Love Song

Amy

Wednesday, November 26

Jordan left shortly after we saw Zakk, wanting to get home before Ryan woke up. The rest of us stayed at the hospital with Zakk until around noon when he became angry when we brought up the idea of rehab and demanded that we leave him alone. We all needed to get home and change our clothes anyway. Harrison, Josh, and I walked out of the hospital together and Harrison patted my shoulder, “Thank god you aren’t letting Josh drink. He was able to act to save Zakk. I was kinda out of it myself.”

I would’ve taken that as a compliment but something about the comment bothered me but I smiled anyway, “You’re welcome I guess. Are you gonna come visit Zakk again today?”

“I might,” Harrison replied. The three of us parted ways and I walked with Josh towards his car, “Josh, what have you told people about our agreement?”

“What do you mean?”

“Harrison said I don’t let you drink,” I said, “Does he know why I don’t let you?”

Josh started getting a bit uncomfortable and he wouldn’t look me in the eye, “I don’t know.”

“Josh!” I started slapping his arms and chest and he grabbed my wrists so I would stop, “You’re making me look like a bitch, Josh! There’s a reason I don’t want you drinking and you know what the reason is!”

“I didn’t tell him why because I think your reasons are wrong!” Josh shot back, “I don’t have a problem!”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” I started laughing and put my hand to my forehead, “Seriously, what is it with you guys? Zakk won’t admit he has a problem, you won’t admit you have a problem, and Jordan won’t admit she’s got problems! Why are you three so goddamn blind?!”

“I’m not gonna sit here and listen to you compare me to Zakk or my sister,” Josh said, throwing open his car door, “I’m nothing like them.”

“I think you could’ve ended up like Zakk if I didn’t step in,” I said. Josh glared at me as he got into his car and drove off. I groaned as I stormed over to my car. In this moment, I wished I had stayed in my apartment. This way, both of us would have a place to go to cool off. We were driving back to the same home and a car ride wouldn’t be enough time to calm down and talk about this like adults.

I got back home before Josh so I took a quick shower and changed clothes. By the time I got out of the shower, I heard his car pull up in the driveway. As I came downstairs, he came into the house with a case of beer under each arm, “Josh! Why would you buy those?!”

Josh didn’t answer me. He headed straight for the kitchen and I followed him, trying to stop him from opening the first case, “Josh goddammit! Don’t you fucking dare open that case!”

“Leave me alone Amy!” he snapped, swatting my hands away. Josh looked me in the eyes as he pulled a bottle of beer from the case and opened it. I narrowed my eyes and pointed a finger at him.

“Don’t you dare open that,” I whispered. Josh smirked as he opened it. I glared as I slapped the beer right out of his hand. The bottle went flying and beer spilled all over our kitchen floor and the half empty bottle hit the wall, shattering upon impact, “I told you not to open it Josh! Every time there’s conflict and you’re stressed out, you head straight for the alcohol! It’s not healthy! You have a problem! Why won’t you listen to me?!”

“Because you’re wrong!” Josh shouted, “I’m perfectly fine! So I like to enjoy a nice beer once in awhile. Who does it hurt?”

“You!” I screamed, “Because it isn’t once in awhile! This is a constant thing! And you almost hurt yourself while you were drunk and you don’t even remember it!”

Josh chuckled, leaning his head back and rolling his eyes, “I think you’re exaggerating a little bit. I’m sure I didn’t almost hurt myself.”

“Take my word for it Josh,” I grumbled, “I was the sober one. You were the shit-faced one!”

Josh was no longer interested in the conversation and reached for another bottle from the case. I grunted as I picked up the two cases and took them outside. Josh ran after me as I did, “Amy! What are you doing?!”

I walked out towards the trashcans and forcefully threw them down, making sure I broke every single bottle, “Throwing these away! I will not have any alcohol in this house!”

Josh frantically looked through the cases I tossed in the garbage and slammed the lid to the trashcan down, “Goddammit Amy! What in the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Me?! Me?!” neighbors started coming out of their houses to see where all the screaming was coming from. Some immediately went back inside but some stayed and watched us fight, “Ya know what Josh?! Get the fuck out of this house!”

I started for the front door and Josh ran after me, “This is my house Amy you get out!”

“This is our house now Josh and I say you get the fuck out!” I slammed the door and locked the doors. I went upstairs and grabbed a change of clothes from Josh’s drawers. I opened the window and tossed them onto the front yard and slammed the windows shut. I sat down below my window and cried into my hands. I had no idea what I was going to do. I couldn’t keep Josh out of his own house forever but I couldn’t keep pretending I was enough to keep him sober much longer.