And I'll Sculpt My Life For Your Acceptance

It's been a month since Cameron left which means that it's only a few days to Christmas. The last week has been really difficult to get through, I mean, it's the first one being away from all my family; Christmas is a big family thing for us Whites and to not be with family is really hard for me.

Granted, I did have Billie Joe, Tre, Mike and Tony, who all invited me to have either Christmas lunch or tea with them, with the exception of my own boyfriend. I politely declined all their offers with the slight hope that Billie would ask me to his, but it's in a few days and I don't think he is going to ask me.

I got off work early today so I asked Claire if she wanted to go out for a late lunch to catch up, she agreed so that was where we were at the moment, at some little cafe near our apartments.

"So what are you going to do?" She asked, talking about my plans for Christmas day.

I shrugged as I took a sip from my mug filled with plain coffee. "I'm not sure, I guess I'll just chill at my joint. I'll probably keep my best friend on the phone all day." I answered, laughing at the thought of what Edie would do to me if I kept her on the phone all day.

"I would have invited you to my family Christmas lunch but it's a strictly family thing, like only family are allowed, you can't invited your boyfriend or anything, you have to be married for your other half to come and last time I checked we weren't married..." I laughed at the girl sitting across from me and shook my head softly at her.

"No, we're definitely not married; I'm not entirely sure how Billie would react to that." Now it was her time to laugh. I glanced up at the clock above Claire's head, 4:13. "Speaking of Billie, we better get going, I told him and the guys to come around at around 4:30 and if I'm not there they will probably try and break in or something. You should come around and hang with us." I told her.

She smiled at me as she gathered together her things. "Sure, I've barely met this boy of yours, I better sus him out for Edie." Claire and Edie have spoken on the phone a couple of times when I was with Claire and I had to do something.

I shook my head and stood up. "Well lets go, I'd rather have my door attached to the wall." We left the cafe and made our way back to the apartment complex. It was fairly cold outside to start with but for me it was freezing, I only had on a thin jumper and a pair of black leggings so I was almost running back home.

We got back there when Mikes truck was pulling into the car park. Tre spotted us, wound down the window and put his upper body out the window as he waved to us and started calling out my name to get my attention, like he didn't have it to start with, how could you miss him hanging out the window?!

"Karmony!" he yelled. I could see Billie tugging on the back of his jacket, trying to pull him back inside the safety of the truck. "Karmony, hey!"

"Hi Tre!" I called back, waving awkwardly.

"He seems to have a lot of energy..." Claire said, staring at him strangely. She'd only met him once, and he was practically passed out in my lounge.

"Oh, you've seen nothing." I told her as I led her to where the truck was now parked.

"Beej, push me one more time! I dare you!" Tre growled at Billie. I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from laughing at Tre, he looked funny trying to be serious and yell at his friend who was pushing him in our direction. "Come on do it!"

"Tre calm down." I told him as I patted his arm softly.

He turned to me and grinned widely. "Kar, I missed you! Don't ever leave me again!" He grabbed me and practically squished my insides while he was hugging me. "Never, ever again."

"I just saw you yesterday, Tre. I didn't leave you, you left me at work!"

"Well it seems like I haven't seen you in weeks." he told me as his grip on me loosened and I quickly escaped to the warmth and comfort of Billie's arms. "And now you leave me again!"

"I'm sorry, but Billie's just irresistible." I bent my head back so that I could capture his lips with my own.

"Get a room you two." Mike said before smacking Billie across the back of his head, causing him to head butt me slightly.

"Ow!" I whined, rubbing my forehead and glaring in Mike's direction. "That hurt, fucker."

"Well its hurts me that my best friend is blowing me off to hang with some trashing girl from Jersey." He joked with a smirk on his face.

"That cut me deep, that cut me real deep, Michael." I said, holding my right hand over my heart. I heard someone to my left giggle slightly, gaining my attention. "Oh shit, guys you remember Claire, yeah?" I asked. Billie nodded slowly, meaning that he didn't, while the other two just stared at her; Mike had a friendly smile on his face while Tre looked like a freak, ready to pounce on her at the first chance he got.

"Hey Claire." Mike said. "I don't think we've met, I'm Mike."

"Hey." Her voice sounded really soft and kind compared to his, not that he isn't kind and soft, he is, but his voice didn't show it.

"I think we've met, but not properly I'm Billie Joe and that creep over there is Tre." Billie introduced himself next.

She smiled and said another soft 'hey' to him.

"I'm freezing my ass off, can we go inside?" Billie said after a few more seconds. I nodded and started to walk inside, dragging him along with me since his arms were wrapped tightly around my waist.

A few hours later everyone had left. Mike went back to his and Billie's apartment while Claire and Tre went to find an open bar.

"Looks like it's just us now." Billie said as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we sat on the couch, the television on in front of us, although we could barely hear it. I nodded, smiling up at him. "Claire seems nice."

I nodded again but this time I agreed verbally as well. "Yeah, she is. She and Tre seemed to get along well; I had no idea she drank until tonight."

Billie laughed. "Maybe she didn't, perhaps she just wanted to hang with Tre more."

I shook my head to show him that I disagreed. I didn't know Claire too well but I did know her enough to know that she didn't pretend to be somebody else so that she could impress someone; she was 100 per cent herself while she was around the guys tonight. "She's not like that."

"Well she must be pretty awesome for Tre to take such a liking toward her." I nodded in agreement again and focused on the television across from where we were sitting. It was quiet for a while after that. I'd laugh occasionally at the show that we were watching, I didn't know what it was but it was fairly funny, but Billie seemed to be real quiet. I looked up at him to see him staring down at me. "Kar," he said my name hesitantly, almost like he was nervous.

"Yeah babe?"

I could see him swallow nervously. "I was wondering, if you haven't got any other plans, if you would like to, uh, spend Christmas with, uh, me and my family? It will just be me, my mom and step dad, and my brothers and sisters..." He seemed so nervous about it, it wasn't like I was going to say no, it's what I've wanted him to ask for the last week or so.

"I would love to." I told him honestly. "If it's not too much of a hassle?"

He shook his head quickly. "No, of course not! My mom has been bugging me about meeting you anyway; she would shoot me if I didn't ask you. Not that I wasn't going to ask you, I was just nervous ab-"

I cut him off by pressing my lips to his roughly. "Billie?" I mumbled his name against his lips. He answered with an 'mmm'. "Shut up and kiss me." He laughed slightly before listening to what I'd said and kissed me back.

This was the first time that I had been fully alone with Billie in the last month, usually the guys were here as well, or they would be coming over soon or I'd be at work. So I wanted to make the most of the time I got alone with Billie while it lasted, but he and I seemed to have different plans.

Before I knew it I was being led to my room, clothes were taken off and dropped on the ground in the hall leading towards my bedroom. Once we reached our destination, though, my brain finally woke up and I pushed him away. "Billie, stop."

He did as I said and he truly looked sorry for going so far. "I'm so sorry, Kar." he apologized. He sat down on the edge of my bed and stared down at his hands which were sat in his lap. I felt terrible for rejecting him like that but I wasn't about to just sleep with him. We've only known each other a little over 2 months! I respect myself a lot more than I used to and that means that I'm not going to lay down the first chance I get, for all I know Billie, Mike and Tre could have some bet going or some crap. Don't get me wrong I trust those guys but you never know...

Something in the back of my head was telling me that everything would have been fine if we slept together; 'Billie wasn't like that'. It was making me think that I should have used my heart and not my head.