About a Girl

“Alone, we can dance, in your bedroom, with no romance. I’ve got time, just to waste, if you would be my new escape.” - Sugarcult

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Rae

“Give him out!” James yells from the other side of Michael.

I exchange an amused glance with William and Mike.

It’s James and Micahel’s first baseball game.

We’re all back in Chicago for the time being, and between random performances, meet and greets, and preparing for Warped Tour, I’m glad for the smallest of breaks.

“The catcher, he should dress in a Darth Vader suit…” Michael starts to suggest to James. He catches my smile and grins.

“Having fun?” he asks. I just smile.

“You’re adorable,” I say, leaning over to kiss his cheek. He squeezes my hand and continues to grin.

I’m not much into baseball, but everyone seems to be enjoying themselves.

“I’m excited,” I tell him, as the next inning begins and him and James take a break from trying to figure out this American pastime.

“For what?” he asks.

“For your show at Metro this weekend,” I clarify. “It’ll be the first show I see you play,” I remind him.

“Right,” he happily agrees, and we both return our gazes to the game.

I sneak sideways glances at him, and with everything going as well as it is, I realize I’m happier than I’ve been for awhile.

Definitely happier than I ever was with Luke.

I’m happy, but the only thing I’m ever sure of is that I never stay happy for long.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Michael

I’m not so sure what’s wrong with Rae.

And maybe it’s what everyone had told me at the beginning:

I still don’t know everything about her.

Or maybe she doesn’t realize how much I want her yet, what I'd do for her.

It’s like she’s happy when we’re busy and doing something and the second she has time to think about things besides us, she acts off again.

Take tonight, for example.

We went out for a nice dinner, where she happily chatted through, but now, on the way home, she’s oddly quiet.

“Can I ask you something, Rae?” I say, glancing at her.

“About what?” she replies, sounding a little confused.

“Is…something wrong?” I ask hesitantly. “With us, I mean?”

She frowns.

“I don’t know what you mean,” she says, and I don’t know what I mean, either.

“I don’t know. Never mind. You just seem a little down lately,” I say.

“I’m fine,” she says, and I know something’s not, obviously.

William’s not home when we get there, so I kiss her. She kisses back, more enthusiastically than earlier, most likely to forget whatever she’s thinking about.

We’re down the hallway in the doorway of her room before I’ve even realized we’ve already moved from the living room.

“Michael?” She breaks from the kisses to look at me.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, for what feels like the hundredth time today. I’m out of breath and still gripping her waist.

“Just…I want to know that we’re going somewhere with this,” she states.

“Aren’t we?” I ask. She smiles faintly.

“I hope so. I…” she begins. “I think we are.”

“Look, Rae…” I start. “If you’re worried about tour…” I hesitate. “I mean…you trust me, right?”

She looks at me, searching my eyes before she opens her mouth.

“Of course I do,” she replies, and I smile, leaning down to rest my forehead against hers.

“Tired?” I ask, as she barely stifles a yawn. She nods. I kiss her once more before going to my room to find more comfortable clothes to sleep in.

I’m dressed when she appears in my doorway, then she’s pulling me across the hall, under the covers.

I kiss her goodnight one more time before trying to fall asleep as she nestles into my side comfortably.

I want her, just not as a distraction.

I can wait.

I’m happy with this.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Rae

I trust him.

I don’t have a reason not to.

Right?

I’m not second-guessing this.

Or, at least, I’ve managed to convince myself I’m not.

I like him too much to believe we won’t last because of our crazy touring schedules.

And now I’m overanalyzing again.

I shake the annoying thoughts from my mind as they take the stage.

He glances at me while William hypes up the energetic crowd even more, grinning that crooked grin that I return.

He turns back to the stage, waiting for Butcher to count them in.

At the same time, I’m thinking about the one thing I haven’t mentioned to Michael, that I’ve been keeping to myself.

I haven’t even told Suzie or Seb and Jude or even William what I’m planning to do.

While I do need to go back to L.A. for band things soon, I’m going for closure as well.

I’m just hoping everything will be clearer the next time I see him.