Cabin Fever

Alex's showing of regret and sadness didn't impress me too much. After thinking about it for awhile and turning it over in my mind again and again I couldn't help but wonder if ultimately I was just a game to him. If I was just some sort of target practice to see what he could and couldn't get away with.

But surely he isn't that bad of a guy, right? That's what I thought until last night when the truth came out. Back when we were actually sort of friends and spent lots of time together via Ryan he never seemed like an ass. He always made me laugh and acted like a gentlemen and that's why I developed the few feelings I did. But here, reunited in my best friend’s house with his daughter around he's been nothing but bipolar and it's starting to give me whiplash.

One minute he seems nice and the next he's an ass again. Then there are the moments where he's just acting like himself; the Alex I once thought I fell for, the Alex I thought could be the one. Those feelings were of course short lived, even before he did what he did, but they were still there and that scares me a little bit because if you've felt something once you can undoubtedly feel it again. I don't really trust myself not to fall into his trap again. Even if I am pissed off he's French Canadian and just the way his accent makes me feel is enough to have me concerned.

Tiny arms wrapping around my legs pulled me out of my thoughts. “Auntie Lauren,” Danielle whined softly.

I glanced down at my Goddaughter and smiled. “What's up darling?”

“Why aren't you talking to Uncle Alex?”

Her question threw me for a loop. I wasn't aware she even noticed my interaction with Alex let alone figured out we weren't really speaking. I've basically ignored every advance he's made towards me since this morning. I don't have time for his drama, not when Danielle is around and she needs looking after.

“What do you mean?” I asked as I knelt down to her level.

Danielle's bright brown eyes scared me for a moment. They looked so big and so innocent; so full of love, really. “You're not talking to Uncle Alex!” She exclaimed, honest wonder and curiosity adorning her cute features.

An answer escaped me as I stared back at Ryan's baby girl. I couldn't answer her without getting upset or being brutally honest and her virgin ears cannot hear the truth. Talking with Alex is inevitable seeing as we have to share our story; together so we don't miss a beat and we're both aware on what lie we're telling her.

“Why don't you go play with your toys and I'll tell you before bed? Like a bedtime story,” I murmured as I smoothed her hair out.

“Okay!” She giggled before running off.

An overwhelming urge to call her father washed over me as I watched her scamper away. He'll know what to say, I mused to myself as I stood up. The deal was that I would only call if there were an emergency but having a fight with his best friend was an emergency, right? Because we're both in the same capacity while attempting to babysit his child?

Before I could talk myself out of it, I pulled out my Blackberry and dialed his number from memory. Three rings greeted me before Ryan picked up.

“Lauren? Is everything okay?!” Ryan's panicked voice made my stomach tie itself into knots. He did say that I should only call in emergencies but the situation with Alex has gone on long enough.

“Alex is here,” I whimpered. I glanced behind me to make sure Alex and Danielle were still nowhere to be seen before continuing. “I don't know what to do Kes; I can't handle this anymore.”

“Alex? As in Burrows? Why the fuck is he there?” My best friend's voice sounded strained and panicked as he spoke. “He's supposed to be in Montreal or something.”

My heart fluttered with his words. “I just... I don't know,” I murmured and ran a hand through my hair. “I can't handle this anymore, Ry. I'm not sure what to do.”

Ryan sighed loudly into the phone. “What's wrong Lauren? I'm not a mind reader.”

“Alex is here, he has been since yesterday. He showed up right after you and Olivia left but it's storming out and there weren't any flights so he stayed. Danielle likes having him around, too, I can tell and I was fine with it until things started happening between us-”

“Wait, things started happening?” Ryan interrupted. I nodded despite knowing that he couldn't see me through the phone.

“Yeah,” I started as I brought my knees to my chest. “Would you just let me finish?”

“Go on,” he sighed. I could practically see him tugging on his hair and rolling his eyes as he paced about whatever room he was in.

“You know how I can't stand him and how it's been awhile since I've seen him... well, there has just been this tension between us. We've been arguing and fighting and then finally we pretty much almost had sex while Dani was sleeping. Well everything was fine until last night when I told him I wasn't going back down that road again,” I explained and ran a hand through my hair.

When Ryan didn't respond I continued. “One thing lead to another and the next thing I know he's speaking French to me until finally I got it out of him what was going on. He was talking about playing games and how he won and I lost and he said he was playing a game with me back then. Obviously I was pissed but then it gets worse. Alex was like 'Cookie bet me I couldn't get into your pants within three months and guess what? I won.'”

A soft sob escaped my lips as I fought to continue with explaining. Ryan stopped me before I could. “Do you want me to kick his ass?”

“No,” I giggled, my mood instantly improving with the simple notion that Ryan would do that for me. “The worst part is this morning. I slapped him last night and made it pretty clear that he disgusts me but this morning... he just he looked so sad. He looked like he regretted it and he said that he said stuff that he didn't mean and he's been trying to explain it to me all day but I dunno Ry, I can't handle this. I don't know what to tell Danielle cause she just asked me why I'm not talking to Alex and I'm just... confused. Please tell me you didn't know about the bet.”

I glanced out the window as I waited for Ryan's reply. The storm let up a little but the weatherman said the 'worst is yet to come'. As if dealing with Alex isn't enough mother nature has to put a damper on things as well. She must know that I'm having a rough time and has decided to try and make it the worst.

When silence and dead air greeted me from the other end I started to get nervous. I pulled my Blackberry away and glanced at the screen. It still read 'connected' but silence was still the only thing that was greeting me. Ryan cleared his throat on the other end. I prepared for the worst news to come.

“Yeah, I knew there was a bet. I didn't know what it was or that it included you though. Maybe you should hear him out, Alex was a dumbass back then and he can be a dick at times but he's a pretty good guy Lauren.”

My anger flared up with the suggestion of listening to what Alex could possibly have to say. “Just whose side are you on?” I spat, my anger getting the best of me.

Ryan sighed. “Lauren, that was years ago. Alex has matured, believe it or not. You need to let go of the pain you're holding onto. I know it hurts but maybe it was for the best.”

“I don't think you understand it Ryan,” I defended. “I thought he returned my feelings. I never would have let him into my pants otherwise and you know that. Now I not only find out that it was just a game to him but my judgment is shit too. I thought he was different but he's just another douche bag looking for a quick fuck.”

Sobs ripped through me as I fought to keep my tears from spilling over. “Do you want me to talk to him? Come home early maybe?” Ryan questioned, his voice sounding oddly thoughtful.

“No,” I sobbed. “Don't call him. Just stay where you are, I'll just have to get over it. Tell Olivia I said hi.”

“She's a great gal,” Ryan replied almost instantly. It caught me off guard at first before his reference set in. A soft laugh escaped my lips as I remembered the video someone sent me of Alex and Ryan being shit disturbers.

“Bye La-”

“Wait! How do I explain this to Danielle?” I interrupted.

Ryan sighed. “Pretend you and Alex were playing a game? Who could stay silent longer? I don't think she'll ask too many questions with that.”

Why didn't I think of that?

“Thanks. Bye Ryan.”

I clicked the red phone button on my Blackberry without waiting for a reply. After a few deep breaths I wiped my eyes and ran a hand through my hair. The bright green letters on the clock above the stove stared back at me angrily. 7:46pm. Where does the time go?

Ryan's words echoed in my mind as I made my way through the quiet house in search of Danielle and Alex. Bedtime for Danielle is 8:00 on the dot and Ryan warned that she's usually cranky if she misses that even by the smallest of margins. Even if that isn't true I'm not sure I want to test it.

“Danielle?” I called softly as I made my way out of the living room and towards her bedroom.

“We're in here,” Alex returned. I glanced into Danielle's room and found Alex sitting next to her on the bed with a book in here. The sight of him with Danielle was far too cute for me to be able to control my feelings. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as my heart stutter stepped in my chest. A smile graced my lips before I could stop it and surprisingly enough, Alex returned it.

I watched as he continued reading the storybook in his hands to Danielle. She looked content as he changed voices for the different characters. It took all of my strength to keep from laughing and waking up my sleeping Goddaughter. I couldn't help but notice the way Alex's eyes lit up as he read the story to Danielle's sleeping form. He looked so content, so happy, so natural.

He'll be a great dad, I mused to myself as Alex finished speaking.

“Is she asleep?” I mouthed, suddenly and oddly eager to talk to a man that moments ago I couldn't stand.

Alex glanced down at her for a moment before looking up at me. He nodded and slowly removed himself from the bed. As he made his way over to me the small urge I had to speak with him evaporated and my stomach clenched in pain. Even if I wanted to, forgetting how much he hurt me and how much his words stung would be impossible.

Always forgive, never forget, words my mom always used to tell me in regards to life filled my mind but even hearing her voice in my head didn't make the pain any less prominent. The man before me smiled but I couldn't return it and instead followed him silently as he guided me to the kitchen table. Dim light from the outside showed the rain picked up once again. How fitting.

“I'm sorry,” Alex started as he took a seat. I nodded for him to continue as I pulled the chair opposite his out. “Trevor told me not to take it, too. I should have listened to him.”

I cocked an eyebrow and tilted my head in confusion. “Trevor? Captain Canuck?”

Alex laughed and gave a small nod. “He told me 'If you want to make it in this league you have to stick to what you feel instead of trying to make your dumbass teammates happy.' I should have listened. He also said you were a 'keeper'.”

I could feel a blush peppering my cheeks as I glanced away from Alex. The approval of Trevor Linden wasn't something I ever cared or even thought about but to have it? Well that's just priceless.

“You should have but you're just an idiot so I'm not surprised,” I stated seriously.

“Yeah, I'm just a douche bag looking for a quick fuck, right?” Alex shot back angrily.

I cringed as he replayed my own words back to me. I didn't expect him to over hear my conversation with Kes but nor did I expect him to get so angry about my idiot comment.

“I'm sorry you heard that but you deserve it Alex. You hurt me, you slept with me and made me think you had feelings for me and then you broke my heart. That isn't something I can take lightly, sorry.”

Alex stared back at me and slid his hand over the table and placed it on top of mine. Realization seemed to dawn on him as our eyes locked together.

Light dawns on marble head.