Make This Perfect Again

I woke, in a way, up the next morning. My eyes were heavy and most likely bloodshot, cause I know I had been crying for a little bit. What Josh had said really shook me. Things can't be the same? I knew that they couldn't, because of our past. But just because things couldnt be the same didn't mean that things could infact be the same with a few changes. I was starting to think that I should just give up on Josh and move on.

"Josline? Hey, Mini Jaulby!" Airin snapped his fingers infront of my face while I was sitting on the motel bed. I had been completely zoned out I stopped looking at the wall and looked at my brother. He was holding up two boxes of hair dye. He shook the dark brown one at me.

"What?" I said, still looking kind of confused with him.

"I wanna dye your hair." Airin smiled. I pulled at my light brown locks.

"What's wrong with my hair?" I asked him.

"Nothing is wrong with your hair." Airin stated simply.

"Then why do you want to dye it?" I folded my arms across my chest. Airin just smiled a little bit.

"I think it's time to make a few changes in your life." Airin said.

We had dyed my hair, along with Airins. Mine was dark brown, Airins was black. It was strange seeing him with a colour in his hair that wasn't red, blue or green. When Marque walked back into the motel room and saw Airin straightening out his newly black hair, Marque freaked out, saying there was some creep in the bathroom. I fell off the bed laughing and Airin had to convince Marque that it was him. I didn't blame Marque for freaking out. Airin hadn't had a 'normal' colour in his hair since he was about 19. After Marque had calmed down enough and Airin had finished straightening his hair, Airin and Marque left me in the motel room to myself. Keith and Jason had dissappeared with Mike and Ian earlier in the day, and I don't know where Matt and Josh had run off to. Marque did ask me if I'd want to go with Airin and himself, but I wanted to just be alone for a little while.

I mostly watched the crappy cable television, but soon became too bored with that. I had never really liked watching a lot of television. I decided that getting some extra sleep would be good. Just as I layed my head down on the pillow, my cell phone starting buzzing across the other side of the room. I struggled to get the blankets and quickly got over to my phone. I flipped it open without looking who it was.

"Hello?" I asked breathlessly.

"Hi sweetie. You sound out of breath. Did you just finish a show?" My dad asked me. I smiled at the sound of my dads voice. I hadn't talked to, or seen my dad since August. It was great to hear him.

"Oh, no.We had a day off today.I just had an epic battle with my blankets." I said, sitting down in one of the random chairs by a table.

"With out me? Tsk tsk, Josline. I thought I taught you better than that. You ALWAYS include your old man in an epic blanket battle." Dad laughed. I smiled a little bit.

"Sorry pops." I emphasized the last word. My dad chuckled. One of the best things about my dad, he didn't mind getting older. He was 39, and every day, when it got a little bit closer to his birthday he would always tell himself, or anyone else who was around, 'Come on big 4-0! Do your worst to me! Just don't give me bad hips, I rather like my hips'. My dad was a strange one, I'll admit that.

"So, I talked to your brother a few minutes ago..." Dad started. I sighed a little bit. "How come you didn't go out with them?"

"You know dad, I'm just not feeling like myself today." I said. My dad didn't say something, so he was waiting for more for me to say. My dad was always patient with me when I had something on my mind. He knew that it would take me a while to open up about things. "You know how Josh and I used to be together?" my dad mumbled a little something. My dad had taken a sudden dislike to Josh after me and him broke up. Never-the-less, there was always something about Josh that made my dad not completely hate him. "Well, dad...I...I still love him." I said. My dad went 'mhm'.

"Well, that is understandable. I mean, the two of you really never had a REAL goodbye, so there is probably a lot of unanswered feelings." Dad said. I don't understand how he wasn't a counsellor or pyschologist.

"Well, yeah, but..." There was a sharp knock at the door. "Oh, dad, hang on for a second." I set the phone down on the table and looked through the peep-hole. There was no one there. I opened to door and looked around. I then saw the ground. I bent down and picked up a single pink carnation. They were my favourite flowers. There was a little note tag attached to it. I flipped it over to reveal two little words.

I'm sorry.