The Disease Called Men

Never judge a person by their first impression – they all suck anyway!

Cerise’s awesome, stealthy Ninja techniques:
1.) Strip no Justu – where one can easily steal – uh, borrow a BBC student’s uniform
.
2.) Bribe no Justu – were one can easily find opponents weakness.

3.) Disappear no Justu – where one can easily run away.
4.) Remember: It is never illegal if nobody knows!



“What the hell are you guys doing.”

Flinching from the foreign, cautious voice I immediately dropped the bag and spun around. Crap, did I just get caught?

“Ah, Yasmin!” I mentally breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn’t a teacher. Trying not to be conspicuous, I kicked the bag behind the bushes. “W-what do you want?”

“What’s wrong with you?” Yasmin gave Sarah, Julia, Lee-Min and me a suspicious look. “Whatever you guys are doing looks ridiculous. Stop it.”

Sarah folded her arms and made a face. “No, it’s not! We’re not doing anything bad! Dangerous, yes, but bad, no.”



Lee-Min sighed and shook her head, muttering something I couldn’t quite get.



Yasmin blinked back at Sarah, taking a few moments to respond. “That sounds bad. That is bad.”



“Hmph! At least we’re not bad as you look!” Sarah countered.



I sighed. Right, because Yasmin and I never gotten along, Sarah also decided she disliked Yasmin. Sure, that fed my ego, but since Sarah was never afraid to show her distaste for Yasmin, the two were always at it. Amusing as it was watching the two bicker, sometimes it got right down annoying.



“You’re right,” Yasmin smirked, “you’re as bad as you look.”



Sarah frowned and bit her lip. From her dark expression, I knew she had nothing to retort. Crap. I knew that look. She wasn’t going to resort to violence, was she? But before Sarah could jump on Yasmin and maul her to death, Julia intervened. “Hey, hey Sarah, let’s not start a fight. We have better things to do.”



“Anyway, what business do you have with us?” Lee-Min asked Yasmin.



Yasmin looked disgusted as she gave me an agonisingly slow once over. “What the hell are you wearing and where the hell are you going? Do you even know what time it is?”



I blushed and shuffled my feet. Yeah, sure I was trying to cross-dress as a guy, but the fact that Yasmin couldn’t even realise that I was in disguise was downright embarrassing. Do I look ridiculous? Does she think I would seriously wear this over the top baggy sports shorts, with a matching old oversized basketball jersey-looking uniform with collars popped up (against my will, mind you – Sarah insisted) and gelled slicked back hair with drawn thick eyebrows out?! This was embarrassing and infuriating. If I was seriously cross-dressing, I would’ve picked a better outfit.



“Shut up,” I grumbled and quickly looked away, feeling my ears heat up. “And stop us nagging us. What are you, my wife?”



Yasmin scoffed and rolled her eyes.



“Yasmin can’t be your wife,” Lee-Min drawled, “she’s not pretty enough. Besides, no one likes people with red hair.”



“Hey!” Sarah cried, sounding offended.



“Besides you, Sarah.” Lee-Min amended. “We like natural red heads.”



Yasmin threw an evil glare at Lee-Min as she self-consciously ran her hand through her newly dyed red hair. “Sh-shut up! Who’d be shameless enough to choose to be stuck with that?”



Instead of taking offence of being referred as ‘that’ I was secretly envying Yasmin. Like me, Yasmin was a blonde. Unlike me, she was allowed to dye her hair, dammit. That gave me another reason why I didn’t like her. Also, the fact that I had always liked and envied red hair gave me a reason to dislike her even more. The fact that she kind of looked good with red hair gave me a reason to hate her.
 Sort of. Life wasn’t fair.


“We just have business to take care of, here and there, geez!” Sarah huffed, crossing her arms.



Yasmin ignored Sarah and turned to me, making a face. “It’s not like I actually care or whatever, but I was told to remind you and Julia that there’s a student council meeting on –”



“Yeah, yeah. They know already.” Sarah droned as she waved a dismissive hand at Yasmin. Sarah turned to me, “Cerise let’s go now, or we’ll be late!!”



Yasmin rolled her eyes as she walked back to school. “I try to be nice…”



“Should we read our secret mission?” Julia suggested as she opened a folded piece of paper.

Secret Mission: Operation Break in.

Status: Classified.

Plan: To sneak into Brookfield Boys College, investigate scene, know the enemy, find their weakness and record it.

Mission Start/Mission End: Straight after school; One hour max.

Assigned Agent/s: Agent R, Agent Rice, Agent Rock Lee, Agent Red



Redeeming Qualities: Everything, duh.

Mission Code word: Boys suck.




“Wow.” Sarah wheezed as she looked around, leaning on Lee-Min for support. It was someone’s great idea to run all the way to BBC instead of taking a bus. Now we were tired, sweaty and behind schedule.



“Is this really BBC?!” Julia gasped as she stared ahead.



We were now at the school gates of Brookfield Boys College. Even though BBC was our brother school, we had never been here before. I surveyed the scene. According to its brochures, BBC once boasted of its majestic brick buildings and architecture similar to a modern-day castle, accompanied with lush lawns and accented with dozen of beautiful fountains and statues.



“It looks like more of a prison.” Lee-Min observed as she touched one of the rusting entrance gates.



I snorted. The former esteemed academy was now in ruins, losing its once imposing nature it now felt eerily similar to a haunted castle. Still unwelcoming. “Of course it would. They only accept delinquents in these places.”



Julia did a double take on me. “W-what?”



I exasperatedly sighed. “Don’t you know they’re the reason why we need to learn self-defence?”



Julia shivered and Sarah leaned forward. “Really?”



“Honestly,” I groaned as I squatted, unimpressed with what laid before us, “I don’t get this uniting of schools! I bet you, those Brookfield students can’t even read!”



Lee-Min groaned. “Cerise, enough bitching. Be nice. We might as well do what we came here for.”



I nodded and got up. We needed to find their weakness and record it. That’s the reason we came here.

“Look!” Sarah jumped and grabbed my arm. “We have a lead! Follow him!”



Julia blinked and turned to the guy Sarah was pointing at. “Huh? Do you know him?”



I looked at the guy. He looked like any other random school guy to me. He wore the Brookfield uniform and had dark haired with darker features. “How is he a lead?”



This time Sarah exasperatedly sighed and shook her head at us. As if in disappointment. “Don’t you know? Every sensible person knows that a hot person must lead you to somewhere important.”



“Ohhh.” Julia and I chorused. I didn’t really get it, but hey, I accepted it anyway.

Lee-Min didn’t look impressed and turned to Julia and me. “Really? You two believe her? You know she’s bullshitting, right? She just wants his number, you know.”



“Okay!” Ignoring Lee-Min, I raised my fist in the air, “Let’s follow that hot guy!”



“Yeah!” Julia nodded and followed me.



“The only place they would lead you to is trouble,” Lee-Min groaned as she dawdled behind, “I’m surrounded by fools who follow other fools…”





“How are we going to find their weakness?” Julia whispered as we flitted from post to post, conspicuously following our lead. Or Sarah’s code name: The Hot Guy. Every now and then the Hot Guy would stop walking, look around him, confirm no one was there then shiver and mumble to himself.



I shrugged. Like I knew anything about guys (Sarah says blood relations like my brothers and bald father don’t count). “Subtly ask him his weakness?”



Lee-Min groaned. “How the hell will that work? You can’t do that!” 



I sniffed defiantly, “Of course I can – I’ll show you!” I ran up to the Hot Guy.



“Hey!” Lee-Min hissed at me but I pretended I couldn’t hear her.



“Excuse me!” I called to our guy lead, “I’m doing a special survey and I’d like to ask you a question. What’s your weakness?”



“Really?!” I could hear Lee-Min groan.



The guy turned around. “Huh? Me?” I nodded. I noticed he flinched when he saw me. “Um, well,” the Hot Guy looked away, as if trying to not hold eye contact, “I-I do have a soft spot for my mum’s roast turkey…”



I nodded. “I see… Thank-you for your co-operation. Here, have a fortune cookie.” I handed him one of the many fortune cookies Julia gave me. I quickly ran back to the girls. “See! We found their soft spot!”



Lee-Min slapped the back of my head. “Are you sure?! The only soft spot is the thing in your head! What good is knowing his favourite food?! What are you going to do? Poison him? That answer is too vague!”



Shaking her head, Sarah sighed. “That was a fail. Sorry, Cerise. I’ll do it.”



This time, Sarah quickly surveyed the area, looking for a new lead. After spotting one, she grinned and confidently walked up to the different guy. “Excuse me, where is your soft spot?”



Lee-Min slapped her forehead and muttered something in Korean.



The guy looked at Sarah. “W-what?!”



I groaned. I was getting frustrated, partly because I was surrounded by Brookfield boys and partly because I was surrounded by my silly friends. The plan was going wrong and no one was doing anything right! I just wanted to do the mission and leave straight away! I sighed as I got up. I could hear Lee-Min hiss at me to not go to Sarah. I ignored her anyway.



“You fool!” I said as I made my way to Sarah and the guy. “Everyone knows where a guy’s soft spot is! It’s here!” And to emphasise my point, I even kicked him to demonstrate.



“Urgh!” The guy made a face and immediately clutched his groin as he collapsed to the ground. Wait. That was not a good idea. “Shit!”



“No, no, wrong!” Lee-Min hissed as she and Julia rushed their way to Sarah and me. “Not that kind of soft spot!”



“What the hell are you guys doing?”



“Eek!” Julia yelped as we turned around.



Crap. Two burly guy with arms crossed, looked pretty unimpressed. I’m guessing the guy I kicked was one of their friends. Oops.



“Are you trying to start a fight?!” Growled the bigger guy. He had a stronger built and sported what looked like a poor choice of a buzz cut. Or an attempt. I’m not quite so sure what happened there. His continuous frown reminded me a constipated cat.



“Uh, o-of course not! No!” Sarah mumbled, looking away. “But this guy is!” She then pushed me forward.



My mouth dropped and I stared at Sarah in horror. “Hey! What? M-me?” I saw Sarah, Julia and Lee-Min nod and subtly inch away. Some friends! “How can you do this to me?! Oi!”



Julia whispered to me, “You’re good at improv, so find their weakness. We’ll be waiting for you at the Aldenbury school gates.”



I looked at her in disbelief. “W-wait, basically you’re saying you’re ditching me to do all the work while you run away to safety?!”



Julia blushed as she fished for something in her pocket. “I noticed you gave away the fortune cookie I gave you. But I have another – here, take it,” she handed me an old half eaten fortune cookie. I looked at the crumby fortune cookie, unimpressed.



“Good luck! We believe in you!” Julia whispered as she ran off.



“Good team work!” Sarah called as she ran ahead.



I watched my so-called ‘friends’ ditch me. “Hey! This isn’t teamwork if I’m doing all the work! Hey!” They didn’t even look back. “How the hell is this good luck? Hey! Hey!!”



They were long gone. I heard chuckling. Slowly, I turned around. Now I had to face these burly guys on my own. Great. I know nothing about self-defence. Sure, I do Zumba with mum – and know a few moves – but that was nothing in comparison to fighting off these huge guys.



The second guy, I noticed had a smaller build, but still burly nevertheless. I noted he was bald as well. Straight away, I knew I didn’t like him.



He sneered at me. “Oi, punk. You’ve got guts starting a fight with the BB Brothers.”



I stared at him. “What…? ‘BB Brothers’? What’s that? A confectionary brand or something?”



Poor buzz cut boy growled at me. “You messin’ with us?! You wanna fight?!”



Suddenly I felt a rush of adrenalin, like that epic moment Mario gets that invincibility star. I felt like I could handle these guys. I puffed out my chest. “You wanna take this outside?”



Junior baldy blinked at me. “We are outside!”



I did my best impression of a fighting stance. “Then I can take you right here, right now!”



Junior baldy condescendingly laughed at me. “Fine, bring it on, you little – ”

It was that moment I lost all my confidence. My invincibility star had ran out of time. Damn.

 Junior baldy began to make his way towards me. Oh shit. I could feel the knotting in my stomach. I quickly searched around for an escape. Shit! Junior baldy began to launch an attack!

Suddenly a force pulled me to the left, and in slow motion I watched a large clenched fist swing, narrowly brushing past my face.

Huh?

“Sam, that’s enough.”



My heart must have leapt into my throat as I stumbled forward, trying to find my balance. I could hear the throbbing of my heart drum in my ears. I turned around to face the voice, expecting to see a pissed off teacher. But it wasn’t. It was a student! I flinched, shuffling back so fast, I fell over.

I saw an ironed white shirt tucked in, with sleeves folded up to his solid tanned forearm. I stared at this guy as he leaned forward, taking my hand and pulled me back to my feet. I couldn't keep my eyes off him.



“N-Nikko!” Poor buzz cut boy stuttered, suddenly stiffening his posture. “You stay outta this! This punk wants a fight and – ”



“Then I guess you want an expulsion?” The guy coolly interrupted.



I examined the new guy. Although he certainly looked like he was no weakling, he was slightly taller than average, possessing a good figure, but I wasn’t sure if this guy could take on junior baldy or poor buzz cut guy. It would be an unfair match of two against one. But hey, you never know these things with guys.

“B-but…”



“I will personally deal with this… punk.” The guy reassured as he emphasised the word ‘punk’. He dropped my hand and glanced towards my general direction.

I felt a little sweat bead trickle down my cheek. Hearing that, I knew instantly that this guy saw the whole thing. Crap.



Junior baldy turned to me and laughed. “Sucks to be you. You’re finished when Nikko’s through with you.”

I frowned, half-expecting the two to resist, to put up a fight – something – but no.

 

I just stared as the two turned and left. Just like that.

The new guy – or Nikko – turned to me, “You, come with me.”







“So troublesome…” That guy ‘Nikko’ was saying as he briefly tidied an office desk. He had led me into a room that sort of looked like a student office.



Feeling my heart pound with each beat, I slowly looked around the room. Unlike Aldenbury, the desks and chairs were graffitied and scattered disorderedly. Some glass windows were broken. Multiple cabinets were left open, with many papers and folders scattered everywhere, on the desks, on the floors, heck – even on the windows. How? Why was I not surprised it was a mess? All boys were messy. I didn’t feel comfortable being in a messy room alone with him. The mess was making me feel uneasy.



“This is the third time this week. And to be honest, I'm tired of this shit.”



“What?” I blurted out, my eyes snapping back to the guy.



He turned to me and casually leaned on the office desk. “Stop messing around. Just go back to St. Hilda’s and to your little girlies where you’ll laugh and giggle over the fact that you came to BBC.”



My mouth flopped open and I blankly stared at him.

 He folded his arms. “I’m telling you to leave before I report you.”



How did he…? This guy already knew that I was a girl – what he didn’t know was that I was from Aldenbury!



“You mean others had actually done… something like this before?” I asked slowly.



The guy got out his phone from his pocket and began texting. “No shit, Sherlock.”



Honestly, I was shocked. I never knew what to expect from a boys school – let alone boys, but this guy was unbelievable! I huffed and folded my arms. “It wasn’t like I wanted to be here, you know.”



“That makes two of us. Now run along to your girlfriends and tell them you did the dare.”



“Well, it – ”



“Oi Nikko!!” Suddenly the door swung open. A guy who looked strangely familiar with messy blonde hair came in. “Have you seen my sports uniform? I swear I put…”



Crap. I knew this guy. Well, not personally, but I recognised him. He was the guy whom Sarah and I ‘borrowed’ the uniform from. The blonde guy stared at me. “Another one, eh?”



That Nikko guy grunted in response and returned his phone back into his pocket. “Maybe she and her friends know where your missing uniform is.”



Maybe she and her friends are wearing it. Right now. Crap. I quickly glanced at the blonde. I felt strangely uncomfortable as the blonde guy leered at me. He grinned, “I wouldn’t mind her wearing mine.”



“How do you know I’m not a boy?” I defended weakly as I tried to subtly edge away.



The blonde guy chuckled and turned to that Nikko guy. “She has such a bad disguise this time.”



Excuse me?! I thought my disguise was pretty good! Not the best, but still somewhat acceptable!



That Nikko guy nodded. “Crap wig, oversized uniform – possibly stolen, poorly drawn eye brows…”



The blonde guy leaned in and whispered to me, “Yeah that, and I can see the shape of your boobs.”



My mouth probably hit the floor. This guy was unbelievable! Harassment! “I am a guy!” I defended, “So what if I lacked in the testosterone department?! You shouldn’t discriminate! I’m still a guy!” As if I would let my identity be discovered – I haven’t even found their weakness yet!



“Hold on.” Nikko frowned, crossing his arms. “Firstly, you’re not even a student here. You’re trespassing. Secondly, ‘if’? That gave it away. You’re lying. You’re here to trespass for a dare.”



Crap. Wasn’t that Nikko guy telling me to leave? I quickly averted my eyes. “N-no I’m not! W-what are you talking about? I have no idea what you’re talking about…”



“Quit lying. You suck at it.”



Dammit, these guys won’t leave me alone, would they?! Desperate times called for desperate measures, right? I never believed in fate or destiny, but as of today, I decided I did. I bit my lip and silently prayed for a miracle as I secretly opened the fortune cookie Julia gave me. Julia said that these fortune cookies were the ‘Special Girls Help Edition’. Surely this fortune cookie could give me some help, some advice in this situation!



I mentally prepared myself as I silently counted to three before opening my eyes to the holy message I sought from the Great Fortune Cookie. Great wisdom and far knowledge was what this Great Fortune Cookie held. I exhaled deeply. I was ready for this. Come what may. I read the holy message:



“Show him your tits.”



My face burned bright red as I threw the cookie down. What the hell is this?! What kind of advice was that?! Really? Julia? What is this?! Who gives out these kinds of advices?! When would I need that sort of advice?! What kind of cookies are these for, anyway? I began stamping on the shameless fortune cookie. Ugh!

That Nikko guy blinked at me. “Are… are you all right?”



“Hah?! What the hell do you want, punk?!” I growled as I began to back away. Dammit, I was too embarrassed to think properly. Crap. I was getting all self-conscious and flustered. I needed to find their weakness so I could leave this damn place already!



The blonde guy began to slowly make his way to me.



“G-get away from me, you guys…” I warned as I backed away.



“Hey, now…” the blonde guy cooed. I immediately shuddered. This guy had murderer potential. I didn’t like him. I did not like how he was invading my personal space.



Through instincts, I kicked the blonde guy away. I must have suddenly received my share of testosterone, because the blonde guy stumbled back further than I had expected. That Nikko guy noticed, and ran forward, trying to stabilise his friend, but became entangled by his uncoordinated friend, and fell. The blonde guy came crashing down. I watched intently. This was all happening in slow motion.

Thud!

That Nikko guy was pinned down on the floor by his inept friend.

I stared at them. The boys stared at me.

We remained motionless, allowing our brains to slowly register what on earth had just happened. Seeing them land in a compromising position, an evil thought slowly dawned to me. I decided to, as Sarah would say, ‘Carpe Diem’ before the two could awkwardly untangle themselves from each other. I decided to seize the moment and I quickly snapped a candid shot of the two in the compromising position before running away.

Carpe Diem, bitches.



Operation Break in accomplished. Proceed to Phase Two.