Only in the Moonlight Does This Feel Right

I had been quiet lately, mostly due to the fact that I was obsessing over Jacob’s old flame, Bella Swan. I mean… what was so special about her? I know that sounds a bit rude, but I’m only curious. I don’t mean to make it sound bitchy…

I tried to imagine her; someone to have made Jacob so head over heels must’ve been beautiful…

Once again, I don’t mean for it to sound like that.

'God…' I thought. 'All this jealously crap is not good for me. It’s making me out to be the things I try not to be—conceited and a bitch.'

I could only imagine what she looked like… long mid-back hair that flowed with ease, sparkling eyes that made everyone’s day easier, a perfect hourglass body that would make anyone tempted, a smile that would light up the room, a laugh that caught everyone’s attention, tanned skin that was kissed by the sun, just… absolute perfection…

“Jade, are you alright?” Emily asked curiously.

I snapped out of my trance-like state to see that the spoon I held in my hand was now at a forty-five degree angle and I quickly put it onto my lap, bending it back to it’s regular shape—it was pretty flimsy metal. Everyone looked slightly concerned, but didn’t question the matter, although their eyes made it very clear that they did want to.

I knew Jacob would’ve immediately interrogated me. He’d take me up to my room for privacy, sit me down on me bed, make me look into those damned hypnotic brown orbs of his, and tell him what was on my mind all while comforting me with small kisses…

But he couldn’t. He was off with Bella Swan.

“Um… I’m done,” I sighed out, putting my hair behind my ears and taking my plate to the sink.

I walked up the stairs, glaring at the floor as I did so, and marched into my room, closing the door right after I walked in. I flopped on my bed and stared out the window, hoping that Jacob would just pop into view and say he missed me while he was gone…

“What does she have…?” I whispered, and I felt a ball form in my throat.

'Whoa, whoa, whoa…' I thought. 'Hold on a minute. I am not going to cry over such a small little thing. I know Jacob would never forget about me, he loves me… and I love him. There’s absolutely no reason to spill tears over anything.' There was a knock and the door opened. 'Please let it be Jacob…' I pleaded to myself.

Chris walked in, and closed the door behind him. He walked over to my bed and looked at me expectantly. “Well? Start explaining, I know that when you put your hair behind your ears it means something serious.”

I gave a very small yet noticeable smile and grabbed my notepad, writing down a message for him. “Not while there’s a pack of shape shifters with amazing hearing abilities downstairs.”

He laughed and then got up, grabbed my shoes from the floor and then tossed them to me. “Then let’s get out of here.”

I slipped them on and we both walked down the stairs and out the house after telling Emily we’d be back soon. When we were a good mile away from the house, Chris stopped and leaned on a tree for support.

“So what’s up?”

I looked for a place to sit down and found a pile of leaves. I moved them close together with my feet to make a sort of cushion before I sat down. “It’s really stupid.” I mumbled.

“I don’t care, what is it?”

I blew my bangs out of my face and then looked back up at him. “I’m just… angry that Jacob’s been hanging around Bella Swan lately. I mean, I know he’s with me most of the time, and I don’t really have a problem that he’s not with me right now, but it’s just that… it’s her, someone that he used to have a thing for. I know I shouldn’t be concerned over something so minor, but I just can’t help it.” He chuckled and I gave him cold glare. “This isn’t funny, Chris. Not to me it’s not.”

“Okay, okay, okay, I’m sorry.” He replied. “I don’t blame you for feeling like this, not one bit. Honestly, the whole pack hates that he’s being so close with her again. They hate the fact that he’s ditching you, his imprint, for some leech’s girlfriend, who only used him a few years ago because she was having a ‘hard time’.”

“She used him…? That bitch used him?” I asked. “For what?”

“The guys told me that a few years ago Edward left her for her own good, and so she went to the best next thing—Jacob. She was getting real close to him and he thought he had a shot with her, but when the bloodsucker was in trouble, she left Jake and went to go save him. When they got back, she chose that monster over Jacob.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me…” I whispered. “What a bitch. I can’t believe she would just use him like that. Jacob’s a human, not a goddamn tool!” I seethed angrily.

“Yea, I know, it’s pretty pathetic how he’s just forgotten everything about what happened.” Chris muttered. “What time is it?”

I looked at my cell phone’s clock and back at him. “Noon exactly,”

“Shit,” he cursed. “Um, I’m supposed to be meeting up with the pack at the usual place to learn more about those damn newborns right now. Do you think you can walk back home?”

“Do you think that’s a good idea with all that’s been happening lately?”

“I guess you’re right, but Jake will have my head if I bring you.”

“Who cares? I’ll tell him to leave you alone if he goes berserk.” I shrugged the matter off.

“Fine, hold on, I’ll shift and come back out. When I do get on my back and I’ll take you with me.” He explained and disappeared into the horde of trees.

He returned and I walked over to him and his golden coat of fur.

“You look nice as a wolf, Chris, you should be one more often.” He shoved me lightly with his body and I got on. “Oh yea, and this whole conversation, stays between me and you.”

He ran full speed away from Emily’s and five minutes passed before we arrived at a clearing. The whole pack was standing by the trees and the Cullen family was on the other end of the field. Carlisle began to talk and explain more about the newborns.

I got off of Chris and he went to the rest of the pack who looked back at me apologetically with their saddened eyes. I wondered why they looked at me like that and I turned my head to find out.

Jake had his large head buried into the lap of a girl. She was ordinary and nothing was unique about her in the slightest—I didn’t even notice her existence till I saw Jacob’s huge body. She had brown hair that cascaded down her shoulders—it looked like a dead rat with the way it wasn’t combed, she had purple bags under her eyes, her eyes looked absolutely dead and lifeless with their lack of emotion, her body was like a ruler, no curves whatsoever, and her skin was the palest I’d ever seen, it even looked paler than the vampires’!

It hit me within a second that this was Bella Swan, the Bella Swan who had hurt Jacob by taking his heart, ripping it to shreds, and then throwing it back in his face…

'I can’t believe I wasted my time on someone so…I can’t even find a suitable word. Heartless is too good for her.' I thought. 'No one should use another person, no matter what the circumstances.'

I felt a nudge and turned to see one of the pack who was gray with dark spots on his back. “Hey Embry,” I said softly, and I petted his head soothingly. My actions caused him to relax immediately and he rested on the floor as I continued to pet him softly, I knew he felt bad for me having to see Jacob so close to her, and he was trying to show me that he cared.

There was a growl and I turned to see Jacob baring his teeth at Embry. Embry stood up and began to advance on Jacob. A black wolf, Sam, charged into the middle and stopped the fight before it began.

'I shouldn’t have come. I should’ve just walked home and took my chances getting killed; it would’ve been much better than for all of this to start because of me.'

I shook my head, absolutely disappointed in myself, as I began to go back home alone. I felt a head nudge my arm softly and I saw Jacob’s head staring up at me with concern.

'Oh… so now he cares…?'

I didn’t say anything as I just carried on forwards. I knew my way back, besides, it was a straight path.

I heard his paws take him away and I heard running. A hand grabbed my arm and he pulled me back.

“Jade, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing’s wrong, Jacob.” I replied bitterly.

“Jade, don’t be stubborn, tell me what’s wrong.” He urged.

“Nothing is wrong, Jacob.” I repeated and yanked my arm out of his grasp, and began to continue walking.

“Why are you calling me Jacob? Jade, tell me—now.” He said sternly. “I’m not joking.”

“It’s called your first name, and what makes you think I’m not either?”

“Jade!” He yelled. “Tell me, what the hell’s the matter?!”

“You’re what’s wrong!” I screamed and continued to press on towards home.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He growled.

“What’s that supposed to mean…?” I questioned softly, amazed by his lack of knowledge—common sense…! “What’s that supposed to mean?! What do you think, Jacob!”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re getting at!” He hollered.

“How the hell do you not know, Jacob?!” I flung my arms around in defeat, giving up my hopes of him catching on then and there, and looked at him in amazement. “When Bella Swan comes along you just forget about me! Ever since that day when Victoria came along you, say ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ to me five minutes after I wake up! I don’t see you until the next day and it’s the same exact thing! I see you for five minutes and that’s all I get! You don’t show me any sign that you care about me ever since she came along!”

“Jade, it doesn’t have to be all about you all the damn time!”

“I’m not saying it has to be about me all the damn time! I don’t want it to be all about me all the damn time!” I screamed, tears forming in my eyes. “I just want to know that you still care about me and that you haven’t forgotten about me while you’re with Bella!” I walked towards him, not backing down from this argument that was starting to heat up.

“Jade, this is so stupid, you know I love you!”

“Not as of lately,” I snapped. “You know what, even when we do talk for the few five minutes that we’re together, it’s always about Bella. Why not ever talk about how Billy’s doing or how patrols are going?”

Jacob began to tremble, infuriated at every new outburst. “Jade, just… just shut up.”

“No! I’m not going to shut up, damn it! I think I have a right to be yelling at the top of my lungs at you!” I chuckled to myself, looking at the ground before our eyes reconnected again. “You know what, I’m kinda wishing that Victoria had actually killed me so that way none of this would be happening and I could still remember you as the Jacob Black that loved me instead of the one who doesn’t give a shit.”

“Jade, shut up!” He yelled.

It happened.

A reddish-brown coat of fur exploded out from his skin and a menacing growl escaped his lips. Sharp claws ripped at my skin on my stomach and I felt the area grow wet with blood. I was pushed onto the ground and tears left my eyes.

Jacob, once realizing what had happened, whimpered and backed away from me quickly, afraid and scared at the occurrence. I got up from the ground at a snail’s pace, my body trembling with fear and pain, and I let the tears flow freely. I placed my hand on my torn black shirt and pulled it away to reveal a now crimson soaked one.

Jacob slowly walked towards me, whimpering almost as to say ‘I’m sorry’, but I didn’t care if he was sorry…

I only cared about getting away from him to prevent another thing like this happening again. “Stop it! Get away, Jacob—you’ve done more than enough!” I yelled shakily, my cracking voice making it hard to talk.

He whined once more, but did as he was told, backing away slowly and into a tree. There was a howl followed by a furious snarl as Chris jumped onto Jacob, attacking him with every fiber in his body.

I felt more tears fall and I quickly began to run towards home, letting my feet carry me away from all this as fast as possible.

'I shouldn’t have come, I shouldn’t have come…!' I repeated over and over in my head.

I felt sharp pains come from my stomach and I slowly came to a stop, my arms constricted around my stomach tightly as I sobbed from the pain. I knew that this probably wasn’t as bad as I thought it was, but the fact that Jacob was the one who had inflicted this upon me… It made it hurt so much more…

I dropped to my legs and was soon on all fours, breathing in shakily to try and ease my pain. I felt something… and soon a metallic taste was in my mouth and I coughed.

Red stained the floor below and I continued to cough violently. I spit out the remaining blood in my mouth and coughed as some backtracked into my lungs. I fell to the floor and let out a soft sob.

“Jade!” I heard Jacob’s voice yell. “Jade, where are you?!” I coughed against my will—I really didn’t want him to find me, I wanted to be away from him—and soon felt the heat that radiated off of him. It felt so good on my chilled skin. “Jade, I’m so sorry I was thinking!” He cried. “C’mon, we’ve got to get you to Carlisle.”

He reached for my torso area to pick me up, I winced and his hand retracted quickly. He rolled me over and all I could see was a blur that I knew was him hovering above me. I felt small droplets collide with my skin and I knew immediately he was crying.

I felt my heart go out to him, but I knew that deep down that I could care less…

Look at what he had done…

He helped me stand up by taking my hands in his and put my left arm over his shoulders, making him stand hunched over due to the height difference.

“C’mon Jade…” He said, his voice coming out uneven.

He walked and I used what little strength I had in my legs to help support myself so not all my weight was on him. I coughed once again and more blood came up, I lost my balance for a minute but regained it and was walking towards the Cullens’ home with Jacob. I could feel a cold sweat on my forehead and my body became numb.

My body became limp and I fell to my knees—I was losing too much blood way too fast. Jacob tried to stand me up again on my feet, but I was dead weight and pretty much immobile.

“C’mon Jade, get up!” He urged me, and I felt warmth on my face, I felt his rough hands cup my face delicately. “C’mon Jade, stay with me! Stay awake!” I felt his lips touch my forehead. “Jade, I’m so sorry—please stay with me!” His shouts and pleas were becoming distant and foreign, I was beginning to become unable to make anything out.

There was one last thing I heard before I slipped under everything…

“Jade Young, goddamn it I love you—don’t fucking go under!”

-{}-

I felt her body become dead weight and I felt more tears cascade out of my eyes and down my cheeks.

“Jade… Jade wake up! Wake up, damn it!” I started to shake her and each new shout made me feel more hopeless.

Chris ran over to me and growled. He motioned for me to put her on his back and I did so quickly, not wanting to waste any time by having a meaningless fight when her safety was on the line. He darted off towards the Cullens’ without me.

I shifted, tying my clothes on the line around my ankle, and began to sprint after him. I was soon on his tail, giving Jade a nudge whenever she got close to falling off his back so she would stay on.

We arrived and Carlisle was already waiting outside. Edward hesitantly took Jade inside and I growled.

'Don’t you dare even think about her blood,' I threatened.

“Smells like dog, anyways, Jacob.” He retorted and walked into the house.

Chris and I shifted, changing with speed, and were racing up the stairs. I saw that Carlisle had taken off her shirt, leaving her in a bra, to get a better view at the wounds I had caused and he looked up at us when he noticed us in the doorway.

“Jacob, Chris, please leave,” he requested.

“No, I’m staying!” I replied.

“Jacob, Chris, I know that you’re both close to Jade, but please leave. We’re wasting time by arguing this and I need to work quickly. Please go.”

Unwillingly, we both retreated back downstairs and into the living room where everyone was gathered with the exception of Edward and Bella who were upstairs, I could hear them kissing and I was sickened.

Jade was right. I had been so inconsiderate to her. Just because Bella had come back into my life and needed my help didn’t mean I should just ignore my imprint. But I had… and now look at where I am? Hoping that she’ll be perfectly fine because I lost it and attacked her—the girl that meant everything and more to me.

What kind of a person was I…?

How was I going to make it up to her…?

Would she even forgive me for what I did…?

God, I hoped so…

I was the worst boyfriend in humanity. I had caused the girl I loved harm—both mental and physical. I made her believe I didn’t love her any more, and then attacked her like the monster I truly was.

I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t forgive me—I honestly didn’t deserve to be forgiven. I didn’t deserve to be her boyfriend. I didn’t deserve to be anything to her.

The only thing I could think of being to her was dead.

Bella and Edward came downstairs and joined us, waiting for Carlisle to come downstairs with news about her condition. I was praying that it would be good news, I didn’t even want to think about anything bad having to do with her condition.

Chris looked just as bad as me. His eyes were watery though tears didn’t spill over, and I knew that he was just dying to chew me out and hand my ass to me by the way his hands were balled into fists. I knew he wouldn’t though, Sam had ordered he not attack me again, and Sam being the Alpha, meant we had to follow his rules and orders—even if they were against what we wanted.

Carlisle made his way slowly down the stairs and I stood up quickly, walking over to him in a hurry.

“What’s wrong—is she alright?” I asked quickly, it coming out slightly jumbled together.

He sighed. “Well, I bandaged up her cuts. They were pretty deep and hopefully it’ll help stop the bleeding. I’m sorry though Jacob, Chris, everyone…” he looked at us sadly. “She’s lost way too much blood… I highly doubt that she’ll make it through the night. It’ll be a miracle if she does.”

My whole world crumbled beneath my feet right then and there.