Her Flux

Clouds were slowly gathering and doing as much as they could to hide the blue sky, betokening that a storm was near. But still, the sun managed to peak through their varying forms and shine over Clun. Up on the hill, a good distance from Clun’s small population, in front of the Providence mansion, George Saunders was gathering the fallen and dry leaves off the ground. There was no wind today so his job was a lot easier. He did not have to worry about another large amount of leaves falling from the tree branches in the near future. Or at least until the next day, when he would have to gather them again, up until the day when there would be no leaves. Of course when those days come George would have to start shoveling snow. In one sentence: his work knew no end.

When the sun got clouded for a minute, George made a small pause, propping his elbow on the rake he was using for work. He wiped the sweat off his forehead with a small handkerchief he took out of his pocket. He heard chatting behind him and turned around to see Nathanial and Erica walking out of the mansion. They were walking side by side, Cecile following close behind them as always. It has been almost six days since Nathanial came to work for the Providence family and truth be told, he was enjoying himself. Yes, he could feel strange things taking place, but he managed to shrug them off. Not like he cared for meddling in other people’s lives. God no.

George smiled, his eyes squinting as the sun resurfaced. He took off his hat and bowed a little as they passed him by, before taking the reek in his hands and continuing with his work. Erica’s hands were linked in front of her, while Nathanial had his palms crossed behind his back.

She giggled, putting a hand in front of her mouth. “That cannot be true. Every woman has her dignity has she not?”

Nathanial smiled, his face lighted by the emerging sun. He put a hand over his heart. “You can trust my honest word Erica. It was disturbing to see a young woman flirt with a man when he clearly showed not an ounce of interest towards her. But who can blame her? Her family is in a terrible financial state right now and she was probably hoping she could help them by marrying a rich man like myself. But I apologize for my way of speaking. It is highly inappropriate for a young girl your age to hear these tattles.”

“Do not apologize, I understand. What I do not understand is how a lady could sink so low. If I ever did that mother would probably…” she trailed off, not wanting to finish that thought.

“Disown you?” Nathanial said as they took a left turn that led to the garden in the back of the mansion. Erica looked at Nathanial perplexed. “Do not worry Erica, everyone in England is familiarized with the high society status, divine care and rules the Providence family members endure. Your ancestors are very well known and your family is still one of the most respected one in all the lands. And as far as I know, young women from your family are often arranged to marry wealthy and respected men.”

Erica nodded. They took a seat on a bench next to the fountain as Cecile sat on a bench on the opposite side, that black blanket still resting in her hands. It was starting to intrigue Nathanial, but again he said nothing. Instead, same as Erica, he concentrated on the sound of water splashing. They were awfully quiet before Erica asked what had been on her mind.

“Do you believe that love is possible in arranged marriages?”

Nathanial looked taken aback for a moment. He started at her, an emotionless look on his face. It made her feel as her question was out of place. She dropped her head, looking at nothing but her hands. ‘How stupid of me’ she thought inwardly. She feared that now his great opinion about the Providence heirs would tumble down. But little did she know that Nathanial wasn’t one of those people that cared much about social status and manners. He saw the world differently and that may have been his downside in the eyes of many. That is why instead of thinking thoughts like a normal social climber would, Nathanial only chuckled.

“If I answer that, you will find my opinion lacking etiquette.”

“I would very much like to hear what you have to say Nathanial,” Erica said boldly. Nathanial glanced at her from the corner of his eye, that indecisive light color mesmerizing her. His eyes were not blue, but neither were they green. He glanced at Cecile and after concluding that she was not listening on their conversation, he turned his head towards Erica.

“Well, first answer me this: do you believe in love?” Erica’s cheeks flushed.

“I am afraid I know nothing of love, except what I have read in books. There is a very vivid example of undying love in Shakespeare’s tragic drama ‘Romeo and Juliet’,” She explained.

“Well yes, I anticipated that answer. See here Erica, although many people will try to convince you that love is something you learn with time, it is hardly true. I believe that when people marry someone they do not know - there is no love. They know that no matter what happens, they have to learn to live with each other. That toleration provides a habit of having to live with the one others have chosen for you. And sadly habit is not love,” he explained. Erica gazed at him softly, a small grin on her face. “And love…” he continued, sighing through his nose. “Love is something unexplainable. It is a feeling of lightness, feeling of unselfish care about one another. A feeling that makes you sacrifice everything else for the one you love.”

“Have you ever loved?” She didn’t even think before asking. The question just slipped out of her mouth. Nathanial paused to look at her. “I am very sorry. Forgive me. I did not mean to meddle, it-”

“No,” he answered simply.

“Wha-”

“No, I have never loved. No, you do not have to apologize for everything Erica. At least not to me,” He told her. “You may ask me everything you keep locked inside your mind. I will never judge you.”

Erica was about to respond, but she was interrupted by the sound of carriage wheels passing by and horses neighing as they came to a stop. Cecile stood up, Nathanial and Erica doing the same thing, before they headed for the grand doors. As they approached they saw Thomas opening the carriage door for his wife and George carrying a bag of some sort. Slowly, step by step and holding onto Thomas’s hand Addison made her way out of the carriage. She let go of his hand and taking a hold on the skirt of her pink-gold silk dupion dress with pearl-edged double sleeve flounces in silk and ivory lace. It had a lightly boned bodice with back lacing and the skirt had pannier-style drapes. Addison was adjusting her flower hat when she saw the trio coming their way. She smiled widely, her blue eyes glistering with joy.

“Well hello there. How are you on this wonderful day?” She asked enthusiastically as she linked arms with her husband. Thomas smiled at them.

“We are thirsty for knowledge, aren’t we Erica?” Nathanial said, his eyes gazing softly at Erica and as the first time they met, welcoming her to play along. Erica was very much fond of how discrete Nathanial was being. She felt as if she could trust him. She felt as she had found a true friend in him.

“Indeed,” she answered, trying to complaisant him.

“Well that is good to hear. I’m so glad you see eye to eye,” Thomas said cheerfully.

“Oh, Erica, I picked up your dress from our tailor today. George is giving it to Vilemina as we speak,” she said pointing to the large bag that George was handing his daughter at the door.

“Would you like me to try it out now mother?” Erica asked politely.

“Oh, heavens no. It is too late for that now. You can try it first thing in the morning.”

“Your mother is right Erica. Would you two like to join us for a cup of hot tea?” Thomas asked.

“Yes, I do think it was enough learning for today,” Nathanial smiled secretly towards Erica.

“Well then, let us go inside,” Thomas added before they all made their way inside.

After Addison took off the flower hat off her head and freshened up, she joined her husband, daughter and Nathanial in the sitting room. Thomas had already taken off the wig he hated wearing, but in the end he was a rich aristocrat that had to keep up with expensive clothing standards. And although he would never admit, he always found the whole dressing up to perfection ritual very effeminate.

Addison took a seat on the sofa, next to her husband, while Nathanial sat on the armchair across from Erica. It was slightly cold, so there was a small fire burning in the fireplace situated between Erica and Nathanial. Nathanial chatted with Addison and Thomas, while Erica concentrated on puncturing the needle through the white fabric of her tapestry, her eyes following the example from the hand printed mesh canvas. She was halfway on finishing the girl’s pink dress, before she could move on threading the shape of the young man that shared the luscious green scenery with the blond girl with a pink dress.

Next to her on the small table rested her tea in a porcelain cup, the hot white steam no longer emerging from the liquid. She had carelessly forgotten about drinking her tea while working on her tapestry.

Cecile entered the room, bringing another warm cup of tea to Nathanial. “Thank you Cecile,” he said, taking his tea from the tray. Cecile grinned and curtsied before leaving the room again.

“So, tell us about your family Nathanial,” Thomas said. Nathanial took a sip from his hot tea, the steam making his eyes water. He lowered his cup to its saucer. Erica too got interested in Nathanial’s answer. She stopped her threading to look at Nathanial.

“Well there is not much to say Sir Thomas. I was born in London and I am the only child of the late Rodney Balfour and Marie Walker.”

“Late? I am so sorry for bringing this up Nathanial,” Thomas said.

“It is no problem. My father passed away when I was thirteen years old. I have learned to live with the loss,” Nathanial explained. Erica was looking at him, listening carefully, sadness filling her eyes as the bright fire colors illuminated her left side, while casting her right side in shadows.

“It must have been hard for you. Losing your father at such an important age,” Addison added, sympathizing with him.

“Life is not fair. We all are well aware of that. But what is destined to happen will come to pass,” Nathanial answered, his gaze locking with Erica. She blinked away tears, returning her gaze to her tapestry.

Addison looked from Nathanial to Erica and decided to ask what was on her mind for a while now. But she had to find an appropriate way to get to her question.

“What happened after your father’s death? Did you stay in London?”

“If I recall correctly, Lord David told me that his nephew was from London so I guess they did. Am I right?” Thomas asked. Nathanial nodded briefly.

“I am sure Lord David helped you in this hard period. He is such a nice man,” Addison affirmed nonchalantly. “In the end you are his nephew. He must love you as the son he never had.”

Thomas looked at his wife bemusedly. He did not understand where this was leading.

“Actually, Lord David and I are more in an elbow relation. He is my uncle-in-law. He is married to my mother’s sister, Harriet.”

Although she got her answer, Addison shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Her eyes flew to Erica and she found a way to change the subject. “Erica, your tea honey.”

“Yes mother.”

“I have only heard rumors, but,” Nathanial started as he leaned forward and put his tea on the table in front of him. “Is it true the castle my uncle owns these days once belonged to your family?”

“That is correct.”

“I was just wondering, why sell such legacy?”

Addison shifted uncomfortably again, her eyes blinking nervously. Thomas cleared his throat. “Well, we wanted to offer our child a more simple life, away from all the social pressure. Addison and I grew under that same pressure and we wished a different life for Erica. Regarding the castle, Lord David seemed very interested in buying it so we thought why not? It seemed as a good chance at the time and we do not regret it.”

“I see.” Nathanial paused. “When I was staying there the previous week, I heard some ladies asking my aunt Harriet about the Winter Ball. They mentioned that it was a Providence tradition, but that sadly it is no more. They were hoping that you may overtake the responsibility of hosting this ball yet again.”

“Yes it was, but we have not hosted a party in more than sixteen years. I do not-”

“We will put some thought into it. Frankly, I think it is a very good idea. My family has always cared for such gatherings,” Thomas said, interrupting Addison and leaving her to stare at him.

“But darling, we have not hosted such an important event in a long time and the Winter Ball is just months away,” 'Ten days before Erica’s birthday’ She screamed in her head.

Thomas looked into her eyes, his gaze shifting to Erica for a second. She had long dropped her tapestry in her lap and was listening very carefully, a spark of hope dancing through her eyes. She had never witnessed such an event. She still had that dream of dancing with a young man, an imaginary prince, while dressed up as a princess.

“I do not consider this a problem Addison. We have more than enough time on our hands.”

“I am sure people back in Ludlow would be thrilled to hear of your decision and I do think that you should announce this in the shortest amount of time possible, before someone else overtakes that task upon themselves,” Nathanial noted, looking directly into Erica’s eyes. “I am sure people would be ecstatic to meet a lovely young lady such as your daughter.” Erica blushed. A long silence filled the warmly lighted room. The sounds of cups being returned to their saucers, wood cracking in the fireplace and the occasional wind that blew by filled the sitting room.

Addison looked calm, but her insides were burning with discontent.

“So, do you believe tomorrow Erica and I can start horseback riding?”

Addison glanced at Thomas. He was not even listening. His attention was directed towards Erica as he gazed at her peaceful figure. Addison sighed, before managing to smile.

“I believe you can.”