Time Runs Through Our Veins.

So today we had to start our contest project. We brainstormed and painted an outline the picture was of a forest. Dark forest with eyes peering out from the darkness. usually this would be considered cliché in a way but  the thin hat makes it not was the fact that the eyes were bleeding. The blood dripped down the canvas, pooling at the bottom. It looked real if you looked at it one way but fake if you lol at it a different way.  I know there's some kind of symbolism in there but for now it's just a picture. One that Smith hangs on the wall.

When the bell rings, Nolan grabs his bag and is almost out the door before I grab his arm.

"Hey, come with me." I notice the look if utter confusion on his face. "Jackets?" Realization dawns on him and he follows me. I lead him to a rarely used bathroom. I don't really want to explain to anyone why I'm not wearing a shirt. "Get my jacket out."

Nolan turns to grab it and I shrug off his hoodie. When he turns his attention back to me he turns ALL his attention to me. He keeps his eyes glued to my chest as he takes small steps towards me. Not only can I see his stare but I can feel it too. It chills me to the bone and warms me all over at the same time. Nolan keeps moving until we're only inches apart.

"Jacket?" I ask, trying to keep my voice level. He ignores me and keeps staring. No that I have a problem with that. His eyes are amazing and it feels kinda good to be noticed by him like this.

Suddenly his lips are on mine. Soft, quivering lips. Sparks shoot up my spine and fear consumes me. Why? Because technically I'm not gay. But Nolan? He is and, for some reason, that makes this hard. Scary.

In slow motion, I feel myself push Nolan away. Hard. Too hard. His body slams into a wall.

"What the he'll do you think you're doing?" I hear myself ask.

He cringes. "Rylan, wait!"

I pull my hoodie from his hand and toss his in his face. Emotionally attached. Physically detached.

I have zero control over my body as I leave the room, shrug on my jacket; and keep walking.

All I wanna do is turn around and kiss him again. Does that make me gay?

Uh...yeah. Gay.

I can't deal with this right now. And I can only imagine how Nolan is feeling. I text Jordan to meet me outside. As soon as be gets there he asks me what's wrong. 

"Nothing, just check your levels."

"I'm your twin. Your IDENTICAL twin. Telepathy and all. I know when you're lying."

"It's nothing. I'm fine."

"C'mon. I'm not stupid."

"Drop it!" I scream. I can't do this right now.

Jordan shrinks back. "Sorry."

The little machine beeps. "You're about twenty points over." I tell him. 

"Okay. And Rylan? I know somethings up. If you want me to tell you things you have to tell me things too." With that, Jordan goes back into the building.

I scream in frustration and punch the brick wall next to me. I know he's right but how do I explain something like that? For now I just need to focus. On what, though?

Million dollar question.

Divorce. Music. Art. Jordan... Nolan

High school is a bitch. Hell, life is a bitch.

The bell rings signaling the end of lunch. I guess I should go to at least one of my classes. I slide into my seat in chemistry. Two seconds later, Olivia is in front of me. 

"Hey, Ry." Her brown curls bounce with excitement. 

"Hey Liv, what's up?" 

"Nothing. Alex says you werent at lunch. I mean, well, neither was I but I had to- hey what happened to your hand?"

I look at my right hand which is bleeding. I stare at it puzzled before it dawns on me. "Oh, I punches a wall."

"Huh? Why'd you do that? Well there's lots of reasons, I guess but can't you like, punch a Teddy bear instead? It'd probably hurt a lot less AND you wont bleed..." She goes on and I tune out. 

I don't think friends will be what I focus on. I have to deal with everything else before I attempt to put up with them again. 

Fir some reason unbeknownst to me, I can't concentrate on chemical equations.  All that's on my mind is Nolan. I think I know what I'm focusing on first. 
*****

The ride home with Jordan is quiet I know I was it of line by yelling at him but I CAN'T tell him. He knows something is wrong.

Silently, I damn biology. Stupid chromosomes. Why couldn't we have been two SEPARATE eggs?

"Rylan, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset."

"You don't have to be sorry."

He rolls his eyes. "Whatever. So, Uh, moms benefit is tomorrow..."

"Yeah. What about it?"

"I think we should play."

"What? Why?" By play he means he wants us to perform. Be he entertainment. He NEVER wants to play moms benefits.

"I dunno. I think it's gonna be important to be with mom and dad now."

Oh, the divorce. The that's not what I was gonna focus on but right now it seems like the logical thing to do.

"Okay, sure. Call mom and tell her we'll do it. We need to make a setlist and pre-record." I tell him. This is gonna be a long night.
****

Fast forward three hours and we have a setlist.

1- come on come on by Morgan Laurence
2- low day by Capra
3- jump rope by Blue October
4- sweet disposition by The Temper Trap
5- new again by Taking Back Sunday
6- there are days by The Ready Set
7- misguided ghosts by Paramore
8- rain by breaking Benjamin 

The only reason it takes us six hours is because we HAD a setlist but halfway through the prerecord mom came in and told us that it was too heavy. 

It's a benefit. Smooth music. Good message.

Personally, I think that choking on your pride is a good message. But whatever.

The prerecord takes about three hours. Basically all that is is recording the instruments that we can't play live.

I might be amazing but nobody can play keyboard and guitar at the same time.

Nit only that bit neither one of us ever really got the hand of the bass soothe prerecord takes a while to perfect. 

When were finally done its one in the morning.

I make Jordan eat something before going to bed.

At least my mind is running over notes, chords, and keys. Ni time for anything else...except for Nolan.
****

The next morning Nolan isn't in art. I worry. It makes me sick. He's never not come to art. That's the ONE thing I can always depend on. Something has to be wrong...right?

Except I see him at lunch with Jordan.

I decide throat this is as good a time as any to talk to him.

His eyes go wide in panic as I approach. Jordan turns to me. "Jeez Rylan, I haven't even eaten anything yet."

"Yeah. Actually I wanted to talk to Nolan."

"Oh. Okay. " he turns his attention back to the conversation and I wait as Nolan stands slowly and looks everywhere but at me. 

When we make it out to the courtyard I force his eyes to meet mine.

"Nolan, where we're you this morning?" I ask softly.

"I thought you'd be mad at me for yesterday." He looks down again and I pull his face back up.

"I'm not mad. I'm just a little confused. I don't know how I feel about you, exactly. I've got a lot on my mind and I don't want to be questioning myself like this..." I explain. "You make me wonder. It's scary." 

"I'm sorry." he whispers, looking down again. 

Once again I pull his face back up. "Don't be. Just don't skip art again. I need you."

"You're really not mad?" He asks hopefully.

"No. Just let me figure some stuff out. Let me be fair to you, okay?"

"Yeah, alright." Nolan smiles and practically skips back into the building.

It's only s matter of time...