I Thought You Could Never Love a Monster. I Was Wrong.

I looked out the large window in front of me, the wind blowing aimlessly outside. I felt numb. Why? I couldn't put my finger on it, I was confusing myself ineptly.

"Love, what's wrong?" Edward asked, hesitantly.

I sighed and turn to look at him. "I need to tell you. All of it. It's been killing me inside." I looked down, feeling totally guilty.

His cold fingers pressed under my chin, lifting my head up for my eyes to meet with his. "Then tell me, love. Please, I do need to know." He whispered.

I inhaled, closing my eyes. "You know about the um rape..." I said, I could feel Edward flinch next to me. I opened my eyes. "But you don't know why I was at the gas station in the first place, and why I was where I was..." I trailed off, looking into Edward's eyes.

"Go on." He pushed. I nodded, continuing.

"I was at my therapist's office. I was much to late, but I begged her not to give up on me. That's why I was out so late, anyways." I sighed, "Okay, well... Um, why I went to therapy i something hard to even think about. And I'm telling you because you mean everything to me, and you need to know." I trailed on.

"I know you've gotten glimpses of my past, but you didn't feel the resentment and pain I felt when I lost them. My family. Umm, well last y-year, we got into a car accident. I was driving, my parents were drunk, and my little brothers were in the back seat, sleeping." I choked out a sob, Edward placed his cold hand on mine.

"And, I too, had some to drink, although I always did at family gatherings. It was Christmas, so it was a much bigger occasion. So I drank more than I should have. And when they told me to drive, I didn't even think about how much I had to drink that night.... While I was driving, I had gotten distracted by my parent's careless holiday cheer," I half-heartedly laughed.

I continued, closing my eyes at the pain I'd relive. "All of a sudden, the car slipped on some black ice, and it flipped over and over and over again. And I saw my family's dead bodies." I whimpered, tears falling down my face. "I saw their broken, bloody bodies, and all I could do was scream, and cry, and panick. But then I blacked out, and later woke up in a hospital."

I pulled my knees up to my chest, heaving absently. "And then when I had found out what had happened to my family..." I sniffled, then whispered; "I went crazy."

I shook my head relentlessly, "And I've have to live with that..... pain inside of me ever since. All my therapist tried to do was force every feeling that I had out of me, and I couldn't do that. Because I'd end up going to a nut house for how crazy I was inside. So I took the anger out on myself." I sighed, raising up my sleeve, to show light scars.

I heard Edward gasp lightly, and I opened my eyes to see worry painted on his beautiful face. He shook his head, his eyes closed, and his was whispering something to himself, that I couldn't hear.

"Then, you know the rest... The rape and everything else." I sighed, wiping the broken tears dripping down my face.

"Tell me about your music. Your's and your father's music. Tell me it all, and tell me about your family. Distract me from going off on myself for having you go through such pain." His eyes were still closed, and his voice was sharp, filled with remorse, and pain.

"Edward, you weren't there, we had never even met. Do not blame yourself." I said just as sharply.

"Just.... talk, Remy." He said, trying to control himself.

I sighed, "Well, my father and I, we have been partners in music ever since I could walk. He taught me piano, and he always sang to me. He has written me a few peices that I still remember, and know how to play. He had taught me how to sing just as well as play piano, and we performed together all the time... He was my hero. I remember, when my dog had died, he brought me out of my childish depression with music, and he taught me how to live from my lost, and dead dog. He made me a strong girl. His strong little girl." I laughed a little, the pain still there, in my chest.

I shook it off, continuing, "Um, my mother. She was....beautiful. The best mother that anyone could ever have. I was her only daughter, but we had something that no other mother and daughter would ever have. Her voice was just as beautiful as my fathers. They had actually met at a musical banquet in Ohio. That's what they shared the most. And so music had been in my family ever since." I smiled at my hands, wiping the absent tears that had fallen from my wet eyes.

"And my little brothers, Jamie and Zacky" I chuckled lightly. "God, they were the best little boys in the world. They meant everything to me. When this one boy would want to pick a fight with them, they'd threaten him with "their older sister beating him up", and that worked everytime that boy tried to start with them. And the looked up to me, they had even told me how much they want to be like me, but with boy clothes and their own kind of way. It was cute." I shook my head in pain.

"And God, how I wish I could have taken all of this back. I've been wishing ever since the accident for myself to be dead. For my pointless life to end, and not their's. Not them, they were too young to die, and they had hardly lived. I had enough of mine, why could God have taken me, you know?" I trailed on. I glanced up to see Edward looking at me in awe, a small smile appearing on his face.

"What?" I asked, smiling back.

"You have no idea how prodigious, and astounding you really are, do you? You absolutely amazing me, Remy Jones." He smiled, then grabbed my face, leaning in.

When his lips met mine, I let myself go and kissed him. His cold lips pressed feverishly onto mine. His hands trailed over my frail body, while my hands grasped into his messy bronze hair. He layed me down, holding his own weight, not wanting to squish me. His hands went down my legs, and I sent a slight moan which made him smile into the kiss.

I spread my legs open, his hands wondering to my inner thigh, gingerly trailing up to my stomach. Then his cold hand went under my shirt, and soon his hand was pressed on one of my breasts squeezing lightly. Then his other hand hand joined in. I moaned as he kept a slow pace. I wrapped my legs around his waiste, pulling myself close to him.

Edward slowly pulled has hands out to grab the hem of my shirt, then effortlessly taking my shirt off, leaving me in just my underwear. His eyes wandered down my body angrily, over my scars, and all over. I could tell he wanted me, just as much as I wanted him. I looked up at him, waiting for him to make his move. To which he soon did.

His shirt and jeans were off in an instant and his hands were back on my hips, his lips against my neck, leaving small but passionate kisses. I moaned again as his hands traced the sides of my body. His kissed trailed down on my chest, all over, down to my stomach. He stopped when he had gotten to the start of my panty line.

"I'm sorry. I'm not quite ready for this. I promise I will make love to you, just not now." He said, reassuringly.

I bit my lip, but nodded as I grabbed my shirt and throwing it back over my head. I groaned at the thought that I couldn't have him right now.

"What is that groan for?" He asked, smirking.

"What? I can't be mad about not having you right now?" I grumbled.

His chuckle made my stomach fill with butterflies, and made my heart race fast. "I promised we would try, but not now. Because......" He trailed off as there was a knock on the door.

"Come in, Alice." Edward called over his shoulder.

"Hope I didn't interrupt anything." Alice winked at me as she came in. I blushed a deep red.

"As a matter of fact, you-" Edwrd covered my mouth, interrupting me.

"No, you didn't, Alice. But I see you need Remy?" He stated, sort of.

Alice beamed a bright, beautiful smile, "Why, yes, I do. Come on, Remy. Get dressed. We are going shopping! Because tonight, we are all going out for a little shimmy shimmy." She chimed.

I laughed with her. "Oh, perfect." I rolled my eyes sarcastically as she pulled me from the bed.

"Let's goooo!" She whined, pulling me lightly, yet roughly.

"Keep her safe, Alice." Edward smiled, kissing me on the lips.

"Of course, because you'd have my head if I let anything happen. I'm hurt that you have so little trust in me." She pouted, then smiled.

"Well, let's go. No wasting time!" Alice chimed, pulling me with her.