Playing With Fire

“C’mon, boys. Help Kara pack up Layla’s things. You’re so lazy,” Mrs. Jonas playfully scolded her three boys as they wasted time watching Punk’d on the hospital television installed in my room.

“Man, I’m always on the lookout to see if Ashton’s punks us. I’m tellin’ ya, I’m afraid,” said Kevin as he reached for the remote and turned off the show.

“Afraid? I think it’d be awesome!” yelled Joe.

“Don’t be so freaking loud, Joe. You’ll wake up Layla,” said Nick. He was sitting beside my bed with Layla’s sleeping head on his shoulder. He lovingly patted her back and adjusted her blanket as I looked on proudly and smiled.

“Sorry,” whispered Joe. He and Kevin grabbed the baby bag Mr. Jonas has dropped off when he brought Frankie to visit and began stuffing it with supplies. Dr. Bailey and Dr. Montgomery had been extra thorough in stocking my room with everything Layla needed. They had been so generous.

“I’m going to go fill out some paperwork and then we can leave, okay?” Mrs. Jonas said as she slowly stood up. Her back had been damaged from the crash and she was going to be sore for a while.

“It’s okay, Mom. I’ll do it,” offered Joe, placing his hand under her elbow as she stumbled. The slash in his head gave him severe headaches every few hours, but he was energetic. I wasn’t surprised.

“I’m fine, Joseph. But thank you.” She smiled warmly and walked out of the room to the front desk.

I was the only one still admitted to the hospital. The Jonases all had minor injuries, except for Nick. The doctors initially wanted to keep him there overnight, but he was showing such a remarkable recovery that they let him discharge early. I knew that Layla had something to do with that. She had such an amazing hold on him – his face absolutely lit up every time he looked at her. I was being released in an hour, but before I left there were three important decisions that had to be made.

“When your mom gets back,” I said to the boys, who paused to look at me, “there are some things I need to tell you guys.” I ended with a smile to let them know it was good news.

“Alright…” they replied suspiciously in unison.

Nick leaned into me, careful not to disturb the sleeping baby nestled in his arms, and whispered, “What is it?”

I laughed. “You’ll find out.”

I reached over and pulled up Layla’s blanket before it exposed too much of her bare skin. I was surprised at how quickly the motherly instincts were creeping up on me. Nick looked on and smiled.

“You’re gonna be an incredible mom,” he said proudly.

I smiled. “Oh, I hope so.”

“Hey, Kara!” Joe yelled my name from across the room. “Do you want these?” He held up a blue box.

I was about to answer him when a whimper came from Layla and she began to cry. Nick shot Joe a dirty look and tried to comfort her.

“Oh, crap,” Joe whispered, “I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay,” I mouthed to him in response. I didn’t want him to feel bad. I held out my arms for Layla and Nick gently gave her to me. I brought her close to my chest and began to rock her, eager to stop her crying. I didn’t like her being upset. As I cradled her, she began to quiet down but her eyes told me she was still afraid. Loud noises made her anxious and restless.

“Nick, could you?” I asked him. He nodded, reading my mind, and scooted his chair closer to me. He took a deep breath and began humming Layla’s lullaby. Almost instantly, she relaxed and took a deep breath, reaching for Nick’s finger and gripping it tightly once again. She snuggled closer against me.

“Jeez. It’s like magic,” Kevin said, surprised.

I smiled. “I know.”

“Alright, loves. We’re all set.” I heard Mrs. Jonas’s relieved voice as she returned and took a seat. “You kids ready? Oh, dear… Was she crying?” she asked once she noticed Nick quietly humming.

“Yeah,” I said. I paused for a moment. “There are some things I need to tell you.”

I looked up from Layla’s peaceful face. Nick’s humming paused to pay attention when he was certain she was asleep.

“Well, first…” I took a deep breath. “You and Mr. Jonas have been so kind to me these past few months. You’re angels. You really are. And I can’t thank you enough for everything. Words can’t express my gratitude. Seriously. Just…Thank you. So much.”

I looked into Mrs. Jonas’s eyes and watched them fill with tears.

“And I would be honored if you would be Layla’s godparents.”

“Really?” Tears began to stream down her face and she walked over to hug me, careful not to crush Layla.

“We would be just as honored, Kara. Thank you,” she said thickly through her tears, “And you will always be a part of our family. Always. You forever have a home with us, no matter what. We love you.”

I used my free arm to hug her closer to me and when she released me, Layla smiled in her sleep, like she knew exactly what was going on.

“This child is just so beautiful,” Mrs. Jonas said, placing her hand gently on her forehead and taking a seat by my bed.

“Your godchild,” I corrected her. Her face lit up and she knelt down to kiss Layla’s head.

I smiled. “And the other thing is…” I said, this time turning my attention towards Nick. “I listed you as a legal guardian. I know you’re not her father, but…I want you to be the closest thing to one.”

A small, quick breath escaped Nick’s lips and he looked at me in disbelief.

“And her whole name is Layla Nicole Chanel. I thought she’d hate me if it were Layla Nicholas.” I laughed.

Nick chuckled, still in shock, and shook his head.

“I don’t know what to say,” he said, “I’m speechless.”

He leaned in to kiss me and rest his forehead against mine, Layla still gripping onto his finger.

“I love you,” he whispered.

I smiled and closed my eyes. “I love you, too.”

“Alright, lovebirds. It’s such a Kodak moment, I can’t resist.” Dr. Montgomery waltzed into the room with a big smile on her face and snapped a picture of us with a Polaroid camera. When the picture printed, she shook it in her hand a few times and handed it to Joe. “I stole the camera from Pediatrics.” She laughed. “I’m sorry for interrupting, but it’s time for Kara’s last checkup. Then you can finally go home.” She grinned.

It was strange. I didn’t remember her being so cheerful and giddy, but there she was, laughing and joking around with the boys. Maybe I’d just been too drugged up or not in the right state of mind, but my memory showed her as a more worried and anxious being. To be quite honest, I liked this Dr. Montgomery much better.

I watched closely as she gathered a stethoscope and a wad of fresh bandages for my checkup.

“Can you take her?” I asked Nick, referring to Layla.

“Yeah, sure,” he said happily. I knew he would never turn up the opportunity to be closer to her. I lifted her tiny sleeping body and placed her gently into his open arms.

“This won’t take long, sweetie,” said Dr. Montgomery. She came over to the opposite side of my bed and lifted up my shirt slightly.

“I’m going to take the old wrapping off first, okay? I need to check your vitals and all that jazz,” she said, smiling. I felt pulls and tugs on the bandages wrapping my sensitive wound. Ever since the epidural wore off, the pain had been pretty bad. But I tried not to show it for Nick’s sake. He would get upset if I was upset.

“Daaaang, Kara…That things huge,” Joe said, eyeing Layla carefully to make sure he wasn’t being too loud.

“Is it?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he exclaimed. “Does it hurt?”

“Not really,” I lied. The doctor examined my stitches and her cold fingers eased the pain for a moment. She knew I wasn’t telling the truth.

“Alright, Kara,” she said, “The cut looks good. Just clean it when you take a shower and before you go to bed. We’ll take the stitches out in a few weeks. Okay?”

I nodded and silently winced as she gave me an injection.

“That’s gonna help fight infection,” she said. She reached for her stethoscope.

“I need you to take three deep breaths for me, okay?”

“Okay.” I did as I was told and listened as Layla stirred and woke up. I craned my neck to see her over Dr. Montgomery’s shoulders. I needed to see those eyes.

“All set,” said the doctor. “I’ll wrap you back up and you can head home.” She smiled largely at me.

Minutes later, I was wrapped in new bandages, Joe changed Layla’s diaper as his punishment for making her cry, Kevin got his hands on a pair of crutches, and Nick helped his mom finish packing up our belongings. I placed Layla safely into her carrier and bundled her in plenty of blankets.

“Paul’s bringing around the car around front. Meet you guys there?” Mrs. Jonas asked me and Nick as she stood in the doorway with Joe and Kevin.

“Yeah,” Nick said. The others walked out towards the elevator and he turned to me, sighing.

“So this is it,” he said, smiling.

“This is it,” I sighed. “When we walk out of this hospital, life changes. Forever.”

He took my hand and turned over my promise ring.

“Forever,” he whispered. “I love you.”

I looked up into his eyes, ignoring my quickened heartbeat, and smiled.

“I love you, too, Nick. Always.”

And with that, he picked up Layla’s carrier with one hand and took my hand with the other, leading us slowly down the hall and out the door. Through everything I had been through in the past nine months, through ever tear that was shed and pain that was overcome, I was finally free. I could walk out of that hospital with my head held up high and my spirits hopeful. There was still a lot to figure out in life – lessons to be learned, problems to be solved, and experiences to live out. But I focused on the joy of that very moment. Outside, security was tight and I was thankful it was quiet. But once we got into the car and out into the main parking lot, we saw Big Rob handling the fans. For the first time, they touched my heart. Dozens of them had supportive signs, welcoming Layla into their world and cheering on the boys. In their eyes, I saw a glimpse of the future.

I saw Layla growing up surrounded by people who love her. I saw the boys shining their brightest up on that stage. I saw my relationship with Nick growing stronger and closer with time. I saw us falling into even deeper love as a family – as a big, beautiful family that I could only dream of having before.

I saw it all. I already loved it all.

And I couldn’t wait to live it all.