Save Me

I’d been sat in the same room for what felt like hours. I had my face in my hands, sobbing my heart out the whole time I’d been there. I thought of the life I thought I’d left behind. I thought of Zacky, Matt, Brian, Jimmy and Johnny and how helpless they looked when I was taken away. Then I thought of how I could possibly come to terms with how someone up there was definitely trying to make my life hell. I honestly thought I had been given a second chance – but how wrong must I have been to think that?

My head was all over the place. The more I thought about my new found friends – practically my big brothers in a sense – and how there wasn’t a chance in hell I’d get to see them again, the more I cried. My eyes were so sore from how much I had been blubbering into Zacky’s Vengeance University shirt that Johnny had given to me to wear.

The door had opened, disturbing me from my thoughts but I had no interest in who had entered the room so I kept my head in my hands, still quietly sobbing.

“Hello Roxanne,” a gentle whisper escaped from the person sat across from me at the table.

I debated with myself for a while as to whether to contribute to the conversation or stay sat there feeling sorry for myself. I lifted my head slowly to reveal my sore eyes against the faint bruises on my skin and quickly flashed what wasn’t even a half-smile to show I had acknowledged their entrance.

I couldn’t make out the appearance of the person in front of me through the blurred vision I gained from tears forming, preparing to fall freely down my cheeks. I tried to hold back the tears so I dabbed them gently away with the padded tissue of my index finger. This revealed to me a young, petite woman with hair as fiery as my burning hatred towards the devil inside my father. My eyes narrowed as I shook the thought from my mind.

I studied her closely, analysing the small features on her face. She had crystal blue eyes and pearly white teeth with a few small freckles dotted under her eyes. Her makeup was minimal and her look was gentle – in fact, her entire presence was gentle and comforting.

“How are you feeling?” She asked pleasantly. She was calm and collected but her question infuriated me.

“How do you think I’m feeling?” I spat, avoiding eye contact, placing my head back into the palm of my hands.

My anger didn’t affect her which just infuriated me more. I wanted her to feel my pain, my anger.

“Listen Roxanne, I’m Lara, your social worker,” She said, just as calmly as her previous question.

“I don’t need a social worker!” I snapped, jerking my head up and staring at her with narrowed eyes.

She shifted around in her seat to (I assume) make herself more comfortable, which told me that I was going to be in this damned room for a while.

“I know this is a strange and incredibly difficult situation to be in Roxanne but honestly, you may as well co-operate with us because as long as we have no authentic paperwork from a legal guardian on record we have to find you temporary – if not – permanent care.” She looked at me gently, her crystal blue eyes almost hypnotising me into calming down and giving my contribution.

I directed my gaze to the ceiling to avoid letting my guard down. There was no way that I was co-operating with Social Services at all, not ever.

“Do you really think that if I wanted to end up in a stupid care home that I’d have ran away from that wretched place?!” I hissed, falling back into my chair and crossing my arms.

“I found perfect people to take care of me, yet that obviously isn’t enough for you guys.” I mumbled, rolling my eyes.

Lara started to look irritated though I wasn’t sure whether it was because of my attitude towards her or the fact that I wasn’t prepared to co-operate with her and her damned Social Service minions.

“Well as far as I’m aware Roxanne, we have nothing on the database to tell us that you are under permanent care and attention from anyone. Can you tell me who you claim to be staying with?” She asked. Aggravation was definitely creeping into her speech now.

I shifted in my chair a little, my gaze had diverted to the floor under the table now.

Tell her Roxanne, how much harm can it do?

I shook my head to rid the comments from my conscience.

“Why should I tell you?” I questioned with hostility.

“Because maybe then we can get a contact number and get in touch with these people to see if they can confirm to look after you not just temporarily but permanently.” She stated, lowering her tone and presenting herself calmly again.

My conscience was running riot, determined to make me inform Lara about who I had planned on staying with.

Just tell her Roxanne, if she’s true to her word then maybe there’s a chance to get back into the company of Zacky and the rest.

I collected my thoughts quietly searching for an answer. I revised how Zacky and the others had treated me recently and how much they were rapidly growing to become brotherly figures towards me. That thought had me smiling to myself and I lifted my head slowly.

“Zach Baker, I’ve been staying with Zach Baker.” I replied eventually.

Lara nodded at me. Without saying anything else she stood up carefully, brushed her bangs behind her ear with her right hand then turned to exit the room.

Before she could leave I fired a quick question in her direction. “Are you going to contact him?”

She flashed a smile in my direction and left the room quietly. I guess all I could do was wait… again.



It must have been well over an hour since I’d been graced by the presence of ‘Lara’ and nobody had even bothered to check up on how I was doing. I was bored out of my mind and I definitely wasn’t up for losing my sanity in one of Social Services’ interview rooms.

After many thoughts had scanned through my head about the not so endless possibilities there were for me to entertain myself, the door finally opened. However, it wasn’t Lara to enter this time and a huge grin quickly raced across my face.

I jumped out of my chair quicker than lightening and darted around the table to meet the tattooed arms of Zacky. I snuggled into his torso for a short while before he gently pushed me away to look at me.

“It’s great to see you too Rox,” He chuckled, smiling down at me graciously.

That smile was probably one of the greatest things that could have ever happened. It instantly gave me hope and I knew I’d be leaving with Zacky. I could go home with him and get straight back into attempting to make myself feel at home with the people who I could honestly look up to as the brothers I never had.

“I was told that you have to fill in some paperwork before I can come and stay with you permanently.” I said whilst crossing my arms and pouting childishly.

Zacky ruffled my hair a little but the smile that was full of grace and hope had disappeared from his face and a frown put in place. My heart sunk deep into my chest instantly.

“Why don’t you sit down Rox, I need to explain something to you,” He started, pulling a seat out and motioning me towards it.

I sat down, sinking right into the chair my sight not once averting from Zacky’s glum look. I didn’t bother answering back or even replying to him needing to ‘explain’ something to me; I could already tell that it was going to ache. He tried to collect himself by flashing a very fake smile; he was trying to reassure me at least.

“About the paperwork…” He said whilst looking down into his hands which were interlinked on the table top.

“Well, you see, I was talking to your social worker and she talked me through the whole process of permanent care including what paperwork needs to be on record and what not y'know?…”
I nodded along to every word, still staring at him trying to obtain at least a small vibe of hope from his body language but there was none.

“Well, these things take time to complete and I’ve got a tour coming up with the guys and y'know, I don’t know how to put this… Roxy, don’t get me wrong the guys and myself have really grown to love you and your company. You know how much I want to protect you from your father and to give you a home and other things you’ve not been fortunate enough to have but this has really come at the wrong time and we just can’t care for you right now.” Zacky explained, keeping his head down the whole time. He was either really ashamed or genuinely felt devastated by the fact that he couldn’t keep his promise to me. I’d hoped it had been the latter of the two.

I sat up trying to compose myself but instead I did the exact opposite and totally broke down. I was sobbing so hard that I struggled to breathe. Zacky stood up instantly from where he sat and was quick on his feet to comfort me. He engulfed me in a hug which just made me sob harder into his torso. He stroked my hair whilst trying to calm me down. But how could I? My life was turning to shit again.

Struggling between breaths I could hear Zacky trying to soothe me whilst repeatedly whispering “I’m sorry” into my ear. I took in several deep breaths to steady my breathing before pulling away from his chest.

“How long will you be on tour for?” I mumbled quietly, trying to fight back the tears.

“As long as it takes Rox, I’m so sorry.” He said apologetically.

I nodded blankly and wiped the tears from my eyes before sitting back down. Zacky walked over to my side of the table and knelt down beside me.

“I know this is going to be hard for Rox, believe me I really know – but please, don’t persuade yourself that this is the end because it’s far from it. You’ll see me again one day, I promise.” He soothed, reaching into a bag he had brought into the room with him.

He pulled out an A4 notepad and a packet of black ink pens. He pushed them towards me with a smile.

“Here take these. While I can’t be with you I want you to write everything you’re feeling down in here. But I want it to be in the form of a letter – one that you would write to your mom. After you’ve written everything you want to say, go outside and burn the paper. That way the ash, along with your words will float up to heaven where your mom is. She’ll be looking down on you, protecting you whilst I can’t be there to do it.” He said gently, stroking the back of my hand and keeping my eye contact.

I could see the guilt and sheer devastation in his eyes which brought tears to my own. I pulled his arm into me and hugged as much of it as I could. Even though I was sobbing hard again, I looked up to him with a thankful expression.

“Thank you so much Zacky, this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. I will definitely use this idea.” I said snuggling into his arm again.

“Just promise me you’ll never feel afraid.” He said calmly.

He flashed a caring smile at me and kissed me on the forehead before turning to leave.

“Zacky?” I asked. He turned on his heel to look back at me. “If you don’t mind, I want to use this idea for you as well. I want to write you a letter every night and burn it – hopefully it’ll find its way to you, wherever in the world you may be.”

He nodded accordingly “I’d really like that Rox.”

He smiled sweetly and turned to open the door. He stepped out but before closing it behind him he looked at me and through a gentle whisper, said “I know you’ll find your own way when I’m not with you.”