Don't Hold Your Breath

I just stood there for a minute trying to process my thoughts. And my splitting headache wasn't helping. 

He just saved my ass. 

But he's pissed at me. 

And he just screwed his reputation. 

Even though he's pissed. 

That's it I'm confused. 

Unless.....

Maybe he didn't hate me. Maybe he's just mad in general. Maybe he actually cares for me. Maybe he really cares for me. Like I do for him. 

I just stood there staring after him, until Frankie caught my attention. 

"Yo Urie! Are you okay?" he asked waving a hand in front of my face. 

"Erm, yeah. I'm going to go see if Ryan is alright." I said chasing after him. Ignoring the protests coming from my headache and from Jon and Spencer.

I searched the crowded hallways with no luck. He wasn't at his locker, or with his usual group of friends. Not that I expected him to be. 

I finally decided to search the bathrooms. I walked in, and surly enough, there he was. He had his hands resting on either side of the sink, and was looking at himself in the mirror. He didn't notice my presence until I put my hand on his shoulder. He turned to look at me. Glassy eyes. Tears threatening to fall. I quickly looked away from his eyes and glanced towards the wall. Keeping my eyes away from his. 

"You didn't have to do that you know." i mumbled. 

"A simple thank you would be nice." he mumbled looking away from me. 

He looked so sad and almost broken. I couldn't help but wrap my arms around him. He jumped, startled by my actions, but then relaxed. He turned to face me and hugged me back. 

"Thank you." I whispered in his ear. He didn't respond. I just heard a few sniffles instead. I pulled back and his tear streaked face just about broke my heart. "Whats the matter?" I asked forcing him to look me in the eye. 

"Br-Brendon. I can't do this any more. It's killing me." he almost whispered. 

"D-do what?" I asked nervously. 

"I-I-......" more tears began pouring down his face. He even let out a few sobs. I knew this would happen. He's at his breaking point. Ryan Ross has finally broken. 
"I really really like you, and to see y-you with him it's just..... I tried Brendon. I really tried. I tried to tell myself I didn't feel this way. I tried to get you out of my head." he broke off letting loose another sob. "but you are the only one left that gives a damn about me. I need to Brendon I r-really need you" the last part was interrupted b more sobbing. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on my chest. Tears staining my shirt. "Brendon please....... Please I need you." he started begging. I've never seen this before. He was so vulnerable and broken. Broken into a thousand pieces. And I was the only person that could possibly pick up the pieces. He really does feel about me the way I do, him. This left me torn. More then anything I wanted to be with Ryan. But the little voice in the back of my mind kept reminding me of something. 

what about Mikey?

He continued sobbing into my chest. Pretty much collapsed on me. I had my arms wrapped around him in comfort and had my hand rubbing up and down on his back. 

I never thought I'd be put in this situation before. I'm clueless. 

"Shhh. It'll be okay." I assured him. When in truth I really didn't know. 

"Brendon, please. I need you. More than anything. And I know I'm making a total ass of myself..." he continued to beg. Tears still falling. 

"But what about......"

"Please....." he interrupted me. 

He wanted me to break up with Mikey. 

Or perhaps needed me to break up with Mikey. 

And as much as I love Ryan, I just can't do that to Mikey. I can't break his heart like that. 

But what kind of relationship is it if you both aren't happy? 

The voice spoke again. 

"Ill think about it." I mumbled. This seemed to be enough for him. He lifted up his head and looked me in the eyes, his filled with hope. He then kissed me on the cheek, and wrapped his arms around my neck pulling me into a meaningful hug. 

"Thank you Brendon." 

I just smiled at him. How was I going to tell Mikey?

I wiped the tears from his face. "We should probably get to class."
 he nodded in agreement and returned to the sink to clean himself up. I was still slightly confused about what just happened. 

He said he needed me. 

That he "really really likes me"

That he couldn't stand the sight or thought of me and Mikey. 

He cares about me. 

I glanced at the tall skinny boy standing at the mirror, and smiled as I realized that he loved me. He just hasn't realized it yet. 

But I still couldn't help but feel guilt in the pit of my stomach.  

Poor Mikey.