When You're Around

His hands were loose, but tight enough to cause some form of fearful reaction to surface from the depths of my features. As I gazed into his menacing, almost deadly sea foam eyes I wanted to do nothing more than crawl into a hole and hide until the hurricane had calmed. Slowly, Jackson pressed his body closer to mine and pushed me further against the pastel yellow wall while his eyes, his deadly eyes, peered deep into my soul. His breath was hot against the bridge of my nose and his fingers were warm against my flesh, the heat radiating off of his body caused perspiration to form in the pits of my shirt and the heated skin to tingle. The bare skin of his torso brushed against mine ever so gently, but the rest of his body screamed hostility.

“Fucking bitch,” he growled into my ear, his other hand brushing against the naked flesh over my collar bone, “did you really think you were getting away that easy?” –he pulled his lips away from the highest portion of my jaw line and his eyes grew sharper; his beautiful eyes- “Did you think I was that stupid to let you run off? Huh?!”

My lips quivered and my cornered body tried to shrink back further than it possibly could. So many words could have been said, but none of them were right for that moment.

Jackson’s body got closer, but kept some distance so he wouldn’t crush me, “Are you too dumb to fucking speak now?”

Again, no words were right for the moment so I just gazed up into his eyes as my own widened. Suddenly, Jackson’s hand made a move to strike me across my cheek but I turned my head in time to miss the blow. Breathing heavy, I stared at the carpet just below my feet for several seconds until my fists balled up and my head turned so my pouted lips could release the wad of spit behind its smooth cages. The bodily fluid, a little piece of me, landed just below his eye. Once my missal had reached its bulls eye, my knee shot up and into the corner of Jackson’s thigh, an inch or so away from his crotch, and I pushed his weakened body away from my own.

“I’m not fucking dumb, you fucker,” I hissed before everything grew silent and it was just me looking down into Jackson’s slowly softening eyes as he lay on the floor. Seconds faded into a minute or two, but when the time had passed Jackson’s snarl had turned into the sweetest crooked grin I had ever seen. I relaxed my body and bit my bottom lip before asking, “so, was it better this time? Less aggressive, I mean?”

Jackson picked himself from the floor and wiped the glob of spit from his cheek, still smiling while he nodded and brushed his fingers gently across my neck as if it would prevent the bruising he figured he’d caused, “You looked a bit more frightened this time. Better that way, I suppose. I didn’t hold you too tight did I?”

I shook my head and grasped his hand in my own, “I didn’t feel too much pressure; a lot less than the first two times.” –I kissed his palms before grinning- “Was I good enough to at least get a second call?”

“In my book, you’re good enough to get the part,” Jackson whispered before it grew silent once more. It wasn’t an awkward silence that left us both feeling raped by the sound of nothing, but it wasn’t a comfortable silence either. It was full of yearning and need for the others body, yet a slight fear of breaking a promise we both swore to until we learned more about the stranger in the bed.

Clearing my throat awkwardly, I broke free of contact with Jackson and walked over to grab my phone. After checking my time, it was just three minutes after four, I looked over at Jackson and smiled, “You hungry? You haven’t eaten since you came over this morning. Want to eat out?”

Wrong wording I hissed at myself, but it was too late and the air had become the pregnant sound of muted lust once more.

Thankfully, Jackson didn’t acknowledge my wording and nodded, “We might be able to catch Ash or Nikki for dinner if we call now. I doubt anyone else can come because Kristen, Rob, and Taylor are out of state and Kellan’s at a shoot.”

“Ok, I’ll go shower and get ready and maybe you can pick me up in an hour or so after you get ready?” I questioned with a light smile and I walked closer to him.

He pulled me into his arms and kissed the base of my temple before lifting my chin with his index finger and pressing his lips fully against mine. It was warm, warm enough to cause my hands to rest gently on his chest and my head to tilt against his with a bit more pressure. Our lips danced against one another for several seconds before he pulled away from me, slow enough for the kiss to linger but with enough speed to prevent any further actions from taking place.

“I’ll see you in a bit.”

I nodded and watched as he walked out the door before shaking myself out of my daze and commanding my body to move toward my room to leave the house for the first time that day. I didn’t know it was possible for a person who had gone without having sex for years to miss it after just a day of swearing it off for a while. The night before, when Jackson left as he had just seconds before, I lay in bed and thought over what I had done and weighed the good and the bad for what was to come. I figured it would be best for us, but I also thought of how wrong things could go because I wasn’t putting out anymore.

It had happened before.

Just after I had stepped out the shower, my cell phone began to vibrate riotously against the polar marble of my bathroom counter top. In three strides I had reached my slowly charging phone and picked up just before the person on the other end could hang up.

“Hello?”

On the other end, I heard nothing but sobs and hysteric whimpers echoing from the lips of a female. It was all I could tell by the voice, so I looked at the name I.D. on my screen to find out that Jamie was calling me. She had been calling me nonstop since I had gotten in the shower just ten minutes before. Rolling my eyes, I put the phone back to my ear and walked over to my hair straightener as I waited for comprehendible words to come from the thin lips of the woman who acted as if she were just a child. After five minutes of getting nowhere, however, I put my heated straightener down and sat on the bridge of my tub while taking on a role only a mother should.

“What’s wrong, hun?”

“Took you long enough,” Jamie snapped over her sobs, “I’ve been calling you and calling you but it seems you’re just too busy fornicating with that boyfriend of yours! I doubt you even really care about me.”

It took all I had to not agree.

“Anyway, I was just calling to tell you that my demo got denied again,” Jamie’s voice slowly began to gain small forms of accents on the consonants of the words and her emotion became hollow, “I did everything right. I don’t understand why they don’t like me.”

“Maybe if you sent your tape to someone other than that record label you could have a chance,” I was being honest. Jamie had sent her demo to the same label four times in the last year and each time they told her she wasn’t the type of person they were looking for. It was the kind of label into Lindsay Lohan and Jamie sounded more like the crack whore version of Miley Cyrus; although, I would never tell her to her face, “have you even thought about other labels?”

“No,” Jamie hissed, “I’ve been dreaming of that company since I learned about singing as a child.”

“Honey, it’s only been around for like five years.”

In ten minutes, I was able to multitask professionally by getting ready and lying through my teeth just so Jamie wouldn’t go off the deep end about not getting accepted once more. But when it came to getting dressed I had to tell Jamie I was leaving because some clothes require two hands.

Also, Jamie’s voice was too much to bare at times.

“Where are you going?” Jamie questioned

“Out for dinner with Jackson and some of his friends,” I replied without thinking it through.

Suddenly, a loud gasp from the other end sounded and Jamie’s ‘innocent’ smile was heard from the receiver, “I’ll come too then! It’ll be fun, just as long as we don’t go to any clubs or bars. I have bible study tomorrow and I don’t want to have to confess all the wrong that I’ve seen-“

“Jamie, you can-“

“I’m getting ready now!”

I looked at my phone with a dropped jaw when I realized that Jamie had invited herself and that I was stupid enough to tell her about my plans. Shaking my head, I sat on my bed in my underwear and called Jackson to explain the news. It was obvious from his voice that he didn’t want Jamie to come, no one really liked Jamie all that much, but he was polite enough not to say anything.

Upon hanging up, I started getting dressed once more. Once I was fully dressed, I grabbed my cell phone, stuck it in my bra, and walked out of my room in search of Lou’s lotion that smelled liked blue berries and cream. She didn’t know I secretly used it, but what she didn’t know hadn’t hurt her yet and I was planning on keeping it that way. For ten minutes I just basked in the smell good glory while I texted my mom and Walt as I waited for Jackson to come.

The door to my house jiggled wildly, as if the person trying to come in hadn’t realized that the door was unlocked and all they had to do was push. Following the wild jingles, urgent pounding echoed in my almost empty house and for some odd reason I yearned for a guard cat like the one I had growing up as a child. It had died just a year or so after my dad, but I could still miss him.

Poor Tiger petit bébé (Little Baby Tiger)

I hurried to the door to see who had lacked the common sense to open it and wasn’t all too surprised to see my blonde acquaintance behind it with her temperamental, bratty pout surfacing on her features and her blond curls shooting in almost every direction. As soon as the door was opened, she sized me up from my earth toned tunic dress to the strappy heels on my feet. Once she was finished mentally judging me, she shook her head and brushed past me to get into my house without me welcoming.

“You look like a whore,” she said, “I think you’d be better if you changed.”

Following her actions, I looked at her clothes and saw that she was wearing shorts shorter than my dress, a tight red tee-shirt, and wedge heels that resembled the ones I wore the last time I saw her. If she had worn darker make-up and took off the rosary, she would have looked like one of the girls right off the corner.

I was a big enough person to keep my lips shut.

“How would your mother feel?”

I shrugged and sat down on my couch once more, “My mom’s the one that bought it for me. She said ‘You’ll have wood shooting up in every direction.’”

Jamie’s jaw dropped and her eyes grew sharp, “Your mother doesn’t sound like a good influence. No wonder you turned out like this.”

My index finger shot up to silence the rest of her words and I closed my eyes to stay calm. Talking about anyone’s mother was a touchy subject and insulting them just made things worse than it could possibly be, “Jamie, if the words ‘your mother’ comes out of you mouth one more time I swear I will shave the locks of hair from your pretty little airhead and shove them down your so called ‘virgin’ pussy. Got that?”

With a huff, Jamie sat back onto the recliner and things grew silent until Jackson arrived to pick us up. He kissed my cheek briefly before whispering a quick ‘you’re beautiful’ and we walked to his car. The drive was silent, if you see silent as Jamie complaining about how uncomfortable the backseat was and how she wanted to switch places with me so she could stretch her legs out. Jackson and I would share a look every now and again, but only Jackson replied to Jamie with a fast ‘We’re almost there.”

The restaurant was beautiful, and Ashley and a brunette woman with a sharp jaw line, I figured she was Nikki, got out of a small car just as Jackson parked behind them. My eyes met with Ashley’s first and we hugged tightly before pulling away and I was introduced to Nikki. Adversely, Jamie shoved her way between me and Nikki and stuck her hand out.

“I’m Jamie,” she breathed out without taking time to space her words evenly, “I’m a huge fan of your work!”

“Thanks,” Nikki said with a smile and took Jamie’s hands lightly in hers, “it’s nice to meet you. I’m –“

“Nikki, I know. I just said I was a huge fan of your work.”

I rolled my eyes and looked to the side to give both Jackson and Ashley an apologetic look, but Jackson just smiled and laced his fingers through mine as he walked toward the entrance of the restaurant. Inside smelled like fresh bread, vinegar, and melted cheese all in one. It was warm, but not warm enough to break a sweat. It was a beautiful place, both inside and out, and as I admired the beauty of it all I leaned closer to Jackson.

“You like then?”

My smile turned up a bit more and I nodded, “This is great, but don’t tell my mom that. She’ll send me here every day to spy on what they have that she doesn’t…”

Once seated, conversation sparked and everyone wanted to stray off the occupation world and focus more on simple things like their favorite destination, what it was like growing up in their families, and small events like getting the permanent bruise as a child. Everyone was enjoying things, but only one person wanted conversation to revolve around themselves and as she spoke, only conceited words flowed from her lips.

“For the photo shoot to my demo they had to take out the scar over my lip so it didn’t look like I had herpes,” Jamie started after Nikki told everyone about how she fell from a tree and ended up scarring her elbow, “the camera man said it wasn’t as bad as it looked, but I knew he was just saying that because natural beauty is rare in Hollywood. He told me I was far prettier than most people these days, anyway, yet I couldn’t let him smooth talk his way into my pants like most girls.” –Her eyes locked with mine for a second before she smirked and went on- “I just sold that very demo to a company that’s been begging for one since they heard of me from some agent.”

Unable to take much more, I excused myself to go to the restroom and clear my head with a small break from the girl I had yet to stomach. I waited six minutes before walking out and back to my table in time to see Nikki and Ashley whispering with each other and Jamie batting her eyelashes seductively at my boyfriend while reaching across the table and shamelessly rubbing her hands across his palm.

I cleared my throat as I sat down next Jackson and raised my eyebrow, a silent warning, at Jamie. Jackson rested his hand, the hand Jamie had grabbed, on my bare thigh and leaned over to whisper in my ear, “She’s quite the character.”

“You have no idea.”

Dinner went by slower than I expected but I had fun as long as I ignored Jamie and focused on something other than ramming her head through the thick glass of the window beside us. We said our good-byes to Ashley and Nikki before they drove off and I was almost in the car when Jamie stopped me and told me she was going to get a cab. I didn’t say anything, just nodded, and got into the car with Jackson.

“Are we just going to leave her here?” he asked as he cranked the engine

“She said she’s not ready to go home, so she’s going to call a cab.”

Half an hour later, I was walking through my apartment doors with Jackson behind me and ready to jump into bed after a long day. It was good at first, but after Jamie stepped into the picture it went downhill from there and hadn’t gone up until…

Before I could open my room door, Jackson pinned me against the wall and attacked my lips with his own. His hands cupped my breasts through my dress and his body pressed against mine while my hands entangled themselves in his long locks of chocolate. He broke away, heat smothering his warm gaze, and looked down at me with eyes that spelled out so many dirty things that could happen at that moment, on that wall, but the barrier of a promise stopping it all.

Rolling my eyes, I pulled him into another kiss before pushing him away and turning to my door like I was just seconds before, “We can’t, and don’t follow me in because I’m not too sure I have enough willpower to sustain my needs much longer.”

Jackson laughed, “It’s only been a day, Belle.”

“A day too long.” I shot back after slamming my door to get some pent up frustration out. It felt awkward wanting someone so badly, like I was a dog in heat who’s owners wouldn’t let her out of the house. It was frustrating knowing you had the person right there, right where they should be, but couldn’t do anything because of what you didn’t know about them.

As soon as I was dressed a pair of pajama pants and a tank-top, I walked out of my room and settled in Jackson’s arms on the couch as we watched the news and then some movie on HBO before Lou walked through the doors with her lips latched onto Kellan’s and her arms on his shoulder. I shot up from Jackson’s chest to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating, and grinned when I saw that I wasn’t.

After finding my voice with a bit of humor in the undertone, I pointed out to Lou that she was kissing the man she had expressed a small resentment for and she ended up closing herself in her room. Kellan just stood staring at the space Lou had once occupied before he shook his head and reached in his pocket.

“I need a smoke,” he whispered before he was out the door once more and me and Jackson were left to replay the scene of our friends making out right before our eyes.

I pouted at Lou’s loss and rested against the seat, “Dammit, she really did need a good lay. I mean, all that pent up frustration with the world has to get released somehow. Right?”

Jackson just laughed and turned his attention to the screen once more and we watched the remainder of the movie before drifting off to sleep on the couch before the next one could play.