Does Your Lack of Conscience Tell You Everything's Alright?

Once upon a time, a princess known as Elizabeth fell for a prince named Alex. Under the hold of the evil monster Jeffery, she could not pursue the relationship she so desired without sever consequences. She hoped that Prince Alex would one day find out that she was stuck under the hold of something more evil then he's ever known. But she knew that was unlikely. Still she hoped for a hero other than death.

Death is no longer acceptable. Not with someone like Alex wanting to get to know me. I want to live; I want to get to know him.

I want to feel loved.

Not the love I get from Jeffery or the love I get from August and Aaron. I want to feel real love. The kind romance authors write about.

But how can I when I'm not free?

It’s not possible.

It's not practical.

It's not going to happen.

I wish it could though. I wish I could leave this place. I wish a lot of things that won't happen.

The stars outside shine brightly in the night sky. They're beautiful, like little gems. Or maybe like cheap sequins on a black dance leotard. Regardless they are beautiful.

I love the night sky. I look out the window every night before bed just to stare at it. I'm not supposed to go outside at night; it's too likely I would runaway. It's not like I haven't had the opportunity to run away. Everytime I go to practice I have the opportunity to run.

But I don't run. I'm too afraid to. I don't want him to kill my parents. I wouldn't want them to die due to my own selfishness.

I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

When I was younger, Jeffery would drop me off at practice and pick me up when it was over to make sure I wouldn't leave.

Jeffery should be home soon and when he gets here, I'll be allowed to eat something.

It'll probably be nothing more than a piece of toast but its something.

When I'm done eating, Jeffery will touch me in places I'd rather him not touch. Then I'll be sent to my room in the basement to prepare for bed. I'll snuggle into my fairy princess blanket and hope that Jeffery decides not to come downstairs.

But he will come downstairs, into my little basement room.

He'll get under the blanket next to me and make me do things I don't want to do. I won't fight back because I know now I am not strong enough to get him off me.

And when he's done, I'll feel dirty.

Like some filthy whore.

Silent tears won't run down my cheeks and sobs will not overtake my body. I can't cry anymore. That monster does not deserve my tears.

It’s the same thing every night.

Every damn night.

And it's been that way for years, as long as I can remember.

But I can't remember much. My brain doesn't function properly anymore, it can't. I haven't eaten right in so long.

The front door opens, I look to it. Jeffery places his jacket on the coat rack next to the front door. He looks at me and smiles, exposing all of his teeth.

I think I may vomit.

"How was my little girl while I was gone," he asks, walking toward me.

"I missed you," I lie.

"Its okay, baby girl, I'm here now," he wraps his arms around me.

His hands wander down my back and rest on my rear. I don't move them away. I don't want to get hit.

"How was your date?" I ask.

"Silly woman thinks she can win me over. But she's much too old, I don't want that. Besides, I have you."

I suppress a shudder.

I don't want him to have me.

"Are you hungry?" he asks.

I nod.

"Let's get you something to eat then," he releases me and walks to the kitchen.

I could run out the door right now and never come back.

Instead, I follow him to the kitchen, obedient as always.