Burning Desires

As I climbed into Brian's car Matt for some reason chose to sit in the back. I shrugged it off I thought for sure he'd call shotgun. Eitherway I shut the car door and felt a blush cover my cheeks when I caught Brian staring at me, that was quite embarassing I suppose. You'd think I'd be used to that sort of thing thought with my job and all.

"So how much booze do you think we'll need?" I asked and Brain laughed a bit.

"A lot," he said smiling a little.

"How much is a lot?" I asked, I wasn't a bit drinker, so I'd supply myself with some soda or something.

"About one or two kegs and a variety of liquor." Matt said from the back seat and I made a face.

"At this rate your all going to get liver failer..." I frowned a bit.

"Well, that might happen, but its not every night we do something like this. It's just when we've had a hard time or something. Usually Val - oh shit...uhm well she usually goes to get the booze," Brian said the last part quickly.

"Oh cool, who's Val?" I asked, smiling as we parked.

No one answered me, I felt a bit unwelcome all of a sudden. They got out of the car and I followed them looking a bit out of place as they got what they needed. The drive home...was silent, an awkward silence.

I climbed out of the car and slowly walked inside after asking if they needed help they grumbled a 'no'.

"I'm just gonna go upstairs," I said to Jimmy when I came inside and he frowned.

"Why?" he asked and I looked at him.

"I just need some space... aparently I've pushed some buttons." I said as Matt and Brian walked in. I walked up the stairs, I heard Matt call after me but I didn't really care. I entered the room Brian was letting me use then shut the door behind me. I kicked of my shoes and plopped on the bed.

Maybe I'm not as welcome here as they said. I heard the bedroom door open and shut my eyes were closed, so I just hoped whoever it was would just leave.

"Jade..." I heard Matt say and I let out a sigh.

"What's wrong?" he asked me and I almost laughed.

"Oh nothing, you're just being grouchy is all." I said to him.

'I'm being grouchy?" he said shocked.

"I asked if you needed help and you grumbled at me. Then both you and Brian don't say a word on the drive here. If you wanna take back your welcome just say so. Livng on the streets is better than having people pissed off at me for no reason," I stated, my eyes still closed.

"I wasn't mad at you." he said to me and I opened my eyes to look at him. His hazel eyes told me it was hard for him to tell me what he wanted to tell me.

"Then who?" I asked, in a bit more understanding tone.

"Myself." he said to me and I looked at him confused.

"Just don't worry about, alright?" he said to me lightly. "Come down stairs drink have fun eat."

"I don't drink hardly," I admitted to him.

"Oh." he sounded dissapointed.

I looked away from him as he walked out of the room. Because I didn't drink much, he felt put out? What have I gotten myself into? I felt compelled to go get wasted to make him happy. I got up and walked down stairs.

"Hey Jimmy, got anything sweet?"I asked him and he smiled a bit and looked through the fridge.

"Seagrams..." he said looking back at me.

"Sure," I said as he handed me the peach flavored wine cooler. This was pretty much the extent to my drinking, I had the ocasional rum and coke, but that's about it. I popped the top and downed about half of it, this stuff was like soda to me I could drink a lot of these before I actually felt anything.

"So, Jade," Brian said with a small smile. "Your single , right?" he said to me.

"Correct." I said to him taking another sip of my drink.

"Then-"

"Don't you dare, Gates," Matt said with a meanacing tone and I frowned.

"Uhm? What?" I said slightly confused.

"He only wants in your pants, granted, he won't force you he will wait till you give in," Matt told me and I rolled my eyes a bit.

"You were saying Brian?" I said looking at him as his arm was now slung over my shoulder.

"Nevermind," he said sipping his drink.

Ugh, this was unbelieveable. I finished my drink and Jimmy handed me a smirrinoff. Lets just say I had drank about six seagrams and eight smirrinoff, I was blitzed I was a bit of a lightweight but I didn't drink much that was the effect alcohol had on me.

"Dude she's wasted, she needs to eat something," I heard Johnny say as I danced around the livingroom.

"She's having fun," Matt said.

I sauntered over to Matt and threw my arms around his shoulders. "You so awesome!" I stated, I would hate myself for this in the morning.

"Jade, maybe you shouldn't drink anymore tonight," he said to me and I pouted.

"Why?" I asked my face dangerously close to his.

"B-because your completely wasted," he told me and I gave a quick smirk but it faded from my face quickly. I wanted to kiss him so badly, but even in my drunken haze I was self concious. Rejection. I was terrified he'd be mad at me or something.

"I care about you..." I whispered to him softly I wish I had thought about my words more before I spoke them.

"Dude. You still haven't told her have you?" Zacky said pulling me off him, I snuggled into him sadly because of Matt's response.

"Jade, I have a grilfriend." he said to me and I felt my heart break.

Girlfriend?! As in... he goes home to someone else? As in... not me? What could I do? Have a fit? No... that would be rude. The subject never really came up before. I should've known someone as hot as him couldn't be single.

"Of course you do Matty your a great guy. She's lucky," I stated softly as I walked towards the stairs wabbling a little.

"I'll help her," Jimmy said grabbing my waist and helping me to the bedroom; he laid me down and covered me up.

"I really like him,Jim." I whispered and he gave me a sad look.

"I know..."

"It's because of my job right? Makes me bad for you guys." I stated.

"No..he's just an idiot. They've been together a long time, I'm sorry Jade you're chances don't look too good," he said to me and I felt some tears escape my eyes.

"Never good enough," I whispered as I fell asleep.

<<morning>>

I woke up with a killer headache, I rolled out of bed and trudged down stairs. Brian looked up and pushed two pills towards me. I took them willingly with the glass of water he provided.

"I feel like shit," I said.

"I'd think so...you were pretty far gone," he said to me. I began to remember last night, Matt wasn't as single as I thought he was. I sighed a little .

"Whoa whoa...don't cry," Brian said looking at me worriedly.

"I'm sorry." I whispered wiping my eyes.

"What's wrong? Tell me," he said.

"Matt." I whispered and his eyes softend.

"He's an ass for leading you on like this," he said to me.

"Agreed," I said to him.

"Don't worry about him... alright?" he said pulling me into a hug, he was warm. I liked warm.

"Okay." I said softly as he rubbed my back then pulled from me.

"So, how about breakfast?" he asked smiling.

"Sounds great," I said lightly.