Baby, I'm A Dreamer For Sure

I woke up with two arms wrapped tightly around my body. After giving my eyes some time to adjust to the morning sun brightening my room, I looked at the clock seeing she was after nine. I turned around, snuggling closer into Alex’s bare chest. He stirred and slowly opened his eyes.

I smiled up at him while resting my head on his chest. “Morning.”

“Morning.” He mumbled. He loosened his grip around me to stretch his arms as he yawned and then wrapped them around me once again, pulling me closer to his body.

“You hungry?” I asked him, feeling hungry myself.

“Let’s just lay here for a while, I’m not fully awake yet.” He mumbled, tightening his grip around me.

“Okay,” I said and leaned against him, closing my eyes. But after only a few minutes his stomach gave him away by grumbling very loudly. I giggled and lifted my head to look up at him. “Sounds like your body is disagreeing with you.”

He groaned and stood up and put his clothes from last night on. “Guess we’re making breakfast.” He smiled and handed me my underwear where I sat on the bed still covering myself with the blanket.

“Thanks.” I said and got dressed as well, but in a pair of leggings and a big t-shirt. I put my hair up in a messy ponytail before turning back to Alex who stood by the door waiting for me.

We walked down to the kitchen together and I searched through our cookbooks for a recipe and decided to make pancakes. Alex sat down at the table thinking he probably wouldn’t be much of help anyway. I turned on the radio and started mixing a mixture for four people.

It was quiet between Alex and I and I felt uncomfortable in his presence like I hadn’t since we got officially together. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said last night.

He was sneaky. I’ll give him that. Asking me at a time when he knew I would do anything for him. Every time I think about it now, all I can think about is how much he can pleasure me, making it impossible for me to ever want to leave him.

And maybe I was selfish, not wanting him to go without me. I wanted to share this experience with him, their first real tour. I wanted to be there and see the shows and the fans, support him. And just be with him and have fun, let go of all the troubles at home, with my parents’ divorce and all. I just wanted to escape that for a while.

“What are you thinking about?” Alex asked making me jump out of my thoughts. He came up next to me and helped me set the table.

“Nothing just, summer’s close…” I mumbled, not looking at him.

“Yes, we leave in two weeks. I’m so excited!” He said with a grin, oblivious to my sour mood. “Just think about all the fun we’re gonna have. We’re gonna play our music and see America, and we’re gonna do it together.” He said holding his arms around me.

I couldn’t meet his eyes and looked down on the floor instead. Did he take for granted that I was going to come with him? We hadn’t even talked about it before. When he dropped that on me last night I was shocked.

I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and cleared my throat. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” I said, taking a step back from him.

“Okay…” He said looking a little confused.

“My dad called me yesterday.” I started looking up to meet his eyes.

“Well, that’s great. You haven’t talked to him since he moved, right?” He asked with a smile.

I nodded, “Yeah, but that’s not really what surprised me.”

“What did he say?”

I was silent for a moment before I could find the words. “He asked me to come to Chicago and live with him for the summer.” I blurted out, looking at the floor, not wanting to see his reaction.

He was quiet. I looked up and saw him staring out the window with a frown on his lips. “That means you can’t come on tour with us.” He stated quietly.

“Alex, I haven’t given him an answer yet.” I said hastily, not wanting him to jump to conclusions.

“You should go to him though. He’s your father.” He gave me a weak smile before turning around starting to walk out of the kitchen.

“Alex wait!” I stopped him. I hated seeing him sad like this. It physically hurt me. And it made my decision so much easier.

Alex turned around slowly and didn’t even bother to cover up the sad look on his face. I walked up to him and held his face in my palms. “I wanna go with you.” I whispered as I stared deep into his eyes.

He looked back, holding me close to his body with his arms that was wrapped around my waist. “Jessica…” He started, but I cut him off, knowing what he was going to say and I didn’t want to listen to it.

“No, don’t make this decision for me. I need to make it myself.” I said, knowing he would do what it took to make me go to Chicago. He was stubborn and maybe he would even break up with me in order to do what he wanted me to do. I couldn’t let him to that. I wouldn’t.

He sighed and took a moment before he answered. “Okay, let’s just… we’ll take a breather and think about things, both of us. Don’t make any hastily decisions you’re going to regret. And in a week we’ll go to the concert. There’s time, you don’t have to decide today.”

I nodded, biting my lip as I looked up at him. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He smiled and gave me a kiss.

“Guys, it smells like something’s burnt!” A yell was heard from the hallway and a moment later Sophie and Natalie walked into the kitchen.

I felt the smell to and looked over at the stove and saw I forgot the pancakes on. “And why am I not surprised?” Nat said, indicating to mine and Alex’s embrace. I just giggled and buried my face in Alex’s neck.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The concert was amazing. And I am scared right now. I may turn into a concert junkie. They say it only takes one hit to get you hooked and man, am I hooked. I want to see every band I listen to live now. I blame it on Alex.

I had never seen myself being in this scene. It was sweaty and crowdy, especially since Alex made us push our way to the front, but I do not regret it. And I’m not so surprised I liked it either. Alex had changed me a lot. He made me discover new stuff that I’d never even dreamed of before, let alone thought I would like. Once again I was amazed by him.

I already knew I loved him before we got together and I thought he was next until perfect, but the more time I was spending with him I realized he was so much more than that.

I had thought of him almost as not human before I really got to know him. He was more of a dream, a fantasy that I was making up in my head because he was so far out of reach. He was an image that I had made up in my mind. And I was actually afraid that when I got to know him better, I’d be disappointed because he wasn’t what I expected. That he wouldn’t be the perfect boyfriend I had imagined him to be. I was scared to let him in to close, to really see all sides of him. Just like I had been scared of him seeing the bad sides of me I had been scared of seeing the bad sides of him.

I was afraid that it was the fantasy Alex I had fallen in love with and not the real one. And once I got to know the real one, and he’d turn out not to be what I expected I’d lose my feelings for him.

But what amazed me was that the human Alex turned out to be so much better than the one I had been fantasizing about. And for one solid reason; he was real. It was the little things that made me realize why I had been dreaming about him. The way he held my hand, the way he always opened the door for me. The way he understood me, and the way he understood that he didn’t understand me but was okay with that. The way he was always looking out for my best interest, the way he made love to me and the way he brought me into his world and showed me what he lived for, what he loved. Even though we didn’t have a lot in common when we first met, that had changed over the months as we both took time for each other’s interests. He showed me his music and took me to see him play. I taught him how to cook, and got him into Desperate Housewives. We took time for each other and respected one another.

He was my first serious relationship but I already knew this was a good one. I didn’t need the fiasco with Dick to make me realize that Alex was a good guy. He was not going to screw me over. When he said he loved me, I believed him. He hadn’t given me any reason not to.

But now, did I have to say goodbye to him? Did this mean we were over, if I chose to go to my father. Did I really have to choose? They say to always put family first, but did that account to every situation? Did I have to let Alex, who had become my entire world, go to be with my father who I, even when I lived with him didn’t spoke to?

Was life ever fair?

After a lot of thought, I picked up the phone and dialed my father’s number to tell him my decision.