Heartache

“I can’t take it anymore, Christian! I have to go see her,” Lissa cried as she pushed herself off the ground.

“Liss…” Christian said somewhere off to her left.

She let out a sigh. “She’s my best friend and I haven’t seen her in days. I need to see her before I go insane.” Christian mumbled something as he stepped next to her. Lissa uncharacteristically scowled. “What?”

“Nothing,” he said sheepishly. “I just said that I’ll go with you. I haven’t seen her since we were on the plane…and she was, more or less, a mess then.”

Lissa’s anger dwindled and she kissed Christian on his cheek. “I’m glad to know you care for Rose.”

He grimaced. “No. I’m just a concerned citizen.”

She rolled her eyes as she grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the attic doorway.

I managed to pull myself out of her head then. To say that I groggily stirred was an understatement. I went to sit up, but an arm tightened around me when I did. I shifted the best I could to see a waking Dimitri. I smiled at him. “Hey.”

“How are you feeling?” he breathed.

“A lot better, thanks.” I was glad to see the amusement in his eyes at the double meaning.

We only got as far as we had right before we left to see Mason. His excuse was that he didn’t want to take advantage of me when I was in such a fragile state. It was a typical Dimitri excuse and I couldn’t help but be angry…That is until I looked into his eyes. After that, we just talked about various things. From his childhood memories to what Lissa and I did while on the run. Somewhere in the middle of him explaining a book collection in his childhood home, I fell asleep.

As much as I loved lying next to him, we both had to get up soon. I sighed. “Unless you want us to be caught half-naked by Lissa and Christian, I think it’d be wise to let me get up and get dressed.”

“When will they get here?”

I shrugged. “They left the church attic just before I woke up...I’d say a few minutes.”

He muttered something in Russian under his breath as he slowly got to his feet. I scoffed as I got up as well. We shuffled around the room while getting dressed. The only noise came from the ruffling of fabric.

Just as I was pulling my shirt over my head, there was a knock at the door. “Just a second,” I shouted. Leave it to me to have difficulty getting a shirt on at such a time though. Dimitri rolled his eyes but pulled my shirt down by its hem. I smiled at him before making toward the door.

I didn’t get the chance to say anything after I opened the door. Lissa tackled me with a hug. Caught off guard, I stumbled back a little.

“Rose! Oh my gosh!” Lissa shrieked, and then she stepped back, keeping her hands on my shoulders. “I’m so glad you’re okay. You wouldn’t believe how worried I’ve been.”

“Actually, I think I do,” I said as I tapped my head. “I’ve been checking in ever since leaving the lodge.” I glanced over her shoulder to look at Christian still out in the hallway. “Well, you don’t have to stand out in the hallway, Sparky.”

He glanced off to the side and I was about to ask what he was doing, but he spoke before I could. “Would you mind if my aunt comes in too?”

I felt my eyebrows furrow. They must have, unfortunately, ran into her on their way over her. Damn. Hesitantly, I answered, “Uh, yeah. Of course she can.” At this point I was avoiding Lissa’s curious gaze and I stepped away from her to sit back on the bed, sparing a glance at Dimitri, who had slipped back into guardian mode and stationed himself by the window.

Lissa and Christian sat down on the bed as well. Tasha sat in the desk chair.

“Are you all right, Rose?” Tasha asked.

I shrugged. “A little bruised, burned, and shaken up. Otherwise, I’m fine.” Lissa suddenly had the idea to heal me, but I jumped away from the bed. “Don’t even think about it, Liss. Just because—You can’t heal every little injury I have. I’ll recover soon enough.”

Lissa frowned. Please, I just want to help, she said through the bond. I just shook my head.

Christian decided to speak up again. “So, have you seen Ashford yet?” My eyes narrowed and I nodded. He gave me a pointed look. “Well, how is he?”

“He’s fine,” I sighed. “I’m guessing he’ll be out of the infirmary soon. He is pretty pissed off at me though.” I caught Dimitri’s disapproving glare at my choice of words, but I ignored him. Everyone else looked confused and waited for me to elaborate. I really didn’t know why it was so difficult for the people in my life to avoid uncomfortable subjects. I scoffed. “I broke things off with him…”

Lissa gasped. “Why? You two seemed so happy and—”

Typically, I wouldn’t interrupt Lissa, but I felt the need to then. “There was nothing there. At least on my side. I didn’t want to let that go on and risk our friendship anymore than I already had.” Lissa and Christian seemed pleased with my answer.

Tasha, on the other hand, looked skeptical. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was putting together a puzzle in her head. My hostility towards her, Dimitri’s role in the search and rescue, his decline of her offer, and my sudden break up—if that’s what it could be called—with Mason. I couldn’t put my finger on what emotion had set in her face. Whatever it was though, with the scar, she looked wicked.

“Dimka?” she said suddenly.

In my peripheral vision, I noticed Dimitri raise his eyebrows. “Yes, Tasha?”

“Could I speak with you privately for a moment?”

“I can’t—”

“Stop taking your job so seriously,” she said exasperatedly. “Rose is seventeen. She can look after herself for just a few minutes.”

Shit.

I turned to Dimitri and smiled at him. “She’s right, comrade. Lissa and I stayed alive for two years on our own. I’ll be damned if something happens in just a few minutes.” Just for emphasis, I saluted him.

I could tell by his glare that he wasn’t happy with my choice of words—or the salute, for that matter—again, but he left the room with Tasha nevertheless. The idea of what she’d say to him made a growl begin to develop in the back of my throat.

What if she decided to report us? Or use it as blackmail? I quickly shook the thoughts away. I mean, Tasha hasn’t seemed like the type to do either. Maybe—hopefully—she was just telling Dimitri to be careful.

“I wonder what that’s about,” Christian mused.

I wasn’t ready to tell either of them about Dimitri and I being more than just a mentor and his student. I would when the time was right. “Probably to discuss the offer she gave him,” I suggested.

“Oh, right. I nearly forgot about that.” Christian’s face hardened as if he were deep in thought. “Y’know, she really does like him. He doesn’t seem to feel the same way, but at least they’re good friends. So I’m sure everything would be just fine...”

“I like Guardian Belikov, but…maybe being Tasha’s guardian will be a good thing, especially since she doesn’t even have a guardian. They can always assign me another guardian anyway,” Lissa input. “What do you think, Rose?”

So I guess they hadn’t been told. It wasn’t my place to tell them either. I crossed my arms, decided to only give a short answer. And, really, this isn’t a conversation I wanted to have. “It’s a great opportunity for him. For the both of them really.”

“But you’d miss him?” She asked suddenly.

I gaped at her. “What?”

“He’s like a brother to you. You two have been through so much in just a couple months and you’ve both changed for the better I think.”

Well, she was right about two things. He and I had been through a lot since he forced me back to St. Vladimir’s. We’ve both changed, too. Dimitri just definitely wasn’t like a brother to me. I couldn’t even imagine thinking about him that way by that time. If Christian and Lissa would have shown up right before or right after Dimitri and I went to see Mason, they wouldn’t be thinking that way. At all.

I shrugged. “True. And it’d be weird to—”

There was a shout from the hallway and, since I didn’t understand, I guessed it was Russian and came from Dimitri. I glanced at Lissa and Christian before I rushed out to the hallway to see what had happened.

Tasha was storming down the hallway. Dimitri, well…I had never seen him so angry. His cheek was a little red, but he was holding his left arm with his right hand. I wanted to ask him what was wrong; I just couldn’t find the ability to speak.

He looked at me and his gaze softened but hardly. He didn’t say anything. He just walked back into my room and went into the bathroom.

I went back in the room as well to see Christian and Lissa standing up.

“Where’d my aunt go?” he asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. She was walking away when I got out there.”

“Then we’d better go.” He grabbed Lissa’s hand and they began leaving. She shot me a worried glance as she shut the door.

I deeply exhaled. I walked into the bathroom and hopped onto the counter to sit down. Dimitri had set his jacket and shirt aside, leaving him with only a wife beater and his pants on. If he hadn’t been angry, I probably would have made a comment or two. As it was, my bravado couldn’t make an appearance.

He glanced at me as he turned on the sink faucet and put a washcloth underneath the running water. I sighed. “So…do I want to know what happened?”

He grimaced. “That depends on whether or not you promise to not overreact if I do.”

“Overreact as in…?”

“Rose,” he warned.

“Okay, fine. I promise to not overreact, no matter how much whatever you tell me infuriates me.” I muttered, “Stupid self-control.”

Dimitri turned the water off and pressed the washcloth to his upper arm. “I’m guessing Tasha figured out everything once you mentioned Mason. We haven’t been as inconspicuous as I’d thought.” He shifted the cloth on his arm. I found myself leaning forward and placing my hand on his.

“Well, I gathered that much. But it doesn’t explain what happened between you two.”

“Well, that’s the main reason she wanted to talk. I couldn’t lie to her, so I told her as much of the truth as I could. She started warning me about your age, how we’ll both be Lissa’s guardians, how you and I would never have children of our own…” He sighed. “I didn’t let her finish, but I have a feeling that she was going to say that nothing bad could come from me being her guardian. I told her that I knew the consequences and, if necessary, I would resign from being Lissa’s guardian and ask to be reassigned to someone nearby. I just know that I can’t be away from you now that I know what it feels like.”

“And that made her angry?”

“I guess. She slapped me. At least I can say I deserved that much.”

“What about your arm?”

His eyes narrowed. “I don’t really know. She started to walk off, but she turned back around and threw a ball of fire at me. If I hadn’t moved out of the way at all, I’d be in a much worse state.”

“I’m not worth your friendship with Tasha being ruined. If you want to keep her as a friend, accept her offer—”

“Rose, no.” Dimitri frowned. “My decision’s already been made and I’m not changing my mind.”

I squeezed his hand…Which reminded me. “Why didn’t you go get the burn treated? I could handle an extra few minutes alone.”

“Because…” He shook his head.

Ah, I understood then. “Doctor O. probably wouldn’t believe anything you told her unless you said something about a Moroi using magic.”

Dimitri smiled a half smile. “‘Doctor O.’?”

“Yeah,” I said with a shrug. “I go to the infirmary too often. Saying ‘Doctor Olendzki’ has really gotten to be too much to say. I think a nickname is fair.”

He removed the washcloth from the burn. “Why don’t you ask her if it’s all right before you make it a habit?”

“She never asked to call me her number one patient.”

“Though, you may as well be,” he said coolly.

I mock-glared at him. “You may just be her number two patient if you keep up with the witty commentary, comrade.”

“Oh, really?” He did the cool one eyebrow trick that I have yet to master. “You can hardly knock me off me feet. How are you going to injure me enough to put me in the infirmary?”

That was a good question. I pursed my lips. Sure, I was joking, but I was curious about what it would actually take.

Then I grinned mischievously.

Dimitri’s eyes widened. “Rose, what are you thinking?”

“Nothing,” I replied, feigning innocence. “But now I think I know how I’d go about injuring you.”

“And what would that be?” he asked almost indifferently as he examined the burn that was now blistering.

I forced myself to not make a face. “What’s the worst thing about an opponent during a fight?”

“They’re trying to hurt you,” he said bluntly.

I gaped at him. “Did you just make a joke?”

He briefly looked at me and chuckled. “I do have a sense of humor, you know.”

“Well, it’d be nice for you to not be so serious a little more often.” I smiled. “Anyway, other than that they’re trying to hurt you, what’s the worst thing about an opponent?”

“It depends,” he said slowly. “Why are you asking me these questions anyway? I am the teacher here.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m only speaking figuratively.”

“Okay, so speaking figuratively,” he began, “the worst thing about an opponent would be if they knew your every move and/or weaknesses…” His face hardened. “Rosemarie Hathaway, don’t you dare.”

“Don’t I dare what?” I batted my eyelashes. “This is all figurative.”

He mumbled something in Russian.

I chose to ignore whatever he said. “So about your arm…”

“I’ll work through it. I’ve had worse injuries.”

“Dimitri…”

“Rose, I’ll be fine.”

I looked down, staring at the floor. Dimitri lightly placed his hand under my chin and tilted my head back up so that I would look at him. “Hey, no frowning. There’s only so much of an upset Rose I can take.”

I smiled at him. Whether it appeared real or fake to him was another story.

“Come on,” he breathed. “We need to get you something to eat.”

“But I’m not—” I couldn’t finish. My stomach growled and answered for me.

Dimitri laughed. “Not even your body likes it when you lie. Plus, it’s probably been a while since you’ve eaten.” He picked his shirt up off the counter and slid his arms into the sleeves. “Unless you want to be seen with unruly hair by your classmates, you should probably brush your hair.”

I scoffed. It’s nice to know he took his time informing me that I looked a hot mess. Though, to be fair, he had to make himself presentable earlier as well and also tend to the burn. So, I grumbled incoherently as I hopped off the counter and began rummaging through the drawers for my brush.

Dimitri and I entered the cafeteria a little while later. He stationed himself near the table Lissa, Christian, and I sat at. I took a detour through the line, managing to grab a bottle of water, a sandwich, and this trail mix that sounded almost appetizing.

I joined my friends—well, best friend and unfortunate acquaintance—at the table. They stopped whatever they were discussing and avoided my gaze. I tried to read Lissa’s mind, but she was blocking me.

I frowned. “What were you two talking about?”

Lissa’s eyebrows furrowed. “Nothing. Just—”

“Nothing?” I rolled my eyes. “If it was nothing, then you wouldn’t have stopped talking when I sat down.”

“Rose…” She sighed. “We’re just worried about you. You don’t seem to be yourself.”

I let out a humorless laugh. Not at Lissa, but at the observation. I hadn’t been myself in a while, but, to continue being fair, Lissa and Christian hardly ever acknowledged what went on with the people around them unless something huge happened, which was apparently the case then. If they had been anyone else, I would have said that aloud.

I chose to simply shrug instead. “I think it’s just the school. The serious atmosphere really changes a person. Unfortunately, it got to me too. Bastards,” I grumbled.

Then I felt someone kick my leg. I seethed and turned to Dimitri standing next to me and nonchalantly scanning the room. “Ow. Did you just kick me?”

“Absolutely not,” he replied smugly. He only looked at me for a few seconds, but I didn’t miss the amused glint in his eyes.

I glared at him. “Liar,” I muttered.

It was nice to see him smile…even if it was a brief one. He was back to his stern persona. Heaven forbid someone saw him with his guard down just a little. I took the opportunity to stick my tongue out at him. This time he stifled a laugh.

For a matter of minutes, I just sat there picking at my sandwich and cancelling out whatever Lissa and Christian were talking about. I kind of wanted to not see my lunch—or dinner? I had really lost track of time.

I was brought back to reality when someone sat down in the seat next to me. I turned to look at them and nearly let out a very un-Rose-like squeal. Instead, I gasped and tackled him with a hug, nearly knocking us both to the floor. “Eddie!”

It took him a few seconds to hug back, but when he did, his laughter was like music to my ears. My most recent memories of Eddie consisted of him being high on the endorphins of a Strigoi bite and it pained me to even think about how ecstatic he’d become from just few feedings and his slurred words.

I shook my head as I pulled away from him. “How are you feeling?”

He shrugged, and then shifted in his seat a little. “I’m getting better. I can at least think coherently now.”

“That’s a start…” I said awkwardly.

“Yeah.” Eddie let out a hollow laugh. “So…have you seen Mason yet?”

The tabletop suddenly became very interesting. The one person I didn’t want to discuss Mason with is Eddie. Seeing as the two are best friends, telling Eddie that I probably hurt his best friend would be rather awkward.

“Rose?”

I sighed and looked up at him. “I saw him a little while after I woke up.”

“And…how is he?”

“Physically, he’s fine…Well, as okay as he can be after being thrown into a wall by a young, irate Strigoi.”

“Physically?” he asked, incredulous.

“Well, yeah. Emotionally, he’s—Actually, I don’t even know.”

“Traumatized?” he suggested. “That’s perfectly understandable, given the situation. I think we all are a little shaken up from it. I mean—”

I shook my head. “I was talking about when I left the infirmary. He was furious…with me,” I muttered the last part.

“I don’t understand.” His eyebrows furrowed. “You saved his life, Rose. Why would—Well, he did hit his head. Maybe his judgment is impaired right now.”

I growled—yes, actually growled—in frustration. I told Eddie about my visit with Mason earlier, only leaving out my mental additions about Dimitri. A voice in my head was telling me that maybe, just maybe, mentioning that would just make everything worse.

Once I was done, Eddie sat there for a moment or so, processing it all. He didn’t push the subject further. “So, uh, what about your molnija marks? When are you getting them?”

I smiled gratefully at him. “Dimitri—” I tilted my head in his direction “—said tomorrow after breakfast.”

“So soon?”

“Better sooner rather than later.” I shrugged. “Actually, I’m looking forward to it.”

For the second time during that sitting, I felt someone kick my shin. I scoffed and turned to Dimitri. Clearly, he heard the double meaning behind my words. To be perfectly honest, if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be looking forward to getting my marks at all. “Unless you expect my leg to bust open and candy to fall out, I really suggest you stop kicking me.” His eyes narrowed in warning. I yawned. “Let me guess. You’re thinking about making me run extra laps when training starts back up.”

“Rose!” Lissa shrieked.

I blinked and turned to face her. “What?”

“You really shouldn’t speak to Guardian Belikov like that…” She frowned.

I opened my mouth to speak, but, of course, Dimitri beat me to it. “No need to worry, Princess. Rose has said and done a lot worse. Fortunately, I’ve learned to cancel out her comments.”

I heard Christian and Eddie snort with laughter. Lissa pursed her lips, doing her best to hold back any laughter.

“I’m right here,” I grumbled. Dimitri smiled the first real genuine smile I’d seen since return to St. Vladimir’s. Damn him for being so irresistible.

“We’ll discuss training after the ceremony tomorrow,” he said.

I grimaced. I wasn’t looking forward to returning to training yet. I was lucky to form a coherent sentence. I couldn’t imagine what it’d be like to fight again.

I stood up. Dimitri frowned as his arms twitched as if he was thinking about pushing me back into a seated position. With a sigh, I said, “I’m not feeling too well. I just want to go lie back down.” It wasn’t my best excuse, seeing as how Dimitri would interrogate me until I actually had a headache, but I was no longer in the mood to converse with my friends. I just wanted to relax with a certain Russian. Like I had been for the past day.

I waved goodbye to everyone at the table before heading back to the dhampir dorm building, Dimitri in tow.

Dimitri being, well, Dimitri, pulled me to a stop halfway there and turned me to face him. He lightly rested the back of his hand against my forehead. After a few seconds, he pulled away and his face was emotionless. “You seem perfectly fine.”

“I—” I shifted my weight, exhaling deeply. “I just wasn’t comfortable.”

“Comfortable?” He placed his hands on either of my shoulders and leveled himself to look me right in the eyes. “Rose, you really should face—”

“I’m not ready!” I snapped, taking a step back. I watched as Dimitri dropped his arms to his sides and pulled himself back up to full height. “A day ago, I made my first kills after being held captive for days in a basement. A few hours ago, I probably ruined my friendship with Mason and, more than likely, did the same with Eddie. Excuse me for finding discomfort right now. I’m only seventeen.”

His face hardened into a scowl. “Seventeen or not, it’s our duty.”

“Our duty to what? Not be allowed to have emotions and lives of our own?” I probably appeared to be hysterical, but I didn’t care at the moment. “I had no choice but to have this life—not that it’s not great to keep others alive—but I would have just loved to have made the decision.” I watched as his head tilted to the side as if in deep thought. “And if we were Moroi in our situation, there would hardly be any reason to keep it a secret. We wouldn’t have to—”

Dimitri pulled me into an embrace, cutting off whatever else I was going to say. “Rose...” I choked on a sob. “We’ll figure something out. You don’t have to worry about losing any friends or about us soon enough.” He released his hold on me but stayed close. “What did I say earlier?”

I hastily brushed my fingers across my cheeks, wiping away tears. “You said—” I hiccupped “—a lot of things earlier.”

He chuckled, which brightened my mood a little. “No frowning. I hate seeing you like this.”

Like earlier, I smiled at him. I really didn’t want to upset him. “Better?”

“Much.” He looked around before circling his fingers around my wrist. “Now let’s go. You have a big day tomorrow.” I snorted with laughter and he began leading me to the dhampir dorm building.

“What time do I wake up in the morning?” I asked as I plopped down on my bed a few minutes later.

Dimitri stood by the desk, unbuttoning his shirt. “I’d say about the time you usually do for our training sessions.” He raised a mocking eyebrow. “I’m assuming it’ll take a while for you to get up and make it down to breakfast anyway.”

I mock-glared at him. “I’m not always late for everything.”

“No, but, if my memory serves correctly, you usually are.” He looked down at the blistered burn on his arm.

I frowned. “That still looks pretty horrible. Are you sure you don’t need to get it checked out?”

“It’ll be gone in a week or so. Stop worrying about it.” He brushed it with his opposing hand before pulling of the wife beater. I didn’t miss him wince when he stretched his arms over his head.

I smirked. “I don’t have a medical degree or anything, but I can try to nurse you back to health.”

“Says the one with two burns and numerous cuts and bruises.”

“Hey! I’m being nice. Count it as a blessing that you’re one of the few I am nice to.”

“You’re more than just ‘nice’ to me, but that’s our little secret,” he said as he started rummaging through his bag.

I pushed myself off the bed to find some pajamas. “Oh yes, more than just ‘nice’, but only because I like you so much.”

“Just like?”

I looked over my shoulder and nearly laughed at his fake disappointment. “A lot more than like. You know that.” I turned my attention back to the clothes in the dresser drawer I was searching through.

Seconds later, I felt his arms slide around my waist and he nuzzled my neck. The scent of his aftershave hit me like a tsunami. I wasn’t complaining. “How much would you say is ‘a lot’?” he asked.

I suppressed a shudder and continued searching for something to sleep in. “Let’s just put it this way: ‘A lot’ in this case is somewhat infinite.”

“Somewhat?”

“You know what I mean.” I giggled. “You’re making it to where I can’t think coherently.” I felt him smile against my neck.

“Then my job is done,” he breathed. Then he removed his arms from around my waist.

I closed my eyes and deeply exhaled. It was still amazing what he could do to me in just a matter of minutes. I found some shorts and an old t-shirt and quickly changed into them.

I then joined Dimitri on the bed, molding my body against his side. His put his arms back around me and rested his head on top of mine. It didn’t take too long after that for me to fall asleep, all worries leaving my mind. At least temporarily.