Hope

I couldn’t work out where I was.

Looking around me it seemed as though I was in a hospital bed, people were buzzing around. I could hear them but the sound was muffled. I could see they were prodding me, looking closely at me but I couldn’t really feel them.

There were bleeps from different machines, distant bleeps that I could just about make out.

Then I heard a shout and at the same time as the shout rang out I could see this bright light, over to the left, like a doorway, leading somewhere, somewhere good it felt. It looked warm and inviting and I wanted to go there, it looked safe and comforting.

I had to go and investigate so I got off the bed, my feet cold on the hard stone floor, the tubes from my body just fell away but I didn’t look back, I didn’t want to, I just wanted to go over to the bright doorway.

It was where I wanted to be.

It felt beautiful through the doorway, it felt peaceful and this beautiful aroma erupted, a beautiful smell, delicate and light and the floor suddenly felt warm beneath my feet.

Up ahead there was a silhouette. My eyes squinted to try and work out who it was. Whoever it was, was holding their arms out to me. I recognised the figure, I wanted to go to her, I wanted to be with her because…

…it was my mother.

She was holding her arms out to me and I wanted nothing more than to go to her, for her to wrap her arms about me like she used to and make everything OK again.

“Francesca!” she shouted, not loudly but surprised. It was so good to hear her voice again.

“What are you doing here?” She said to me, coming up closer.

She was still beautiful, even more beautiful than I could ever imagine. But why was she here? Was she a ghost? I always thought I’d be scared of ghosts but no; I wasn’t scared, I felt calm. Anyway, how could I be scared of my mother?

“Its not your time yet.” She said taking my hand. It was warm and familiar. I looked into her eyes, beautiful eyes that my Dad had always told her about.

“What do you mean?” I said to her.

”You have to go back sweetheart; we’re not ready for you yet. Its not your time.” She said soothingly.

“What do you mean?” I asked her. I didn’t know what was going on. All that I knew was that I wanted to be with her, to be with her again, to talk, just talk and be together.

“Its not your time. You have too much to do before you come here, lots to achieve. People need you.”

“But I want to stay here, with you and talk to you. Why can’t I?” I said.

“Because its not your time my darling, trust me. You have to go back, you have to go back and be with your Hope, she needs you. Your father needs you, you can’t leave him yet because he wouldn’t cope.”

“Why would I leave them? I don’t understand.” What was she saying? Of course I didn’t want to leave Hope or my father or…Billie. He’d just asked me to marry him, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and…I wanted him too.

“You haven’t finished what you need to do, that’s all.” She said.

I think I understood.

“So you’ve seen Hope?” I asked her.

“Of course, I see most things she’s beautiful and she needs you.”

“So you know…you know that Dad has found someone.” I almost didn’t want to say it, it felt as though he was betraying her all of a sudden.

“Of course and I’m so happy for him. He was sad for too long. Julia is lovely, I chose her for him myself.”

What did she mean? I still didn’t fully understand why I was here. I wanted to stay here and be with her but I also knew if I stayed here I wouldn’t see Hope again, or Dad, Billie, Charlie, everyone and I wasn’t ready.

My mother was right. I wasn’t ready to stay here yet.

“Everything will be OK Franky but you’ve got a long road to walk, there’ll be bumps along the way but you’ll be fine. Remember I love you, I’ll do my best to help you but you need to go soon if you want to see Hope again. Hurry Franky, you need to go back.”

“I love you,” I said to her as I heard a shout from behind, it was a little boy’s voice.

“And I love you too, but I have to go now for little Samuel needs me. Take care my beautiful girl, everything will be fine.”

Then she let go of me, the warmth was suddenly gone, the light had faded, it felt cold again and then I heard a voice shout out.

“She’s back. We’ve got her back.”