Baby, I'm A Dreamer For Sure

I fell asleep alone that night. And I was oddly okay with it.

I wasn’t ashamed of what just happened and I didn’t feel embarrassed of how I acted. It was closure that I needed, I don’t know about him but telling him I loved him and not hearing him say it back really made me see things more clearly.

It was my first step of getting over him. I knew it wouldn’t be easy and it would take time but it wasn’t impossible. He was my first love and I will never forget that, we had some great time together, but nothing can last forever, right?

Right now I was in the second step, the ice cream step. I did cry a bit last night, and I was still sad. I felt lonely and empty.

I took another big spoon of ice cream and shoved it in my mouth as I watched old reruns of That’s 70s show, my favourite TV show.

My phone started ringing. I picked it up from the coffee table and looked at the caller ID, I wanted to avoid talking to people as much as I can. But when I saw it was Sophie I knew I had to answer, I had been ignoring her texts and calls all day. I had no doubt Alex had already told her about the break up.

“Hello?” I answered the phone tentatively, as I muted the sound on the TV.

“Jessica, finally you answer!” Sophie greeted me. I heard music in the background. I looked at the clock on the wall seeing it was 10 in the evening. She was obviously at Alex party.

I just hummed as an answer, shoving more ice cream in my mouth. Thinking about him just felt like a stab in my heart.

“Why aren’t you here? I wanted to see you before you leave tomorrow.”

“Why would I be there?” I asked angrily.

“Because you can get drunk and make out with a stranger, part of the healing process. How are you holding up by the way?”

“My two best friends are helping me, Ben and Jerry. And no, I will not do that, and I don’t want to see Alex.”

She laughed at my joke but then started whining. “Come, please come, for me. We can sit in the back yard and drink vodka just you and I, you don’t even have to see Alex.”

I sighed giving in. Getting drunk did sound pretty good right now. “Fine, I’ll be there soon.”

“Yay! I’ll steal the vodka from Alex, he owe us that.”

I hung up the phone with a chuckle and stood up walking up to my room. I took a quick shower without washing my hair and was out in two minutes. I just didn’t want to smell like sweat. I put on a pair of jeans and a tank top, covering my face with minimal make up, just enough to not make me look as sick as I did before.

I walked into my mom’s bedroom where she was lying in bed reading a book. “I’m going over to Sophie’s.” I told her.

“Okay, don’t be home too late, your train leaves at eleven.” She replied. “Are you going to say goodbye to her and Alex?”

“We broke up, mom. I’m going to say goodbye to Sophie.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” She said with a frown. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m going to drink my sorrows away. I won’t be home too late.” I said and turned around walking down the stairs.

“Don’t drink too much!” Mom yelled after me, which I just chuckled at.

I could hear the music from a far and could already tell there was going to be a lot of people there.

My only goal when I step into the house was to find Sophie, I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone else. Though that plan failed fast as I stepped into the kitchen and saw Alex with his arm around Lisa, his ex before me. I felt my heart break in my chest as I saw them laughing and having fun.

They were not allowed to have fun. How could he do that? When just yesterday he had had sex with me, and now he standing there flirting and holding another girl.

I locked eyes with Alex. “Jessica?” Alex choked out. He looked chocked and then awkwardly took a step back from Lisa, clearing his throat, never breaking eye contact with me.

Lisa stood there feeling the awkward tension in the air as she looked back and forth between Alex and I. She said something to Alex that I didn’t catch. Alex nodded his head without looking at her, before she left the room leaving Alex and I alone. Right now, I was sure if that was a good thing or not.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, getting a bit angry that I really thought was unnecessary.

“Don’t worry, I’m not here to ruin your night.” I spat defensively. “I’m only here because Sophie begged me to come and see her one last time before I leave tomorrow.”

His eyes softened a bit as he bit his lip making my eyes draw to them. He nodded his head after a while. With a sigh he ran his hand through his messy hair. “I think she went out back.” He said pointing to the back door. He quickly slipped out of the room before I got a chance to respond.

Was that all he had to say to me? After seven months of being together. After telling me he loved me, after writing me a song, he couldn’t stand being in the same room as me for more than two seconds.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and pushed back the tears that were welling up in my eyes. I took a deep breath and went out the back door in search of Sophie. There were not a lot of people out here, just a few standing in a group and smoking. I saw Sophie sitting on the grass under a tree at the back of the yard.

I walked over to her and sat down next to her, leaning my back against the tree. She leaned over and gave me a tight hug. I hugged her back, realising I needed the comfort. She pulled back after a few minutes and handed me the vodka bottle that was almost full. I gladly took it and took a huge gulp and scrunched my face up as the strong taste burned my throat. I wasn’t much of a fan of strong liquor but right now I wanted to get drunk and fast. I took another gulp and then handed the bottle back to her.

“How can he be back with that bitch already?” I complained loudly. “It’s been one day. One day!”

“She’s just a rebound fuck, he’s only with her because she’s easy. That’s the reason he was together with her in the first place. She was his first, you know.” Sophie said, as if that would make me feel any better. I just snatched the bottle out of her hand and drank from it.

I sighed and looked up to the sky. “I just wish things would be different.”

“Me too.” She mumbled. “Dave is going on the same tour with Alex too, you know.”

“But he hasn’t broken up with you.” I said bitterly feeling the alcohol affect me more and more.

“No, he hasn’t.”

It was quiet between us for a while before she spoke up again. “Alex loves you, you know that right?”

“But not enough to fight for us.” I said sadly. I stared down at the bracelet on my wrist that Alex had given me for Christmas. I hastily unclasped it and slid the ring of my finger as well. “Here,” I said, handing them to Sophie, while standing up, getting ready to go home. “You can give these back to Alex, I don’t want them anymore.”