Baby, I'm A Dreamer For Sure

I walked slowly up the front yard of the Gaskarth household, later that night. Nervously chewing on my bottom lip, I knocked on the door and took a step back, waiting for someone to answer.

I imagined Sophie to be pissed at me. I hadn’t spoken to her since the incident at lunch. I had gone home with Dick after school and was now on my way home. I figured I’d make things right between us as soon as possible, even though I dreaded having to talk to her. We never usually fought but I knew how she was when she was mad and I usually felt sorry for the people who came in her way when that happened.

The door opened to reveal a happy looking Alex, as soon as he saw me though his smile vanished. “What are you doing here?” He asked me coldly.

I swallowed and looked down. “I came to talk to Sophie.” I answered feeling so small under his hard eyes.

“I don’t believe she has any interest in talking to you.”

I sighed and kept looking down, unable to meet his eyes. Not knowing what to say, I didn’t say anything.

“So how’s the lovely boyfriend doing?” He leans against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. His tone still cold as ice.

I felt tears bricking in the corner of my eyes. Alex had never talked to me like that before, he would never be so hostile towards me, and it hurt more than I ever would have known.

It’s like he noticed how I felt since he sighed and ran his hands down his face. He muttered a ‘fuck’ and took a step closer to me. “Why are you still with him, Jessica?” He spoke a lot softer now, like he felt guilty once he saw the tears slowly flowing down my cheeks. But I knew he was serious since he had used my full name. He never called me Jessica otherwise; there were all these other nicknames. But that wasn’t so surprising since no one ever called me by my full name, in exception of my mom when she was mad.

I only shook my head slowly, unable to find coherent words, as the tears fell more frequently now.

“Can’t you see what he’s trying to do?” He said a little louder. “He’s trying to control your life! He’s trying to cut you off your social life so he’ll be all you’ll have.”

I just shook my head, disbelievingly as more tears run down my face.

“Yes he does! Why can’t you see it? He doesn’t even want you to be around your best friend anymore! He’s already got you fighting with her. What’s next, huh?”

“Look, Alex I’m sorry.” I started meekly. “I’m not siding with him, okay? I just don’t want anyone to be fighting because of me. And I had to get him out of there before it got any worse.” I wiped away the tears and looked deeply into his eyes.

“Oh, so you’re saying you broke up with him?” He asked disbelievingly.

“I didn’t say that, no.” I whispered.

“You know what fine, whatever.” He sighed. “It doesn’t really have anything to do with me anyway.”

My heart sank even deeper in my stomach and I took a deep breath forcing myself not to break down in front of him. “No,” I agreed. “It doesn’t.”

We stood silently just staring at each other for a while before I dared to speak up again. “Is Sophie home?”

“She’s upstairs,” He answered emotionlessly.

“Okay,” I whispered and walked past him into the house.

I paused a minute to breath and collect all tears outside her room. Then I walked in. I found her sitting on the bed with an open book in her lap. When she heard me coming in she looked up and narrowed her eyes at me.

I sighed knowing this was what was awaited. “Look, before you say anything I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” I started, though not knowing exactly what I was apologizing for. But knowing Sophie it would be safest to just apologize and taking the blame yourself or else she could be a real bitch and you’d never hear the end of it.

“I know what Dick did today was completely uncalled for and unexpected and I wasn’t going to go with him if he hadn’t put up a fight, alright?” I took a deep breath before I continued just wanting to get everything off my chest.

“I don’t want anyone fighting. I don’t like fights.” I mumbled.

She chuckled and stood up from the bed. “Well, what did you expect? You’re all for peace, love and understanding and think that everyone is going to love each other. News flash for you; that ain’t going to happen. Alex hates them, and you know that, and they hate Alex. That is not something that’ll just change over a day or because you start dating one of them. Because guess what; Jack hates me. He hates me cause I’m Alex’s sister and he hates Alex. He said he can’t be seen in public with me cause he’s got a reputation to protect.”

She took a time to breath. She sounded so bitter in her voice. “So if you’re going to be with him, then you can just fuck off!”

I laughed humorlessly. “I can’t believe you, Sophie! You actually making me choose between you two?” I shook my head disappointingly, I had never thought that about her.

“I ain’t making you choose, he is! Didn’t you hear him back there? I don’t want you around these people.” She mocked him, while defending herself.

“You’re really that selfish, aren’t you? You can’t let anyone else be happy if you’re not. Just because you lost your boyfriend you can’t stand seeing me with anyone! So tell me something, are you gonna make Nat break up with Derek as well? So that we all will be singles again and you don’t have to drown in your misery by yourself?” I questioned her, I was so pissed off at her I swear I could hit her.

I never once had stood up to her before and now two years of old anger came building up at the same time before I could stop it.

“Fuck you!” She seethed, tears running down her face. “And no, I wouldn’t do that, cause Derek’s a good guy. Dick isn’t, Jack wasn’t either. God, I can’t fucking stand you right now, get the fuck out of my sight!” She growled in a low voice and made her way over to the bathroom that was connected to her bedroom. She slammed the door after her and locked it. I took that as my cue to go.

I met Alex once again on the porch. I also didn’t fail to notice Lisa Ruocco walking down the front yard away from the house, turning around once to wave at Alex and blow him a kiss before hopping into her car and drive away.

I couldn’t help but feel hurt as I saw her; she was blond, skinny, beautiful and absolutely perfect. I could never compare to her, I was so dull and plain and too fat for him to ever like me.

“So, Lisa huh? I thought you guys broke up?” I sounded more bitter than I intended as I wiped away the last tears that Sophie had brought to my eyes.

He looked over at me like he hadn’t noticed me coming at all. Then he chuckled and smirked. “She always comes back.”

“So, you’re back together?” I knew I was intruding but I just had to know. Not knowing would hurt even more.

“Nah,” He shook his head. “But she puts out, and I’m not gonna deny her a piece of this as long as she wants it.” He pointed at his body as he continued to smirk.

“How did it go up there?” He turned serious at once.

I cringed at the thought, “Not very well.”

“Thought I heard so.”

I nodded slowly and without another word shared I walked down the street back to my house. This day had turned out to be the worst in my entire life so far. I was still so freaking mad at Sophie. I had come there to apologize and then she just blew right up in my face. But I’ll have you know, that that was the last time. I’m not going to do it again. If that’s how she wants it then fine. I’m so sick of always having to comply with her rules. She’s so spoiled and always has to have her way. Well, not anymore, not with me she isn’t.