Field of Corpses

Excitement was gone as soon as I reached my car, and all of my positive emotions and feelings went away. For a split second, I forgot Christian existed; I thought I was back in reality, and I had never even found Christian. Inside of me, a feeling devoured me. It was a feeling I stupidly believed I would never feel again... Just because of Christian.

Alone, and abandoned.

I should have known better. I shouldn't have been so silly to think Christian would be the only one to stay. In the end, he was just the one that left me, and left me feeling worse than anyone else ever did.

With everybody else, they weren't intentional, but it hurt all the same. I still feel they left and abandoned me. They were my best friends, and I believed they'd never leave; no matter what.

The first best friend to leave was Danny. She was my rock; she was the one I could depend on when no one else would answer. Danny was who I turned to when it came to something personal, because she never judged me. I was so glad to have her as a friend, and I was so upset the day our friendship came to an end.

She had always been sad, and her life wasn't too easy. I should've seen it back when I first started dying, but my attention was on my death. I never noticed her signs; I never spotted that she was going to die to. I never even knew she was dying. It grew worse every day, and she was always right behind me.

Our last day together, when she was one of the last half-living, I could see it clearly. Her heart was on it's last beats. Within hours, she would be like the rest, running on nothing.

I left before the change, but I knew enough to play it over in my head any way. She was gone, and I had to move on, even when it was too much to fathom.

Then we had my best friend, Jakoby. He was someone who I thought would never leave me. We'd gone through so much shit, and we always managed to find each other after, or keep close. Since the first of middle school, clear until the last day he stuck being my best friend. Even when we went through fights, claiming never to talk to each other again, and being in a relationship, he stayed my friend.

After the years, he grew to love something, the only thing, keeping me going. We shared a love for a band, and our friendship tightened. He was my best friend, and I was his. Nothing kept us from being so, even when he met the love of his life who told him not to talk to me. He never listened, but he was always so in love with her...

I got a call one day, from Jakoby, and he was explaining to me that he had to leave. I told him I was dying, before the rumor even hit, and he knew it would start happening with more, and more people. He couldn't stay here, and he couldn't have the love of his life die. He told me he was leaving, running away with her. He had been saving all the money his grandparents had been giving him, and he bought tickets to Amsterdam.

It angered me he was leaving, but how could I be mad at him? He was fully living, and he had a reason to, always holding onto his arm, right beside him. He was in love, and he was happy. He didn't need to risk that, just to stay in America.

So, on the day he left, we had our last goodbyes, and that was about when I knew I was meant to be alone.

So now staring at the empty car, door wide open, and Christian nowhere in sight, I felt bitter all over again. I no longer felt the need to go to California. There was nothing left for me to begin with, I should've known, and there definitely won't be ever again. I was sure now.

I walked up to my car, peering into the windows, and I saw no sight of anything. Christian left, and Billie was gone too. The only thing they left behind was my backpack in the backseat. Even thought I knew they were gone, I still stared into the car. I didn't bother get in, I just stood outside.

I had lost all want to do anything; at all. I didn't want to sit down, but I didn't want to stand. Breathing wasn't happening, and neither was thinking. My mind was blank, and I was emotionless. I didn't want to be anywhere, and I didn't want to be living; I didn't want to be dead. There was nothing that could pull me out of this...

I stared down at the ground now, still completely lost. Subconsciously, I shuffled my feet to the middle of the road, and I just stood there. I couldn't answer why, and I couldn't even ask myself why I was doing what I was doing.

I got down, closer to the ground, and I eased myself onto my back. I was laying in the middle of the road, not wanting to move. There was nothing I could do. Every bit of good emotion I had was gone, and every way I felt before I found Christian was back.

Before I could even recognize what I was doing, I felt a cold liquid down the side of my face. I stared up into the sky, waiting for another rain drop, but nothing happened. There wasn't even a dark cloud in sight. Weirdly, I was crying.

As soon as I realized that it was a tear, it hit me harder. Before I could even stop myself, I was crying uncontrollably. I couldn't believe he had such an affect on me.

The feeling inside of me was need, and I hated why I was feeling that way. I needed Christian, and pathetically I knew, I really was in love. So soon, and so hard. The love was a fire inside of me, killing the bad parts of me, but now the fire was spread throughout my entire being. I was in pain, and there was nothing left of my heart to break; it wasn't even inside of me anymore.

I wanted him so bad, I started to raise my arms out in front of me, hoping he'd suddenly be in my arms.

Why did he leave me?

I didn't deserve him, but what an awful trick. Making me think that maybe I could cheat, and keep him anyway.

I was drowning in a mess of hatred for myself for falling, and being so stupid, and pain from being left once again; being left from someone I actually fell in love with.

It was still hard to think I had fallen in love so fast, but I was living proof of the impossible. No matter dead or alive, this love was real. Even when I had been torn apart from the inside, I still believed in love at first sight. Nothing's impossible.

Slowly, I turned my head, so I was facing down the road. I stared off, not able to see past a certain point, and I closed my eyes. I felt more tears slowly coming down my face.

"Christian, come back," I whimpered weakly, and then my lips started trembling, so I couldn't finish. "I love..."

I let my tears go, no longer caring about anything. I just wanted to lay there and rot.

It was darker now, and Christian couldn't move. Now he was paranoid.

He was so far down the street, but he thought he could hear crying.

"Maybe it was Gloria," he thought. "Maybe she came back."

But what were the odds of that? He had it in his Head that he wasn't mean to have love. Sickly, he thought it would have always been this way; being in love with someone who didn't love you back. That was the only way it had ever been, and he was so used to it now.

Still, he didn't move. He was so hopeful that she was back there, yet he was so worried. If she were, why would she be crying? There had to be something wrong.

He stood on the road, staring forwards, and then back to where he had just left. He hated this, but he knew what he wanted.

Even if Gloria wasn't there, he loved her enough to run back to see if they crying was her.

Instantly, he took off running.

He had never ran so much without needing a break for air. He had never ran so fast without needing to stop. He knew it was because he was turning more into a zombie it was like this, but he couldn't help wonder if maybe it was because he wanted to see her so badly.

As soon as he reached the point he could see the car, he could see a figure on the ground. It was getting to be dark out, so he couldn't tell what it was. He knew it could have been a zombie, but what if it was his zombie?

He urged to run faster, but he had become so much more dead once he saw Gloria had left him, so he wasn't able. He finally got close enough though, and he could see it was her. He stopped running, and silently walked over to her corpse.

He wanted to gasp as he saw she wasn't breathing like she always had when he was around her. Christian wanted to kneel down and grab her. He wanted to save her like she did him, wishing she really wasn't dead, she was just faking it.

She never moved. He longed to kiss her goodbye, and he wanted to hug her tightly, but he couldn't move himself too. Instead, he walked away, trying to hold back tears.

He got about 30 yards away, and he started crying, no longer able to hold them in. He couldn't even walk anymore. Crying, he stood in place, staring up at the now dark sky.

Gloria heard a noise coming from a distance. She opened her eyes to see a dark figure standing in the middle of the road a while in front of her. She wanted to scream for it's attention, but it could have been a lost zombie, trying to get to nowhere.

She sat up though, and tried to see better. Instantly, she started breathing deeply, and she started to cry again.

"Christian!" She tried to scream, but it came out so raspy. She didn't know if it was loud enough.

Waiting to scream again, she stared at him. She got up onto her feet, and slowly started walking toward him.

"Christian!" She tried yelling again, once she got a little closer. "Christian!"

Finally, he turned back slowly, and ran towards her as soon as he convinced himself it was his Gloria.

Like a force pulling them together, almost like they were meant to be together, they got closer to each other. In short amount of time, their bodies collided, and they were holding each other in each other's arms.

Christian held her close, with his arm across her upper back, and his hand on her head, stroking her hair.

Gloria pressed her face against his chest, hugging him tightly, and she never wanted to let go.

"I thought you left me," Gloria managed to say, still with a worn out voice.

"I could never do that," Christian said, cupping her cheek to make her look up at him. "I thought you left me."

Gloria weakly shook her head 'no', and spoke. "I went on a walk was all..."

He went silent, and got close to her to kiss her. Just when they thought it would never happen again, their lips were pressed against each other passionately.

"This is perfect right now," Gloria said, pushing her face back to Christian's chest, still with slow tears falling down her face. "I thought you abandoned me, just like everyone else had. But now you're here, and I love you so much. I thought it would be impossible for me to love, but I really do."

"I love you too, and I don't think I could ever leave you." Christian put his arms tighter around her, looking up into the sky.

"Even the stars look brighter tonight. Nothing's impossible..."