Days of the Old

After detention the very next day, I was momentarily surprised to see not one, but two SUV’s waiting for me. Val and Michelle were in the front seat of one, while Matt and Brian in the other. From the looks of it, the girls were in one while the boys were in the other.

Today had gone without incident. I hadn’t seen Andy or Larissa at all, and I finally got to present my song in music. I got a ninety since Mr. Throne had to take off ten percent because I hadn’t been there to present on the first day. Apparently they considered that late. For me that was only one more reason to hate Andy, Larissa, Mrs. Hoffmaster and the principle.

I hadn’t talked to Matt since last night. Childish? I didn’t know, but probably. Now that I had the option not to have to ride with Matt, I jogged over to the girls’ car and they all grinned when I got opened the door. Since all the seats in the front and second row were taken, I hauled myself into a seat in the very back.

“Payton! Guess where we’re going?” Leana asked excitedly, turning around so she could see me.

“Where?” I forced a smile, going along with everything because I didn’t want to be mean.
“The mall!” Leana, Lacey and Gena screamed in unison, while Michelle and Val just laughed from the front seat.

“Fun.” I said sarcastically, making a face as I slumped in my seat. I took my backpack off and pushed it to the other side of the seat.

Michelle shot me a sympathetic glance and smiled. “Awe, don’t worry P, I promise we’ll go to some stores you like this time!”

Was that supposed to make me feel better? I guess I didn’t exactly mind going to the mall, I just didn’t want to spend time with Matt. Last night consisted of me beating my pillows up again, refusing to let Matt into my room, and not being able to get into contact with Tyler. I wanted to talk to him badly, and that was what I was planning on doing when I got home.

The drive to the mall only lasted a few fleeting minutes, and once we got out, I shielded my eyes from the sun. It was swelteringly warm out that day, and I left my hoodie in the car. If I had to wear it into the mall, I was sure I would have died from heat exhaustion.

“Did you eat lunch today?” Matt asked quietly as we made our way across the parking lot.

Of course he had to ask about that. I almost forgot he worried about every little thing. I didn’t acknowledge him; instead I just glared at the back of Syn’s black Nike sneakers. He must have felt my stare because he looked back, but then shrugged when he saw Matt walking next to me.

They all probably thought I was overreacting about this, but this was actually mild to how I could have reacted. I could have gone and gotten into a fight with a random person or ditched school today just to piss Matt off, but I didn’t. But it was tempting.

“I’ll meet you guys in a few minutes. I’m taking Payton to the food court, okay?” Matt said once we got into the mall, and although the air conditioning helped me relax a little, I let out an agitated sigh when everyone nodded in agreement.

“I’m not hungry.” I said through clenched teeth as I planted myself on a chair at one of the tables in the food court. That being the first time I had talked to him since last night when I told him to ‘leave me the fuck alone’ through my door.

He sat down across from me, clearing his throat as his eyebrows drew together in worry. “What do you want to eat?” He asked, looking around the bustling food court and then trying to lock his eyes with mine.

I curled my lip, gave him a look of annoyance, and looked away. He leaned forward, smiling as he tried to lighten the mood. “Come on, you have to be hungry,” How he knew I hadn’t eaten lunch, I didn’t know. But it annoyed the hell out of me. “You want sushi, Mexican? Pizza? If you’re not gonna tell me what you want, I’m just gonna get you some Subway, okay?”

When I didn’t answer, he still managed to keep the smile on his face and stood up. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”

That gave me the best idea I’d gotten in months, I hesitated, which was my first mistake. I should have just left then, but I waited for a few minutes. Just when I was about to get up and ditch Matt, an over tanned, slightly buff torso came into my view, and I instantly knew who it was, and it wasn’t one of the guys. “What the fuck do you want, Andy?” I hissed, glaring up at him. If Matt saw him we were both screwed.

Andy looked like he was about to burst with rage, and he held onto the top of the chair Matt had vacated with a death grip. I remained in my seat, still shocked that he was actually there.
“I saw what you did to my girlfriend, you skank, and I’m just letting you know that you’re gonna pay.” He said lowly, his voice so quiet I could barely hear him myself.

“Listen, Andy, I really couldn’t give a shit right now, you have to get out of here before my—” A hand appeared on Andy’s shoulder before I could say anything else, and then I wanted to scream in frustration.

“Is there a problem here?” Matt asked slowly and his grip on Andy’s shoulder visibly tightened. Andy stood there, frozen on the spot for a moment before he managed to plaster a fake smile onto his face.

“Not at all, sir,” He started pleasantly. “I was just saying hi to Payton. But uh—I’ll be going now.” He said, glancing nervously to Matt’s hand which was still on his shoulder.

Matt started at him for a few more moments, his gaze more intimidating than I had ever seen before, and finally let Andy go. As Matt sat down and placed the tray of Subway on the table, there was only one thing I could be thankful for; that Andy hadn’t recognized Matt. That would have been so bad.

“Who was that?” He finally asked after a few seconds had passed. I folded my arms across my chest and focused my glare on him.

“It was nothing.”

“Well it sure looked like something. And it looked pretty serious, too. Payton, tell me who that guy was.”

“I already told you, it was nothing Matt. Just drop it.” I said, knowing I was going to avoid that last question at all costs. I seriously didn’t want to know how he would react if he found out that Andy was still ‘bugging’ me, and the girl I got into a fight with yesterday was his girlfriend.

“No, Payton,” He said, frustrated as he leaned forward. “I’m not going to drop it. Was it a kid from school? Are you having problems with him?”

Realizing that like he said, he wasn’t going to let it go anytime soon, I stood up from my seat. “Just—just leave me the fuck alone Matt.” I said softly, wishing my words would have come out as harsh and tough as I wanted them to.

I stumbled through the food court, zigzagging through the crowd to get out of there as quickly as I possibly could. It was too loud, everyone was talking, so I didn’t know if he tried calling me back.

On a whim, I went down an escalator. I’d only been in this mall about two or three times before, and even then I had someone to follow. I had essentially no clue where I was going, but knowing I just wanted to be by myself for at least a few minutes.

Everything was too much for me. I felt like there wasn’t anything I could tell Matt about, at least not without it backfiring on me. And then what was the point? I definitely wouldn’t feel better about it then.

I knew it was stupid, and I knew it was childish, but I still wished everything could go back to the way it was before. I couldn’t help it. Every now and then my mind would drift back to now what seemed liked distant memories, of my mother, Tyler and I. My two very best friends. All the trouble we got into, and how after a while, my mother had learned to just laugh along with us as long as what we did wasn’t too drastic.

Even though I hadn’t lost Tyler in the physical sense of the word, and we still talked and whatnot, I felt like he was slipping away from me. I couldn’t lose him. To me, not only was he my best friend, but also my brother.

Blinking back the tears, I realized that I’d been walking around for ten minutes or more and I was officially lost. After checking my phone, Matt had called and texted me multiple times, but I chose to ignore them and let him sweat for a little while longer.

Several girls were hovering over a figure farther down the mall, and I soon came to the conclusion that they were getting autographs from Zacky. He signed a messenger bag and a CD, then talked to them for a while before they smiled giddily and left.

Hanging out with Zacky for a little while didn’t seem like too bad of an idea, so I casually made my way up to him once the girls were out of sight. “Yo, Zacky Vengeance! Can I have your babies and shit?” I asked in a low, gruff voice that I thought sounded like a biker a few feet behind him, suppressing my giggles.

He turned around wide-eyed, straining to keep a smile on his face, until he saw it was me at least. He laughed and ruffled my hair. “Jesus, Mini. You scared the shit out of me.”

“Stop calling me that,” I said as we began walking. “Only Jimmy can...” I trailed off, my eyes fixed on what looked like a tattoo parlour.

“So what, I’m not special enough?” Zacky pouted, but I didn’t reply for a few moments.

“Hey, is that a tattoo parlour?” I asked, pointing to what looked like a lounge, but outside it a huge sign read ‘Pacific Ink Tattoo’. When he nodded, I continued, the gears quickly turning over in my head. “Do they do piercings, too?”

Although I had heard of this sort of thing, I had never actually seen a tattoo parlour in a mall before. And it was intriguing.

“Yeah I think... why?” He asked warily, trying to turn me in the other direction so I couldn’t see the shop. I swivelled back around, smiling up at Zacky.

“Hey, Zacky? Will you take me to get the other side of my lip pierced? Please?” I added when he looked at me sceptically.

“I... I dunno, P,” He said hesitantly. “I think we should see what Matt thinks of it first.”

That set me off a little. If Matt didn’t let me get it done, that would make him even more of a hypocrite. “I don’t give a shit what Matt thinks.” I huffed, and sighed when his expression hardened over slightly. “Look, he wouldn’t care anyway.”

“Where is he, anyway?” He asked, looking behind me as if Matt was hiding somewhere.

Might as well be truthful. “I ditched him in the food court.” Zacky groaned.

“Payton, that was—he’s gonna be so mad.” He said as he took several steps forward, away from the tattoo parlour.

“Hey—wait Zacky! Come on! That’s only another reason to get it done now, so we don’t have to deal with a grouchy Matt.” I pleaded, grabbing his arm before he could go any further.

“Alright, come on,” He sighed after a few more minutes of hesitation, and I grinned. “Before I change my mind.”

Fifteen minutes later, we were out of the tattoo parlour, and I could now happily say that my snakebites were complete. “Thanks, Zacky.” I said, still smiling. Zacky only nodded in response, already having his phone out to speed-dial Matt.

On the other end of the phone, I could hear Matt frantically talking from where I was standing a few feet away from Zacky. “I’ve got Payton.” He said simply, cutting off Matt from rambling anymore.

I could almost hear Matt’s relieved sigh, and Zacky told him we’d meet him back up in the food court before hanging up. I trailed slightly behind Zacky because I still had no idea where I was going, and swung my bag of piercing aftercare supplies around carelessly. I smirked lopsidedly at Matt once we spotted him back up in the food court. He looked relieved to see me, but only for a moment.

“Please tell me that’s not what I think it is.” He asked, nodding toward my lip.

“It is,” Zacky said with a sigh. “She talked me into it.”

“Did you get all the stuff you need to take care of it?” Matt asked, to which I nodded and held up my bag of supplies.

Nudging Zacky, I smirked at him. “See, I told you he wouldn’t care.”

“Payton!” I heard Leana scream at us from behind. If there was anything I learned about her in the last few months, it was that she was just as crazy as Jimmy. I turned around to greet the girls, and my eyes widened at the sight. They each held at least three bags in each arm, and they were all grinning as if they just got their fix. I was pretty sure we’d only been there for a half an hour, maybe an hour tops.

“We missed you so much, P! Come on; let’s go to all the stores you like!” She said, rushing up to me and taking my arm. She stopped short. “Oh, you got your lip done! It’s so pretty!”

All the girls agreed, and then commenced in hauling me off through the mall. They sure didn’t like wasting time. “Hey, wait! She didn’t eat yet!” Matt yelled, now about fifteen feet away from us. I almost grinned, thinking it would save me from the shopping trip.

“Don’t worry babe!” Val called, not even looking back. “I’ll make sure she eats, we’ll meet you back here in two hours!”

It was going to be a long two hours.

“Oh, this would look so cute on you!” Gena said, throwing a denim romper in my general direction. We were in Wet Seal by then, and although all of the stores we had gone to I had suggested, they hadn’t even asked me if I wanted to go in there or not.

I let out a long, dramatic groan. “Rompers... they aren’t my style.” I said, holding it out in front of me. I grimaced, knowing that it wouldn’t look decent on me.

“What is your style, then?” Michelle asked skeptically, and I simply gestured down at my attire. A band t-shirt and skinny jeans were always the way to go for me. Simple being the keyword. Nonetheless, I headed toward the changing room, knowing that if Gena thought something would look so cute on me, she wouldn’t be giving up on it.

As I was pulling it on, my arm brushed against my lip and that seemed to make it throb even more than it had before. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t been expecting it—as it had swollen up quite a bit, too—it just shocked me. Once I got it on, I stood there, looking down at myself doubtfully.

“Come on,” Val called through the door, “Let us see!” I sucked in a deep breath and swung the door open, looking at all the girls monotonously.

“Payton, you look adorable!” Leana squealed, taking my hand and leading me out even further. “You have to get it!”

Once again, all the girls agreed. “If we put you in some heels, you’d look amazing...” Val trailed off, both of us looking at my outfit in the mirror. I sighed.

“If I agree to get it, can we leave?” I asked pleadingly, feeling exhausted. I just wanted to get back to the house, phone Tyler and go to sleep. That sounds like the perfect night right now.

Val smiled and nodded understandingly, and we made our way toward the counter in the back of the store. When we finally got out of there, we headed back up to the food court, me trailing sluggishly behind the group and my bags almost touching the floor.

The guys were together off to the side in the food court, and a throng of fans circled around them. This was new for me, whenever we’d gone out before they were never recognized that much. Val just barely glanced at them before turning back to me. “How ‘bout we get you something to eat while we’re waiting for the guys?”

All I could do was nod mechanically and follow Val as she weaved through the crowd. I decided on pizza, not knowing what Matt did with the food he had gotten me earlier. Subway didn’t sound very appetizing at that moment, anyway.

By the time I was finished, the guys were ready and we finally left the mall, I chose to ride with the girls again because Matt kept shooting those worried/nervous glances, and he only did that when he wanted to talk about something heavy. That was what I was planning on doing with Tyler when I got home, and I didn’t know if I could handle it all twice.

When we got back to the house, everyone began getting out and into their own cars with their significant other, heading home. I waved as they all left, and tried to sneak into the house and up the stairs as quickly and discreetly as possible, but Matt called my name from the kitchen before I even had one foot on the first step.

“Payton? Could you come here for a second?”

I could just ignore him, like I had been doing since last night, but for some godforsaken reason I decided not to and began making my way toward the kitchen, dreading whatever he could possibly want to talk about.

Matt

“Payton?” I called from the kitchen several seconds after the front door had slammed shut. “Could you come here for a second?”

It was silent for a little while, until I finally heard her footsteps coming through the hall, and then she appeared behind the archway, peeking in with a bored expression.

“Sit,” I said, pointing to the barstool across from me. “I wanted to talk to you at the mall but I didn’t get the chance.”

Between ditching me in the food court, getting a piercing and then getting hauled off with the girls, I barely even saw Payton at the mall. And at first that was that was the point of the whole trip, until I told the girls at least. They’d never pass up the chance to go shopping with Payton, and the guys decided to tag along.

She let out an irritated sigh before heaving herself up onto the barstool, looking up at me with the same uninterested expression.

Did she really hate talking to me that much? I was trying so hard to be a good father. I had to make up for the past fourteen years, but she was making things so hard. I knew it wasn’t intentionally, that she was acting the way any teenager in her situation would, but she needed help. And I wanted to provide it so badly.

I could see the anguish and the grief in her eyes when she thought she had her guard up, and when we started really talking she looked like she was getting better—or at least learning to cope with things.

She wasn’t telling me things; she was keeping things from me. I don’t know if I was the only one who noticed, but she always chose her words so carefully, as if she was hiding something. Was it big? I didn’t know and it was killing me, especially because she thought that she couldn’t tell me about whatever it was.

Val poked her head in and smiled in encouragement at me. “I’m gonna be upstairs, hun.” She said before turning back the way she came, giving us some privacy.

Payton began to look a little nervous, and I think she caught on to Val’s ‘subtle’ way of letting me know she’d be upstairs. “Payton,” I started, deciding to just jump right into it. “I thought we were doing better. Sweetie, I know you’re still going through a lot, and I can't help you unless you open up to me.”

“Well all of this ‘rules and consequences’ shit really isn’t helping me, Matt!” She snapped, using air quotes and lowering her voice to where she thought it sounded like mine. Normally I would have laughed. But that would make it worse, and I was just happy that she even spoke to me.

“Patey,” I sighed and ran a hand down my face. “I only set some ground rules so you don’t get yourself into too much trouble. And they aren’t completely outlandish, are they? Don’t get into fights. Don’t ditch. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.” She didn’t say anything, so I continued. “I don’t want to see you hurt, kiddo. I know you handled yourself in that fight yesterday, but what if you get into another and you can’t defend yourself?”

I honestly didn’t know how she managed to get out of that fight yesterday with just a couple of scratches, she was just such a tiny kid, I couldn't even imagine her even getting into a fight, let alone winning it.

That guy in the food court of the mall today, he was someone I knew she couldn’t handle a fight with him. He was a foot over her and he looked like someone who regularly got into fights. I was scared for her, and I had to find out who the hell that guy was. I wouldn’t let him hurt her.

She abruptly stood up, glaring at me. I know I should have been expecting it, but I didn’t let it show how hurt I was. “I’ve been perfectly fine without your ‘help’ for fourteen years, Matt. I’m sure I can manage by myself now.” She said icily, her words cutting through me in a knife.

“Payton!” I yelled desperately as I heard her stomping up the stairs, but I didn’t follow her. I knew she had to cool off.

“Would you just leave me the fuck alone?!” She screamed in the hallway, her voice carrying all the way down the stairs. When I heard her door slam shut, I let out an exhausted sigh and held my head in my hands.

What happened to all the progress I thought we made?