And I'll Sculpt My Life For Your Acceptance

“We’re going into the studio to record the next album tomorrow.” Billie told me later that day while we were just lounging around on the couch.

I turned around from my spot between his legs. “Tomorrow? Wow so soon. I can’t wait to hear it.” He grinned down at me.

“I can’t wait for you to hear it.” He leant down and kissed my lips briefly before pulling away. “It is going to be amazing I can tell already. It’s some of my best writing to date.”

“Shut up, you’re making me want to listen to it now!” I said, slapping his chest softly. “You should sing me one of the songs.” I told him with a grin on my face.

He sighed. “I will, if you let me go get a guitar from the car.” I nodded my head, easily agreeing with his proposition.

I got up off of him and let him go get the guitar. It only took him about 5 minutes to get it and when he returned he took a seat on the couch where we had both been before, while I sat on the coffee table across from him.

“Um, I don’t know what to play for you.” He confessed, staring down at the guitar for a few seconds. “I got one, it’s going to sound pretty shitty without proper music but here it goes.” He started strumming away on the guitar before singing.

“Hey mother can you hear me whinin’?
It's been three whole weeks since I have left your home
This sudden fear has left me tremblin'
Cause now it seems I am out here on my own
And I'm feeling so alone

Pay attention to the cracked streets and the broken homes
Some call it slum some call it nice
I want to take you through a wasteland I like to call my home
Welcome to Paradise

A gunshot rings out at the station
Another urchin snaps and left dead on his own
It makes me wonder why I'm still here
For some strange reason it's still now feeling like my home
I'm never gonna go

Dear mother, can you hear me laughin'?
It's been six whole months since I have left your home
It makes me wonder why I'm still here
For some strange reason it's still now feeling like my home
I'm never gonna go”

He finished singing and sat the guitar down beside him. “Like it?” I nodded my head eagerly and clapped my hands softly. “Good. I couldn’t have somebody whose opinion matters to me not liking my songs!” he joked.

“I probably wouldn’t admit it to you if I didn’t like your songs, just a heads up.” I confessed. “It would hurt me to see your reaction.”

“I’m a big boy, if you don’t like it than fans might not like it so we need to know this stuff. Did you like it or…?”

“Oh no, no, no. I loved it! I’m just saying in the future if you show me songs…” I trailed off, hoping that he would get the point.

“I think I understand.” He said slowly.

After a few awkward moments I reached over and grabbed his guitar. It look like it had been used a fair bit. “How long have you had this?” I asked, not taking my eyes off the blue guitar.

“I, uh, my dad gave it to me before he passed away.” He answered, reluctantly reaching over and taking it from me and placing it in his own lap. “It’s my most treasured possession.” He added. I felt awkward talking about something that involved his father; he’d barely talked about him to me. All I knew is that he died of cancer when Billie Joe was younger. “I’m sorry, I just made everything awkward.” He said, laughing slightly. I could tell that even though he was trying to make it seem funny, he was still hurting from it.

“You know you can talk to me about him, Billie.” I said, reaching out and grabbing his hand. He looked up from the guitar and smiled kindly at me.

“Yeah, I know.” He said simply before pulling his hand away to put the guitar back down. “Come here.” He said reaching out and pulling me into his lap where he kissed the top of my head. “And I will, one day.”

I smiled to myself knowing that he trusted me enough to talk about something, or I should say someone, so important to him.

“I feel like pizza.” He said a few minutes later. I turned around and stared at him in confusion.

“What?”

“Pizza.” He said slower. “I want it.”

“Oh okay, we’ll order one then.” I said, suddenly realizing how hungry I was.

I got up off the couch and went to the phone in the hall to order the pizza, Billie followed closely behind, telling me what he wanted.

The next day Billie left early to go meet up with Mike before they went to the studio to start recording the album.

I was just getting out of the shower when I heard knocking at the door. I thought it might have been Billie Joe, coming back to get something that he forgot, so I didn’t really care that I was just in a towel.

“What did you forget?” I asked with a chuckle, before I even got to the door.

There was silence on the other side until I opened the door. “Hi!” The man on the other side said, he tried to sound enthusiastic and happy but I could tell that they were the last emotions that he was feeling.

“Tre? What are you doing here?” I asked, shocked. I subconsciously pulled the towel tighter around my body. “Shouldn’t you be at the studio with Mike and Billie Joe?”

“Can I come in?” He asked, avoiding all my previous questions.

I nodded my head slowly. “Yeah, just let me go get dressed quickly.” I said, closing the door behind him and going to my room to quickly get dressed.

A few short minutes later I was sitting next to Tre on my couch. “What’s happened?” I asked.

“You know that girl who came around the other morning?” He asked, not looking at me. Instead he was fiddling with his hands in his lap. I’d never seen him so nervous before.

“Yeah, just tell me what has happened. You’re so damn nervous!” I got a small smile out of him at what I’d said.

“Well we dated a few months ago, I actually broke up with her a week before you got here.” I just stared at him and waited for him to continue. “Well apparently she’shavingmybaby.” He mumbled the last few words quickly making it sound like one big word I’d never heard.

“Huh? I didn’t catch that.”

“She said that she’s pregnant. And that it’s mine.” His eyes started to glaze over with tears.

“No, no, no, no, no, no. Do not start crying, Tre!” I said shaking my head. “I can’t help you if you start crying.”

He laughed once and wiped his eyes. “Sorry, Kar. I just, I don’t even know what’s happening at the moment. One minute life is good, we’re recording our new album and the bad is going good, and then the next I find out I’m going to be a dad! Everything is fucked up now.”

“Have you talked to her about what she’s going to do with it? Like keep it or…?” I asked, I am against abortion so I didn’t really want to put that idea in his head but he had a right to know what she was going to do with the baby.

He opened his mouth to say something but closed it while a confused expression took over his face. “No, I just presumed she would keep it.”

“Maybe you should talk to her about it first and then see where that takes you. If you still need to talk then, come back and see me, you know where I live.” I told him. He smiled gratefully back at me before standing up and walking towards the door.

“Thank you, Karmony. I owe you, but right now I need to get to the studio before the guys kill me.” He said before leaving.