Cross My Heart

Everyone was getting extremely excited for the MMVA's. W had been added to the list of performances. I was honestly a little terrified to be performing. We had never actually played at Much Music before; we had interviews there, but never a performance. I don't know why I was so worked up about it.

Keith was surprisingly excited about it. He had been more happy lately, and I heard Marque talking to him one day about going back on tour; he was definitely starting to feel better. I was honestly starting to miss touring too. I missed the travelling, I missed the venues. I even missed Marque's road rage. We wouldn't even get to see that when we flew to Toronto. Maybe if we were lucky, we would see Keith's 'sky-rage'. Keith HATED flying with a passion and I couldn't blame him. Flying a couple of hundred feet in the air was terrifying. I was used to it because of all the times I had flown back and forth to London.

“Okay, what are we even going to play?” Marque asked. Everyone had gotten together at Josline's house for a few hours. Marque had Finley in his lap, and was bouncing his knee up and down. Finley was giggling like mad.

“What about 'Ego'?” Keith suggested. Josline frowned.

“I can't play that one very well.” Josline said, lifting her left arm up. “What about 'Lucky' or 'The Pressure'?” Josline said.

“'Lucky is a slow one.” Marque said. “Do we want to play a slow song?” Everyone shook their head. I was scribbling things down in a notebook. Finley squealed loudly, making me look up at him.

“That's a wonderful suggestion Finley. We'll definitely play that one.” I smiled, putting my head back down. Marque laughed.

“Let's just set Finley in front of the microphone and let him sing.” Keith said.

“I don't think so.” Josline poked our cousin in the side. “Airin, you've been awfully quiet. What do you think we should play?” She asked me. I looked up from my notebook again, looking at each band member individually. With Josline's wrist, she couldn't play solos for very long; but she had improved quite a lot with the piano. Marque didn't want to play slow songs. Keith wanted to blow everyone's mind. I rubbed my stubbled chin, deep in thought.

“'Frequency.'” I said. Every one looked back and forth to one another.

“Why that one?” Marque asked.

“Well, it's one of our electronic dance tunes,” I looked at Marque who smiled, “It's got the piano and keyboard for Josline so her arm doesn't twitch out on her. It's got bad ass drums for me,” I then looked at Keith, “and it's our biggest single.”

“Sound's like good reasoning to me.” Josh said, coming out on the deck. He sat down across from me, next to Josline. Finley made desperate noises, trying to grab his dad; his little fingers curling and uncurling. Marque passed Finley to Josh, who was sitting in between Marque and Josline. Finley gripped the shoulders of Joshes shirt and pulled him self up. Josh kept his hands around Finley's tiny body so he wouldn't fall. Finley pressed his face against Joshes shoulder and started sucking on his shirt. “I'm so glad he doesn't have teeth.” Josh said.

“Me too,” Josline piped up. Everyone looked at her strangely. “What? I barely like him breast feeding now. Add teeth into the mix, that would just be painful,” Josline put both of her hands over her chest. “They hurt enough already!” Marque slapped his hand against his forehead.

“I didn't need to see that!” Marque exclaimed.

“You love it,” Josline leaned against her chair. Marque put his hand down on the table.

“No! No I do not!” Marque looked horrified. Everyone else laughed; Marque turned a light shade of pink. “Well, how would you feel if I grabbed my dick in front of you and told you it hurt, huh?” Everyone stopped laughing and stared at Marque. We were all silent.

“Would it creep you out if I said it would turn me on?” Josline said. Marque turned an even brighter shade of red. Marque and Josline were a very strange pair of friends. Straight girl with a child 'hitting on' a gay guy with a fiancee. It was a very amusing sight if you knew the two well.

“Would it creep you out if I said no?” Marque smirked once his face turned back to it's regular colour.

“It would creep me out!” Both Josh and I said in unicen. We looked at each other briefly before we high-fived.

Marque and I went back home about 2 hours after. We started packing up some of our clothes; tossing them carelessly into our bags. “Marque, where is my...” I looked at Marque who then promptly threw a red hoodie at me, “...red hoodie.” I took the sweater off my head and folded it lazily into my bag. “Does 3 pairs of underwear sound good?” I asked.

“When you play drums, you sweat a lot down...there. Best pack a couple extra.” Marque said, not taking his eyes off his clothes. I nodded and threw a few extra pair.

“Okay, now where are my blue...”

“Bottom left hand drawer.” Marque said.

“How the fuck do you do that?” I asked him.

“Do what?” Marque responded.

“Know what I'm looking for?” I said, laying down on the bed.

“I'm psychic.” Marque smiled. He walked over to my side of the bed and crawled on top of me. “I've just known you so long; I always know what you like to bring on trips. Red hoodie, blue skinny jeans, black fedora...I could go on and on, but you get my point,”

“You know me better than I know myself,” I stated. Marque just smiled.

“Why would that be? Aren't you supposed to know your self better than anyone?”

“I don't know,” I sighed heavily, “I've been so out of touch with myself. I haven't been focusing on myself. I've been so busy working; putting that little extra time in at my studio, I just haven't thought about what's best for me. I wake up some mornings and I don't even know what day it is,” I said. Marque gently placed his hand on my chest, his finger tracing the cursive lettering underneath my shirt.

“You want to know what I think?” I muttered a small yes, “I think, that once we get back from Toronto, you take some time off. I don't want you to think or talk about work. I want you to relax; take a breather.” Marque told me.

“But...”

“No, Airin. I don't want you to stress yourself out any more than what you are. I've noticed you haven't been eating again,” Marque sounded disappointed. I turned my face away from him. When I was stressed out, I didn't eat. “You've been looking extremely thin again. I don't like it,”

“I'm sorry,” I breathed. “You're right, I should take the time off. I promise, as soon as we get on that plane to come back home, I'm in vacation mode.” I smiled.