I've Hoped For Change, It Gets Better Everyday

I pushed myself off the floor. Any shock or confusion I’d felt earlier was gone now. He couldn’t just tell me that what I was feeling wasn’t real. That wasn’t his decision to make.

“What are you doing?” Kara asked as she followed me out of the restroom. I didn’t answer her as I shoved past some loitering students. I was on a mission and, damn it, nothing was stopping me. I spotted Jack’s retreating figure in the parking lot and sped up my pace, losing Kara in the melee.

“Hey!” I yelled at him. He turned around to face me, not expecting me to charge at him. He didn’t have enough time to react and he fell to the floor. I kissed him with as much force as I could muster. His hands wound into my hair and he pulled me closer. I was pretty sure that by now everyone was looking at us, but I really couldn’t care less. I pulled away from him but still straddled his waist.

“You don’t get to tell me that I don’t love you. If you only knew what was going on in my head, you’d see that I’m completely bound.” I whispered. “Now, I’m going to ask you this once and only once. Do you like me back?” I waited for his answer, starting to worry that this event was going to end up on the list of things I regret.

Jack stared at me for a few seconds before crashing his mouth to mine again. I ignored the whistles that rang around and the ‘Holy craps’ that emitted from some of our onlookers. I smiled into the kiss. “I’ll take that as a yes?”

Jack chuckled. “Yeah, you can take that as a yes. But it’s cold and the asphalt is wet, so can you let me up?”

I got up, grinning and so utterly happy for once. I help him up and he shook his head in disbelief. “Did Abigail Stone, the quietest and shyest girl I ever met, just jump me and make out with me on the parking lot of Dulaney High?”

I smiled. “She did.”

“Wow,” Jack breathed. Then his facial expression changed. “I shouldn’t have kissed back.”

My features darkened. “And why not?”

“Linda.”

I’d forgotten about my cousin. I frowned. “Oh right. I’d forgotten.”

“I like you Abs, but I can’t just drop Linda,” Jack sighed. “I never should’ve dated her if I wasn’t sure about it.”

“Then why did you?” I found myself asking.

“I’m a guy Abby,” he replied as if I should’ve gotten it.

“And?”

“Your cousin’s kind of a slut. I wasn’t going to turn her down.” Jack smirked. I finally got it.

“That’s gross. You slept with her?” I asked appalled. I knew they made out and I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I knew they’d more than likely do more, but it never actually hit me until now.

Jack chuckled again. “Well, yeah, I mean I’m a guy. I have needs.”

I mulled that over, letting his implication sink in. My stomach seized up. “You know I’m not having sex again until I’m married, right?”

Jack looked over at me. “Well, you never said that, but okay.” He stopped and studied my face. “You know I’m not expecting anything like that from you, right? I have needs, but I’m not a jerk like that. I wouldn’t push you into it. Linda just happened to be that type.”

My stomach unclenched and relief flooded me. Thank god. “Thanks for understanding, but where does this leave us? What are we doing now?”

“I don’t really know. I know I can’t ignore liking you, that’s been impossible, but I’m not sure whether we should work on this or not.” Jack grabbed my hand and pulled me to the passenger side of his car. He opened the door like a gentleman. I finally remembered Kara, whom I’d left inside the school.

“Oh crap!” I exclaimed and Jack looked at me oddly. “I ditched Kara, can we discuss this later?”

“Yeah sure, can I come over?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yes, please.”

“Okay, then I’ll see you.” Jack stood there looking at me hesitantly.

I leaned closer and kissed him quickly. I knew it was wrong, but I liked kissing Jack and at the moment, I really didn’t care about Linda. Jack held me in place before I could pull away and kissed me back with a tenth of the intensity he’d rallied earlier. When we finally pulled apart, he gazed at me helplessly, offering an excuse. “I like the way you taste. It’s spellbinding.”

I simply smiled and walked back to the building, well aware that he was watching me. What I didn’t expect though was Jordan to be watching me as well. He sat on the stairs by the entrance.

“I knew you were a wild little sex kitten,” he smirked. I hadn’t talked or dealt with Jordan in an extremely long time and I had been content with that.

“Shut up, Jordan,” I spat. I looked back at Jack who was walking towards us.

“Wow, and feisty too,” he stood up. “I really don’t care what you do, Abigail.” He looked behind my shoulder. “Besides I’ll always have the one thing he’ll ever want,” he gestured to Jack. “Your virginity.”

“You know, Jordan. I’m actually really glad my first time was with you for two reasons. One, at least I can actually enjoy it and not be so worried the next time I decide to sleep with anyone and two; at least I know what bad sex is. Thanks for the chance to experiment,” I smiled as his face fell. “But, you sucked that night.”

“No babe, you did. Literally, and I have the pictures to prove it.” His smile returned as mine faded. Jack stood next to me and held my hand.

“Everything okay?” he asked me. I ignored him and addressed Jordan.

“You do not, because I did no such thing.” I growled. “And you’d better shut up about that because it was three years ago and I’ve had enough. Stop talking to me, or else I’ll report you for sexual harassment.”

“Right, like you did that night at the club when you almost got raped?” Jordan smiled. I did my best to keep glaring at him but my insides seized up and I started to panic.

“What is he talking about?” Jack questioned. I could feel him looking at me.

“Nothing, he’s talking about nothing.” I emphasized, not meeting his eyes.

“Oh you didn’t know?” Jordan feigned concern. “That night that you guys played the show at Pyramid’s, Abby was almost raped. But then again, she did get drunk off her ass and start throwing herself at guys. My buddy was only doing what she wanted.”

I couldn’t speak. I was shocked that Jordan knew, though I should’ve known Darren would be a friend of his. But I was also freaking out because Jack wasn’t supposed to know.

“I didn’t want that that night. I said no.” I challenged when I’d found my voice again. Jack let go of my hand and I finally looked at him.

“That was the night we fought,” he noted. “You never told me?”

Jordan, satisfied that he’d ruined any reparation Jack and I had made, chuckled. “Well I’ll see you.”

“I didn’t want you to know. I was so ashamed of myself,” I confessed as Jordan left me to deal with his mess. There was no reason to deny it at this point.

“Why? It’s not your fault,” Jack argued as he rubbed my arm gently. “You said no.”

“I wanted to forget about you,” I looked down. “I wanted to forget everything about you, so I let this guy buy me drinks and I was so drunk.”

“You’re blaming me,” Jack stated as he took a step back.

“No, of course not, Jack! I don’t blame you, it was my fault,” I defended.

“No, you do. Somewhere in that head of yours, you think that if we hadn’t fought then you wouldn’t have met this guy,” Jack declared. He looked down at the ground. I could tell he was concentrating extremely hard on his thoughts because his eyes were darting everywhere.

“Well I wouldn’t have. I’m just saying that I was upset and I did what I did. If we hadn’t have fought, maybe I wouldn’t have gotten into that mess, but I’m not saying that us fighting was the only reason.” I stated carefully.

“I need to go. I don’t think I’m coming over today, sorry. I forgot I had something to do.” Jack stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Jack, don’t do this. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I don’t blame you for what happened, okay? Please don’t shut me out again,” I pleaded.

His expression softened. “I’m not. I just need some space for a while. And, I have to break up with Linda soon anyway. This isn’t just me pushing you out, okay?”

“Okay… I’m sorry. But I didn’t want you to know,” I told him again. “I’m sorry.”

“I know you are. I’ll see you soon okay?” He stalked off in the direction of his car as I went inside to look for Kara.

I was worried now. What if he used this as an excuse to not be with me? Had I finally won him over, or was this one of those moments where I think I have hope only to find out that I’m so wrong?

Well, so much for fixing everything. I just made everything even more complicated.