Take Me There

I had no excuse to not meet Nick at 8 tonight. There was a set time, a set place--for now, at least--and there was something stern in his voice that told me to go. But at the same time, I didn’t want to get up. After he had left I moved myself up to my room quietly, listening intently to my mother’s footsteps. I heard her car pull out of the driveway and I wondered if she was actually going to work for once

I hoped.

But as I stared up at my glow-in-the-dark stickers, I found myself being nagged… by myself. I was crazy. Staring at the stickers reminded me of when Cass put them up and I wanted nothing more than to just call her. I didn’t know I’d miss her this much, but I did; it was almost as painful as the bruises that took up patches of my skin. I glanced at the clock again: 7:59 just changed t0 8:00.

Groaning, I sat myself up, grabbing my sweatshirt as I passed the chair. I pulled it over my head and fixed the band of my pajama pants, letting my hair fall around my numb face like a curtain. I left my phone on my nightstand and pushed myself out the door and down the stairs, the dim light of the moon barely peeking through the blinds. I made sure not to trip-- I didn’t need any more injuries.

Pulling the door open, I blinked, but not in surprise, when I saw Nick sitting on the step, staring up at the dark sky with his hands holding him up from behind. Clicking the door shut behind me, he turned to glance over his shoulder, the cool breeze tickling my skin and shaking his curls. He had the same clothes on, not bothering to change for bedtime like I had. I felt like such a child. But he smiled at me and stood, wiping his hands on his pants.

He bounded down the few steps, his stride easy and smooth, and I stood there just watching him walk away for a moment.

“Nick, what’re you-”

“Just come on,” he interrupted, his voice soft as he motioned me forward with a nod of his head. He slowed his pace and shoved his hands into his pockets, waiting for me to follow. I sighed.

Stepping down the steps carefully, I brought my hands into the warm confines of my sweatshirt pocket and snuggled closer to it, meeting him after a few seconds. I followed him as he began to walk again, wondering where we were going. We crossed the street but bypassed his house, going for the small opening that sat close to it. I followed him down the small hill, digging my feet in the ground so I wouldn’t slide. As we kept walking I realized that we were headed towards the park that sat a few feet behind his house, an empty street being one of the only things separating them--that and his fence.

We crossed the street easily and headed straight for the open field, my eyes focusing on an old but shiny dark blue truck. I recognized it to be Mr. Jonas’ and it sort of made me smile. Dad had a truck. He continued forward, the dry grass crunching underneath his steps, but I stood in my spot; my eyes locked on him. He pushed up the sleeves to his jacket and grabbed for the handle on the back of the truck, pulling it down so the bed was completely open. He licked his lips and then looked at me, his eyes warm.

“Come here,” he mumbled, jumping into the back with ease and only a small creak of the truck. I hesitated but moved closer, stopping as I set my hand on the side. I heard him chuckle a bit. “I remembered that you and Cass used to sit in your dad’s truck at night, just to watch the stars and talk…” I remembered that too. “I was just thinking that you could use someone to talk to now and that, hopefully, I could be a pretty good substitute.”

I let out the breath I was holding and looked down, shutting my eyes while the wind blew my hair and tickled my face. It was silent again, the gentle breeze and the distant chirping of crickets echoing through the air.

“Here,” he whispered, getting me to glance up; his hand was out, waiting for me. I took it hesitantly and raised my leg, allowing him to pull me up and into the back of the truck. I tried to ignore the fact that his hand was in mine. I couldn’t. When he let go, the breath that I didn’t even know I was holding fell out of my lips.

“I… I don’t need to talk,” I said lowly, trailing my eyes over him as he sat, his knees pointed up while his converse clad feet stayed flat on the lining of the truck. I followed his lead, curling up my toes to feel the softness of my socks.

“I think you do,” he mumbled almost dryly, squinting his eyes. He was concentrated on something out in the distance, chewing on his plump bottom lip in thought. I shook my head. “I talked to Joe,” he finally blurted, turning to face me. I could feel my face go blank.

“Why?” I asked quickly, letting out another breath. He didn’t answer. “Nick, that’s none of your business. You don’t need to go around telling people when you don’t even have a right to know-” I started angrily, quickly being cut off by his defensive and irritated words.

“You are my business Julissa.”

I scoffed. “Just because I’m your girlfriend’s sister doesn’t mean I’m your business.”

“You are my business,” he repeated sternly, his eyes burning into mine. I held my breath, barely letting any of it out before he spoke again. “You’re my friend and I care about you; I’m here to help.”

“Is that what Joe told you to say? To feed me some load of crap?” I spat, tightening my grip on my sweatshirt. His jaw tightened at my words.

“No. He didn’t tell me that actually, and I’m sorry you think that our friendship is a load of crap.” I flinched at the hardness of his words; I wasn’t used to seeing Nick angry. He was a person though. He was a person that cared… about me. His face softened once he saw my undeniable fright and he quickly calmed down. I looked away. “Joe told me that, whatever’s going on… if you don’t want to talk to me, you can always call him.”

“I want to talk to you though,” I admitted, my words spilling out before I could think. I blinked rapidly, hoping everything would go away. But it didn’t; Nick was still there. It was almost a relief. “I mean, I… you make me feel like a person.”

“Then talk to me Jules,” he whispered, setting his hand on my arm. I could feel his warmth even through my sweatshirt.

“It’s just… it’s not that simple,” I grumbled in frustration, tightening my hands into fists. He curled his fingers around my arm slowly, bringing it to my side.

“But it could be.”

I knew he was right. Nick was always right.

“This is horrible,” he breathed, releasing his grip on my arm. I felt his fingertips brush over my cheek, getting me to flinch a little. I shut my eyes tight and swallowed, pushing myself not to pull away from him. “You gotta’ tell me Jules, who did this to you… please.”

I stayed silent, bringing my hand up to rub my eyes; they were dry. Glancing up, I could see the knowing in his eyes. He didn’t need me to tell him who did it--he already knew. He just needed me to admit it… and I wasn’t going to.

Shaking my head, I swallowed the lump in my throat and scooted back, leaning myself against the window of the truck. I heard him sigh and I watched him tug at his jacket, unsure of what to do.

“I would never hurt you Julissa. Can’t you just tell me what happened?” he whispered, following my actions. I didn’t want him so close to me… it felt like I couldn’t control myself. I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him everything, to just give in. I needed to be strong though. When Cass came home she didn’t need Nick to talk about what happened to me.

He didn’t need to know. But I wanted him to. I was so confused.

“Why do you care?” I blurted out instead, wavering anger through my voice. I kept my face away from him, afraid that he’d get me to cry like some baby because he was being so nice. “Why are you always so nice to me? You don’t have to be. I’m not Cass.”

“I know,” he responded desperately. “You are nothing like Cass and maybe that’s why I like you so much. You’re just… you’re there Jules. I want to be your friend and I don’t want you to think that it’s because I feel sorry for you. I don’t. I’m sorry because you don’t have anybody to open up to, to talk to. You’re alone-”

“Don’t you think I know that Nick? Don’t you think I realize how much I’m alone?” I cut him off, feeling those familiar tears come back. I turned my head to face him, doing my best to stay string. “You don’t know what it feels like to be alone; everybody loves you. I have nobody, Nick. Nobody.”

I felt shock course through me as I felt those warm tears slide down my cheeks, stinging the cuts that were still fresh. I sniffled and breathed heavily, but I was still unable to tear my gaze away from his unfazed one. He shook his head slowly, letting his lips part as he breathed.

“You have me.”

It was that simple sentence that reminded me he was right. He was the only one who cared; the only one who bothered to say hi, the only one who went out of their way to do something for me, the only one that listened.

I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand hastily, biting down on my swollen lip. I just needed a friend.

“If I tell you… you have to promise that you won’t say anything to anyone,” I whispered sternly, locking his gaze. He looked torn.

“You know that isn’t fair. I have to tell somebody-”

“No,” I shook my head quickly, my voice weak. “If I tell you and you tell so much as one person… I will never speak to you again.”

I didn’t know why I used that as a threat. He’d probably be happy to get rid of me. His face though, the look in his eyes, it was something that told me he would agree--even if he didn’t like it.

“Fine,” he said reluctantly, but he was quick to add, “But if anything else happens…” he shook his head, sighing heavily. “You need to get out Julissa.”

“Oh yeah? And where would I go?” I snorted.

“It’s your mom, right? She’s abusing you? You have to tell your dad.”

“No,” I shook my head, looking down to my hands. “I can’t live with him.”

‘You always wanted to before. Cass told me how much you missed him; what’s the problem now?” he asked gently, knitting his eyebrows together in confusion. I didn’t want to admit this.

Why did the person I’ve always had a crush on have to be the only one who cared? I hated him.

“Because I don’t want to go. I’d… I’d miss you too much.” It was a stupid thing to blurt but it was the truth and I didn’t know how to take it back. I didn’t want to. “I’d miss seeing Joe and Kevin when they came to visit; playing with Frankie and Elvis; your parents… I can’t…” I struggled, breathing deeply.

“I’d miss you too, you know,” he murmured. I watched him hesitantly move his arm forward, his warm hand settling on top of my cool one. His fingers curled around it slowly, twisting until his palm touched mine. I held my breath as his fingers laced with mine, the feeling making my heart race. “But is it worth it?” he whispered, his voice getting me to look up. “Is staying here worth getting hurt?”

I didn’t want to tell him that he was worth it. I didn’t want to ruin a good friendship, a real friendship.

“I don’t know,” I lied. But I knew the truth. Staying here to be close to Nick was worth it. Maybe I really was crazy, but I’d take the pain just to be close to him. For a split second Cass crossed my mind and I wondered if she had any real idea of how badly I needed Nick. I wondered where she really was.

“What’s going on?” he prompted softly. I inhaled deeply.

“Mom.”

“And why? When did this start?” I had to remember what I wanted to block out.

“When Cass first left… she slammed the door and glass broke. Mom got mad at me because I didn’t pick it up; that’s when I got the first bruise.”

“On the cheek,” he nodded, his eyes hard, prompting me to continue.

“I don’t’ remember all of it. I just know that she got mad and she’d take it out on me; that’s what happened to my arm…”

“But what about now?” he stressed, giving my hand a squeeze. I dropped my gaze from his to settle on my lap, letting my breathing even out

“I didn’t clean the house. She’s drinking, Nick. A lot. There were beer cans everywhere… it was a mess. She’s not going to work and the money she has is obviously being spent on alcohol. And bill collectors are calling and I’m starting to think that she’s not paying for the house and stuff. It’s just a mess and I mouthed off and she attacked me.” I didn’t want to go there again - to think about what happened earlier, what really made me cry.

“Jules what’d she do?” he asked quickly. I tightened my jaw, my eyes shooting to his once he forced me to look at him by gripping my chin. “What?” he demanded.

“She slapped me, pulled me down. And then-” I stopped, choking a little. I guess I never understood how a parent could treat their own child that way. I guess I never would.

“You can say it,” he said smoothly, lifting his hand up to brush his thumb over my bruise comfortingly.

“She kicked me, over and over. I had to beg her to stop,” I whispered shakily, pulling away from his touch. His hand dropped to his lap as I slid down onto my back, staring up at the stars with tears sliding down my temples. I didn’t want to cry, it didn’t even feel like I was, but those little droplets refused to stay in.

Silence took over us again and it was almost as if I was alone again, but Nick slid down next to me, clearing his throat, but he didn’t speak. I could tell he wanted to, but somehow he knew I needed some quiet time. He did whisper something, after a few moments of just staring up at the stars, and it caught my attention.

“I want you to come over, all the time. And I want you to tell me what’s going on with you.”

“You sound like my dad,” I chuckled, wiping away my tears quickly. His light laugh sounded and he shifted, turning his head to face me. He was a little than I was, prompting him to look down as I looked up. He smashed his lips together, his nose crinkling at just the thought of being in his forties. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Just think of me as your new best friend,” he concluded, smiling softly, the creases next to his mouth showing. “And don’t be afraid to get close to someone, okay?”

Didn’t Joe say something similar? I refrained from rolling my eyes and nodded instead, biting my lip. It took me a moment to decide but I ended up doing something I normally wouldn’t have: I leaned forward and rested my forehead on his shoulder, turning in my side to grip a fistful of his shirt. Sighing heavily, I inhaled his scent and closed my eyes, curling up closer to him. I had never felt so feeble before, so dependent on someone else; on what they did, what they thought, what they said. I had never wanted to be as close to someone as I wanted to with Nick. Not even with Cass.

“Do you think, do you think Cass is going to show up for graduation tomorrow night?” I whispered softly, trying not to think about that fact that I was pretty much snuggling up to him. It was awkward, but oddly comfortable at the same time.

I was just a wreck.

It was silent for a moment, Nick’s hesitance being exactly what I expected. “I don’t know. I hope so.”

So did I.

[T I M E]

Sitting in the sun with an oversized sweatshirt and regular jeans on wasn’t the smartest idea, but it was the best I could do. Mom hadn’t come home this morning and I called the hospital--she checked in. It was like a breath of fresh air, knowing she was sober and working. But I was still worried. And Cass didn’t call. Tonight was the senior graduation and she was nowhere to be seen. I think her friends started to worry, even the teachers, but no one was more worried than I was. Maybe Nick.

I sat there and inhaled the fresh air, the wind brushing my caked face. My mind kept wandering back to the conversation Nick and I had last night, outside in the bed of the truck. We hadn’t talked much after I brought up Cass, but the silence wasn’t awkward. We lied there, staring up at all the tiny stars. It was amazing, how big the universe was. It made me feel lost though, helpless. It made me realize that Cass could be anywhere out there and that, no matter how hard I hoped or how closely I watched time, she might not come back. I shivered. But then my mind decided to go into that rare girly mode and my face began to burn just thinking about the way Nick held my hand. It was supposed to be for comfort, not in a romantic way like he did with Cass, but it felt special. Maybe it was because I liked him and that little crush was turning into something more with every second I spent with him; I had to stop thinking about it.

“Julissa?” a once familiar voice spoke. I looked up from the picnic table I was sitting at, squinting to see through my bangs. Sam stood before me, a basketball underneath her skinny arm. I frowned.

“What?” I realized my voice was anything but friendly, but then I realized I didn’t care. We weren’t friends anymore. She sighed.

“Can I sit?”

I wanted to laugh in her face or kick her there, better yet, but I nodded instead, scooting over. She sat herself down and I noted that she wasn’t close enough to see behind my make-up. Not that she would care. She inhaled deeply and switched her hold on the ball, setting it in her lap so she could fix her hair into her signature ponytail. She got to wear shorts and a tank top--I envied her.

“What’s going on?”

I didn’t want to answer that question again. Everybody that usually ignored me stopped me in the hall to ask that, and I knew they were talking about Cass. I scowled.

“I don’t know where Cass is, okay? Just leave me alone!” I spat, ready to jump up, but she quickly grabbed my arm. I hid my wince and yanked it away from her, sucking in the cry of pain that wanted to come out. She was so oblivious.

“What are you talking about Julissa? What about Cass?”

My previous assumptions about Sam living under a rock must have been true.

“She’s… been gone a while,” I mumbled slowly, unsure of whether or not I could tell her such things. She might just go off and talk to her new best friend, who I had now just spotted flirting with Nick.

The girl whose name escaped me stood in front of him with her short-shorts and her low tank top, twirling her dirty blonde hair while smiling brightly. Nick gave her a kind smile in return and mouthed something about moving out of the way--he was playing baseball. I hadn’t really noticed until now that he was actually wearing a pair of gym shorts, the waistband hugging his narrow hips tightly while the legs stayed loose. He had a snug white tank on, his lightly tanned skin almost glowing in the sunlight. He was already sweaty though; he and his senior friends had been playing for a good half hour already and his curs were now sticking to his forehead and neck. He was probably going to put his headband on after his turn.

The girl skipped away, giggling at something he muttered. I wasn’t jealous, of course. I wanted to roll my eyes at myself. Pathetic.

“Julissa!” Sam’s voice snapped, bringing my attention back to her. Her expression was annoyed and she dropped the hand that she had been waving in front of my face, huffing.

“What?” I muttered, irritated. She looked a little shocked, not expecting me to fight back. I was going to take Nick’s advice though. I wasn’t going to let people walk on me anymore.

“What’s going on with you? You don’t look okay… are you having family problems or something?”

“What are you talking about?” I breathed, scratching my head. I tugged on the sleeve of my sweatshirt and shifted uncomfortably, noting that I had to go take another pain pill--this one was wearing off.

Sam turned, her face unusually concerned, and I thought about telling her for a minute. I guess that was the unusually stupid part of me thinking.

“You just, you don’t look too good. You can talk to me-”

“No,” I interrupted, shaking my head. “I can’t talk to you. I stopped wanting to talk to you as soon as you blew me off for the rest of your sporty Barbie-dolls. I’m a person Sam. I’m a person that has feelings and morals; I’m not going to jump just because you say it. And I’m definitely not going to tell you my business just so you can go off and tell all your little friends.” Her wide, shocked eyes stared at me and I sucked in a deep breath.

That felt… good.

“Julissa, that’s not what happened. I wanted to call you… to tell you I was sorry…” she started, biting her lip.

“Then why didn’t you?” I whispered. “Why didn’t you be a better friend and care about me in the first place?” When she didn’t answer, when she stayed at loss for words, I stood up and carried myself away slowly, trailing over the dry grass to head into the cool building. It wasn’t even a second later before I heard another voice.

“Hey! Hey you. Umm… Cass’s sister!”

Of course.

I paused for a moment, glancing behind me to see the girl who was flirting with Nick walk towards me, a basketball practically connected to her hip. She smiled dryly.

“Where is Cass anyway? I asked her boyfriend but he didn’t know… so does that mean they aren’t together anymore? Again?” she snorted, brushing her hand over her hair. I furrowed my eyebrows, pursing my lips. She waited, raising her eyebrows. “Hello?” she sang, shaking her head a little. “Anybody in there?” she let out a giggle and tapped my head with her fist. I pulled away quickly, my face turning red as I looked down.

I turned away and began to walk towards the building again, hoping she wouldn’t follow, but I heard her scoff and I knew she was coming.

“Hey you, what’s your problem? No wonder you have no friends.”

I ignored her.

“Hey!” she shouted this time. I didn’t stop. It wasn’t a second later that I felt a hard object come in contact with the back of my head and I yelped, almost falling forward. Everything seemed silent and I knew people were watching now.

“Hey!” another voice shouted. It was loud, booming through the field in an unusually soft and calm way. It was Nick. I could hear his footsteps and I glanced over, my eyes settling on his jogging figure. His thin eyebrows were furrowed and his full lips were tugged into a frown, his eyes locked on me. “Leave her alone.”

His gripped my arm gently and placed his other hand on the small of my back, quickly leading me away. I took a moment to stare at her shocked face before glancing down at my feet. When he led me far enough away, I told myself to pull away and walk on my own.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know,” I muttered, taking a deep breath. He slowed his pace, rubbing his forehead with his forearm. I swallowed. “I can… I can take care of myself.”

“It sure looks like that,” he retorted.

“If you just gave me a chance…”

“It’s good that you walk away,” he sighed, pausing in front of the back doors to block me. His eyes locked mine, the sun making me overheated as he stared. “But sometimes you need that extra help.”

“I know,” I muttered quickly, my words scrambling together. “Thank you.”

He gave me a sow nod and pushed the door open, spinning around to allow me inside. The cool air of the building immediately hit and I let out a breath of relief. We walked down the empty hallways, the silence a little awkward--like he wanted to say something but chose not to. So I decided to speak.

“The graduation…”

“Umm,” he continued, clearing his throat. “Are you still going? If Cass doesn’t show, I mean.”

I didn’t want to think about her not coming.

“Yeah. I’m hoping that she’ll be there,” I replied, trying my best to smile. It didn’t work too well.

“Listen; I know this is hard for you, it’s hard for me too, but we have to stay positive, you know?” he mumbled, turning to face me. He stopped at the same time I did, waiting to see if I’d answer. I didn’t. “You just gotta’ know that she loves you.”

I felt frozen for a moment, my breathing uneven. I took a moment to study his face, his soft eyes and his slouched figure. And then it hit me.

“Nick,” I breathed, trying to keep my voice even. “You didn’t tell me everything… did you?”

“What?” he murmured, raising his eyebrows. I shook my head.

“On the phone-” it was hard getting the words out with my struggle to breathe. “What’d she tell you… that you didn’t tell me?

It felt like he was hiding something. The way he spoke… it was as if he knew but didn’t know at the same time. I couldn’t take it. He looked at me with a mixture of emotions before sighing, rubbing the back of his neck.

“She’s not good, Jules,” he swallowed, shaking his head. I stayed blank, blinking.

“What do you mean?”

“She’s…” he struggled, dropping his shoulders in defeat. “He’s hurting her.”

My lips parted as the air few out of my lungs; it felt like mom was kicking at me. I didn’t hear him right. I knew I couldn’t have.

“H-how?” I choked. This was Cass. Nothing hurt her. She was… perfect.

“I don’t know,” he shook his head, and I suddenly saw how broken he was. He couldn’t do anything either. He couldn’t help her. “I don’t know where she is but she told me that she was gonna’ try and get away tonight. That’s why I’m not counting on her being here. She’s farther than I expected her to be.”

I didn’t want to believe it. I stood there for a moment, just staring at him, trying to see if he were lying and that maybe this was some joke between them. But it wasn’t. I didn’t want to believe that Cass could be hurt; I didn’t realize that it could be worse until later.

“Jules,” his soft voice whispered so kindly that it hurt even worse. I snapped my head up, freezing when I felt those stupid tears roll down my cheeks. He shook his head, his full lips parted, and slapped my hand over my mouth. “Come on; it’ll be okay,” he tried to reassure me, not quite sure of what to do.

“How can you say that?” I breathed through clenched teeth. “You don’t know.”

“No, I don’t, but I do know that I’ll be here no matter what. Everything will turn out okay. Just give it time.”

Time. Time was starting to get on my nerves. Time was starting to run out. But right now, time was pushing me to Nick and that’s what I needed. Without thinking, I stepped forward and wrapped my arms tightly around his torso, burying my face into his sweaty shoulder. I didn’t care. I just needed him.