I Thought You Could Never Love a Monster. I Was Wrong.

I looked at the giant wolf in front of me. His eyes glistened in the sun, and the color made Jacob all the more beautiful as this giant creature. I frowned when he snorted, upset that I had almost jumped. I felt horrible for being so selfish.

But why was I being selfish to him? I wasn't. I was doing this for myself. So, that shouldn't even be a problem. But I'd look stupid to just jump off with him in front of me. And i'm sure that if he couldn't save me, he'd have all of the blame pushed on his shoulders. And the Cullen's would hurt him. I couldn't do that to him.

So I'd wait for another time to take my leap into the misty ocean that was calling to me, calling my name over and over again. . .

~

I smiled at the wolf, and took a hesitant step forward, lifting my arm up. He didn't move, but he pushed his big furry head against my hand. His fur what soft and smooth. I could pet him all day long.

I smiled and got closer to Jacob. I took both of my hands and started scratching behind his ears, which got him to make a little sound of pleasure from his throat. I couldn't help but laugh. I kept scratching, and Jacob closed his eyes.

The wind started to get colder than before and I started to shiver. I pulled my arms around myself and sent out a slight groan. Jacob looked at me and gestured his head back. I nodded in understandment and followed him down the cliff, to the nice vacant beach. His furry body layed down in the sand. I giggled.

He nodded his head and let out a little whimper, signaling me to come over to him. I did what he said and curled myself into his warm furry body. He was warm, and I could stay in this spot forever. I smiled at myself when Jake's big head came near my head. I looked at him and before I could move, his huge tongue glided across my right cheek.

I groaned, "Oh, Jake! Ew! Slobber! Bleck!" I wiped the slobber quickly off, still moaning at how disgusting it was. Jake couldn't help but let out a bark which meant he was laughing. I grimaced at him and kissed the top of his cold wet nose. He smiled a wolfy grin. I was starting to love that grin.

Before long, it had been getting dark, and I knew I'd get into trouble if I didn't get back to Forks. I sighed, and stood up, wiping the sandy off of me.

"I gotta go, Jake. This was fun." I smiled and petted him. He stood on all four legs and whimpered, nudging his head against my cheek.

"I'll come back, I promise." I kissed his nose before running off into the forest that me and Jake had come from earlier.

I smiled as I thought about the day with Jake. It was amazing. I wasn't that day to never end. I loved curling up to a giant wolf. Look at the irony of that, I laughed at myself. But I promised Jake that I'd go back, and I would. So, when I got home, even the argument that was to come couldn't keep me from seeing Jake again.

I walked in normally to the house with every vampire's eyes on mine. Mostly worried, and then a little disgusting when they sniffed me up.

"You were with the dog." Rosalie grumbled. "Of course, that's where you belong." She glared before dragging Emmett off. Emmett, who turned around to give me an apologetic smile.

I nodded at him and turned to face my doom. Edward was the worst out of all of them. His look changed from pain, to disgust, to worry, then back to pain. I wasn't sure of what to do. So I just stood there, adn waited for him to say something.

"Guys, could you give us a moment alone, please?" Edward asked through his teeth. The others murmered in comprehension and left the room, leaving me and Edward alone.

"How?" He started, his voice acid-like. "How could you do this to me? Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to get back?! You knew we couldn't cross the treaty line because a war would have broken out. When Alice saw your future dissappear, my dead heart had stopped. You had me worried sick, Remy! I was so close to crossing the line today! Do you know how dangerous that is?!" He growled.

He's never growled at me like he just did. This growl had anger, pain, and a lot of disgust in it. I flinched back. I glared at him, my jaw tightened and flexed at the anger that I was not feeling.

"First of all," I started, menacingly. "You are not my father," My voice cracking at the thought, "Second, you do not control me. Just because I live here doesn't mean I need to be kept on a fucking leash from you guys!"

Edward had flinched slighty and my words, but kept his face calm. And I wondered how in the world he could do that so well. I shook myself mentally.

Edward tried to speak but I put my hand up, protesting his words that wouldn't mean shit to me anymore. "I am sick and tired of being kept here all the time. I cannot deal with this, Edward. I love you more than my own life, but I can't keep pretending i'm fine when you're not here! I can't, Edward! I need to leave, i'm sorry." I cried, and ran upstairs to pack the things that I had.

I stuffed my clothes and my accessories in my bag. Everything that I could fit, was in there. My eyes were getting blurry from the tears leaking out. I wiped them away harshy, not caring for much anymore. I carried my bag to the door, but before I could even take another step, Edward was in there with me. I dropped my things when he came over, grabbing my face and crushing his lips to mine.

I wasn't sure what to think. I wanted him, but I needed to leave. I couldn't stay here anymore. Atleast not now. I pushed Edward pack, hard. He didn't protest against me, and he had a normal posture.

I shook my head, "I just, need a break. Not a long one, just..." I trailed off, looking down.

"Remy, please. I am terribly sorry. Please do not leave me." He begged.

"I'm not leaving you, I just said I need a break. I just need to get things straightned out with myself." I grabbed my bag and headed out of my room.

I heard Edward right behind me, and I stifled back a sigh. Once I was downstairs, I turned around to face Edward. His expression broke my heart. It could to anyone. All of the pain on his face caused me to ache inside. I stifled a sob, and just sighed.

"Alright." Was all Edward said. But before I was able to leave, he grabbed me into another kiss.

This kiss was different from the one upstairs. It was more fierce, and more of a need to the both of us. I couldn't do anything but kiss him back. He pushed me against the door and moaned lighty when I traced my tounge on his bottom lip. He kissed me harder, and this time I had let out the moan. His tounge found it's way to my mouth, and it had asked for entrance, which I greatly gave.

Our tongues explored eachothers', and I felt in heaven. His cold breath against my face, his cold touch against my body. It all sent me shivers. And the shivers reminded me of why I had come to love this man. The sexual part was apart of it, but the biggest part was the way the butterflies flew around excitedly in my stomach. And I had never had that feeling before. Except at Piano Recitals.

Edward broke the kiss, but I wanted him more. I considered so much more after that kiss. I had made a huge mistake to say I wanted a break.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I was being stupid, I don't want a-" I was interrupted with a cold hand over my mouth.

"I understand how you feel. I will give you break. I'm sorry for everything, love. I guess I'll....see you around." He hardly smiled before turning away and running up to his room.

I wanted to run up to him and finish what I wanted to say. 'I was stupid, I don't want a break. I can't have a break now that I realize why I had fallen for you in the first place. I love you, and I need and want you. You're my everything, Edward Cullen.'

I realized what I had done, and I shook my head frantically, turning to the door, yanking it open and running into the dark mossy forest. Forgetting about my things, forgetting about school. Jacob. Edward. The Cullens. My real family that I had killed. Music. All of it. My life. I ran and ran, wanting all of those things out of my mind.

I knew I ahd been running for a long time, but I was still in the forest. Deep in the forest. I wasn't sure where I was, but I didn't care. I stopped and let myself slide down an old tree, into the dirty wet ground.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and let myself fall out. The tears never stopped coming, and the sobs got louder with each breath of mine made. I let out a shriek of pain and agony. I had fucked up so much, and there was only one conclusion.

The cliff wouldn't work, because Jacob wouldn't allow it. Running away seemed like a nice idea. But, then it came to my mind. The time Edward had talked to me about The Volturi. How they killed humans without despair. Not caring at all. Maybe I'd go there, and pay a visit.

I sighed heavely. I'd need to think carefully about that, so Alice wouldn't find out. Maybe I'd see Jacob tomorrow, and tell him to take me to the airport. Lie and tell him i'm going over seas to visit my great grandmother in Italy. Or some country close. Alice wouldn't be able to see me then.

But I closed my mind off, sealing everything away from the vampires and their powers. Not now, would I let Alice figure me out. But I would find the way to leave Forks, Washington, and find my way to where I want to be. To end my life easily. It would be easy.

The words that I wanted to tell Edward still floated around in my mind, though...

"I love you, and I need and want you. You're my everything, Edward Cullen."