Manage Me, I'm a mess

When I woke up, my eyes were stinging and my head was throbbing. My hair was wet and matted to my head from the tears. I combed it back and tied it into a ponytail. Then I realized I was very hungry. After a lot of planning I decided to go out and get the bag of cheesies and the box of granola bars I knew was in the cupboard. So I walked carefully to the door and opened it very quietly.

I pulled it open and saw Jack and Alex both sitting on the couch. When I saw Alex, the tear s came to my eyes again. They hadn’t seen me yet. I held my head high and walked out, not looking at them and going straight to the kitchen.

“Serena!” Alex got up and followed me. “Can I please just talk to you? Don’t block me out, Serena!” He said all this while I got my food. Clutching it in my hands, I walked back to my room and locked the door.

“Serena, you can’t avoid me forever!” he called, banging his fist against the door. “You have to talk to me sometime!”

“Alex, just go AWAY!” I screamed, tired and frustrated from the yelling.

“I’m not going until you talk to me!” I stomped to the door, and yanked it open. I was angry now.

“You want to talk about it? Let’s fucking talk about it!” I screamed, walking towards him. He backed up as I went forward. “You and I had sex last night! We are-sorry, were- best friends and you have a MOTHERFUCKING GIRLFRIEND who just happens to BE ONE OF MY BEST MOTHERFUCKING FRIENDS! I am stuck on this FUCKING BUS with you for another three MOTHERFUCKING WEEKS and I don’t know what the FUCK I AM GOING TO DO! So as you can see, I have a lot of SHIT on my mind right now, because of YOU! So, if you don’t mind, Alex, I would like you to leave me THE FUCK ALONE SO I CAN LOOK UP FLIGHTS BACK TO MARYLAND! Okay?” I didn’t wait for an answer, I just stormed into my room, locking the door and starting to cry again. My cell phone rang then. Trace, it read. I flipped it open and brought it to my ear.

“What?” I snapped.

“Hey, just wanted to see if you were okay.” He said. My jaw clenched. He knew too?

“I’m fine. Goodbye.”

“WAIT! Hayley was wondering if you want her to come over there to talk or something.”

“Tell her that is very sweet, but I’d rather just be alone.” I snapped my phone shut.

“Serena? Who are you talking to?” Jack’s voice asked. Suddenly, I felt too suffocated in this room. I grabbed my laptop and yanked open the door. “Serena-“Jack started.

“I am here because I can’t be in that room any longer. I have no intention of talking to any of you,” I said, flatly. I knew I was being unfair, but I couldn’t help it. I started up my laptop and logged on to the site to book my flight. Alex came and sat beside me.

“Serena, just listen to what I have to say? Please do-“He stopped once he saw what was on my screen. “You’re…you’re really going home?” I didn’t answer. I counted on my fingers and figured out where we were going to be two days from now. I left my laptop and went to my room to get my wallet. I booked a flight in two days and typed in my credit card number.

“Serena, don’t go home. Please.” He begged. I continued punching my number in and then clicked, ‘book flight’. The next page said, ‘Your flight is on August 10, 2009 at 2:30’. Alex hung his head in defeat once he saw it. It was done. My flight was booked. I was going back to Maryland in only two days. Then I grabbed my iPod and blasted the music, hearing nobody and nothing. I closed my eyes and immediately felt my earphone being yanked out. I turned to glare at Alex.

“We need to talk.”

“We already d-“

“Not just you. I need to talk too.”

“We’ll I don’t want to talk to you,” I said. I put my ear phone back in and then felt both of them being pulled out again. My iPod was out of my hands and tucked into Alex’s pocket.

“Give me my iPod!” I yelled.

“No!”

“Give it!”

“Not until you talk to me.”

“FINE! What?” I snapped.

“I don’t regret last night-“

“Excu-“

“Let me finish. I don’t regret it because I love you. I love you, Serena. I didn’t want to tell you like this.” These words did not faze me one bit. I knew he was lying to get me to stop being angry at him.

“Give me my iPod, you jackass.” I held my hand out. Alex looked surprised, then hurt.

“What? You’re not going to say anything?” he asked.

“I know your lying, now give. Me. My. IPod.” I hissed.

“I am not lying, Serena! I love you! I. Love. You.” He said. In this time I’d reached into his
pocket and retrieved my iPod. I put the earphones in, clutching it tightly in my hands.

I swallowed hard, telling myself he was lying. It couldn’t be true. No matter what, it was not true. I realized I was shaking my head and tears were falling silently down my face. I combed my hair through my fingers knowing the action would sweep my hair into my face and hide my tears. I didn’t know where anybody was, I just stared down at my iPod, not seeing anything else. I wiped the tears with the tips of my fingers and closed my eyes, leaning back. Then, the bus screeched to a stop. I stayed where I was and no more than five minutes later it started going again. I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“Serena,” a female voice said. I turned to see Hayley. I cast my eyes downward. “Are you alright?” she asked, softly. I hardly knew Hayley but something about her was so comforting, so…serene. I slowly shook my head, swallowing hard. She gave me a sympathetic look and wrapped her arms around me. I leaned my head on her shoulder and cried. Alex came in front of me and gave me a pleading look. I turned my head so my face was fully in Hayley’s shoulder and I couldn’t see him.