Make This Perfect Again

"I'm too tired to move!" I complained from my seat in the van. We had all stopped at a little hotel to sleep for the night. And we had a day off the next day anyways, so there was no rush to keep driving.

"Then you can stay in the van all by your lonesome!" Keith said, grabbing his, and my dufflebag of clothes.

"But something could eat me out here!" I said in an over dramatic way.

"Then get your ass moving!" Keith said, starting to head towards the motel. I looked at Airin, he shrugged and followed after our cousin. Marque and Jason had already disappeared to find a 7-11 or something that was open late to get something to eat. That only left Matt and Josh.

"Well, are you guys going to go?" I said, moving over to the other side of the van so I could look at Matt and Josh. They looked at one another then back at me. Josh looked back at Matt.

"Matt, you go. I want to have a little chat with Jaws." Matt nodded and gave me a quick goodnight hug. Once Matt was gone, Josh clambered into the van and shut the door behind him. Just then I noticed how cold it was outside. The chill September air had made it's way through the warm van. Josh moved over to the other side of me, so he was pressed up against the wall of the van. He looked at me, the held his arms out. "You freeze easily. Come here." I was a little hesitant, but I moved closer to Josh. I leaned into his chest, his arms wrapped themselves around me. It was all complete silence for a few minutes, and I caught myself drifting off a few times.

"Josline?" Josh said, it startled me awake. I looked up at Josh. "Oh...sorry. You were sleeping, weren't you?"

"No, I was just...okay, yeah I was sleeping." I laughed slightly. Josh's arms wrapped around me a little tighter.

"You know...I miss this." Josh said.

"Miss what?"

"Just the two of us being together." He said. "Like old times." I could feel my face start to burn up a little bit. Old times...I hadn't thought about the old times in a little while.

"You know...I miss it too." I said. Before I could even stop myself from talking, I said something that I maybe shouldn't of. "I miss us, Josh." Josh looked at me a little stunned at what I had said. "I miss the stupid little arguements, the wonderful times we spent together..." I thought about when Josh had shown up on Christmas day all because of Airin. I thought about all the times that Josh was there for me when Airin was in the hospital. Josh had been there for me even when I didn't want anyone to help me. He had formed into one of my best friends. "I miss having you in my life."

"Josline, I'm always going to be in your life. You even said so yourself." Josh said.

"But...I want things back to the way they were before. Before you moved." I said. We were quite again. It looked like Josh was thinking of something to say.

"I..." Josh started, "...don't think things can be the same Josline." He said. My heart sank and I knew I had made a mistake saying what I did. I got out of Josh's grip and opened the van door. "Josline..I didn't mean that."

"I'm...I'm going to go get some sleep. The door will lock once you get out." I said, leaving the van. I quickly walked to the door of the hotel room. I had to knock to be let in by Keith. I had crawled into one of the beds as soon as I got in the room. Airin was already sleeping, and Keith was sitting on the floor, folding up his clothes that he had thrown into his bag.

Marque and Jason had come back, and Jason opted to sleep in the van. Keith had to share a bed with me, but he ended up rolling onto the floor in the middle of the night anways.

I didn't even sleep that night. I pretended to sleep so no one would think something was wrong. I
felt, in a way, defeated as I tried to sleep, but having no luck. I knew I had put myself in a vulnerable position. I knew there was a possibilty Josh had moved on, and I was right. I did miss the way things used to be, and I thought the tour would be a good way to try to patch things up with Josh, and I thought things were going great. Sometimes I think that I needed to learn how to keep my big mouth shut.