Head on Collision

Jack’s POV

It felt like I needed a crow bar to pry my eyelids open. The weight on them was severe. I managed to pry them open for a split second before wanting to clamp them shut again; the light streaming through the window almost blinding me. I coughed a little; the taste of bile rising in my throat. I swallowed hard; desperate to push it back down. I groaned; my head was killing me. What the fuck happened? I don’t remember drinking anything stronger then a coke. How the fuck was I hungover?

I pried an eye open managing to keep it open this time; closely followed by the other. Lying on my stomach; without moving my head I looked around the room. I wasn’t at home; tha was for sure. This room was white. Alot of white. I’m not ar Alex’s either. The pillow spelt somewhat floral and the window had lace curtains up at the windows. Reluctantly I lifted my head before dropping it back down; now facing the other direction.

The sight made my eyes pratcuall bluge out of my head. I sat up onto my knees quickly; before pulling the sheets back around me. I felt sick. I felt physically sick. Finding myself naked in bed with someone else was not how I planned to spend my Sunday. I turned to sit on my butt and peered over the person beside me; instantly regretting the decision.

It was Jasey. And the way her hair was splayed over her bare back told me one thing. I slept with her. Why? why the fuck would I do that.? Why would I fucking betray Alex like that? Why would I ever...wait. That drink. That fucking drink she gave me. She must have slipped something in there. I wouldn’t have done anything like this otherwise.

I sighed. I had never hated myself as much as I did right now. I pushed the sheets back off me and swung my legs out of the bed; finding my boxers discarded by the bedside. I felt off. I felt dirty. I pulled my boxers on before standing up; the headache only increasing as I stood. I felt that sick feeling rise in my throat again. I looked around quickly befre ducking into the ensuite bathroom that was attached to the bedroom. I wretched; everything I had eaten yesterday and possibly drank emptying into the toilet bowl. I collapsed beside it; wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. Tears rose in my eyes but I blinked them away. Not yet. Not here.

I stood up slowly; clutching the toilet to asteady myself. A couple lay in the bathtub; the girl on top of the guy; curled up together. I smiled sadly at them.

I flushed the toilet; praying it wouldn’t wake them up. I slowly walked back into the strange bedroom; picking up my jeans from beside the bathroom door. I stepped into them and pulled them up quickly. I was thankful that Jasey was till asleep. I shook my head. she hadn’t changed. She was such a slut it wasn’t even funny anymore. But, I guess, given that I had slept with her, I’m no better than she is. It takes two to tango afterall. I looked around the room; not finding my shirt anywhere. I pulled on my shoes that were by the door. Slowly opening the door, I peered outside; finding my belt on the floor outside; I decided to leave it. I walked down the stairs; stepping over someone who was passed out on the landing. I located my shirt draped over the banister.

I pulled it on and with a quick feel of my pockets for my wallet I went down into the living room; finding Kara and Rian lying on the couch together. She was curled into him; hsi arms protectively around her. I felt those tears again; allowing them to rise this time. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

I thought of Alex. I thought of him probably just waking up. Going to shower. Eating breakfast. Waiting for me to come and see him like I had told him I would. I knew I couldn’t. Not now. Not after what happened. I didn’t have the guts to. I just committed the total and most severe act of betrayal. I fucking cheated on him. I cheated on him. it was the lowest of lows. He’d never forgive me. He’d dump my ass and there’d be no way of getting him back. Not that I deserve him. he’s so perfect and loyal and beautiful. and what am, i? I’m fucking dirt.

I left the house quietly; walking to the bus stop just up from Kara’s house. I waited; only a few minutes luckily. I fought the tears; biting my lip as hard as I could without it hurting. I climbed aboard the bus and sat down heavily in the seat infront of an older lady. I hung my head as the tears won. My body shook; shook with sobs of regret; of hate of myself. The seat dipped beside me and I opened my eyes to see a tissue being held out to me. The older lady smiled sadly at me.

“Whatever it is son, it will fix itself in time,” she told me.

I shook my head.

“Not this,” I choked. “This wont.”

She rested her hand on mine which sat on my leg. I turned my face away from her; staring out the window. I didn’t have the heart to pull my hand away.

I thanked her for her kindness as the bus rolled toa halt at my stop. She smiled at me as I walked away; down the steps and onto the foot path. I walked quickly to my hosue; letting myself in and slamming the door behind me. With my hands shoved in my jeans pockets I shuffled down the hallway.

“Jack honey,” my mums voice of concern came form behind me.

I sniffed.

“Sweetie, what is it? What’s happened?” I could hear it. The worry.

I didn’t deserve. I didn’t deserve her pity. I was a fucking asshle for what I did to Alex. I ignored her; walking straight to my room and closing the door behind me. I kicked my shoes off and threw myself down onto my bed; face squished between my pillows. I was laying there a little more then two seoncds before my phone went off. I half expected it to be my mum; asking me to come and talk to her. But I was wrong. It was worse. It was Alex. My eyes filled with tears at just the thought of him; sitting there, smiling, excited to see me.

“hello baby. :) I figured you might be awake by now so I thought id text you. I hope you had fun at the party last night. I would’ve preferred it over crazy relatives I can assure you. Okay. I hope to see you soon like you said. My parents are taking my grandparents out so im alone until around four; not that they would mind if you were here anyway. Alright. I hope to see you soon. I love you Jack. Xox <3”

I read the message over and over; more tears rising with each time. I shook my head as some finally reached the surface and bubbled over. I hit reply. I couldnt see him. I just didn’t have the guts.

”hey babe. I’m not feeling too good. I only just got home. I guess I passed out at Karas. I’ll see and talk to you tomorrow okay? Love you too.”

I stared at my phone; willing a quick reply and almost instantly I got one.

”oh. Alright. I guess ill see you tomorrow. Feel better. I love you more.”

”I love you more. I love you more. I love you more.”

I guess he did. Because if I loved him as much as I say I do, last night wouldbt have happened none of it would have. I threw my phone is anger with myself. It hit the door of my wardrobe hard; cracking the wood. I roll over and pulled a pillow out from under my head. I clutched it to my chest and let myself cry. Sobbing into the pillow.

“im sorry Alex,” I whispered to myseld. “I am so fucking sorry.”