I don't need you

I take a long and deep breath, leaning forward just a little bit more. I abruptly stop, chickening out at the last second. I can't do this slowly, i'll just keep freaking out, I need to be quick. I can't give my chance to stop. A walk backwards, to give myself a running start. I push my hands over my face then down to my cheeks to wipe away a lonely tear. I start running forward getting closer to the edge, I gasp at the sudden impact on my body as I hit the ground. I open my eyes at the weight on me.
"What the hell are you doing?" Joe shouts as he catches his breath and rolls off me
"Joe?"
"Yes it's Joe, now what the fuck did you think you were doing?!"
"What did it look like I was doing?" I cried scrambling to my feet as he stands up
"Are you insane?! Why would you leave me a message saying you need my help and when I get here I have to stop you from killing yourself- Is that why you asked me to come here, because you wanted me to see you jump? Or is it just to get some attention from me?" He demanded
"What? No! I've been waiting over 2 hours, I didn't think you were gonna show up. I was upset!" I shouted
"So you decided suicide would be the answer. I get that you don't like your life but killing yourself isn't the way out."
"Yea well it defiantly seems like the only option I have right now."
"You know that's not true."
"Really?" I scoffed "You hate me now so it's not like I can talk to you, I don't have friends.... And that's all my fault."
Joe let out a sigh closing his eyes and tipping his head back briefly. "Come on I'm taking you home." he said rubbing his forehead
"I can't go home." I mutter
"What?" Joe asked not being able to hear me.
"I said I can't go home.... That's why I called you." I repeated this time loud enough for him to hear me
"Well what am I supposed to do?" he asked
"I was- I was hoping that maybe- maybe it would be ok if......... maybe I could stay at your house." I stuttered
Joe looked at me in silence, I don't know what's going through his head. He has almost no emotion on his face.
"Sure." he finally nodded still not showing a clear emotion.

*****

Sitting in the familiar guest room in Joe's home I continue staring at my hands while Joe is sitting across the bed from me. Neither of us have said anything for a few minutes, it's been pretty uncomfortable.
"I don't hate you." Joe said just loud enough for me to hear, not responding I just stare at him. What should I say? "I was-you're just so frustrating. You never talk to me, when something is bothering you. Do you know how hard it is for me to watch you trying to act like nothing to wrong when there's obviously a problem." he continued trying not to raise his voice
"Do you know how hard it is for me to trust you after what you did?" I responded
"I'm sorry for-"
"I know you're sorry Joe. I do want to tell you, I really do but I just can't." I sighed
"Why not?"
"Because somethings are just too difficult to talk about."
Joe looked at me not saying a word, he looks almost offended.
"Look it's late, I'll get you something to sleep in." he said getting up to leave the room, before I can stop him he's gone.

Within seconds he was back carrying one of his shirts and placing it on the bed.
"Thanks" I smile weakly as I take it
"See you in the morning."
"Goodnight."
The moment the door closed behind him I suddenly feel so guilty. I don't know if it's because I haven't thanked him for saving my life or because he's still willing to help me even after how difficult i've been.

**

Finally deciding to talk to Joe I get out of bed and quickly look at my phone to check the time. It's just gone 1 am, I can't believe i've spent almost 2 hours debating with myself. I know I shouldn't wake him but if I don't do it now I might back out later on.
I slowly and quietly leave the guest room and make my way towards Joe's room, careful not to wake his parents.

I take a deep breath and open the door
"Joe" I whisper, he doesn't answer. I step inside and close the door behind me. Creeping over to his bed I lightly tap his exposed shoulder "Joe"
Eventually he starts to wake up grumbling something I can't understand "Joe" I repeat again
"Huh- wha- Erica?" he said half asleep, not really knowing what was going on.
"Sorry I woke you, I- I just wanna talk to you."
"Can't it wait till morning?" he muttered pressing his face further into the pillow
"I might not wanna talk about it in the morning."
He lets out a sigh and rolls onto his back, rubbing his eyes he sits up and turns on the lamp on the side table. "What's up" he yawns, patting the space on the mattress next to him inviting me to sit down.

"First of all I wanna thank you for stopping me from jumping earlier."
"I would never let anything happen to you, even if you want it to." he smiled, his eyes drifted down for a second then his smile suddenly vanished. I quickly looked down seeing what he is seeing, the bruises Calvin left on my legs. I pulled down on the shirt I was wearing in an attempt to hide them but failed. "Erica who did that to you?" Joe asked grabbing my wrist making me look at him again "Was it Allen? Is this why you can't go back home?"
Before I can say anything Joe pulls me forward giving me a hug, I suddenly lose control of myself and start crying. I don't know why but it's just coming out. I can't stop it.
"It's ok" Joe whispers lightly stroking my hair "I'm here and I'm not going to let him hurt you anymore."