Don't Hold Your Breath

I collapsed on my bed just wanting today to be over so I could see Ryan. My parents dragged me to church this morning despite my protests. I was so sick of all this homophobic shit. Sometimes I wished I could just take Ryan and fly to some deserted island somewhere and escape all of it.

Ha. Like that will ever happen. 

My thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on my door. 

"Come in?" the way I spoke it sounded more like a question. Normally people don't knock before entering my room.

The door opened slowly and my mother stepped in, closing the door behind her. She looked upset.

"Hey mom, what's up?" I said making room for her on my bed.  Which was pointless, because she just sat across from me on the couch. 

"Um sweetie....... About the work shop....." she started. 

"What about it?" 

"Honey, I'm your mother. And I can tell when your not being completely honest." Oh no. She knew. I quickly searched my head for excuses but couldn't come up with any. So I just bit down on my lip. "But I can also tell when you're happy." She continued. I looked up at her. Confused. 

"What?"

"Sweetie, he really makes you happy doesn't he?" 

"More than anything." I said not meeting her eyes. "Mom, I really do love him." I didn't mean to let that last part slip out. It just kinda did. She came over and sat next to me on the bed. 

"Honey. You're my son. And I will love you no matter what." She gave me a hug. I heard a couple sniffles and I pulled away. She had a few tears falling down her face. And I felt my eyes start to tear up a little bit. "Its going to be difficult, but I will try my very hardest to get used to the idea of you and Ryan." my eyes widened. What she really saying what I thought she was saying? More tears came to my eyes. I hugged her tighter. 

"Thank you mom! Thank you so much!" I exclaimed. She didn't answer, but she hugged me back. But as she did so , something occurred to me. 

"What about dad?" I pulled away. She bit her lip and looked down. 

"He may not be so easy to convince." 

"Well he can go to hell." I said not loud enough for her to hear. Although I'm sure she heard me say something expressing my feelings. Because she sighed. 

"He loves you too. He just wants what he thinks is best for you." she defended. 

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. She signed and placed her hand on my shoulder. "I'll talk to him."

This made me feel slightly better. 

"Thanks mom." I smiled at her. 

"Its alright." she forced a smile. I knew she wasn't looking forward to this. 

~*~

Grace's POV

I sat on the couch in the living room waiting for my husband to come home. Brendon was upstairs sleeping hopefully, I didn't want him to hear his parents fight. He has enough to deal with already. 

Suddenly I heard his car pull up. I instantly became nervous. 

But why should I be nervous? He's my husband for heavens sake. And Brendon was my son. I was doing this for him. I was going to make my husband accept him. 

"Hey honey." he said as walked through the door. "Is something wrong?" he must have read the expression on my face. 

"We need to talk" I said sternly. His eyes widened and he knew I was serious. 

"Whats wrong? Did I do something?" 

"Um, it's about Brendon..." he looked slightly more relieved. What the hell?

"Okay well, that workshop we sent him and Ryan to....."

"That thing worked wonders. I swear, that pastor is magic or something. I was worried. I thought I might actually have a-"

"A what? A son that's happy?" I snapped cutting him off. He looked at me like I was crazy. "Boyd," I continued. "It didn't work. He lied to us."

His fade turned red with anger. 

"Damn it!" he yelled. Throwing his hat across the room. "I already canceled his appointments. Now I'm going to have to-"

"Boyd. He's not going back." I interjected. But he ignored me and continued ranting on. I tried repeating myself but he wouldn't listen. Suddenly I filled with anger. 

"BOYD! HE IS NOT GOING BACK THERE DAMN IT!" He looked at me like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. 

"what? Why?" He, again, looked at me like I was insane. 

"I just talked to him. Boyd, this is killing him. He really does love-"

"Don't say it." he interrupted me. "Damn it Grace, You're giving in!" this took me by surprise. 

"Excuse me?" I asked dumbfounded. "Boyd! He is our son! I want him to be happy! I'm not going to fucking force him to be someone he's not!" After I finished, and felt a cold hard hand slap across my face. 

It took me a minute to register what happened.

Did he just hit me?

Suddenly I felt his cold hard grasp on my arm pulling me closer. Then his hit breath in my ear. 

"You will not use that language in my house hold."

Now, normally what would happen, is the woman would feel weak, and give in to her husband. Then she would run up to he room to sulk. 

Not me. I wasn't weak like that. 

I was going to fight back. 

For my son. 

And for my dignity. 

"Ill say whatever the fuck I want. You can't tell me what to do. You're my fucking husband. Not my master. And he is my son. I raised him. I gave birth to him. And I say, he's going to date who he wants." I spat in his face so he'd let me go. When he did I pushed myself away from him. But as soon as I did so, I felt his fist collide with my stomach. Sending me to the ground. 

"My son will not be a fag." I heard him spit in my direction. 

"You fucking bastard. What happened to the sweet caring man I married." I didn't hear him respond. I just heard him grab something and slam the door shut. Soon followed by the car racing down the street. 

I picked myself up and sat myself down on the couch. I had the slightest but of regret lingering in the back of my mind. 

How could the man I loved so much be so horrible?"    

~*~

Brendon's POV

My parents thought I was asleep. They must have. Otherwise they wouldn't have gotten so out of control. They have never fought like this. Usually nothing more then the little spat. But this was yelling, screaming, and cussing. 

And it was all my fault. 

I brought my knees up to my chest and let a few tears fall. Fallowed by even a couple sobs. Soon I was hyperventilating. 

I needed to get out of the house. Now. I found myself sneaking down the stairs. Just in time to see my father slap my mother straight across the face. 

This horrified me. Sent me into a state of shock as I snuck through the back door. 

There was only one place I could go. The place I needed to go. 

I sprinted across the street tears falling down my face. I banged on the front door, praying to dear god that his father wasn't home. 

The door opened. Revealing a surprised Ryan. 

He pulled me into a tight hug. "Brendon, w-what's wrong? What happened?" he pulled me in, setting me down on the couch. He sat down next to me, pulling me into his arms. My head rested on his chest, and he rubbed comforting circles on my back, as I explained to him the whole story. I couldn't see his facial expressions, but he hummed and nodded in all the right places. Adding the occasional "Its okay" and "We'll get through this" when necessary. 

"So your mom approves? That's a good thing." he stated after I had calmed down a bit. "And I'm sure your dad will get over it. He loves you. Of course he will. " he gave me a reassuring smile then kissed my forehead. 

But just then, I heard the faint sound of a slamming door, and the revving of an engine coming from across the street. I peered out the window to see my fathers car speeding down the street. I saw Ryan look too. He bit down on his bottom lip then looked at me. 

"Do you think it might be time to go back?" he said cautiously. 

I nosed into his chest. I was going to have to face this sometime. "Will you go with me?" 

"of course" he said comfortingly as he helped me off the couch.

~*~

I opened the door slowly to reveal my mother sitting on the couch grasping her stomach. 

"Mom!" I exclaimed as I ran to her side. Ryan behind me. 

"Its alright. I'm fine." she said trying to get up. 

"Mom, did he do this to you?" I asked seriously. She didn't answer. She just sighed. I suddenly had a burning hatred for my father. Because in the pit of my stomach, I knew he wasn't coming back. And I knew why. 

"Mom I think you should lay down. You look tired." 

"Brendon, I want you to know this isn't your fault. It's mine. For marrying such an ignorant bastard" It was weird hearing my mom talk about my father this way. I knew it pained her inside. But she wasn't strong. She wouldn't let it show. "And if he can't accept his own son, he's not welcome here. And if he ever tries to hurt you, I'll kick his ass." I had never seen my mother like this. Strong, brave, and cussing. And part of me loved seeing her like this. Another part was a bit scared. 

Ryan hadn't said a word. He probably didn't feel it was his place. Of course my mother and I disagreed. He was practically family to her. I could tell by the way she looked at him.

"You know, that nap is sounding kind of good. I'm pretty tired. " at the same time, both Ryan and I rushed to her sides to help her up off the couch. As we helped her up the stairs, I noticed the same look of concern in his eyes as mine. And if possible, I fell for him even more.