Tell Me, Will It All Be Okay?

Chapter Fifty-Eight: “Love Is The Red, The Rose On Your Coffin Door.”

The day of my life I never thought I’d have to live again. It was hard when I was at my grandmother’s funeral. This is my wife. I sat there, holding onto Tyler as the priest talked. I took a quick look around. Frank and Emily were both crying. Bob, Gerard, and Ray all kept solemn looks on their faces as they hugged their crying wives. Chelsea had showed up, and even Bert was there. Bob’s parents were there too. Everyone except her own parents. Oh wait, here comes her father sneaking up the back. Her mother wasn’t there though.

In the days after Lisa died, it hit Frank more and more. He was starting to become depressed and withdrawn. He hadn’t talked much. I couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing. I returned my attention to the priest.

“We are gathered here today, to mourn the loss of one Mrs. Lisa Marie Way. She lived her life to the fullest. She had a very loving family, and very loving friends. But we ask God today. Did you have a better plan for her? Is that why you had her take her own life? Certainly you did, otherwise we wouldn’t be here today. We know it hurts, but God has a better plan for her. She will happily live up in heaven, patiently waiting for her loved ones to join her long into the future. I’ve not much to say, her husband and her son have requested to speak a few words.”

I got up and picked up Tyler. Explaining it to him was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. It took over an hour alone just to get it out to him, then another hour to explain. He seemed to take it quite well, but it seems like he’s taken it too well. I hope he’s okay. I took to the mic first.

“I do not want to go over everything that happened, but Lisa will be missed. I’ve loved her with all my heart, and I still do. It will take some time for this hole in my heart to fill up. Most of it will fill with love for our son, as I take care of him. I hope that I can get help from my friends too.” They all nodded, and I looked at the casket. “Lisa, I’ll always love you. You were my one and only. Now, Tyler would like to say a few things.” I picked him up and he leaned towards the mic. He was already crying.

“Why would you take my mommy away from me? I loved my mommy very much. I am gonna love her forever, and I’m gonna miss her too. I know she’s not coming back to me. I want her to, but she can’t. My daddy says she’s in a way better place. I dunno if it’s better than our house though. I want my mommy to be happy though. I love you mommy.” He managed to get it all out very well before his tears started up again.

We sat back down in our seats, and I held him on my lap.

“You did a great job,” I said.

“I want mommy,” he said.

“I do too. But she’s happy now.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Everyone went and paid their final respects. I watched as dozens of red and black roses on top of the casket. Love is the red the rose on your coffin door. Black is the kiss, the kiss of a serpent son. I tried to hold my composure along with the other guys as they proceeded to bury her. Of us guys, Frank was the only one sobbing. I couldn’t blame him though. Yeah, I was still angry with him, but I knew I would forgive him eventually. He’s been my best friend for most of my life. I can’t end it now. We got our band, even though it would be a while until we toured again. I was already getting ideas for new songs.

When everything was said and done, we all headed home in silence. Nobody just wanted to talk. Tyler and I locked up in my room for the rest of the day. It had started to thunderstorm, so we watched it. It was silent. The clock ticked, and the rain splattered against the window.

“Daddy?” Tyler called me, the tears evident in his voice.

“Hm?” I looked down at him, his chubby tear-stained cheeks.

“I miss mommy. I want her back.”

“I know, buddy, I do too, but she can’t come back.”

“I know, but I want her to.”

“We all do.” I grabbed him and hugged him.

Poor guy. At least he understands that she can’t come back. All of us ate a quiet dinner and went to bed soon after. Tyler had slept in bed with me, even though I wasn’t even in bed. I hadn’t slept much in the last week. I was restless. I would doze for an hour or so, then I would get up and pace the room for an hour, go to the bathroom, try to sleep for another hour or so, then do it all over again. I must’ve gotten about ten hours of sleep in the last week. Tonight though, Tyler wanted to sleep in his own bed, so I tucked him in.

I tried to go to sleep, but I couldn’t. I’d stare at the empty space where Lisa would lay. I see you lying next to me, with words I thought I’d never speak. I sighed, and started to cry again. I sobbed silently until I did fall asleep.