We Knew That Time Would Kill Us

Jamming with just about anyone on guitar, usually Syn or Zacky or even Matt, had become an everyday thing for me on tour. My guitar—the one my mother had been planning on giving me just before she died—had taken up a nearly permanent residence in my bunk. That was nothing new for me; if anything it calmed me down.

But singing... singing was something different entirely. I'd learned not to be embarrassed by my guitar 'skills' like I had been for so long, but using my voice for music? It scared the crap out of me, especially since I had essentially no vocal training. Maybe it was because unlike with my guitar where I had years upon years of practice under my belt, I was still pretty damn green when it came to singing.

Hopefully, after this... ordeal, I would open up about my voice just as I had with my guitar. At that point I knew anything was possible, if I could write a journal to express every single one of my feelings to Matt, then I could sure as hell build myself up to performing in front of thousands of fans—which I would—whether I wanted to or not.

I didn't know if my father was being serious about this part of the deal, but my relationship with Evan could have very well been riding on this, and knowing that just motivated me even more.

"You're just... the shit, Mini," Jimmy said, after our fifteen minute 'rehearsal'. Grinning, he gave me a high five before wrapping a lanky arm around my shoulders. All the rest of the guys stood around, knowing smiles placed on their faces, and the only thing I could do was blush. "You could make a career out of this you know—if that's what you want, at least."

A career? That was also a new idea for me. Music was my life, literally, but I'd never really thought about making a career out of it. I just used it to deal with things and jam with friends. At that moment though, the idea seemed like a no brainer; it was perfect.

"Maybe, Jim," I said, returning his infectious grin. "Maybe."

Matt looked beyond proud of me, and somewhat surprised as I knew he would be. He probably thought I'd been bluffing when I said I'd sing with him—but I was still going on my promise that our relationship came first, and this would most definitely help it without a doubt.

Nudging his friend, Brian sent Zacky a smirk and I raised a questioning eyebrow toward them. Matt was looking at them closely then, too. "Yeah P, you killed it," Zacky began, knowing exactly what their lead guitarist wanted him to say. "You could even perform tonight and it'd still kick ass."

They wanted me to play with them at a huge arena like the one we were in, I got that, but it still scared the shit out of me. No matter how much progress I'd made tonight, there was no way I could sing in front of so many people so soon.

Of course, Johnny nodded in agreement. "He's right Toni. I say go for it."

Frantically, I looked toward Matt, silently pleading for help. "Enough," He finally sighed, after seeing the guys get amped up at the thought of this happening tonight. "If Payton says she's not ready, she's not ready. That's it."

To my surprise, Jimmy took Matt's side in this; his arm pulled my closer to his side as he stuck his tongue out at the three other men. "Yeah you guys, stop pushing Mini into things she doesn't wanna do!"

These mini-rehearsals weren't for practice—that was obvious, at least to Matt and me. Not really. But with each one I knew I could slowly build myself up to it like I'd been planning, and that was Matt's idea, too. "So... are we done?" I asked, looking around. I wanted to get out of there before they guilted me into anything, which I knew they were very capable of doing.
"Yeah, I can bring you back to the bus if you want, Payton. Or you can hang out here with us."

If this were two weeks ago, I would have chosen going back to the bus in a heartbeat. "No, I'll stay here with you guys." I said, smiling.

Much later that night, Avenged Sevenfold was on stage performing on schedule, and I took a small break from watching their show and ventured back stage. I trusted Noah, but I knew he could be scatter-brained at the best of times, so if I just happened to see Evan anywhere while I was back there, I would let him know myself.

He was sitting by the exit door, watching everything go down with Oliver as usual, and we caught each other's eye in an instant. This was the first time in an entire week I'd seen him, and my heart fluttered nervously in my chest.

It was like seeing him for the first time—but not the cocky, arrogant kid I thought he was when I first met him. I saw the guy who had problems and was doing his best to deal with them, just like I was. I couldn't help myself when I saw that he was walking toward me, smiling. It wasn't as if I could just run away from him, and I was sure Matt would understand that.

"Hey." He said, finally standing just a few feet in front of me. His hazel eyes held an undeniably huge amount of emotion, and I couldn't help but what wonder what was running through his mind. I hoped he didn't think I wanted to meet up with him with the intentions of dumping him, because we'd never even really started dating, and, well, I wouldn't be able to do it anyway.

After just hearing him utter that one word, I smiled and stepped forward, ignoring the commotion created by roadies, security and the scattered fan and embraced him. I just needed one hug from him, just to know that he was still okay with everything that had gone down... and there was no denying how much I'd missed the kid in the past week.

I tried to pull away, but he only pulled me closer. My heart stuttered and nearly stopped, but I ignored it and wrapped my arms around his neck as I felt his hands on my waist, leaning into him slightly. "I missed you," He mumbled when he finally pulled away, unabashedly letting me know of his feelings for me.

"I missed you too," I mumbled, smiling at him. "And if everything goes well tonight—things are gonna be okay."

"Awe,” Noah cooed, literally standing between us. "You two are just—so adorable together! I'm always right about this stuff, you know?"

"Yeah Noah, I know." I replied, well used to Noah's antics by then.

With a smile, I looked behind him and to the rest of the boys of Wretched Remorse. Things were the same as they'd always been. Brett was making his way over to us, no doubt with plans to haul Noah away by his ear for nearly ruining the moment, and Oliver remained in his place by the door, I was thankful when he spared me a tiny smile.

He had been the one to confront me and he had nearly scared me senseless, but I knew he had only meant well in doing so. He'd been looking out for his best friend, just like I'd done with Tyler so many times and like I would have done for Dannii if she ever needed it. I had forgiven Oliver long ago.

I looked back to Evan, sighing. "I'm keeping my promise to my dad," I started, letting go of his hand after realizing that I'd even been holding it. "So I have to go, but take this in case security or anyone else gives you problems okay? Meet us at the A7X dressing room right after the show." I mumbled, slipping another backstage pass into his hand. He had one, but it was for his band and A7X was royalty at these shows, and they didn't let just anybody see the guys when they're chilling in their dressing room.

Before I could even react, he leaned forward and pecked my lips quickly without any warning and grinned. I smiled back like a fool, before turning on my heel and making my way back to A7X's show.

While I watched the guys—my family—perform and do what they lived for, I found myself actually excited to share the stage with them. I greeted them one by one as they came off the stage, wishing I'd gotten into this routine at the very start of the tour.

I was beginning to get nervous about everyone meeting Evan, but when Matt asked if I was, I vehemently denied it. I wanted him to know that I was completely sure about Evan, that the kid meant something to me, and that was the only way I knew how to express that without writing about it first.

We made our way back to their dressing room slowly, as they signed autographs for fans and talked to them as we walked. A few greeted me, too, but it was as if they were afraid to really talk to me. I was used to them by then, and I hoped when I finally sung with Matt that it would ease some of the tension between the fans and I.

When we finally made it back to the dressing room, I collapsed into one of the fairly comfortable sofa's that were placed around the room. As much as I tried not to, I fidgeted nervously when I saw that I was sitting alone on one sofa, while the guys, including my father, sat on the one across from me.

Quickly, I figured out how this was going to work. They were more than likely going to scrutinize every single one of Evan's actions with me when he sat on the sofa beside me, which had the only free seats. They really knew how to go about this, didn’t they?

Thirty seconds passed, feeling like an eternity. Brian clicked his tongue noisily with a smirk. "He's late. That says a lot about him."

I resisted the urge to throw my hands up in their air in exasperation, give the kid a break. Instead, I merely smiled at Brian, letting him know that his antics weren't going to faze me.

Come on, Evan. I didn't know how much more of this I could take—if Syn or anyone else made another comment, I probably wouldn't be able to help giving them a snarky reply. Just in time, a knock sounded on the door and a guy from security stuck his head in through the crack he'd made in the doorway. "There's uh—there's a fan here who's pretty set on meeting you guys," He stated gruffly, looking slightly agitated.

Oh, God. An unruly fan wasn't something I could deal with then, not when I was stressed out of my mind about this. I may have been doing exceptionally well as of late, but I was always this close to freaking the fuck out about everything.

"I'm not a fan!" Jimmy looked shocked at this, while the guys just gave the security guard a questioning look. I would recognize his voice anywhere, though.

"Let him in," I began hurriedly, shooting a look in between Matt and the man. "It's Evan."
That may not have been the best thing for Evan to say, and I could tell Matt hesitated before giving security the go-ahead to let Evan in. A second later, Evan nearly strutted in, looking frazzled when he sat down beside me, looking seemingly as relaxed as he possibly could be. If he was anything like me, though, which I knew he was, it was all an act. He was probably dying on the inside at that moment.

"I am a fan," He corrected himself when he noticed Jimmy, and the rest of the band for that matter, giving him the stink eye. I played with my lanyard nervously, not being able to meet Matt's eyes for some reason. Maybe it was because the last time he'd seen Evan and I together, he had more than likely witnessed my first kiss with Evan. The thought made my cheeks heat up instantly. "But that's not why I'm here to see you."

Jimmy sat back at that, and crossed his arms while he stared Evan down. I didn't want him to be like that, I was expecting him to be the fun-loving Uncle Jimmy I knew him as. When it came down to it though, he felt the same as the rest of my family, and he thought this was his way of protecting me. By scaring the life out of Evan.

For a moment, it looked like Matt was going to whip out a ruler and measure the distance between Evan and me to make sure we weren't too close to each other. Unlike Jimmy though, he stayed leaning forward slightly as he too stared Evan down. "Well—why are you here, then?"

Evan glanced at me, very quickly, before he turned back toward Matt. "I'm here to meet my—hopefully—my girlfriend's dad and her... family." He said smartly, giving the rest of the guys a polite smile. "I'm Evan by the way. Nice to meet you."

Girlfriend? I thought I was going to lose every ounce of toughness in me at that moment and in all probability, faint. He really was serious about this, and he had all of this planned out much better than I had previously thought. All of the guys looked equally surprised with his reply, and Matt sat back, looking at the guy in front of him differently than he had before.

Surprisingly, Johnny was the next to pipe up and grill Evan. "We've heard some stuff about you, kid. And none of it was good. D'ya wanna clear that up for us?"

I was shocked by the hard, blunt tone Johnny was using with Evan. Thankfully however, Evan ignored it and the question practically rolled of his back. "My sister... she was uh, well, she was raped," He said, hesitation clear in his voice. "I knew who the guy who did it was and I knew where to find him. Even now I don't think I'd be able to stop myself from kicking the shit out of him."

Like Johnny, he used the same emotionless tone. I knew it was hard for him to talk about this, and he gained a lot of respect from me for even being willing to talk about it.

The guys looked at each other, and Matt, I could tell, was slightly worried about that, and when he sent me a look I knew we would talk about it later. Or at least skirt around the topic. It went on like that for twenty minutes or more, the guys questioning him about everything from how he'd dropped out of school for his band and to where he'd grown up. Again, I was stoked to hear he too lived in Huntington Beach. If things went well like I'd hoped, we would be seeing a lot of each other when tour was over.

When the whole awkward meeting was over, I gave Evan a quick, innocent hug as a goodbye and was practically bouncing on the way back to our bus. It had gone well, or at least that was how it seemed to me. God only knew how Matt felt about the night.

"So—have you come to a decision?" I asked, sitting down at the kitchenette’s booth, before I found that I was way too apprehensive to be sitting down, and stood again quickly. A few feet away from me, Matt gave me a cautious look, and I immediately softened my gaze and gave him a pout. While I would stick by whatever he said, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from being unhappy if Matt didn't let me see Evan.

And he knew that, too. That was probably the only reason why he was even considering this. After giving each of the guys a look and they nodded to each other, he turned back toward me. "Payton—this kid's a rock star in the making. You gotta know that first, alright? I know you like this kid," He seemingly grimaced as he admitted that. "But just know what you're getting yourself into by dating him."

"So—so that's a yes?!" I demanded, completely grinning then.

"Yes." He said, not being able to keep his own smile off his face when he saw how happy his decision had made me.

I hurled myself toward him and wrapped my arms around his bulky figure in one of the tightest hugs I'd ever given him. "Thank you so much, dad!"

"It's nothing," He mumbled, squeezing me back.

In the background, I heard Jimmy let out a shrill laugh. "I have to say, I'm fucking loving this new Payton!"