Falling nightmares

Ian and I didn’t make up until two days after our fight. We could never be mad at each other for a long period of time.

After a week I saw Adrienne in our French class.

“Adrienne. Hey. Where were you all this time huh?”

“Hi Ciara,” Adrienne hugged me as if it was a normal thing. “Oh I was just sick,” seemed like a flu was coming around.

“Oh Ok. So are you going to come and sit with me at lunch today?”

“Umm, I’m not sure. I have plans to sit down with other friends,” She added “Sorry,” after she saw the look on my face.

“Oh it’s cool. I guess I got a little excited having a girl to sit with at lunch but oh well.” I tried to joke about the situation but it was clear I didn’t find it funny.

“I can still sit down with you in French and Science,” she added cheekily “that is if you wouldn’t rather sit next to someone else.” She nudged me a cheeky nudge (Translation: If you want to sit next to Justin you can.)Was it that obvious that I liked him?

I thought it would be safe to ask Adrienne “Do you know where Justin has disappeared to?”

She just shrugged “How am I supposed to know?” She seemed to be in a really pissed of mood right now so I just let it slide.

Later that day when I was going to my last class I saw Justin. No wait it wasn’t Justin, it couldn’t have been otherwise he would have been in class.

I didn’t know what was going in my mind but I blindly followed him. We were meant to have history together next but he wasn’t going to class. He was heading towards the gate. He was going to wag school.

Before he could pass the gate I got hold of his wrist. He spun around to face me and his face was expressionless.

“What?” he said in a low voice that carried anger and hatred.

“Have you been wagging classes?” of course he had been waging class, what a stupid question to ask.

“So, what’s your problem?” he said to me coldly.

“Are you trying to avoid me?” I managed to say around the big lump stuck in my throat.

“What do you think Einstein?” He broke my loose grip and half walked, half jogged till he got so far that I couldn’t see him anymore.

I only started to cry when he was totally out of sight and when no one else was around.

Later that week when I was walking blindly, listening to my iPod on the way to my English room. I bumped into what seemed like a solid wall. I sweared under my breath. I looked up to what I bumped in expecting it to be a wall in the middle of the corridor (very unlikely). It was Justin in front of me. His eyes were filled with red lines and he had black bags under his eyes.

We both dropped our books on the ground so I bent down to collect mine. Even after I finished picking them up I stayed down pretending to be fumbling with my stuff. Isn’t it time already for him to bend down and help me with my books. Well he wasn’t coming down I decided after a few minutes of crouching. Before I decided to get up, I picked his books as well so I could have an excuse to touch him while handing them over.

“Do you need some help?” I got up and saw that it was Ian not Justin who I had been hoping for. My heart crushed again but I didn’t let it show on my face. At least I hoped nothing showed on my face.

“Nah, you know me, I’m so clumsy.” I said like everything was normal. It was not.

Ian was glancing down at a book on the floor I clearly forgot to pick up. He bent down to receive it then stared at it for a minute or two.

What was wrong? He looked like he had seen a ghost.

“Ian what’s wro…?” I started of saying but I understood what was happening before I got to finish my question.

The notebook that Ian was carrying wasn’t mine as I thought but Justin’s.

He looked up at me finally and said, “I told you to stop messing around with him.”

My mind automatically started searching for excuses, but wasn’t the real reason for why it happened enough, I decided to stick to the truth.

“We bumped into each other, our books fell, I bent down to get them, but when I looked up he was gone so I picked up his books as well and I thought I could hand it to him later on but then you were – .”

A smile appeared on Ian’s red angry face then he started laughing hysterically before I could finish my breathless explanation.

“What’s so funny?” I kept on repeating while gently tugging on his white collar.

“You do know that whatever you just said I didn’t understand a word of it.” He started laughing again except this time he stopped so he could hear me out.

“Was I speaking Chinese that you couldn’t understand me?” I said sarcastically.

That smartass remark only made him laugh harder and longer.

“Just give me the god damn book Ian,” I said really annoyed and mad now.

All laughter and humor was gone from his face, he looked ten years older than what he really is.

“Take it,” he handed it to me with a slight push, “don’t make me say I told you so when this gets out of hand.”

I couldn’t help but sulk a little. On top of everything bad that had happened lately the only person I thought who was supporting me and understanding me was giving me a lecture and mad at me as if I had stabbed a knife to his heart.

“I’m sorry Ciara,” he pulled me closer to him so he could give me a hug “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

After I was sure my voice would sound strong I managed to say “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to spill out like that.”

“Come on, let’s go.” He said leading me into the classroom by my hand.

At lunch when we could freely talk, I told him about what happened before he arrived.

“Do you want me to hand them back to him?” Ian had offered after I finished.

No, I wanted to say but then Ian would get mad at me all over. “Sure,” I handed him all the books except one.

This book didn’t look like an average school book. It looked more like a diary, I doubted that Justin type of guy would keep a diary, but oh well.

When I got home and finally got some privacy, I locked myself up in my bedroom, opened my school bag and took Justin’s diary out.

“Damn-it” I groaned aloud. It had a lock.