Make This Perfect Again

The next few days had gone by in such a blur I forgot I even had a life for a while. I ended up telling Airin about my little situation, and he was less than pleased. He said he was happy, but I could tell her wasn't. I felt like, that all of a sudden, I had become the downfall of Ellaries Dollhouse. Marque said otherwise. He said that me getting pregnant was bound to happen sometime, and that no matter what happened, we would always be Ellaries Dollhouse. I really admired Marque, that he kept such a positive attitude towards everything. I wanted to take that from him and use it as my own.

I had found a new, cheap rent, house, I forgot to mention that. It was spacious, and came with a couch, a recliner,appliances, and a table. The previous owners said that they didn't need the furniture, so they left it for me.Two bedrooms, a bathroom,living room and kitchen, and that was all I really needed. The neighbours were real nice. There was an old Greek couple living right next to me, and they thought it was normal to speak to eachother in a tone that was reserved for fighting. They made a cute, old couple, none-the-less. I was living in a nice neighbourhood, and Airin and Marque's apartment complex was just down the street from my new house. Jazz was sad when I moved out, but I felt more idependant, and I loved it.

I avoided Josh the few days I was moving into my new house. Not avoiding him physically, but avoiding bringing up the topic that I was pregnant. Of course, it would have seemed obvious to anyone who didn't know, because of my constant trips to the bathroom to throw up. I kept telling Josh I had the flu. I didn't think he bought it, because I never got sick. I had a fairly healty immune system. But Josh didn't press on for any more details.

I was sitting on my couch, flipping through a magazine, when my phone started ringing. I answered it without looking at the screen. "Hello?"

"Hi sweetie." Josh said. I nearly dropped my phone, not expecting a call from Josh.

"Oh, hi Josh! How are you?" I asked, noticing my words were slightly rushed with one another.

"I'm fine. Are you alright?" Josh sounded concerned. Why was everyone suddenly so concerned with me?

"Uh...actually, Josh, I'm not alright." I said.

"Oh, what's up?" He asked.

"Well...would you mind coming over here? I do really need to talk to you." I said. I could feel my heart start to beat a little faster. I had to tell him, even if my heart threatened to jump out of my chest.

"Yeah...sure. I'll be over in a few minutes." Josh hung up the phone, and I did the same.

The next ten minutes were the longest minutes of my life. I walked back and forth between the living room and the kitchen, trying to sort out how I was going to tell Josh. I couldn't settle for one thing, and then I would over-think things, and then feel nauseas again...but that probably could of just been the baby. When there was a knock at the door, I became about twenty times more nervous. I was all of a sudden having second thoughts about telling Josh. But he deserved to know. I tried to calm myself down the best I could before going to open the door. Once I did, I nearly did start to hyperventilate.

"Hey baby." Josh said, quickly pressing his lips against me. I felt a little twinge of anxiety. This was going to be more difficult than I thought. Josh walked into the house and I closed the door. While his back was turned to me, I tried to not throw up. When Josh turned around, I tried to play it off like nothing happened. "So, what did you need to talk to me about?" He asked. I huffed and figured I should just tell him.

"I think you should sit down for this." I said, pulling him over to the couch. We both sat down, and I kept fidgetting with my fingers. "Well...Josh...I, uh..." I didn't know how to word it. My right leg started to jump. It only ever did that when I was terrified. And I was terrified just then. I felt a panic attack coming on.

I hadn't had a panic attack in a long time. When I was 15, I got panic attacks when I felt really stressed out about something. It also lead to my bipolar disorder. Honestly, I was a very messed up person, mentally atleast.

Josh started to rub my arm, trying to calm me down. It worked, if only a little. "Josline..." Josh said in a soft voice. I had my face turned away from him, because I had started to cry. I felt like a over-reacting drama queen. It shouldn't of been that big of a deal, but it was. "What's wrong hon?"

My leg jumping hadn't stopped much, so I put my hand on my knee, and I was tyring to calm myself down to actually tell Josh. "I..." I felt another wave of nausea. I basically ran to the bathroom, probably leaving Josh confused. I was starting to get fed up with throwing up. I didn't very often, by it was terrible when I did.

I stood in the bathroom, splashing cool water on my face. It seemed to help me calm down a whole lot. I walked out of the bathroom after drying my face. Josh was looking at me, rather worried. I sat back down on the couch and tried my best to look at Josh in the eyes.

"Josline, tell me what's going on, please." Josh nearly begged me.

"How do you feel about kids?" I asked suddenly. I thought if I tried to dance my way around it, I would be able to tell him.

"What? I don't know...Maybe when I'm older, I'd like to have kids. " My heart sank slightly. "Why are you bringing that up?" Josh asked. I breathed in. 'Now or never Jaws, now, or never.' I thought to myself. I took Josh's hands in mine, and looked him straight in the eye.

"Josh..." I paused, taking a few deep breaths. "I'm...pregnant."