Fearing Death

Jordyn’s first week of school had finished and they sat for dinner at Patrick and Sara’s apartment. Jordyn frowned down into her plate, pushing the delicious pasta around her fork slowly as conversation carried on around her. She could feel Jon watching her out of the corner of his eye and she frowned even deeper.

“Jord, I thought you liked my lasagna, that’s why I made it.” Sara bit her lip, hoping the little girl didn’t change her mind recently about her food preferences.

“I’m not hungry.” She mumbled, setting her fork down and folding her hands in her lap, fiddling with her fingers atop her napkin. It was very obvious that the mood had changed in the room and Patrick sighed, taking a drink of his Coke.

“Jordyn, eat.” Jon instructed from across the table, trying to be stern. Jordyn sighed, giving him a quick glance before bringing her fork up to her mouth.

“What’s the matter, sweetheart? Something wrong at school?” Sara asked, genuinely worried for her little friend.

“No.” She mumbled, knowing she was being rude, but forcing herself not to care. Jon had dismissed the idea of her being playing lacrosse right away, encouraging her to go out for soccer or volleyball, sports that called for much less physical contact. Jordyn insisted that she didn’t want to play soccer or volleyball, she wanted to play lacrosse. She didn’t know much about the sport, but sometimes she would see the boys from her old middle school playing on the field when she walked back from school and it always intrigued her.

“JT, babe, what’s wrong? You can tell us.” Patrick insisted, taking a bite of his garlic bread.

“I want to play lacrosse.” She admitted to them, looking up with pleading eyes. “I really, really want to play lacrosse at my new school.” She added.

“Excellent! That sounds awesome! When do you start?” He asked, shoveling in a mouthful of lasagna.

“Never.” She mumbled. Also taking another bite of her lasagna, making Sara and Patrick both look at her oddly.

“Jordyn and I talk about it and we decided that maybe she should wait until next year to go out for lacrosse.” Jon reasoned, leaning back in his chair.

“Why? What’s next year?” Patrick asked, mimicking his friend’s actions.

“Jordyn is the smallest girl in her grade and she’s still underweight. I don’t think it’s safe for her to be running around with all those other girls in a full contact sport.” He finished. “Next year, she’ll be a little taller, a little bigger, and more fit for such a physical game.” He recited the same thing that he told Jordyn. Patrick weighed the argument in his head. Anyone that saw Jordyn knew that she was especially tiny for her age, but then again, people thought Patrick was too small to play hockey as well, and he proved all of them wrong.

“Trying out couldn’t hurt, though.” Patrick spoke up. Sara gave him a sharp look that he ignored. “I mean, you’ve never played before, right, Jord?” He asked. Jordyn nodded and kept quiet, not wanting to get in trouble. “So, what are the chances you’ll make a team with any older girls? Slim.” He added.

“Look, I just don’t think it’s a good idea.” Jon sighed. “Next year, if she still wants to play lacrosse and has interest, I’ll be happy to buy her equipment and bring her to tryouts.” He stated finally. Jordyn gave Patrick a sad look before lowering her eyes back to her plate, pushing around her food again. Later, when dinner was over, they sat and watched a little TV for a while and then not an hour after that, Jon was carrying a sleeping Jordyn back to his apartment. Sara and Patrick, however, had plenty to talk about.

“Trying to freeze me over here, ice woman?” Patrick asked, leaning in the doorway of the bedroom he shared with his longtime girlfriend.

“Pat, you know I love you, and I know you disagree with Jon’s decision about Jordyn, but he’s her Dad and you shouldn’t question his parenting in front of her.” Sara sighed as she sat at her vanity in the expansive bedroom. “I would love for Jordyn to be able to go out for the team as much as you, but sometimes it’s just best for you to keep your opinion to yourself.” She added. “It’s like, when your Mom says you can’t do one thing, but then your Dad says you can, you make one out to be the bad guy.” She finished. Patrick frowned, knowing she was right, but hated to admit it.

“I just hate to see the kid upset.” He justified. “I would only ever want to encourage our kids to do the things they want to do, that’s one thing that meant the most to me, my parents support.” He sighed, gathering her hair to one side of her neck as she stood behind her, placing a kiss on her exposed skin.

“Our kids, huh?” She asked, grinning slightly as their eyes met in the mirror before her.

“Our flock, our herd, our babies, whatever you want to call it.” He insisted, hands sliding down the silk of her robe, pulling the luxurious fabric away from her incredibly soft skin. Sara blushed at the downright feral way he stared at her as she stood from the small pedestal stool.

“Sorry sweetheart, there will be no flock, herd, babies, or anything of the like until I’m out of school and there is a ring on my finger. You know how my father feels about us ‘living in sin’, he’d drive the thousand miles here with a shotgun in his hand if he ever found out I was pregnant as well.” She warned, shaking her finger in his direction.

Patrick rolled his eyes, grasping her arm softly in his as she attempted to walk away to the restroom. He grinned, pushing her down to the mattress gently. “Just because you don’t want babies now, doesn’t mean we can’t rehearse for the big show.”

Five days later, Patrick was leaving Sara, and Jon leaving Jordyn as well.

“I’ll call when I land, alright? Be good for Sara and listen to what she says.” Jon squeezed Jordyn tightly as he kneeled down to her level at the airport. “There’s a copy of my cell phone number in your room and in the kitchen, and if there’s a serious emergency, I put my coach’s number down there, too. Don’t be afraid to call for anything.” He assured, scooping her up to rest on his hip, not wanting to part with her just yet. “No staying up past nine tonight or tomorrow night, I’ll be home Tuesday in time for dinner. Homework needs to be done as soon as possible, okay?”

“I know where the numbers are, I’ll listen to Sara, I won’t stay up late and I’ll do my homework right away.” Jordyn nodded. “I know, don’t worry.” She said before resting her head on his shoulder tiredly. “I’ll miss you.” She whispered sleepily. It wasn’t particularly late, but she and Jon had stayed up late the night before playing with the new Wii game he had purchased.

“I’ll miss you too.” Jon replied, suppressing a yawn of his own. “Call me when you get home from school tomorrow, okay? Tuesday, too, even if you get my voicemail, just give me a call so I know everything is okay.” He insisted.

“I will.” Jordyn nodded as they airline called to board the team’s flight.

“Kiss for the road.” He demanded gently, to which she readily complied, kissing him gently on the cheek. “You know I just want what’s best for you, right?” He asked quietly, to which Jordyn nodded. “I don’t know what I’d ever do if something happened to you.” He added.

“Hey there sweetheart.” Coach Q smiled as he walked up, placing a hand on Jordyn’s back.

“Hi.” Jordyn greeted back warmly.

“Jon, let’s head out.” He nodded to his captain before making his own way to the plane. Jon gave her one last squeeze before setting her down on her feet. She watched as he walked away, giving him a little wave before he could disappear onto the plane.

“Come on, let’s go party now that Dad’s gone.” Sara grinned, making Jordyn giggle. “I’ll even let you stay up till nine-oh-one.”

•••

“Jord, babe, have you seen my watch?” Jon called from his room. He had been home for two days since his last trip and he had noticed her acting just a little odd, he figured she was still irked about the lacrosse issue, but he also knew tryouts were over, so soon she’d be back to normal. “Jord?” He asked, stepping in her doorway, seeing that she was sitting at her desk doing homework.

“No, I haven’t. Did you check the bathroom drawer?” She asked, referring to where he usually kept it when he was showering.

“That’s a good idea.” He mumbled, doubling back to his bathroom. “Found it!” He called, strapping it onto his wrist. Popping his head back into the family room, he noticed it was all picked up and decided to call in the order for all of the pizzas now. They were having a few people over, nothing too over the top, but a handful of friends for video games and pizza. It was also a good time for Jordyn to get some female socialization with Sara and Brent’s girlfriend, Brianna. “Jord, babe, you want cheese? What the hell?” He asked, narrowing his eyes as he scoped out a bruise on her arm he hadn’t noticed before. “What’s that from?” He frowned.

“I walked into a locker handle at school.” Jordyn replied quickly. “They stick out pretty far and I took a corner too fast.” She added. Jon frowned at the dark, obscure color on her pale skin.

“That looks painful.” He sighed, walking in to run his fingers over it just gently.

“It’s not so bad.” She replied gruffly. “And yes, I do want cheese, please.” She added, offering a weak smile. Jon nodded before heading back into the family room to place the order.

Jon and Jordyn cuddled up on the couch, watching an episode of The Simpson’s before their doorbell rang. Jordyn jumped from the couch, running to the door and flinging it open to se Patrick, Sara, and… a dog?

“A puppy!” She squealed as Sara handed over the tiny beagle puppy. Jon flinched at the high pitch, and at the words as well as Jordyn ran into the family room, cradling the little baby excitedly. “Oh, look how cute!” She cooed as it locked her hand, wagging its tail excitedly. “Look how cute!” She squealed again, showing Jon. “What’s his name?” She asked as his awkward, clunky paws crawled all over her, reaching her cheeks and licking her all over her scrunched face.

“Her name is Rosie.” Sara laughed, entering the family room with Patrick in tow. Jon grimaced, knowing what was coming next.

“Oh! Can we get a dog?” Jordyn quickly begged. “Can we? Can we please?” She pleaded, cradling Rosie to her chest and crawling into his lap. “Look how precious she is.” She insisted, holding the puppy up to Jon’s face.

“Jord, you know we can’t, we’re not home enough.” Jon sighed, throwing a look at Patrick who stifled a laugh as he took a seat in the recliner, pulling Sara into his lap. “Maybe when you’re a little bit older.” He added.

“I’m too young to play lacrosse and too young to get a dog.” Jordyn huffed quietly, making Jon roll his eyes. “What am I old enough to do?” She asked rhetorically.

“Listen to your Dad and go get me a drink.” Patrick replied smartly, making her grumble, holding Rosie to her chest as she got up to walk to the kitchen. Just as she was reaching for a water bottle, the doorbell rang again.

“Hi.” Jordyn smiled as she let Brent and Brianna into the apartment.

“Oh! Puppy! Is it yours?” Brianna asked, petting the pocket-sized beagle.

“No, she’s Patty and Sara’s, I’m not old enough to have a dog.” Jordyn replied. A few more people slowly filtered into the apartment, Patrick Sharp, his wife Abby, Hjalmy, and Brian Campbell. Jordyn was mid-bite through a piece of cheese pizza; racing Brian on how quickly either of them could down a slice when the phone rang. However, over the loud chatter and cheering in the room, most of the guests watching as Patty tried to out-bowl Sharpie, it went unnoticed. That is, until Jon entered the kitchen to see the machine blinking with a message, he pressed play.

“Hi Jordyn, this is Coach Bodey, I was just calling to congratulate you on making JV and to remind you that your entrance fee and registration are due by Friday and you’ll need all your equipment by that next Monday. See you soon! Get ready to work hard!” Jon didn’t know what to think, his brain felt scrambled and he could feel his blood pressure rising.

“Jordyn?” He called from the kitchen. “Jordyn!” He called again, this time, much louder. A few moments, a smiley little girl entered the kitchen, Rosie still cradled to her small body tightly. However, when she saw the look on his face, her smile quickly faded. “That was Coach Bodey on the phone.” He began with a sigh. Jordyn set Rosie down on the floor, watching for a second as the little dog scrambled to find it’s feet then gallop into the family room. “Jordyn, I thought we had an understanding about this.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Why did you go out and purposely go against what I asked? This isn’t like you at all.” He frowned, making a lump form in the back of Jordyn’s throat. It was one thing to get yelled at by the Fogley’s, it was another to disappoint Jon; this hurt worse.

“I… I just wanted to see that I could do it.” She replied quietly. “Sara brought me Monday after school.”

“She brought you?” Jon asked, knitting his eyebrows together.

“Yes, but I asked her to, don’t get mad at Sara.” She replied right away. “I’m sorry I tried out when you told me not to, but I made the team!” She added desperately. “I did it!” She insisted.

“God.” Jon leant up against the kitchen counter, sighing softly. “What am I supposed to do? Jord, you know I have to punish you. God, you didn’t get that bruise from the locker, did you?” He asked with a deep frown as she shook her head in the negative. “I’ll call the coach, go to your room until I can think of something to do.” He said, pointing his finger towards the door.

“But everyone’s here!” Jordyn said, eyes big and sad as she glanced in the direction of the family room.

“Room.” Jon stated again, watching as she folded her arms across her thin chest and walking from the kitchen. Running his hands over his face, Jon took a moment to collect his thoughts as Patrick Kane entered the kitchen.

“Everything alright? Jordyn just stomped back to her room.” He said, reaching for another pop.

“Jordyn tried out for lacrosse after I told her not to, and she made a team. Now I have to call the coach and tell her she won’t be playing, and think of a punishment.” Jon replied.

“She tried out? How did she do that?” Patrick asked. “And she made the team?”

“Sara brought her when we were in Toronto.” Jon gave his friend a pointed look and Patrick kept a grin from stretching across his face. “Yeah, she made JV apparently.”

“Well, I mean, as mad as you must be, that’s pretty impressive for never playing the sport before.” Patrick pointed out. “Do you really have to call the coach? Wouldn’t you rather see how this plays out?” He asked.

“She has a giant, nasty bruise on her arm already, and if that’s from tryouts, I don’t want to know what could happen to her at a game. That, and she just lied right to my face and kept this from me for days!” Jon replied, very obviously flustered.

“I can understand why you’re so upset, but maybe you should just let this one slide, I mean, we’re all curious about this, and personally, I would love to see her play.” Patrick reasoned.

“Because if I let it slide this time, what’s going to stop her from lying to me again?” Jon asked.

“Well, okay, ground her, take away TV, whatever, but let her play and as soon as her grades start to slip or she starts giving you attitude, call the coach.” Patrick offered.

“I’ll think about it.” Jon nodded. He had a hard time enjoying the rest of the night, knowing Jordyn was upset and sitting alone in her room. The adults noticed the absence of the little girl but knew that if she was in her room, it was for a good reason. Later that night, Jordyn peeked her head around the corner, catching Jon’s attention. He got up from his spot on the couch to walk over to her. “What’s up?” He asked.

“Can I get something to drink?” She asked quietly.

“I’ll get it for you, back to your room.” He said, pointing down the hall. Pouring her a glass of ice water, and grabbing one of the cupcakes that Abby had brought over. Knocking softly on her door, he heard a faint ‘come in’ before pushing it open. Her room was dark, only illuminated by her twirling nightlight, casting tropical fish all over the walls. He set down the glass of water and cupcake on her nightstand. Jordyn was under her covers in her favorite pair of pink, plaid pajamas, resting up against her headboard.

“Still hate me?” She asked softly, arms wrapped around her knees.

“I don’t hate you, Jord, I could never hate you.” Jon insisted, placing a hand on top of her knee and letting his thumb stroke over her skin. “The idea of something happening to you, you getting hurt… it kills me.” He sighed, brushing his hand back over her hair. “I don’t want either of us to keep secrets.” He added.

“I’m sorry I made you worry, and I’m sorry I tried out after you told me not to, but I’m not sorry I did it. I’m good. And I want to play so bad.” She nearly whimpered. They sat in pure silence for a moment and Jon knew he was beat.

“As soon as you bring home anything lower than a B minus, you’re benched. No more secrets, no more lying, and no more attitude.” Jon began, watching as the smile grew on her face. “As soon as any of that starts, I’m calling the coach, and you’re off the team.” He managed out just in time for her to jump on him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and squealing excitedly.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She nuzzled into his warm skin.

“Don’t make me regret this, Jordyn.” He sighed again, wrapping his arms around her rail-thin midsection.

“I won’t… you won’t.”