck it,” he said as the line disconnected and I felt tears stinging my eyes. I pressed next.

“Look. I’m sorry I put everything on you like that. I—I know I should have eased you in or something,” he said frantically. “Please, at least can’t we be friends? I can’t bear not going through the day seeing or talking to you. You don’t understand how this is for me. I—ugh!” The line disconnected again.

The next was from Kim.

“Colby Woodbury, what the hell do you think you're doing? Do you have any idea what’s going on here? I just saw Jake in the hallway and he looks like someone fucking died,” she scolded and my heart panged. “I don’t know where you are right now but please, please just call me or something. We need to talk through this.”

Jacob again. “Look, please just call me or something. Or even a text, I don’t care I just need to hear something from you. I can’t leave it like that. Please… don’t do this.”

I pressed next to hear the latest message. His voice was ragged and I could hear chattering distantly in the background. I looked to the clock and noticed that they would be in lunch right now.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know where you are right now and I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do. I know it was a lot yesterday but you just fucking left! No one knows where you are. Please, we can find some way to work around this,” he pleaded, his voice cracking and I found myself suffocating. “Please, don’t just go… don’t leave again.”

I quickly flipped the phone shut, shoving it under my pillow once more as a strangled sob escaped my lips and I gasped for air, burying my face into my pillow. I hated this. I hated being in this situation. Why couldn’t I at least have been normal by mythical standards?

But no, I had to exist as the freak among freaks. The half-breed that was bound to be outcast from both mortal and immortal worlds. There was no place for me.

I heard the door creaking open and quickly sniffed, wiping the tears from my eyes as Pan’s bright, emerald orbs peeked into the room, his expression unreadable.

I watched as he drifted forward, his grace surpassing that of any other three-year-old I’d ever seen, easily reaching my bedside as he gripped the comforter in his hands. I wrapped my frail fingers around him and pulled him toward me so the he sat on the bedside, eyes piercing deep into my soul.

We sat there in silence for a moment, our eyes locked together and waiting for the other to make a move, as if sharing a silent conversation. I knew his sharp eyes could see the red lining of my own and the flushed color of my cheeks. Any fool could have seen I was crying.

He finally shifted, crawling forward a couple steps and nestling himself into the crook of my neck. His tiny fist clutched onto my shirt and I pulled his warm body against mine soothingly as I felt his frame rising and falling against my chest.

“Cobey,” he murmured and I froze stiff as his soft, tinkling voice drifted to my ears.

It had been so long since I’d last heard it.

“Pan,” I whispered as my hand stroked his hair and held him against my chest, blinking away the new tears that were forming.

“Cobey… don’t go… please,” he said quietly as his grip tightened.

I choked back a sob as I wrapped my arms around him and cradled him to me closely, burying my face in his soft, dark hair.

“It’s okay, babe,” I whispered as my eyes squeezed shut. “Everything’s going to be okay, I promise.”

The tiny boy nodded against my neck and slowly fell silent again as we lay there, listening to the wind whipping softly outside and the television murmuring quietly downstairs. The soft lullaby of the stereo floated around us and created an alternate world that I wished I could sink into.

After a while my ears were met with Pan’s tiny snores and I knew that he’d fallen asleep. I sighed, wishing I could do the same, but I had been laying in that bed all day and, despite the fatigue plaguing me, my limbs itched to move.

I carefully moved myself from under him, resting him back against my pillows as I pressed my feet to the cold floor. A shiver ran over my skin and I quickly pulled off the clothes I had been wearing yesterday, discarding the stained shirt into the dustbin.

I reached and swiftly pulled on a thick sweater and fleece pants. I slipped my feet into the wool booties Lena had knitted me last Christmas and padded over to the computer, clicking it to life and deciding I should send her a message.

I sighed, opening my email to see I already had a message from her. I opened it, my eyes scanning over her scolding and angry text before I typed an apologetic reply. I left out the fact that I was sick again, not wanting to worry her, and continued to talk about school and the great people I’d met so far.

I clicked send and was brought back to my inbox where I had several messages from various universities throughout the US. I bit my lip, daring to click on them as I began to scan over their websites.

I didn’t even know if I would live long enough to go to college, but the hope still rested at the back of my mind and I couldn’t help but surrender to my curiosity.

I sighed, my eyes roaming over snapshots of beautiful campuses and laughing faces.

“Coley?”

I glanced up to see Artemis standing shyly at my door, a tray grasped in her hands supporting a steaming bowl of soup.

“Hey, Ari,” I smiled softly and the girl’s shoulders relaxed.

“I… thought you might be hungry,” she said, stepping forward to place the tray on the desk beside me.

“Thank you,” I smiled, reaching out to brush my hand along her auburn hair. “I am a little hungry.”

She beamed proudly and handed me a spoon, which I took in my fragile hand as I brought some of the hot liquid to my mouth.

I closed my eyes as the warm liquid slid down my throat. I shivered pleasantly as I felt the warmth spreading through my stomach.

“It’s wonderful, Ari, thank you so much. Did you make it?” I asked as I took another bite.

The girl nodded. “It was Daddy’s recipe.”

“It’s just what I needed,” I assured her as I slowly spooned the rest of it into my mouth, sighing contentedly as I relaxed back against my chair. The warmth was making my eyelids heavy and I soon felt Ari’s tiny hands wrap around my wrist. I vaguely wondered if she’d crushed sleeping tablets into it.

I frowned glancing down at her determined face.

“Come on, Li, you're going to sleep,” she said as she easily pulled me upright and guided me over to the bed, where Pan was still sleeping peacefully.

I chuckled lightly, slightly delirious from the exhaustion now hitting me.

“Yes, mum,” I mumbled as she picked up her brother and I allowed her to push me under the covers, tucking them around my shoulders as Atticus had before.

“You're going to be okay, Li,” the small girl said, quietly but confidently as she held the sleeping boy in her arms. I wondered where this strength in her had come from and I smiled, nodding.

“I know, Ari,” I murmured. “I know.”

She smiled, wrapping one arm around my neck in a tight hug before dancing across the room to turn the music down.

“Goodnight, Coley,” she said softly before disappearing down the hall to place Pan in his own bed.

My bare feet pounded against the loose dirt and leaves as I ran through the forest.

I didn’t know what I was running from, or maybe if I was chasing something. All my mind knew was that I had to keep going.

I could barely see anything, despite my enhanced vision, and the branches scraped along my face, leaving small gashes across my body. The dull moonlight filtered through the trees just enough so that I could make out their silhouettes through the mist that was rolling across the forest floor.

Everything was in black and white as the dark compromised my vision.

My lungs felt like they were on fire and my limbs felt like they were slowly falling asleep. I was losing control over my motor function as I felt my pace slowing.

‘No!” my mind screamed, urging me to press forward but it felt like trying to run through water. Every movement was dull and slow; uncoordinated.

A cough spluttered from my mouth and the black and white of my surroundings were immediately stained with a deep red.

My quivering frame crashed ungracefully to the forest floor as I came skidding to a halt, my legs pulled into my chest as my frail arms held them close to me.

I shivered violently, whether from fear or chill I didn’t know.

The forest seemed to silence around me, and the only sound I could hear was the frantic pounding of my heart in my chest. I felt as if it would break my ribs in protest.

I heard a twig snap behind me and startled, my heart jumping into my throat in terror as an earsplitting snarl shook the ground beneath me.