Cut and Run

Minutes past, each second feeling longer than the last. Time was passing agonizingly slowly, and after what felt like months the timer on my phone went off. I looked at the small stick in my hands.

There was a minus sign.

A minus sign.

I ran out of the bathroom and into Paul’s office, tears of relief making a damp trail down my face. Throwing myself into the large chair I had claimed as my own. “I’m not pregnant!” I said, smiling into my tears. Paul’s face seemed to mirror what I imagined mine to look like: one of pure relief.

“That’s great news, Andi, great news indeed.” We sat in silence for a little bit, myself in a relief induced shock. After about ten minutes, Paul spoke. “Andi, why didn’t you want to tell anyone?”

“I was afraid,” I said, my voice soft as I recalled the feelings that I had just minutes before. “I was afraid they would think I was disgusting if I was having his child, my own sibling. I was afraid they’d never talk to me again if they knew; I wouldn’t have been able to live with that. Justin is finally back in my life after years, and I didn’t want to lose him again. And Alex is my rock; my world. Freddy has been my best friend for almost my entire life. If they were to leave me, I’d die. I really wouldn’t be able to live without them.”

“What are you going to do when Alex goes off to college, Andi?” Paul asked, and I shrugged. Enough had been shared these past two sessions, and I wasn’t willing, or ready, to share any more than I already had. I slipped my phone from my pocket, asking my brother to bring my running stuff when he came to pick me up.

“I’m asking Justin to bring my running stuff when he comes to get me,” I said to Paul, answering his unspoken question. He nodded, and we sat in a comfortable silence the rest of the session. When I went to leave, he spoke.

“Maybe you should tell your brother, or someone else, about your scare. They love you, and I’m sure they won’t leave you because of it.” I hurried out of the building, and to the spot my brother always parked in. “Hey bro, my stuff?” I asked, sticking my head through the window. A bag was handed to me, and I ran quickly back into the building to change in a bathroom in the waiting room.

When I returned, I threw my bag into the car, and told my brother I loved him and that I’d see him at home. He returned the sentiment and I started on my run. After a few minutes, I put the headphones in my ears and turned the volume up loud.

“ Swimming pool, limousines (C'mon let's do it)
C'mon let's cause a scene (C'mon let's do it)
Cigar in the caviar (C'mon let's do it)
I'm pissin' in the Dom P'rignon (C'mon let's do it now)

C'mon let's do it
We gonna do it now
C'mon on let's do it
C'mon on let's do this

Whoa oh oh oh oh
There's a party at a rich dude's house
Whoa oh oh oh oh
There's a party at a rich dude's house
So if ya wanna go
Then ya know, oh
We're gonna fight till we do it right
So lets whoa oh oh oh oh
Tonight

Da na na na na na na,
Da na na na na!

No, we are not on the list (C'mon lets do it)
No, we don't give a shit (C'mon lets do it)
Dance till your pants come off (C'mon get naked)
Party till the break of dawn (C'mon lets do it now)

C'mon let's do it
(C'mon, c'mon) C'mon lets do this

Whoa oh oh oh oh
There's a party at a rich dude's house
Whoa oh oh oh oh
There's a party at a rich dude's house
If ya wanna go
Then ya know, oh
We're gonna fight till we do it right
So lets whoa oh oh oh oh
Tonight

wake up in the front yard
(We don't care)
Wine stain on the sofa
(We don't care)
I threw up in the closet
but I don't care

Cuz we're young
and we're broke
and I can't find my coat

And the sun is coming up
and oh my god I think
I'm still drunk.
Where's my coat?
Where?

There's a party at a rich dude's house
There's a party at a rich dude's house

Whoa oh oh oh oh
There's a party at a rich dude's house
Whoa oh oh oh oh
There's a party at a rich dude's house

If you wanna go
Then you know, oh
We're gonna fight till we do it right

So let's whoa oh oh oh oh
Tonight”

The music continued to play as I ran, my feet practically bouncing as I ran. Sooner than I expected, I saw my apartment building up ahead, and my speed picked up slightly with a final burst of energy. As I approached the table I normally stretched at, I saw Freddy sitting there.

“Hey Freddy,” I said, out of breath as I stopped in front of the table and began to stretch my calves. She remained silent as I continued stretching, and I was starting to worry. “Freddy, you okay?”

“I think I should be asking you that question,” she replied, picking at her chipped blue nail polish.

“And why is that?”

“Camden told me that you wanted a pregnancy test. That you’re possibly pregnant with your father’s child, and you couldn’t tell me, or Justin, or Alex! Do you not trust us?”

“I’m not pregnant, Freddy, and I’m probably not getting my period because of stress or something. And who wants to tell anyone that they might be pregnant with their father’s child? I was terrified of what would happen if I was, Freddy, because I need you guys in my life! Please, understand that I do trust you. I was just afraid.”

Tears were rolling down my face at this point, and Freddy jumped down from the table and hugged me tightly. “I’m so relieved, Andi, because you didn’t need that added on to everything. I love you, Andi, I love you.”